I'm feeling guilty. Pain hurts more when it's your own fault. And it was my fault. Probably. Maybe. Maybe not.

I feel like I stopped trying too soon. I can't blame him. He cared. I won't listen to other people's opinions on that. He cared. He did. He knew his mental state and I knew it too. And I was the one who didn't care. I was the one trying to ignore all the mental problems he had just to get what I wanted. And I didn't even wait when I should've waited. And when he reached out again I already tried moving on. And that's all he sees now. He sees I'm dating again. He heard me talking about this one guy. He must think I don't care anymore. Because I couldn't be patient. Because I couldn't even wait a year.

Of course, he seems interested in knowing the details about my dates. Of course, he's telling me he approves that new guy. But does he really? Does he really really? I can't tell anymore.