Aesthetic by mochaxskin . Check out her graphic shop, called "Grandeur|| GRAPHIC SHOP"

Dedicated to sapphires-in-the-sea . Coz she started reading my book in one day!

QOTD: "Do you ever feel trapped? Like you can't escape what you were born into?"

"Tell me how we're not alike, but we work so well and we don't even know why."

*******

"16 hours? How is it that even possible? You get off a 16 hour shift this morning and now you're here with me? Are you crazy?"

Ian just shrugs. "I did take a nap."

"Still, 16 hours sounds exhausting. And here I used to think that you didn't have a job."

Ian looks at me incredulously. He doesn't question why though.

"What do you want to try out first?" He asks me instead.

"The shooting game. I want to test my aim." I reply. He points to a stall and we walk there. I am really glad to be here. I have only ever gone to a carnival when I was younger and coming here brings back all the sweet memories. It makes me feel good things and puts the bad stuff on pause for a while.

The owner greets us and hands me a rifle to shoot. "The red ones give 10 points. The blue balloons give you 5 points. You get five shots. If you score more than 40, you get a teddy bear. Less than 40 gives you a key ring." Wow, what sophisticated rules. Also unfair. But hey, a good challenge can get you stirred up.

I make my first shot and get nothing. "Damn it."

"Here, let me show you." Ian comes behind me and puts his hand on the rifle, right above mine. The position causes his body to be pressed against mine. Especially when he puts his other hand on my shoulder. "Make sure you see crystal clear from where you are standing." He moves me a bit to the right. "And look straight at your aim." His breath on my neck gives me chills as electricity dances around my back where his body meets mine.

I inhale to keep from falling down. He pulls the trigger, his finger over mine, and hits a red balloon.

"Bravo!" the owner compliments.

He starts to pull away, so I say, "Don't go." He freezes, still around me, but I don't know why I said that. I have to rectify the situation somehow. "You help me with the next shots, please. I want that teddy."

"Alright." He agrees easily. I catch the owner eyeing us with a raised brow. When he sees me looking at him, he gives me a thumbs up and wriggles his eyebrows. I know from experience he isn't wishing me luck for the game.

Ian effortlessly shoots three red balloons while I look at the board in awe. He didn't even let me blink an eye before he won. He has some good aim!

When he moves away, he has a smile on his face that causes a smile to erupt on my face.

The owner hands me the teddy bear and winks at me. I ignore him. I hug the bear, kind of like I was hugging another certain someone.

We walk in silence to a stall where he treats me to lunch. We sit in the stools, the outside wind caressing our bodies. Thank God I put my hair in a ponytail, or else they'd get windswept by now. We each order a different thing to eat. He has fish and chips, while I have a tuna casserole.

We talk about our daily preferences, and I am honestly not surprised by the stark differences. When we're almost done, we eat the rest of our food in a calm, comfortable silence.

There's a bite or two left of my casserole but when I look up at Ian to ask him if he wants to have it, I can't get the words out. He is staring out at a kid and his mother, hugging each other. His lips curl, the smallest inch, and it is so small I wouldn't have seen it if I weren't paying so much attention.

Since Nan and Ian are so different I sometimes forget that they are siblings. Both their parents weren't the best examples of nurturers, but both the kids turned out the best examples. I remember how sad and depressed Nan used to remain back when we were young. Their parents were constantly fighting, paying little to no attention to their kids.

I admired Ian of taking care of his sister when no one else did. No wonder he blames himself for the reason that she's stuck with Kai. He's the closest thing to a parent she has. When their mother died, Nan wasn't affected much, because Ian was the one who took care of her everything anyway. It didn't feel to her that she lost a mother. It felt like losing a resident of the same home. Sad, I know.

But I never knew how Ian felt after his mother's death. Back then, we didn't have the kind of relationship we have now.

What is our relationship now?

I shake the last thought out and look at the kid he's staring at. The mother just gave an ice cream to the kid, who giggles like he just found the Holy Grail. I look back at Ian and his smile widen a short inch.

"You had your Mom to tell you everything. And as much as you might have found that irritating, I am sure as hell you miss it now."

Ian said those words to me a few weeks ago. Is this how he feels? That no matter how ignorant his mother was, he still misses them like hell? I smile as I take the last bite of my casserole. Maybe I just unlocked a piece of the mystery that is Ian John Snow.

He looks back at me with a blank expression and I don't call him out on what I saw. Something tells me he didn't want me to see that. So I keep quiet about it and ask instead, "I am full. Wanna go for a walk?"

He nods.

As we cross the decorative tents one by the other, I can't help but smile. The calmness which surrounds us was never around me when I used to be with Nate. With him, we always had to be doing something. If we were watching a movie, we couldn't just shut up and watch in quiet. We had to be kissing or touching each other. If we were walking, we had to talk as well. No silence. No peace.

I am suddenly surprised by the fact that I almost spent the entire day without thinking Nate. Till now. I look back at Ian as he eyes a wave swinger. There's a peaceful and serene expression on his face that I am sure mirrors mine. Without knowing, Ian serves a magnet that seems to pull all the sadness out of me.

If I were at home alone, I would've been crying my eyes out thinking about Nate. I hate to admit it, but its true. But now that I am here, I don't even feel an ounce of sadness. Just a weird melancholy that has nothing to do with Nate.

He asks something but I don't hear it.

"Hmm?"

He smirks, clearly noticing that I was staring blatantly, and it makes me blush. so I look straight ahead at the double carousel. "Did you talk to Eli?"

I internally sigh and shake my head on the outside. "You know, for a person who asks so many personal questions, you don't answer any yourself."

