Dedicated to tale_a_grammer. Coz she has an awesome story that I live to read! Just so uk, I'm rooting for Will! *winks*

QOTD: "If you were dying in an hour, what would you do?"

"You can never love people as much as you can miss them."

****

As I finish discussing the financial details of Aragain with Shorty, I get a call from Talia.

"Hey, I gotta take this." I point to my phone and he nods, understanding.

I immediately regret taking the call. Trust it on Talia to find a date as soon as she lands on a place. I tune her out and focus on the file in my hand. Pouring myself at work is easy. It is an obvious distraction from the-guy-I-don't-know-I-have-feelings-for-or-not. So, I have started working twice as much as I used to. And since I have run out of all the seasons of Lucifer, that is my second best option.

"If he is single, I want him." Shorty says.

"Who?" I whisper-ask. He points to the window-which has a clear view of the bakery-and my eyes fall on Ian. "Talia?" I say into my phone. She mutters something I don't pay attention to. "Uh huh, yes... I will call you back."

I hang up, but not before hearing her call me a female dog. Go, figure.

"I don't think he's single." I lie and I don't know why I do it. Come to think of it, I actually don't know if Ian is single. In the entire month since Nate has gone, Ian and I met quite a few times. The last time I met him, he called me 'an enigma'. And that was two weeks ago. We haven't met since. My legs have since been healed and I have been back to work, torturing the hell outta Shorty.

Speaking of him...

"Bummer." He murmurs. I put the file back on the table and rest my head on it. I take a deep breath. Every time Ian is around, I tell him more than I should. It is like, his calming personality is playing mind tricks on me.

I sit back and take another deep breath. I hope if he's here to meet me, he doesn't talk about Nate.

"Hey, are you alright?" Shorty looks worried.

"Yeah. Why won't I be?" I ask cautiously.

"I don't know. You just don't seem like yourself lately. You look like... all the light in your life has been taken away."

I want to come up with the big excuse to shut him .I want to do anything to prove that he is wrong. But, unknowingly, Shorty has explained in one sentence, what the past month felt like to me.

A knock on the door serves as my escape route in this conversation. Shorty bids me a greeting salute as he passes Ian.

"Sayonara." I say right before the door closes.

Ian smiles. "Well, Hola to you."

"Those two are not part of the same language." I mutter as he takes a seat and shoots me a shrug. "So, how have you been?"

"Not great, actually. The shifts have me tired all the damn time. I finally have the weekend off." I smile at him and we switch to lighter conversations about work and sports. The thing with Ian is, we never quite agree on anything-and sometimes constantly argue-but the banter with him it is nonetheless fun. And it really makes me laugh.

Ever since he left, (on my words, I know.) smiling for me hasn't been the same. But Ian makes me do it so effortlessly, I can't quite put my finger on the how. Guess, the only explanation is the one in my head. And that is the usual calmness he carries around with him.

"What is in the bag you are holding?"

He sits up straight, putting the bag on my desk. "Oh, this? It is your bakery's famous cookies and cream muffin." I narrow my eyes. "And yes, it is for you."

I smile and make grabby hands for the bag. he laughs and hands it to me. "They're my favorite." I mutter.

"I know. Nan told me." His smile thins subtly, but I notice.

"She is good, you know. As far as I know, Kai still doesn't know. And I have no idea how or why she is hiding this. But she's good so far. I can tell."

He sighs. "Sometimes, I wish if I would have never met Kai. 'Cause logically, if he wasn't my friend first, Nan would have never met him."

I put the muffin down. "No, Ian. You do not know that. Life is kinda cruel. It could have found other ways to introduce those two. You never know. It is not your fault." He shakes his head. "Urgh! Listen to me. You're a good brother. Yes, you may not be able to save her from every possible trouble, but you try your best. She is the one in denial. You gotta let her fight her own battles."

He looks at me for a long beat, as if raging through some internal battle. The flash of emotions in his eyes are clear. I guess he comes to some conclusion and sits back on his seat. "Eli sent me here. He is worried about you. Told me to check up on you."

I take a bite of the muffin. "He couldn't bring his lonely ass here to see me for himself?"

"Even a sweet muffin as that cannot sweeten your mouth." He shakes his head. "He was afraid you wouldn't tell him the truth."

"And he thought I would tell you? Wait, did you tell him about Nate?" Ouch. Name slip.

