FELICIA'S POV

"Dear, would you stay longer than a week? My mom enquired from my father who had his leg crossed and a vanguard newspaper on his hands.

"The lockdown will be the only reason I'd stay longer than that. And if there's no lockdown as claimed, I will return to Ugheli" he responded.

I wasn't sure what I felt about his response but it wasn't bad to have him around after all.

"I'm glad our daughter is finally coming out of her shell. It has not been easy watching her grow up to be an arrogant loner" my mom chirped

"She needs positivity, and that's what she should keep getting from you. It's a bad one to go through all the things that innocent girl has gone through and the least she needs is give up speeches, negativity and anything that would make her feel worthless"

"She's strong. She smiles more now and I'm sure all will be well"

"How about her treatments? Any new thing?

"The lady charged us sixty thousand and as usual I paid with my salary-"

"Tina-" my father reacted to her choice of words.

I wasn't sure what choked me but I had to cough. Causing their attention to turn to me.

"Fay? My dad asked

"Hm? I wanted to get my note sorry" I apologized.

I went to get the note I left the previous day on the table after lessons.

I gave that weak smile and left.

Hi, it's been a long time right?
But it didn't take forever to be reminded.
Eww, everything sucks.

I kept writing and went to wash my face,
I already looked like an abandoned potato.
I sat on my bed and took his lost note,
I didn't even get his name, but one way or the other I named him Dafe.

Dafe was a social media friend I knew for three years. The fact I didn't travel or have the freedom to travel made it impossible to meet most social media friends that had great impact on me.

I knew him from Facebook and we clicked immediately. We started talking, having long conversations and staying in touch through video calls.

Burst bubbles, Dafe is late.
The kind of late that never makes it back even when the whole world stops the ceremony to wait.
He died and it broke me. So here, my friend who has no name would be called Dafe for now.

I would've given a third thought to my actions.
I'm a big fan of keeping to my lane and I do all I can to avoid invasion of privacy but right now, I really want to know what is written inside this note that has been with me for over two weeks now.

And why hasn't he searched for it?
Is it really that useless? So why did he stop attending lessons?
My curiosity got the best of me, and I flipped through the pages.

Religious studies, patience

Religious studies, Love

Religious studies, Faith.

This could'nt be his religious note then, he has only three topics here and they were the most recent until I found the note.

I kept flipping pages and..

*I promised myself I wouldn't keep dwelling in this pain, NTF.

What's NTF and what pain?

I flipped again

In order to get prepared for life,
*Accept yourself. For whatever flaws or imperfections.
* Drop the memories.
*Walk away from anything that may trigger you. Try to be calm and unpredictable.

I kept reading till I saw
*It's Infatuation,not love

*YNW - Suicidal

Is this guy a depressed soul or what?

I've heard that music, and it gives negative vibes.
If he's trying to leave the memories, why does he have something to remind him?

"Felicia? A voice called

I quickly got the notes underneath by blanket. I invaded his privacy doesn't mean I'd let anyone else.

"Princess? I'm sure it's her voice.

"Soooooo ....guess what"

"What?

"He talked to me, you know? The new guy down the street" she said smiling.

First of all I don't know any new guy, and secondly what did he say that could her so happy.

"I don't know any new guy, and what the hell did he say? Don't tell me it's some wack pick-up lines.
You're the cobwebs in my life" I Mocked.

"You don't leave the house anyway, and he's been here for over a month now. He's really breath taking"

"Like the asthma kind of breath taking? I asked sarcastically.

"Stop being sarcastic with me. I should have known better than to come here to get mocked" she said opening my door to leave.

"Oh no no, I didn't mean to mock you and the breathless guy, sorry. Breath taking guy. It's just that-"

"That? You don't really care about my business and I'm choking you when you want to be alone reading some diary"

What the..

"What diary??

"The guy's" she replied

"Hell. How did you know? And well it's a note not a diary"

"Whichever. For weeks, you've been pampering it and I just guessed right, unfortunately for you it's a right guess"

Pftttt

"So are you going to listen to your best friend's problem or should I get out? She blurted.

"C'mmon. You don't have any problem, and yes I'd listen. I just feel like I don't like him already" I laughed

"You haven't even seen him girlll"

I rolled my eyes.

"I have his IG, let's check on him. You have data?

"I don't want my phone experiencing issues after the breath taking guy" I replied

"Jerk" she said and collected my phone.

She searched for my Instagram app till she found it.

"Why do you have zero followers, zero posts and not following anyone? She asked

"Its easier to be without them I guess" I blurted and fell on my bed.

"I have 1.2k followers now, and I'm following 650" she remarked

"I don't even have much Facebook friends again. This low key life is soothing"

"Stop deceiving yourself, There's nothing soothing. You're just not prepared to face life. You are scared of exploring and you care so much about what people will say. But let me put a pin to your balloons, while you're busy living in your shadows afraid of what people may think about you and all, nobody is really paying attention to your life. So cut the soothing crap and live your life! Dont waste your youthful age bothering about what 'they think" she concluded.

She was right, Of course I lived my life worrying about what people would say and think, then cover it up with I want a low-key life. I kept lying to everyone else, myself included and just maybe
One day, I'd tell the truth to someone.
I'd tell them how badly I wanted to explore life, like a normal teenager and not stay indoors with legs elevated while sleeping, medicines morning till night, restricted to one type of clothing, hear how you're wasting money, feel lesser, and stay without whatever mockery I faced in high school.

"Seee, here you go" Princess screamed and I snapped out of my own world or thoughts.

"He's so cute, isn't he? She asked still smiling

"This asshole" I commented clearly disgusted by the memories of him calling me a sick girl.

"What?

"You heard me. your asthma guy is an asshole! But don't worry, you can keep loving him or whatever you feel for him, I don't care, just don't bring him to my face" I blurted and turned to the other side of the bed, bringing out Dafe's book.

"Was he the one that--? She asked a little calmer now

"Yes that was him! And If my dad wasn't around, I'd honestly scream using all the horrible words I know on him. Do well to delete his name from my search history" I added

"Sure, and I honestly didn't know he was the one. I think he looks like a scarecrow now"

I'm amazed at how she instantly turned against him. Hell yes! He's horrible and i love that she didn't choose him over me.

"You want us to beat him up or something? Heard he has a younger brother too but we can ask for help and beat them both if he interferes"

I laughed at how horrible she looked trying to act like she had the power to fight.

"Before I forget, would you walk me to get my NIN done? Please"

"For realizing your scarecrow is breathless, yes" I laughed

My friendship