[Trigger warning: suicide,death and heartbreak.]

"I'm putting my faith in you Dean. That you won't break my heart. I'm trying my hardest to trust you and open up to you. I'm just afraid I'll get hurt again...I can't take another heartbreak...Promise me Dean that you won't hurt me or break my trust."   (Y/n) said quietly.

"I will make you the happiest girl alive, I promise I will never hurt you. I'll give you the world better yet the universe.  The moon, the stars earth mars and everything in between.."  He kissed her sweetly.

~
"Don't walk away from me Dean!! Talk to me!!!!"  (Y/n) yelled at the top of her lungs.

Dean faced her with anger. "I don't feel like dealing with this shit!"

"Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you do!"

"Newsflash sweetheart no I don't."

(Y/n) sighed and rubbed her temples calming down. "Fine...I'll stop yelling...Do you still love her?" She asked reffering to Dean's ex Lisa.

"As a matter of fact I do!I'm sorry it had to come to this but....I'm done...we're done."

(Y/n) felt her whole world coming to its crash and burn.

"If you still loved her...you should have said something! You didn't have to play this game with me!!" She yelled. ".....fine whatever....have a nice life."  She grabbed what little belongings she had before leaving what used to be their hotel room. She got on the bus to the next town over. She purposely left her phone so she couldn't be contacted by sam or anybody else. She stared out of the window as she thought of the one man she sacrificed her everything for leaving behind her friends and family and stability.Even got injured many times to save his life. All because she thought he was the one...that was up until he was very distant and cold....only to learn that she was just a distraction from hispain of missing who he really loved...his ex. Once she was down to her last few dimes after traveling town after town she got to the nearest payphone and called her friend from home Lexi. Only hoping that she hadn't changed her number or that she wouldn't hate her for contacting her after not talking to her for three years without an explanation as to why she disappeared without a trace.Especially since they left on bad terms. It was around 3am and freezing cold. She would be surprised if she would pick up the phone.

"Hello?" Lexi answered.

(Y/n) thanked the heavens. "H-hi....it's...it's me..."  (Y/n) said trying her hardest to mask the pain in her voice.

" (Y/n)?" Lexi questioned.

"Um I-I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from. But I need help. I don't have any money or a place to stay. I spent my last bit of money on this call." She pleaded withal trembling voice. "Please just help me. I know I'm the last person you wanna hear from but please I don't know who else to call you're the only person's phone number by heart! Please!" She said breaking down.

"......where are you?"

"I'm in Philadelphia."

Lexi sighed. "You're lucky I moved here look around you describe your surroundings."

"Um I'm at a save mart gas station using a phone booth."

"I know where you are I'm coming stay put."

"Thank you."

Lexi hung up. (Y/n) sat on bench with her belongings beside her as she shivered from the frigidly cold. When a familiar face pull up in a black jeep wrangler. The passenger door opened to reveal a black girl with tired brown eyes in a dark blue silk robe wearing glasses with her raven black hair in a messy bun.

(Y/n) Didn't know what to say nor where to start. How do you greet somebody you disappeared on?
Lexi sighed deciding to speak first.

"Get in I'll put your things in the back." Lexi got out of the jeep and grabbed her belongings in the backseat before hopping back inside the jeep.
(Y/n) was still standing there questioning why Lexi came for her. She felt she didn't deserve it.

"We can talk about all of this tomorrow. Just please get in the jeep. I'm exhausted." Lexi said tiredly.

(Y/n) got inside the vehicle and sat quietly. Even during the whole ride for (Y/n) the air was thick Lexi noticed it too but was too tired to care.
They arrived in front of Lexi's house.

Lexi grabbed  (Y/n)'s belongings while  (Y/n) dragged out of the vehicle. Once they got inside Lexi guided the tired woman to her guest room.

"Bathroom's across the hall all toiletries are in the closet which is in the bathroom. Are you hungry?"

(Y/n) shook her head. "Thank you."

Eventually time passed and  (Y/n) told Lexi everything. Lexi agreed to let  (Y/n) stay in her house until she got herself together.Lexi had even gave her a job at the bar &grill she established.  Life seemed to be getting better in this dark period even though it hurt. Lexi had one day took it upon herself to contact Dean and tell him he fucked up.  (Y/n) fumbled into the house during the call which Lexi had on speaker phone since she was creating new recipes for the bar.

"I did it to protect her!" His voice yelled.

"Protection my ass dickhead protecting her would be not getting in a relationship with her in the first place if you knew you were still in love with your ex!!"

"I was afraid of getting hurt but I guess I hurt her...tell her in sorry.."

"I might but this won't change shit."

"I know it won't!"

"She gave you everything! She left her stable life to live with you! You lost the best thing that ever happened to you! I hope you know that have a nice life!" Lexi yelled before hanging up.

"Why did you call him?"

