Trigger Warning: Suicide, mentions of cutting and sadness, I'm sorry I'm in a bad mood I'm using this to vent somewhat. Just remember if you are having suicidal or depressive thoughts you should talk to a professional okay? Or someone you trust...

No one could truly comprehend nor believe what was happening. For those who knew how it happened, those who were close...Felt guilty and wracked their brains for answers of any sort and wondered why they didn't see the signs. How they didn't see. Some knew that she hid it well and it was impossible to even guess that she was internally suffering like this. 

Sam being the one to find their best friend curled up in the middle of the bed seemingly asleep, In reality after seeing the empty pill bottle. Sam knew she wasn't asleep and did everything he knew to do trying to retrieve the copious amount of pills she had swallowed. But they were too late, they arrived too late...She was cold and her skin was lightening in complexion. Sure signs of her passing. In all his years of hunting, he did have nightmares... but nothing quite haunted him more than finding the girl he considered a sister dead and not suffering of some sort of monstrous attack. But of her own demons, the ones that you couldn't kill with an angel blade or some salt or trap with a devil's trap. Thinking over their time he looked for times where maybe he should have been able to recognize it. It was hard to find a day and hour even a small split second where she wasn't smiling or where she showed her weakness and let down her guard a little. Sam knew he couldn't blame himself and shouldn't but he did felt a bit of guilt...like he could have done better and done something. On the days where she slept in a little too long or didn't leave her room...He shouldn't have just assumed she was exhausted from the hunt. Maybe he should have knocked on the door and not taken. "I'm okay, I'm just tired." as an answer. He should have burst in and maybe catch her cutting? Maybe then he could have at least been able to help her and do something..Even if he had not even the slightest idea on what to do or where to start at least she would be alive right now...and they wouldn't be attending her funeral...They would be working out her pain and helping her through it and helping her get better. 

Dean was somewhat blaming himself for it even though deep down inside he knew there was nothing he could do. She was always strong when Sam and Dean couldn't be. When Dean had been crying the night before, if something was bothering him and if his hopes were so far in the dumps that he couldn't find it...She could tell with a single look and she didn't always give longwinded talks because it was like she knew he wasn't good with words. She would just give him a hug, or maybe a couple of words. She could move him with a simple sentence. Now thinking about it he wondered if that's how she always knew. They were all damaged goods of course, but she seemed like she was the repaired toy that had completely recovered from the destruction. The way she smiled and carried on every day gave him hope no matter how dark everything was. But her pain was going undetected and she kept it well hidden. Once they went to the morgue so they could just be sure that this wasn't an attack of some sort. It killed him a lot more once they saw the cuts. In places that you would have once never thought to look. She put them in places where you couldn't think about checking. She wore shorts and t-shirts frequently, you could have never guessed it. He hated it, they always knew she was smart but she was quite literally too smart for her own good. They both clicked almost instantly and though he would never tell her, she was his baby sister, they've had their fair share of late-night conversations and bonding moments. It hurt him deeply to see baby sister was laying in a casket wearing a pretty white dress that he knew is she could come back and look she would be pissed about them putting on her...she always hated white dresses. Dean wished that he could tell her- that he would have told her that he loved her and that she was the baby sister he never wanted but he was 100% glad to have. If only right...?

They both collectively decided before they give her a hunter's funeral they'd give her a normal one. She deserved that much. They alerted everyone who knew her of her passing and planned the funeral. It was the hardest thing to do...Sam and Dean would get frustrated at themselves and sometimes at each other. They weren't used to this...Actually having to live through it...It's always been a quick put together funeral and they moved on because they had to. But they couldn't just do that with her, because she meant so much not only to them but to people she's encountered. She befriended the people that the brothers could not even fathom befriending themselves. Everyone could agree, her smile was charming and her presence was inviting. It sickened them to see some straddlers that were brought along from extended family or for comfort for those who are suffering of this loss...Barely showed any respect and were commenting on how they were there for the free food or they didn't care because she wasn't anyone important to them. They wish those people knew..Sam wished those people could have sat down with his unrelated sister for 5 minutes and see how she could infect your heart and mind and make you smile no matter how upset you were. Dean, on the other hand, wanted to lash out and knock out anybody who dared to show even the slightest of disrespect. But he kept his composure...For her, he kept it together....the best he could...because she deserved something normal. To go out normally. 