"No, I didn't. the truth isn't mind to tell. But he isn't oblivious, you know. He knows when something is wrong."

I nod. "Yeah, he always does. I will talk to him." I stuff my mouth with the muffin in tension. I have to dodge any mentions of Nate while talking to Eli. I look at my hand and the amount of cardio I might have to do to let go of all these calories terrifies me.

Ian smiles, as if my thoughts are out in the clear. "Also, I wanted to ask you something." I offer him the muffin, but he brushes me off. "I saw your surname on the hospital charts a few days ago. You don't usually go by it?"

I sigh. I never told this to anyone.

But there is something about his eyes that makes me spill.

"It is my father's name. Never really wanted to go by something that made me represent him." He looks at me as if he just made the situation awkward. He sure did. So I try to cut him some slack. "The last time we met, you called me an enigma. Why?" Its funny how the last time he called me a mystery, I contradicted him and waved off his observation. But this time I am dying to know why he thinks so.

"'Cause you are." I raise my eyebrow, wanting him to elaborate. "You're the kind of person who is so rude but makes sure no one is rude to the ones you love. Except yourself, of course. The rude exterior seems just that. An exterior. A hard and tough shell meant to show others.

But your insides are full of surprising softness that cares a bit too much. You're good at keeping secrets, even if they burn you. You are ready to burn even for the ones who hurt you. You're even loyal to the people who don't follow your principles. And how you do that? That is an enigma to me."

All that he says has such a deep meaning. I know he referred to Nan and Nate here, but I am not gonna pick him out on it.

I simply motion to the muffin and murmur a "thank you". And I am not only thanking him for this muffin only. I am thanking him for understanding me. I am thanking him for staying with me the day Nate left.

I think he gets it because, he doesn't smile, but gives me an expression that seems to be saying, 'It's okay.'

We stare at each other as I finish my muffin. I offer him the other one again, but he shakes his head. I have it. Then immediately realize what a bad mistake it was. My stomach is so full now, I can't even move. I internally groan.

"Where did cookies and cream muffins come from, anyway? I never heard of them before."

"My mother made it when I was ten. When she first baked it, the first batch was horrible. She altered and changed the recipe a lot of times since then. And finally perfected it. She did this a lot. Make up a recipe and perfect it. And then add it to Aragain's menu."

We both smile. "I remember the first day I met your mom. She was in your backyard, clearing out junk. I had come to your house to drop Nan for your playdate. She thought I was a boy who cleans peoples' yards, so she asked me to lift off the weeds. I was confused, but I did it anyway. Then she told me to put the trash bag out. I did it. When I was finished, she told me, "You may feel like this is a minor job, but trust me, when you do something major, this will help teach you the worth of it."

"I didn't really understand the meaning of it up until I joined my residency. Your mom really was one of the gems."

I nod as tears threaten to spill. My mom wasn't the most active person in my life, but she sure was the one who loved me the most. She had a compassion and intelligence that most people lack. She wasn't always there, but every moment I spent with her, she showed me how to be a better human being. I know I didn't turn out like her, but I am her daughter. I still do miss her.

"Sometimes I wonder if my mom were a guy of my age, I would marry him."

He stops smiling. "Zara, just... no."

I laugh. "I am just kidding. Or not."

He laughs along. When I quiet down, I find him staring at me with an expression on his face I can't quite decipher.

"I am going to my shift now. There is a carnival in town. Wanna go tomorrow?" his expression is blank but the look in his eyes has something I can't seem to put my finger on.

I smile, nonetheless. "Won't you be tired?" He shakes his head. I think about it for a while. And then stop. What is there to think about?

I have got nothing to lose.

The heart I had was lost to a man who left a month ago.

I simply nod. There is something about the look in his eyes that I cannot say no to.

Ok, pple! So 3K! WOW! I'm sorry I was late for the update but I was just procastinating all day, watching movies and just enjoying the freedom from studies while I still can. I read 2 whole books in one day as well. Lol.

This chapter was a rather laid back one, so tell me your thoughts! What do u think the next one will hold?

I have pre-written chapters till 24 only, so ig my updates will be sloppy after that. Plz don't hate me.

Have a nice day ahead nonetheless and Happy reading!📚 And stay safe!

~~Zareen.

P.s. I made that aesthetic one minute ago, and its my first chapter aeathetic. Is tht a chapter aesthetic? I'm gonna stop blabbering rn, bye!