"I don't care that he hurt me in the past hurting you is where he crossed the line." She muttered.

"I should have listened to you when you said he was trouble...I'm sorry I did you were jealous..you were just trying to warn me."

"It's in the past he's in the past honey let's forget him and become best friends again. From here on out no boy will come between us."

They vowed that day and they kept that day. That not even the finest boy would get between them.

Eventually (Y/n) got enough money to get her own house located in the same neighborhood as her best friend. Everything was coming back into balance though yes she had her dark days where she couldn't help but think about her past lover.  But she was getting better day by day she was getting by and the fatal wound. That seemed physical but was really emotional was healing.

She was making such great progress until today. Lexi had invited her to a girls' day out in New York. Everything was going fine until she saw...him when they decided to take a walk through central park while eating icecream. What hurt the most was he wasn't alone she was there with him and their son. Dean looked so happy way happier than he ever was with her. The cherry on top was when she witnessed them kiss.  A single tear went down her face as she felt her heart tear all over again. She did the only thing she knew how to do.

Run

Lexi of course followed her knowing exactly why she took off. Once  (Y/n) stopped she hyperventilated before she just completely stopped the hot tears from flowing from her eyes and smiled at Lexi.

"I'm fine sis. Let's go eat." she said wiping her tears.

Lexi felt uneasy about just letting it go. But she did. They went to eat at  (Y/n)'s favorite diner where they both talked and laughed as if she never cried. Lexi was worried for her best friend she continuously asked if she was ok but  (Y/n) would say she was just peachy and continued to joke around.

Lexi dropped her off in front of her house.  She couldn't help but ask one last time.

" (Y/n) are you sure you're ok? You can talk to me."

(Y/n) sighed and hugged her friend tightly before pulling away. "Look at me...I'm perfectly fine...sure I had the break down but it's fine." She said smiling.

Lexi gaveher a small smile. "Ok fine love you sis."

"Love you too." (Y/n) said running to her front door. Lexi stayed their for a moment ensuring  (Y/n) got in safely. Right when she was about something was telling her to stay here but she didn't want to invade her friend's privacy. She needed space and she respected that so she went home.

(Y/n) sat on the floor in her dark room staring into oblivion as the memories danced in her head and the tears silently streamed down her faces.

It didn't hurt so see him, it hurt seeing him and knowing that he was never hers to begin with.
It hurt that she loves him last his mind,body and soul. Only to find out that he was using her to fill a hole in his heart. The worst part is she wasn't mad at him for it. She felt as if that was what she was meant to do. She wasn't mad at him for using her. It hurt that he promised her everything he could and gave her nothing but hurt and the hurt never went away. It never stopped. It was always there she was mad that she still cared. It hurt that she cared she wished she didn't care so much but she did. She just wanted to stop hurting but she never did and when she saw him living out a life he promised to her with the another girl it broke her. She looked down at her wrists which were oozing with blood then turned her attention to the pocket knife she used to make the cuts. She couldn't feel anything due to the bottle of pills she had emptied which made her feel dazed. She gazed at the three paged letter she wrote before crawling to her tub that was finally full she steadied herself up using the sink and looked at her tortured reflection the tear streaks still present on her face. She stepped into the the tub and lowered her head below water and indulged in the peace and silence of death. It invited her openly. She held her breath until she passed out soon feeling the water fill her lungs.

She felt she had served her purpose on this earth. After going months of feeling nothing unless she was crying over Dean. She felt she had came to a realization. She was meant to fill in the whole in his heart only for a while. She was meant to love Dean...she still did. But now her assignment was done. It was time to go home.

Goodbye Dean, I love you.

Lexi pulled into her driveway noticing the jacket in the passenger seat that wasn't hurt. She sighed being too tired to drive back to her best friend's house she decided to give it to her tomorrow at work. Once she got settled into her house the voices wouldn't let her rest. Her spiritual side was telling her to take the jacket back to  (Y/n). Lexi got up and threw on her robe and drove to her best friend's house. Once she was there something felt off in the atmosphere. Something in her heart twinged in pain.  Lexi used the spare key to  (Y/n)'s house to get in.Once the door opened she noticed how unsettlingly quiet the house was.
ed
"Honeybee?" She called out. Nobody responded. She went straight to the bedroom looking around only to notice a pocket knife with blood on it next to a pile of notes and pill bottles. Automatically filling her with dread as she turned to the bathroom realizing the light was still on and the door was wide open.

" (Y/n)?" She called riahing inside to see the horrid scene. Her best friends submerged into water that was tinted red.

" (Y/n)!!!!" She screamed she pulled her our of the water with all her might and resets her body into her lap. She placed her fingers on her neck to checkfor a pile which was extremely faint before she called 911 and the one person she could think to call...