Sam and Dean both knew that she wouldn't have wanted some pastor to give some long dreary speech. She would probably come from the dead and slap them both silly for it. So they decided it was better that those who knew her gave a few words of what she was like in life, how they met her and spoke on what impact she had on them. Eventually, Dean's turn came around. He was never really good with words and anyone close to the Winchesters knew that. When it came to pulling women he was a sweet talker but when things got this serious he was at a loss for words. But he spent time writing a speech for her. Doing his best to get his words right. He felt he never did quite perfect it but he really tried. Once he had gotten to the front and he looked over the huge crowd it felt all the more real no matter how much he hated it. It was real. They really did lose her and not in the way they thought they would go out.

 Dean hesitantly pulled out a wrinkly sheet of paper, it was the speech he had written, threw away multiple times, and then ultimately pulled out of the trash bin and continued writing. He looked over the paper then back to the crowd and dropped the paper. "Fuck the speech." He said hoarsely to himself and looked to the crowd.

She deserved something from his heart. "Here lies the woman...Whos smile was the brightest in the room, Whos laugh was the loudest and the most contagious....whos personality, will, strength and determination was the brightest in the house....You could-" He thought about his words for a second. "You could never catch her frowning at the wrong time....She smiled all the time, almost all the time and the only reason she would frown was if you were or if the mood was right for it..But even then she'd always somehow find a way to get you to smile and laugh..That's-that's a cruel irony wouldn't ya say?" He asked laughing a bit from disbelief as he teared up and looked away and wiped his eyes. "The girl who made almost everyone in this room have hope when there was none, she gave you happiness when y-you couldn't find it yourself." He stuttered slightly and his voice broke. "Was the saddest in the room full of people that she made happy she was...Struggling to find happiness within herself while she gave it to others." Dean said leaning against the stand and squeezing the sides to keep himself grounded as she continued and looked at her body. Noticing that her vessel was smiling,  It angered him slightly to see it knowing that the smile she wore alive was the same as she was dead. It meant nothing because it was a fallacy it was a comfort for everyone else. Dean looked away from the body and shook his head. "Now looking back I'm starting to think maybe that should have been a red flag maybe...How she would pour her soul into others...how she always cared about everyone else and put everyone else before her. She....She always knew what to say." Looking down at her body again his eyes were drawn to her smile. He started to feel a light energy, almost as if without showing herself she was gracing them with her presence and trying to let him know that she was here and not to speak so cynically at her funeral. He smiled slightly thinking back on some conversations they had, he remembered her mentioning that she didn't want him to be the Debbie Downer there. But the life of the funeral. Maybe the smile she wore in the casket wasn't fake...Just maybe she was happy now. 

"It hurts to think she always knew what to say because she was hurting and those were the words she needed someone else to tell her....But she was the light in a dark room and in her time of being alive, she showed us things...All of us, she taught us lessons big or small. You think when you grow older you know everything and she showed you just how wrong you were." He laughed a bit and teared up as he looked out in the crowd and seen her sitting in the very back with a small smile and looked down at her dress and frowned playfully showing her disapproval of it. It was bittersweet to see her there, as if she was living...Somehow her energy being even brighter than it was when she was alive. It made him laugh and cry as he continued. "She opened your eyes to new perspectives and she even made me understand people I hated." He said shaking his head laughing and wiped his eyes. "She may be physically but she always gonna be with us she herself with all of us and we should celebrate it and cherish it and I'm not being a cheezy bastard and saying she's still in your heart even though she is bu...She left hope, love, and compassion with us. At least that's what she left me." He said wiping his eyes with a small smile. "She gave even the person with the most broken soul a dream and with that it gives you hope...Hope for better no matter what situation it is or may be...She wasn't a provider or hope and love..She was hope and love..." He said looking at her and she was wiping her eyes with a smile. "It's okay to cry but try not to cry too much she would have hated it to see you that way.." He said to the audience. "Let's not mourn her as if we've lost her completely...But let's celebrate her as we embrace her in a new way. Even if you can't see her..." 

