Aesthetic by safakeira25 . Check out her graphic shop!

Dedicated to strawberrycries. Coz I love her!

QOTD: "What scene from a movie scarred you for life?"

"Some mistakes get made, that's alright, that's okay. In the end its better for me."

****

The cold never bothered me.

But the sight in front of me made me shiver even though there wasn't any trace of cold wind around.

Nate, holding Naomi with so much aggression behind his hold that I see my friend wince. I cannot for the life in me understand how I came to be in a predicament like such, but here it is in front of me. Reality colliding with my fantasy.

Every dream I ever had about the man in my life changing, was all a faux, isn't it? It can never be true. Because men are men, right? They never really change. No one can ever really change. One can only be what they were meant to be, and no one in the world or universe, much less someone like me, has the power to change it.

The reality I was in felt like a breathing nightmare, burning me away with each intake of air and growing bigger and bigger till it rests on my shoulders, halting me in the path of my life, begging for unanswered questions in my head to be brought to life.

As if the world hasn't already done a full 180 on me, it shifts again, bringing to the here and now where there is no Nate. Just Kai holding Nan, with a scowl on his face.

I feel the breath in my lungs stop again.

"Aw, Kai, you're hurting me." I watch with wide eyes as Naomi tries to loosen the tight grip Kai has on her arm.

"Get your hands off her." Those are the words that come to my mind but my voice doesn't speak them. Claire does. I look back at my sister in shock, though anger and an unknown emotion is swimming in her eyes. She approaches them with an air of authority around her, but I stay in my place, too dumbstruck and numb to react.

Oh, how the tables have turned.

Claire frees Nan from her husband's unloving hold and I watch as a cruel sense of déjà vu floats around me. Nan doesn't look like happy would-be mother. She is looking like a pregnant woman who's starting to show, but is scared of the man whose child she's carrying. The image breaks me, surprisingly causing me to shout at Kai. "Get out. Now. Before I find a knife and murder you."

Kai shoots us a dirty look, but pays heed to my words and leaves. I take in a calming breath, begging myself to be strong, yet when my eyes land on Nan, all my strength fades as I feel my past hallucination flood my mind. So, I rush to hug her, composure be damned.

Both women around me stiffen in shock at my clinging, but Nan soon breaks down and starts whimpering. Claire keeps a comforting hand behind her back as she whispers, "I wasn't flirting with him, I swear. Kai thought wrong. I really wasn't. We were just on the couch..."

The one to stiffen this time is me, déjà vu more than just fog around me. I ignore the memories hanging over my head like a cloud and gently make Nan sit on the bed in the middle of the room.

"Are you alright?" I ask, wiping the tears around her eyes. And trying really hard not to concentrate on my own feelings right now, hers being the most important to me at the moment.

"I, for a fact, know she isn't. Why don't you leave him Naomi? How are you still with him?" This from Claire. A little direct at a moment like this, not going to lie, but who am I to judge? As if I wouldn't have said that a month ago myself.

I don't dare voice my otherwise strong opinion in this case, but just nod meekly.

"Because I love him." My eyes water for Nan, but I hear Claire groan.

I am tempted to raise an eyebrow add her insensitivity but the fact that this is what my reaction would have been a month ago again has me rooted in place.

"Just because you love him, doesn't mean you have to be with him. It's evident he needs... help."

I rise to object. "Just because he showed signs of anger, doesn't mean you can suddenly label him as someone who needs their brain checked out."

My subconscious looks at me with wide eyes, expecting me to say something like, "That's a tame way to put it."

"I never said that. What I meant was, he is not... equipped at the moment for a family. We all saw how he behaved with Nan. God, forbid he does that with his kid and-" She stops to take a lung full of air.

"Exactly. So, I want to be with him and help him so he doesn't do anything he regrets." Nan is suddenly confident in stance, back rigid, eyes determined, and tears wiped, hand on her belly.

Claire gives out a small laugh that would seem bitter to the outside eye, but I can see how choked with pain it is. And that is what has me confused. What happened to this pretty girl that saying these things seems so hard for her?

