Aesthetic by mochaxskin . Check out her graphic shop, called "Grandeur|| GRAPHIC SHOP" 

Dedicated to: ily_ari_grande

QOTD: "What are some of your guilty pleasures that you're willing to admit?"

"I want to see you smile but I know that means I'll have to leave."

****

"Hey, Ian? Do me a favor and lock the front door, will you? And after that, please go inside the room for a while?" I smile at him. "Me and Nate have stuff we need to talk about."

Ian nods and gets up. I can tell from his expression alone that he'll approve of whatever decision I make. We stay quiet while Ian follows my instructions. Nate watches him like a hawk.

When Ian is out of earshot, I speak. "Are you jealous that he is here? Answer honestly."

"What the hell!" I am surprised that I don't flinch at his outburst.

"Just answer me, Nate." My voice is firm, resolved. And I don't even know where the confidence is coming from.

He makes a face and then answers a "Yes."

"Do you want to punch him?" he starts to question but I cut him off. "Answer me if you don't want us to break up. Just answer."

He starts thinking again. I guess he thinks honesty is the best policy because he nods. Okay. so this confirms my only resolved conclusion.

"I have to tell you something, Nate. Take a seat." He obliges without a word, but I can see his anxiety floating around the corner of his eyes. I tell him about my mom and dad and the backyard incident. I tell him about the day in the park and my uncle words.

"He hit my mom because she wanted him to see a doctor. And though I don't know if it was intentional or not, I hated him for it. I almost hated you for that, too, Nate. Almost. But I also had feelings for you and I couldn't ignore them."

He starts to interject again, but I stop him. "No, let me finish. You know, just how some days ago, I told you that I love you too? And at that time I really thought that I did. But I feel like I lied to you, Nate. Because after what you have done... it is making me question everything. My feelings for you. My emotions."

I sigh and take a deep breath. These words really are hard for me to say.

"I think if a person truly loves another, they will do anything to be with them. They wouldn't try their best to ignore their feelings to move on. Like me." I hear him take a sharp breath. I don't dare look at his expression. "So.. I think, I don't really love you. As of yet." I look at him pleadingly. It was a mistake.

"But I do, Zar. I love you so much." He is almost tearing up. I feel my resolve slipping. Shit.

"I know, I know, Nate. This is why what I say next is really crucial. There must have been a chance, that, if my father had taken my mom's help, and went to the doctor, he could learn how to control his anger and we could have been a happy family. But it was his choice not to do so. That is why I'm going to ask you this, Nate."

I take a deep breath, again not looking at him.

"Do you want to make the same choices as him? What he did broke his family apart? Do you want to do that to me, to us?

"No. No, I don't." he looks so heartbroken, I want to hug him. Cannot fall weak now. Have to be strong till the end of this.

"I need time to figure out my feelings, Nate. And this time, I want you to do what my dad didn't. Find a good doctor and consult to him. And this time, try your very best, okay? Can you do that for me?"

"Yes, yes, I can." He says immediately.

"All of this has happened so quickly in my life, I need to figure things out. And meanwhile..." I clear my throat. He's looking at me longingly, as if he wants to hold me, comfort me. But I guess he understands that I am not in the state to appreciate it, so he doesn't touch me.

This is what love is, right? Being able to understand what the other wants with them having to say it?

"I would appreciate it...if... if we aren't around each other." I look up again another mistake. His expression doesn't have an ounce of joy or happiness. It's the opposite of it all. "I am not saying we have to break up," I try to explain, "but I am saying we should take a break, Nate. It will be better for the both of us."

"No, Zara. I can promise to be better and you know it. I'm agreeing to all these, but not this. Staying away from you will..." He stops. My eyes start to tear up at his words. And I take his hands in mine.

"Look, you told me yourself that you got a great job offer in Sydney. You could go there. I'm sure you will feel better there."

He shakes his head vigorously. "Are you talking about me or you? Do you mean that you will feel better if I'm not around?"

I sigh. I honestly don't know. I tell him so. "Look," I turn to him again. "tell me this. If you had a sister, who came to you one day, and told you, that her boyfriend hit her, what would you tell her?" He buries his face in his hands, shaking his head again. "If she told you, "my boyfriend threw a glass jar at me today. What do I do?" What would you tell her, Nate?"

"I would beg her to leave him. Say that she doesn't deserve a guy who treats her this way." His voice is choked. My heart thaws for him.

I remove his hands from my grasp and make him look at me. "So understand my situation here, Nate. I know you love me with all your heart. So give me some time to be able to say it back to you. Please." He nods, and I smile a little. But the pain from his eyes doesn't go away.

"When will I be able to see you again?" he asks.

"When we know that the timing is right. If we are meant to be together, I believe time will tell us. I know I sound cheesy, but... I feel like it's the only way."

He laughs, but it is a bittersweet laugh. He walks over to me and fold his arms around me. "Are you sure that is the only way?"

"Positive, Nate. I need to clear the hurt your actions have caused." He flinches. "I need to know my true feelings. And you need medical help," I try to comfort him by saying so. But I don't think it does the trick. "This way, we can both get the help we need."

He pulls away but I take his hands in mine, trying to make him see the sense in my decision. 'Cause I don't think I'll be able to live with myself if he stays on the other side of the world, hurting because of my rash decision.

"Trust me, Nate. And have patience. It is the only way." I look at him pleadingly.

He finally nods and kisses my forehead. "I will work hard. I will fix myself if I have to. But I promise I will come back to be with you."

"There is nothing wrong with you, Nathan." I deadpan. "There's nothing to fix. You just need help to be yourself again. That is it."

"I get it." Tears are flowing down his eyes now and it crushes my soul, and yet, reassures my heart at the same time. "I love you." He says and gets up. I turn the other way, not wanting to see him leave.

The room is quiet for a while. But then I hear footsteps, as Nathan rushes in and grabs my face. He kisses my face with urgency and a feverish tingle, I have never seen in him before. His kiss finally brings me to tears, as I run my hands through his hair, determined to memorize the feel of him. He does the same, as his hands roam around all of me.

When he finally pulls away, he looks conflicted. He has a pain in his eyes that can only come when someone is really hurt. And a peace in his expression that says he's ready for whatever comes next. He doesn't smile, but this time, I see him walk away. I see him open my front door. I see it close behind him. And then he is gone.

I finally breakdown. Large, ugly sobs, coming down from me. I hear a door open again and Ian bolts in. He sees me and immediately kneels in front of me. Without a word, he puts his arms over me, covering me in his warm embrace, as I sob into his chest. My sobs increase and decrease with my ragged breathes. And he just holds me through it all, never questioning.

When I am finally calm, I ask him, "Will you stay with me today? Please? Just to hold me while I sleep. Your presence is really calming."

He smiles, though I can see the pain for me he holds behind his eyes. "Yes."

A/N: I am NOT, and I mean NOT crying. Ur the stupid kid crying and making me feel bad! This was one of the most excruciating chapters to write. Till date. I have millions of more sad chapters like this, but I am STILL in tht block, so ig I'm gonna run out of pre-written chapters soon. *sigh*

Do u think they did the right thing by separating? Do you think it'll be permanent?

Do you wish Nate comes back and they can be together again?

I am on a happy roll, but after seeing wht chapter I am publishing, idk anymore peeps. Hope y'all hv a nice weekend. Sayonara.

~~Zareen🌸