Everyone was moved by Dean's words, no one expected such heartfelt and warming words from Dean Winchester...But to Dean, it felt like she was speaking through him in a way....But he didn't regret a damn word he said, he noticed how even some who were there for their own selfish gain were moved. Their sister's favorite song was played, it was a joyfully one. It was one that lifted your spirits and reminded you to celebrate. The mood was slightly lifted and even though only Sam and Dean saw her they did, they watched her dance and sing. 

After the funeral, her body was buried for the sake of normalcy and those who weren't hunters. Dean and Sam both planned on coming back and pulling her body back up for a hunter's funeral. Everyone threw in their flowers in the casket and upon Sam's request instead of saying a bittersweet 'Goodbye' everyone said something along the lines of 'see you again.'  


Everyone but Sam and Dean left the graveyard. "You really did good in there Dean," Sam told his older brother as he looked at her with a small smile as they looked at her freshly buried grave. 

Dean gave the youngest one a small smile and shrug. "..It was...Something I feel she would have wanted to be said instead of cliche boring bullshit." He said shaking his head. 

"Well, you're not wrong." He chuckled softly. "....You seen her too didn't you?" He asked Dean who nodded. 

"Yea...I guess that was her quick goodbye before we have to do this the proper way." He sighed softly, he wanted this to be her final resting place. But it couldn't be sadly, they both didn't want her coming back as something vengeful so it had to be done. 

"So we're coming back later tonight right?" Sam asked his older brother as he looked at the grave and shoved his hands in the pockets of his black long coat. 

"Yup, that's the only good time we can get her back and finish this off." He sighed as he put a single flower on her grave. They went back to the bunker playing her song the whole way. Singing it like she would, loud and proud and unashamed. Once they arrived they weren't shocked to see her standing at the door of the bunker as if she was waiting to be let in. She didn't look light or drained. No indications of her death or her being dead which was slightly confusing. What was even so more confusing was how she was smiling, it was that same smile she always got when she did something kind and was excited for everyone else to see. Like how she would cook a surprise dinner for them sometimes or got Sam and Dean a gift. 

"You know what happens next right kid?" Dean asked her with a small frown but did his best to smile. But she hugged them both and smiled. 

"I do know...and It's okay.." She giggled as they both held her back. But oddly enough she..Felt warm...Or maybe it was their imagination. The brothers began giving each other looks, trying to sus out if anyone might have made a deal to bring her back but both of them came to a silent agreement that neither of them made any deal knowing how mad she would be if they did. They've learned not to let grief control their actions. They walked back inside and she followed behind them giving them even further confusion. 

Dean turned back around and looked at her. "Did you...Do something..Did you make a deal of some sort?" He asked her wearily and she shook her head. 

"No, I didn't make a deal I promise." She said with a soft but genuine smile, which was reassuring but even more frustrating.

"Then would you care to explain why you're smiling like a maniac and bouncing like you do when you get excited about a surprise." 

It seemed she couldn't seem to hold it back anymore she squealed slightly as she bounced a bit. "I'm- well..Y'see-" She didn't know where to start or how to explain it. So she smiled and allowed her new form to show it was a bad way to go about telling them the truth seeing as lightning struck around them and the wind blew hastily, making things fall and break as well. But it was the only way she could think of telling them, by showing them. Her wings shown and her eyes glowed as she grinned. The boys stood shocked, confused and speechless at the sight....

"I'm an angel now..."