"Tell me Naomi, did he do something like this before?" Nan reluctantly nods. "Then let me tell you, darlin', it doesn't work that way. Either he regrets it enough the first time not to repeat it, or he pretends to regret it, but repeats stunts like these nonetheless."

She is looking man in the eye and though I know Claire is trying to make her understand, I can't help but get angry when Nan slumps down again, realization dawning her, stance no longer resolved. Cause I slumped down too inside, images that formed in my head just moments ago haunting me, and I know I'll never forget that.

Claire takes a seat beside Nan, holding her hand between two of her own. "But through both ways Naomi, you should leave him." Nan just shakes her head.

"You sound more like a counselor than a friend right now." I snap, words tumbling out of me in anger that meant what, I have no idea. "Cause if you were a friend, you would give her hope and tell her that, yes, he can change. If N-, Kai cares enough to mend his ways, they can be together." I bore my eyes to Claire, but when I realize that this is the answer that I need more than ever, I collapse on the bed, beside Nan, a vulnerable edge on my voice when I ask, "Right? Can't he change?"

I look at Claire and the thing I see there is the last thing I would've expected in the world. Pity. Suspicion. But not aimed at Nan. Claire's looking straight at me.

My heart drops but I don't dare react to her stare.

Claire begins to allude to that when a small knock on the door stops her. We all look simultaneously to see that Kiara is standing outside. I thank God that my tear ducts cooperated because the last thing I'd want is to cry my eyes out in front this kid.

"What are you doing here darling?" Claire asks softly, her change in demeanor shocking me.

"I heard Aunty Zara scream. And this is my room so I was outside. Standing." Kiara explains to her mother as ai stare at her, thoughts of Mom invading my thought. Reminding me of how I would exactly stand and explain myself when I had done something wrong.

Claire just smiles and tells Kiara to come in later, obviously not wanting the pure soul to be included in our conversation. Claire's daughter obeys and once again we're left alone, the three of us.

"The first time he threw me down the stairs, I thought it was a mistake." Nan suddenly speaks, making me jump. "I thought the same too when he shoved me in the closet for 'not listening to him'. I thought the same when he- he-" Her voice trembles and I soothe her hair, her mane wiping the salt water on her cheeks. She takes one deep breath after another as silence engulfs us again.

"It's like math test, you know." Claire says after a while. "The first math is when you're tentative if the answer is right or wrong, so you check and re-check it. But as time passes, you go faster with your actions. You grow more ignorant. You see one answer is right, so you think the other is right too, so you keep going. Because life is about moving forward, isn't it? It's not about clinging to the past. And sometimes when the result comes out, you get full marks. But sometimes... you get a zero. Because you don't realize it during the test, but every decision you make, every reflex you thought was right, was actually..." The voice gets stuck in her throat and she shakes her head, unable to continue.

"Wrong. It was actually wrong." I finish for her.

"Why didn't you ever tell us anything about Kai, Nan?" Claire admonishes.

"Because you'd think he was a bad man." I say for her, knowing that this knowledge came to me by being in the same situation as Nan.

"Because he is!" Claire speaks. "You said yourself what he did. He them voluntarily, Naomi! How could you still be with him?"

"Because I didn't- I-" She's struggling to find excuses and we all can see that.

"Don't give us any more excuses, sis. Please. I have been telling you from the start not to excuse him away." I hear myself say.

"But he's not a bad man! Can't you all see that?"

"No." Claire and I say in unison, our coalition surprising us.

So, Claire looks at me when she says, "You know what's wrong with us all? If we, the women, were half as much as self-care and self-preservation as they teach men, we won't be the same way we are all now. All we were ever taught was sacrifice and self-immolation for others. Because what? Women are the symbol of life and love. So, they should throw away everything for others. Like Nan threw away her future for Kai. Like I threw away my life for Kaushik." Claire says and unshed tears are placed in her eyes and I can't help but resonate for them. "Sometimes I think of how much less sad I would've been now if I'd left him in time."

Claire shakes her head, a single tear escaping her. I am shocked by her words but yet, I understand. All three of us in despair, sadness engulfing us as if we're a rose pistil and sorrow are the petals, keeping us in a tight grip.

