Cover by _taliyahk_

Dedicated to _sonder

QOTD: "What do you think is the worst way to die?"

"Sometimes it's okay to pretend you're okay even if you're not okay."

****

After Nate left that night, I called Shorty to come help me. When asked about the pieces of glass, I told him that it fell from my hands by mistake. He didn't really seem to buy it, but he pretended to go with it anyway.

That night he helped me with the crutches till I got the hang of it. We crashed together on the couch and fell asleep watching old reruns of How I Met Your Mother.

But I have been holed up in my room for the past two days. I have got several missed calls and voice messages from my friends, Ian, and Nate. I was stupid enough to check only his, though. Every time he spoke through my phone, I winced because his words hurt.

I didn't pick up any other call to see any texts I received. My phone didn't ring today so I guess it died yesterday because of the lack of food. Speaking of food, I walk in crutches to the kitchen and heat some lasagna.

Hey, I am heartbroken and miserable, but that doesn't mean I will starve myself.

The bell suddenly rings the moment my microwave pings. Hey, that rhymes! I think and immediately feel guilty for becoming excited. But why should I be guilty? I didn't do anything wrong. Nate did. He threw a goddamn bottle at me and pushed me the other day. The image of how he jerked me off brings tears to my eyes.

The bell rings again, bringing me back to the here and now. I wipe my stray tears and go to the front door. The leg still hurts.

"Hi, Zars!" Naomi says. She is all cheery and excited as I open the door.

"What are you doing here?"

"Nothing much. I brought snacks! I want to spend some quality time with you since you are sick. Oh and Nate told me to take care of you today." Nate's mention hurts.

"Why? Don't you have your douchebag husband to keep you busy?"

She gives me a dirty look. "No need to be harsh, Zara. I just wanted to spend some time with you." She places the bag of snacks on my dining table and turns around. Her face is sincere, and I immediately soften.

"All right. I was just having lunch. You want to have some?"

"No."

"Suit yourself." I say I walk towards the kitchen. But it's more of a limp with crotches.

"Are you OK?"

For a second I think of telling her the truth. But I am already so hurt, I don't want to recall the previous events. "Yeah." I answer her.

"You sure? Here, sit." Nan says as she motions to a chair.

"I am fine." I say so I take a seat.

"Shut up. My brother is a doctor. I know when someone is not okay. He has taught me that much." She says in a matter of fact tone. I had tried to bottle up my feelings so much before she came. But the fact that I failed angers me.

"Then why do you continue to live with a man who you know is not okay?" Her face immediately darkens. "You know Kai has issues. How do you still live with him?"

"Please don't, Zara." Nan pleads.

"How do you live with him? How do you get past the fact that he gets easily angry? And can hurt you any second?"

My voice is very raw as I ask that. I realize that I am not asking her these to make her feel bad. Rather to actually help me with Nate. I have never felt more helpless than now. She must realize something is up with me because she answers calmly, as if talking to a wounded animal. I guess I am a bit wounded.

"I know now that Kai has a temper. So I tell him to just walk away and get some fresh air every time he gets too angry."

"And he does? As you say?" I squeak

"Yes Zar. Kai is my husband. He loves me. He will never intentionally hurt me. That day was an accident. That is all."

I think about her words. They sound exactly like Nate's. our situations are so similar. Nate loves me too. I know he'll never intentionally hurt me. He says so. That day he was not aware that I could get hurt. It was an accident, wasn't it?

His words from my voicemail comes back to me, "Baby, I am sorry that I hurt you. I know I did something wrong. Don't ignore me. Call me. Please talk to me. Forgive me."

He came to my house yesterday. I didn't leave my room, but I know that it was him. My heart said so. But I was too hurt to open the door. He left after hour of ringing the doorbell. But now that I think that it is an accident-no. I told my Uncle Frank that I will never forgive a man who hit me.

"If a man hits you, it means goodbye forever." His words choose to haunt me this very moment.

I am so much like my mother, yet, in this situation, I am unable to think through and take a rational decision like she did. And the thing is, I know what the rational decision is: to leave him.

But I can't. Because my feelings for him are battling with my ideals. And then sometimes I wonder if I even have feelings for him. Urgh.