Dean stayed up day and night after a week of the break-up he was happy with Lisa and Ben for a while. But he states to notice certain things that Lisa did to reminds him of  (Y/n). He then stayed up remembering the good times with his past lover. Before realizing he wished she could be his current lover. Dean decides it wouldn't hurt to actually visit her. But he didn't want to be suspicious to Lisa so he told her he wanted to take them onto a vacation to New York. They went sight seeing. Going anywhere and anywhere that was SOMEWHERE they were walking jn the park when he seen her with a girl he hadn't necessarily dated but in his younger days he played her. Lexi. But they seemed to have been past it until he broke her friend's heart he tried his hardest to pay attanetion to Lisa and Ben and giving them a good time.  But once he couldn't resist temptation he looked up to realize they was gone. He turned his attention back to Lisa and Ben. It was Late that night that he was staring at the coordinates he had gathered for tracking his phone call with Lexi. Lisa and Ben were fast asleep but he was wide awake. Contemplating if he shpukd really do this. He finally got up deciding that he would try to win her back. Dean drove to the Address to find a house that seemed vacant no car was in front but he noticed the ambulance passing him sirens blaring in great urgency.  He got in his car and followed the emergency vehicle to a house that wasn't so faraway from the original house. He pulled up in fro t of the house first noticing his brother Sam holding a weeping girl into his chest. He recognized her as Lexi. He automatically went up to them. Dean was shocked to See his brother it's been been a while since they both decided to stop hunting and settle down.didn't think he'd see him her.

"Hey Sammy, What happened? where is (Y/n)?" He asked.

Lexi moved her face out of Sam's chest to reveal her bloodshot eyes which were not only filled with sadness but upon seeing Dean had suddenly filled with rage.

"Get away." She growled.

Dean looked at her with confusion.

She lunged at him the only thing keeping her from succeeding is Sam's strong grip on her waist. "Get away from here! You did this to her!! You took her away from me! I got her back and then you came along and ruined everything!!!She was doing just fine until you showed up!!!!!" She cried she she struggled to get out of Sam's grasp.
Dean was so confused until he seen the paramedics rolling out a black body bag on the gurney into the back of the ambulance. Lexi screamed at the sight and buried her face into Sam's chest as sobs wracked her body. Dean put these puzzle peices together and suddenly everything went in slow motion as he looked around. 

"No."  He said quietly to himself.

He was too late.
Two weeks later on a dark rainy afternoon Dean, Sam and his Girlfriend Lexi gathered around (Y/n)'s grave as her casket was lowered into the ground. Reality had just set in for him that he would never get to see her again. Lexi was right... (Y/n) was the best thing that ever happened to him. He was too busy looking over her and looking at Lisa to realize. But he realized too late. He realized he loved her and she was the one when she was gone. As she finally went to finally resting place she took his heart with her. He cried silent tears as Lexi openly sobbed into her boyfriend's chest only having Sam's grasp keeping her from falling. (Y/n) was her only real friend and she came right on time when she just fell threw her pit of depression. Even though (Y/n) was also going through a rough time herself she helped just by being there and though she openly blames Dean for the loss of her best friend she also blames herself the most for not staying with her though she sensed something was off. After the service Lexi went up to Dean. Sam thought it would be trouble the minute she approached him.

"Sam it's...ok." She said as her voice cracked. Sam still kept his hand on her waist just in case.

"Dean...I...I'm sorry for blaming you two weeks ago....I can't explain myself but I just know it was wrong and it's not your fault...but um." Lexi swallowed the painful lump in her throat.  "She wrote you this." she handed him the letter. Dean looked at at her as she gave him a sad smile.Dean stared down at the paper in his hand.Not knowing how to feel about it.
Sam didn't know how to approach his older brother because he knew what he done to (Y/n) was wrong. He knew he couldn't exactly point fingers and say that he killed her. But he couldn't say that he didn't push her to the edge. He watched his girlfriend struggle to get out of bed. In fact had he not been there he felt that she would have never got out of bed at all. Especially this morning. She didn't want to face the music even when she had to go to the morgue and help her get ready for the funeral. She wasn't ready to really say goodbye. In Sam's eyes it was hard to tell who was taking it harder his brother or his girlfriend. It hit him too but he refused to show it wanting for once to be the strong one.  Dean went back into his hotel. Dean had told Lisa about (Y/n) and told her that they needed to take a break. She respected it sort of and left with Ben.  He sat on the bed with the letter in his hand. He stared at it intensely wanting to open it but at the same time not wanting to. He took a deep breath and finally opened the letter.