"What are you talking about, Claire?" I ask, trying to be gentle as ever.

"I- Me and K-" She sighs. Wiping her tears, she stands straight, shoulders straight and unbending, as if she's a source of great power and energy. She looks at Naomi, who has since cleaned her tears and was looking at my sister. "Kaushik, my ex-fiancé, he was...not what I expected. When we met, he was ever caring and affectionate. But since he lost a job-"

She suddenly stops, as if met by a cruel reminder. "Not going to excuse his indiscretions." She mouths. "Okay." She takes a deep breath. "After we got engaged, we moved into my parents' house. I never questioned since I wanted to help him since I thought we loved each other. But you never see it coming, do you? One day, he came back home, drunk and battered. I questioned him where he was, and you know what he did? Threw me across the room.

"I cut my head, but he said sorry, so I thought it must be okay, right? Because apparently sorry makes everything right? And it never happened again, so everything was okay. He was drunk every day, but he always apologized in the morning, so it was okay, right? He cheated on me continuously, but it was okay, because he said he 'wants to try for kids?

"When you can't have kids, he calls you 'an insufferable torture' and touches you without your will, it's okay, right? He'd cook up stories in his head and hurt my feelings every day and night calling me 'slut' and 'cunt', completely sure that I was cheating on him too. But he'd never ever hurt me physically, so it was okay, right?"

"No, it wasn't." I murmur. "It wasn't ever. It won't ever be. Just like it's not right that Nan is staying with him." My own words shock me, but they're true, and I know it.

"What I'm trying to say here is," Claire drops to her knees and takes Nan's hands in hers. "What we're both trying to say here is, don't make excuses for him. He is who is he is, but that excuse the fact that he hurt you. Be it physical or emotional, Nan, but he hurt you. And I know you love him," she looks up at me, "but someone once told me that love shouldn't hurt. You shouldn't have to be with the person who hurts you, because it'll not only be your downfall," her eyes cast back to Nan, "this time, it'll be this little soul's too."

"But he isn't as you guys think he is. He just gets in these moods sometimes-"

"You're doing exactly what we're telling you not to do! You're excusing his deeds again!" Ian's sharp cry of protest startles me. We turn around to see Areebah putting her hand on his arm, murmuring something about going slow.

Claire's eyes go wide, and so does Nan's. But mine stay affixed on the one sliver of Ari's finger that is touching his warm hand, until I have to look away.

"When did you arrive here?" I manage to speak out, a hint of something green in my tone.

"We just came here after we saw Kai leave." Areebah answers me while she looks at Nan. She walks straight to Nan and takes her hand, the way I was holding it before and I try not to feel too bad about it. "Your brain can do amazing stuff to protect itself from pain," she tells Naomi, "and right now, it's trying to make you think Kai is good, which, maybe he is, but Nan, he's not the one for you. From what Ian has told me, he doesn't deserve to even hold your hand after doing the things he did."

An arrow of venom pierced my heart. This is why humans invented lies, I thought. No other animal in nature lies. The truth is ruthless. It cuts you open, shoving your face into the mud. It forces you to look reality in the eye and deal with it. To feel the real weight of the world that you live in. And telling lies is just so much better than feeling that.

My eyes follow Ian's, accusation swimming behind my pupils. He could go on and have heart to heart with other brunette girls and not even bother telling me? When our eyes meet, he looks surprised, almost startled. Like he wasn't expecting so much emotion to be behind my orbs. I quickly look away, unsure of why I am acting this way.

"But we're married. We have to stay together. I can't just leave him and risk a bad future for my baby. I am forced to stay."

"Choosing something doomed and being forced into it are two very different things." Ian says to her, but I can feel his eyes digging holes in my back. "You don't have to stay Nan, no one's forcing you. You're choosing to ruin your kid's future yourself."

"You're doing exactly what he's wanting. He wants you to stay beneath him, not letting you go to work, not letting you talk to anyone without his wishes. And you're letting him do control you willingly. The minute you willingly lower yourself for someone else, they would never, ever look at you the same way. He will always and forever continue this. Hurting you. And when the baby is born...he'll hurt your kid. Because you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped."