"You don't ask any." He says, in a matter-of-fact tone. I stop dead in my tracks. It is true. I never ask him anything about himself. Whenever we're together, everything somehow seems to become about me.

"You know, let's do something. Let's make today all about you." I put a wicked grin on my face and he immediately recoils as if I have something bad planned for him.

"I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to dodge answering my questions." He's right. That is partly true, but I can't help it. I suddenly want to know all about this man in front of me and forget all the sadness and misery that is my life.

So I just roll my eyes and take his hand to reassure him. "I am trying to get to know you. You're a mystery yourself, Mr. Snow." I see his eyes raise slightly as I repeat what he said to me weeks ago. After a beat, he grins like a Cheshire cat, no wonder pleased with my wording.

I tug him towards the thrill rides he was eyeing earlier and stop short in front of a wave swinger. I motion towards it.

He shakes his head. "How will trapping me in a deathtrap help you get to know me better?"

He has a good point. "It won't, but I want to go. Don't you?"

"No, I have motion sickness."

"Are you kidding?" He shakes his head. I laugh. "See, these rides are already working wonders! Now I know you have motion sickness!"

He smiles in response. I feel today is filled with smiles and grins, as we're teenagers enjoying life. But I don't point it out and tell him so. Because I am enjoying myself right now. I tug on his arm again and pull him to the Ferris Wheel. "Let's get on it."

He shakes his head, horror struck.

"What?"

"I am afraid of heights."

"You're acrophobic?" I chuckle hysterically.

"What is so funny about that?" He looks genuinely confused.

"I never knew the perfect Ian could be afraid of something."

His smile immediately disappears. "What gives u the impression that I am perfect?"

I narrow my eyes and think on his words. Whatever was there that made me think Ian is 'perfect'?

I shrug in response. "I don't know. The fact that you carry yourself with such confidence?"

He laughs. "That has nothing to do with me being perfect."

I nod. "Then I have no idea. I guess I had pictured you in such light since we were teenagers."

"Pictured me how?" I could swear a smirk is about to come on his face.

"I-" I am struggling for words here. "I don't know. Someone who's fiercely overprotective of his sister and will do anything to protect her. From what I heard from Nan; you were; are; driven to your work and extremely qualified for it, if your arms are any prove." I gesture to his biceps. "And what? You're good looking. So see, no flaws so far." He smirks and it makes me raise my eyebrows. "What's so funny?"

"You like my arms." His smirk only deepens. I stare at him in confusion until the way he's taking the words registers in my brain.

"Yeah, so what? They are of great mechanical use when you are in surgery, so it helps the world. Of course I can like something that is useful to the world."

He chuckles. "Sure you can." But his slow sigh is what gets my attention. As we walk on, I turn and look at him I question, and his shoulders visibly shrink. "You can't always think everyone is perfect, you. Perfection is a myth."

I frown. "Of course I know everyone isn't perfect. Why are you saying that?"

"Oh yes? Because you seem to want everyone to be perfect. Your life, you bad decisions, Nate."

"Don't bring him up." I immediately say, in a rather harsh tone as I feel my heart clenching at the mention of his name. Give it to Ian to ruin the one day I wasn't wasting thinking about Nate.

"Just stating the facts here..." he trails off.

I don't reply as I breathe steadily, trying to calm my fast beating heart.

"And I don't do surgeries often."

"What?" I ask, a query rising in my mind.

"I am an A&E doctor. It means 'accidents and emergencies'."

"Oh. You mean you get dildos out of people's butts?" I joke.

He laughs loudly, wholeheartedly. "You'll be surprised how many of them we get."

I join him, laughing alongside, not letting the dim setting of our fowl encounter just moments ago get to me. Its funny how when Ian and I fight (which is often), we fight like two gladiators after the same prize. But as soon as our fight or banter ends, the mood sets itself back to the calm, tranquil one.

It was never like that with Nate. When we'd fight, the anger would usually stay with us for days to come.

I immediately shake my head. Knowing or unknowingly, I have started comparing Ian and Nate in my minds. That is wrong. So completely wrong.

Nate is the man I love. Or who I think I love. And Ian is... someone who I care about. Yes, that is what it is. But whenever did I ever conclude that I care about him? Maybe it's the fact that he has sort of been there for me in Nate's absence, or that he's just a great brother to Nan, but I find myself admiring him. Caring for him. And I think he feels the same too. Or else why go to a fair just after a 16 hour shift for the best friend of your sister who only picks quarrels with you? I mean, he must like me a bit at least for doing this, right?

Anyways, the point is, Nate and Ian are not the same. So I shouldn't compare them. Its not good for any of us.

But as we walk in an undisturbed silence to my house, I find myself comparing Ian's light stubble to Nate's clean jaw, his serene expression to Nate's determined, harsh one.

The lines considering everything are getting blurred in my head. And I can only hope to figure the shit inside my head and heart sooner than later before I do something wrong. Before something goes wrong.

But what can go wrong? I find myself asking in my head.

Everything.

A/N: 

"Cold outside and you're just in a t-shirt

I have cold blood even in a sweater

You start your night sippin' by the kilo

I don't, I know you know"

Hey, peeps! Thts just a rlly fave song of mine, whtevs, so just ignore. Anyway, I hope u liked the chapter. the reason I have a long speech coming is bcoz this story is officially been out on hold. Starting in 10 mins, I have extra coachings/tuitions starting for my IGCSE. So I'll remain busy tooth to nail. 

I wanted to write in the last couple of weeks, but got distracted by my stupid kindle. But now I'm gonna try rlly hard to write, bcoz thts the one thing I love more than music or food and I'm gonna try my damdest best.

So don't hate me, and plz tell me ur thoughts on the chapter?

Have a nice day ahead and a belated happy new year!

~~Zareen.🌸💕