This is how the last two days were like for me. My heart against my head. My love against my principles and ideals. Constant battle.

I have gone through this, over and over, so many times, that now everything physically hurts. My arms and head hurt from pulling my hair. My eyes hurt from crying. And my legs... well, you already know that.

"Are you really alright? Do you want me to call Ian again?"

No. "No, don't." Please. I really do not want Ian and his judgy eyes when he comes here and realizes that I lied to Nan too. He doesn't even know that I told Nate to get out of the house. He will be pleased to hear that. And so I don't want to give him that satisfaction.

"Okay, but you look sick to me. Your eyes are so puffy."

I try to change the subject. "Why are you here?"

"I already told you! I want to spend time with you! And Nate made us all fixed dates to take care of you while he goes to work." He may be violent and angry, but the fact that he truly cares and loves me will never change. And that makes me smile. No matter the circumstances.

"Finally a smile worth starting the day for." She smiles back.

"Let me start something for us to watch." I say and grab my plate full of lasagna.

"Do you want me to help you to the couch?" I shake my head and try to get up but to not result. She helps me stand up but doesn't mutter stubborn. I half expected her to.

I use the crutches to get to the living room. As I surf my way through Netflix, I hear Nan pouring something on a bowl, while talking on the phone. I can't make out the words, but I can tell she is frustrated.

I don't push or ask her anything as she comes and sits beside me. Instead, I mind my business and choose a show I have never seen before. Lucifer.

"I hear it's great." She points to the TV. I take a piece of potato chips from the bowl and press play. Soon, I am forgetting all about Nate. That devil guy is so funny! And his sexual jokes are too hilarious! And it makes me laugh for the first time in what feels like ages.

But of course the bell has to ring to ruin my mood. Nan gets up and I pause the episode. I hear muffled voices from the foyer. Who is it?

"Do you really have to make me do this?" I stiffen. That is Ian for sure. Traitor! She said she wouldn't call!

A very reluctant Ian comes inside with Nan. She smiles. "I am sorry, Zars. I know I told you I will keep you company, but Kai needs me. Ian can stay here, though. Enjoy!" She grabs her handbag, blows out a kiss, and leaves. Wow, that was fast.

"Funny how you call my sister a liar, but lie to her face about yourself." He says, coldly, taking a seat beside me.

"Look, the last two days have been hard enough. Please don't make me cry more."

His expression softens. "What happened?"

"You don't give up, do you?" I look in the other direction, begging myself not to cry. "I told him to get out of the house. Something of the sort happened." I point to my leg. Ian doesn't need me to confirm who the 'he' is.

"I see. Why are you so sad? Do you still want to take him back?" His expression is curious, but I feel his intention is anything but.

"We didn't even break up for me to take him back."

"Well then, do you want to continue the relationship?"

I think about it. I want to say yes, but I know the rational answer would be no. It may have been an accident though. I can't just sacrifice the good things me and Nate have for a misunderstanding. "What do you think I should do?"

"I think you should do what is best for you. I think you should be with someone who deserves you and takes care of you. Or better, you don't need to be with anyone at all. And if Nate does care about you, then great. But if he's also the person who hurts you, I want to think about it. I want you to be honest yourself about what you really want. Not what you think you want or should want."

I listen to him and think about what he says. But then I stop. This is what I am doing every time. I am thinking too hard and clouding the things I actually know I want. But the question is this Nate one the same things?

"Why is he here?" This voice is not Ian's because it penetrates through me and lightens everything up inside me.

I look up and see Nate and the open door. I really should be more careful and lock my front door. Burglars may come in one day.

A/N: And guys, I am back! I am still on the world's longest writer's block and the only good thing is, I have pre written chs till 23. But then I am dead. And fucked.

ANYWAYS.....Thoughts on this chapter?

*Looks at areebahafzal* Still hate Nate? Still wanna marry Ian?

What do u think Nate is here for? What do u think the next ch will hold?

Do u like Ian's character? Or does he seem to good to be true?

What about Nan?

Ok, folks! Time for me to go! Have a great day ahead and HAPPY READING!!! 📕📙📕