"You guys are portraying him as some kind of psycho. I have had enough," Nan gets up from the bed almost violently, knocking the bedpost into the adjourning wall. I stare aghast as she leaves, not saying a word to either of us. Claire sighs and Ian's shoulders deflate at her exit.

We all wait there for a moment and then Ian follows behind her.

"Zara," Claire turns to me sharply, clearly giving up on Nan, "tell me honestly. What happened between you and Nate?"

"Nothing." I say quickly. Too quickly. Areebah raises her eyebrows at my tone and this only adds fuel to Claire's burning inquisition.

"Zara..."

"Look, Claire, if you're going to give me another lecture like Naomi, please don't. Our situations are not same." At least I think they aren't.

"Just when I think you're letting down your strong walls to let someone in, you shut it back in. Why?" She makes her way to me.

I recoil from here oncoming embrace and her posture crushes like Ian's.

"I'll be going." I muttered curtly. I walk half-way to the door when her voice stops me.

"I know you won't tell me, but if he has even laid a finger on you, don't go back to him. I know this totally contradicts what I said earlier, but please listen to me. I hope this isn't the case, Zar, I really do. You seemed so sure about what was right when we spoke to Nan, so use that realistic voice in your head and don't be emotional like me. Or Naomi. Please."

I nod and turn my body completely in the other direction to leave.

****

I couldn't even stay inside long enough for the cake-cutting. The beautiful cake that I made. I have been sulking in the front yard where Nate and I spoke earlier, only I'm a million times sadder now.

"What are you doing here?" An unfamiliar female voice startles me, causing me to jump. I look up and its Ari.

"Doing whatever the hell I want. Don't you have a date to entertain?"

"Ouch, that was rude." She retorts, but sits beside me. I roll my eyes. "Sure, roll your eyes honey. Maybe you'll find a brain there."

I shoot my head towards her. "Excuse me?"

"I'm only giving you a taste of your own medicine."

Not going to lie, this girl is savage. "Whatever." I say, but I'm internally smiling. We sit there together in the grass, looking at the potted plants my sister bought for her house. There are flowers of every colors here, but not lilies.

"Was Claire, right?" She asks after a while, turning to me.

"About what?" I ask cautiously.

"About your Nate."

"None of your business."

"It just hurts that the person you so willingly give your heart to, may also be the one to whom you lose pieces of your heart, one by one."

"Sorry, I don't speak poet."

She laughs.

Truth is, I understood what she meant. I just don't want to think deep at the moment and consider it. I don't want to dig deep and find some weird connection of me with her words. I don't think I can handle any more revelations today.

The way I've been ignoring things today, I should be in bliss. But I am not.

"So, what's your story? What got you to be so poetic?"

"None of your business." She repeats my words and I can't help but crack a smile.

It feels so good to smile again. 

A/N: OMG, GUYS ITS BEEN SO LONG! WELCOME BACK! (Yea, I just welcomed myself back, embarrassing, Ik.)

Anyways, I'm back with a sad chapter! How did ya'll like it!

So like I said in my announcements, I had a little free time (I didn't actually, I am missing my studies rn) so i wrote this chapter! I have been honestly writing this chapter for 2 months, coz yk, its SO IMP. ! This might me one of the saddest ones to write and the fact that I am not crying is the only good thing.

What did you think of Claire's story? (Ik many pple told me that I have too many characters but my intention was always to give EACH one of them such a personality it makes you cry. [yes, i wrote this book to make pple and myself cry.])

Do you guys have any theories abt wht Aree's backstory might be? You areebahafzal?

so here ig this is it guys and also! NEW SPOTIFY PLAYLIST FOR THIS BOOK! HEAD TO THE PLAYLIST CHAPTER TO LISTEN! 

Ig this book would have 10 or more chapters AND THEN WE WILL HAVE AN END! (again, this is an assumption, so don't kill me if we end up having more or less.)

Anyways, CIAO! 

Happy Reading! And stay safe guys!

Peace out ✌🏼!
~~Zareen.