Dear Dean Winchester,

The day we met you had completely captivated me with your charming smile and your beautiful eyes. I fell completely and utterly in love with you. I love you way more than I should have. I realized that I fell so hard that it wasn't that my world revolved around you...you were my world.  When we departed I felt nothing.I felt lost and empty. I lost my will to live and I was just surviving. For the past ten months I was just existing without you. Everyday. In my final moments I realized that I was just destined to be the temporary filling in your heart until you realized who your real love is and I'm so glad that you did. I served my purpose so it was time for me to go home. I just wanted to thank you for showing me the moon and the stars though you promised me the universe. It was better than anything I've ever experienced. I also wanted to tell you something I kept secret for a long time. By time I realized it was too late for me to do something but I carried our child for two months until I miscarried. The doctor said that I stressed too much. On the back is a picture of what would have been our child. He's the reason I didn't do this any sooner. I heard his voice while writing this. I can't wait to see him.....I know if you actually did love me you would probably attempt to come with me. But if you love me you won't.  Live out your life and when God decides the time is right we'll meet you at the pearly gates. Please continue loving Lisa and your son. Live out a full life for me and your son. We'll be watching over you.

With much love,

(Y/n) (L/n)

Dean flipped the letter over to reveal a the picture of the baby. He lost his breath and allowed his shaky hand to graze over the picture.

"A baby..." He whispered he then lost all self control and threw chairs and flipped tables.

He could have had a son.
He could have been a father.
Help fell to his knees with the picture in his grasp crying amongst the chaos he had created. 
He did it again...
He fucked up another good thing... He pulled out the ring he had in his back pocket and observed it.

'-live out your life and when God decides the time is right we'll meet you at the pearly gates-'

Dean grabbed his keys and drove back to the cemetery where he spotted the people beginning to bury her body.

"Wait! Stop! I forgot something!" He yelled the guys looked at him like he was crazy but he didn't care.

"Pull her casket up just for a moment I want to give her something." He demanded. The guys all exchanged looks and shrugged before pulling the casket back up. Dean opened it to see that she had  small smile on her lifeless face. She was truly at peace.He sat beside her.

"Hey beautiful, I know you can hear me up there. But before I-I say goodbye...I um-" He looked at the ground and smiled though a tear fell down his cheek. He swallowed the painful lump in his throat. "I'm gonna give you this." he said placing the ring on her finger. "As a sign of good faith, I love you and I promise for you that I will live out the life you want me to just for as long as you promise when I meet you and James that you and I will get married. I'll wait for as long as I need to for an answer. Even if you don't want to marry me. I don't mind. Just please save a spot for me in our perfect little slice of heaven.  I'll do right by you when I see you." He closed the casket. "Wait for me to come home." He whispered. "You can put her back in. Thank you."  He went back to his hotel where Sam was waiting.

"Sam?"

"Hey, Dean." He said.

"Where's Lexi?"

"Upstairs laying down. Crying too much gives her a headache."

"You guys are staying here?"

"Lexi's selling the house...too many memories...but she wanted you to give you this." Sam pulled out  key.

"What's it for?"

"(Y/n)'s house, whenever you're ready for it it's yours...the landlord replaced carpet."

Dean looked at the key. "I couldn't."

"Well you kind of have to, you left before the reading of the will. She willed this house to you. She said and I quote. 'I want to watch over you and make sure you don't do something stupid.'." He said with a small smile. They both let a quick breathy chuckles.

"Yea that's sounds like her."

"Don't try to bring her back either."

"I won't she'll probably come back and kick my ass if I did." He said.

"For old time sake, wanna head to a bar."

Dean smiled. "Driver chooses music," Dean starts.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Jerk "

"Bitch."

"Assbutt." A familiar voice interrupted.

They turned around to see castiel.

"Hello Dean, Sam." He said with  smile.

"Cas." Dean bro hugged him and so did Sam.

"What brings you down here?"

" (Y/n) heard you two arguing and she wanted  to intervene by saying Assbutt. Also she said yes Dean."

Dean smiled and let a tear slip as she looked to the sky. "I'll see you when I get home love." 

Dean eventually moved into the house not moving a thing out of place at night he would see (Y/n) and feel her kiss his forehead before hearing a child's voice saying.

'Goodnight Daddy'

He smiled everynight. He eventually decided to start go out and speak out against Suicide under a fake name of course and he told her story and he finally retired settling down in the house he was alone. But he was ok because he was alone with his future wife and his son. He never thought he'd be so happy to go to the otherside. But when he noticed that  (Y/n) stuck around longer than normal he knew it was his time and he welcomed the sweet release of death to take him to his love. He passed away peacefully in his sleep dreaming of (Y/n) she was so excited.

"I'll see you soon my love." She said and before he knew it his Grey hair had been replaced with his youthful brown hair and his skin was free of wrinkles. He looked up to see her smiling at him with the ring on her finger. He picked her up and kissed her passionately.

"Daddy!" A child called and he put his fiancé down to be greeted by the little one he's wanted to dearly to hug.

"Dean this is your son James ,James meet your dad." (Y/n) said.
Dean got down on one knee and hugged his son for dear life.

They were gonna be together forever and not even death could take them apart.