Aesthetic by prettyimbecile . Check out her graphic shop, called "Aesthetically."

Dedicated to aurnee2005

Question of the day: "Have you ever cried while reading a book?"

"Days will pass and turn into years but I'll remember you with silent tears."

****

Mom and I weren't the most closest people on the planet but thinking about her sudden death hurts. No matter the bitter-banter or fights we would have, she was my mother. I loved her the most in the world. I still do.

She was the person who took care of me my whole life since mt father didn't bother keeping tabs with us. I don't know how she respected him though. My mom and I had the cliché love-hate relationship. Whenever we were together in the same house, we'd count down the time till we had a big fight about something stupid. We used to fume and cuss at each other in our respective rooms. I miss that now. Specially the part where one of us would realize her mistake and try to pacify the other. I would usually buy her presents or bake. She'd do the same.

I smile at the bittersweet memory. We had so much in common. Yet we were so different. I look out my window.

The light that shines through my childhood bedroom's window seems promising. It seems to be showing signs of hope. Hope that something good will happen.

My life could use something good. Why, you ask? Well let's rewind the tape a little bit.

Last month I spoke to my mother for the last time. Because a mere minutes after our phone call, she died. In a car accident. The last thing I said to her was, "I am never coming back to my hometown."

And ironically, I am here right now. In my hometown.

Three weeks ago, my mother's funeral took place. I gave her a eulogy. Everybody cried. I didn't. I guess, at that time I was going through denial. I thought my mom was going to wow everyone and get out of that casket. She didn't.

I met people at the funeral. Family and friends I had no contact with over the previous years. Pastel and Naomi were there. So was Talia. She flew all the way from New Jersey to attend the funeral.

In high school, we four were what people would call inseparable. But after I decided to go to NYU to study, things got complicated. You see, we had planned to go to Austin together for college. But I rebelled and we lost touch.

Yet against my will they sent me food every week since the funeral. As if we were the best of friends. (Though I doubt Paste's food was actually cooked by her sister, Lavender.)

I also met Ian, Naomi's brother. When we used to be younger I would admire him for his over-protectiveness for Naomi. He would always make sure she steers clear of trouble. Or troubling boys.

I also saw Ian's perfect jawline. Though I may have developed a crush for him when I was 15, it evaporated as soon as I got to know he may have had a thing for Pastel. But I guess if he did, he never acted on it. Because Paste seems to have a serious boyfriend now. My cousin Eli, to be exact. But I feel like if Ian had acted on it, Paste wouldn't have been able to say no. There's just something about his hazel eyes that.......

Speaking of eyes.

"Why don't you have any dresses?" Shorty asks me, his black eyes widened in curiosity.

"When I was a teenager my mom wanted me to be a tomboy. And I forgot to bring dresses back from New York."

"Your mom wanted that?"

"Yeah she said it was a good way to keep off boys. That's why I only have T shirts and jeans here. She used to say that boys are a distraction." I smile at the memory.

"Is that melancholy I see on your face?" I shake my head, but the tears fall anyway.

"Aw, come here." I go and sit beside him on the bed, and he hugs me tight.

"I know she's not coming back, Shorty. I know that. I just miss her like crazy."

"I know, baby sis. Me too." He says, his long black hair tickling my neck. Shorty's the brother I never had. He started as an intern on our store when I was 15 now after 10 years he's the general manager of our store. And still very gay. We actually bonded over rating guy customers who would visit the store. He was the only one who supported me when I wanted to go to NYU and live an actual life. He encouraged me to go live a life with freedom even if my family and friends were against it. I still love him for it.

He was the one who convinced my mom and he's the one with whom I had 24/7 contact even though we were miles away. Hence the brother I never had. Or have, actually.

He lets me cry myself out and when we pull away, there's a smile on his face. "We can miss your mom all we want. But then the date will come and pass away."

I nod, my face lightening up with a smile. To be honest I'm really excited for this date. This is the first good thing that has happened to me for a while.

****

The first thing I notice when I enter the restaurant is how blue his eyes are. Like the ocean. But the next thing I notice is how underdressed I am in my purple shirt and faded jeans. I really do look like a tomboy. Yet, I hope the mascara around my brown eyes and my straightened brown hair makes me look normal.

"Hi," he gives me a shy smile. Nathan... shy? Not the first time I have seen it, though.

"Hi, Nathan. Long time no see."

"I wish I was casually dressed like you," he says as we take our seats. "I feel overdressed."

I don't mind that, though. He looks absolutely delish in his white dress shirt and black suit pants.

"I feel underdressed. We are in a fancy restaurant after all."

"So, what stopped you from wearing a dress?" He is looking at the menu as he speaks.

I mimic him as I take the menu. "I wanted to stay in New York. But as it turns out, one cannot inherit a business and run it when there several miles away. So I moved here last week. Didn't have much time to bring everything. Will do soon."

"So what happened to your job?"

"Fired." I see his wide eyed expression and chuckle. "Kidding. I left it."

We place our orders then and the rest of the dinner is spent in chit chat. The thing is Nathan and I used to date in high school, so most of the time we're either eating or talking about old times.

"Remember the time when you fought with Steve because you thought he was flirting with me at homecoming?"

Nate flushes scarlet. "Yeah, I do. He was an asshole."

"I don't think so. And I remember you almost beat a pulp out of Lav's boyfriend Jake too. Why was it so again?" Nate was a real macho back then now that I think of it.

I see splotches of red creeping up his neck. It's nice to tease him. "Because he broke my Walkman."

"Why were you so attached to it?" I ask, genuinely curious. I'm sure I may have known the reason when we were together I high school, but that was seven years ago. And I know I should remember, but Nate doesn't point it out.

"My grandfather had gifted it to my Mom. And she gave it to me." He starts to elaborate on the story, but I rudely zone him out.

The mention of "mom" makes me sad. I'm taken back to all my happy memories with my mother. The time's we'd bake together. How I'd purposely put flour in her hair just to irritate her. She used to give the most satisfying reactions. I remember our shopping sprees when I was still in school. I smile inwardly when I recall how our choices almost never matched.

I'd want to buy a dress while she'd choose shirts. But they'd be of the same color. So we would end up laughing. Our fights were spectacular though. But I wish I could take back all the bad things I may have said or done to her that hurt her.

I have spent most of my life trying to get away from this town. I wanted freedom but now that I am back here and am being flooded by all the memories from the past, I can't help but question my previous actions. I mean look at this. Nathan and I broke up because I didn't want a long distance relationship.

I am aware that as he is talking, I am looking at him like he's one of those pretty dresses up for sale. No, no. He's a full package. Good looks plus good physique. Buy one get one free.

"Zara? you are listening?"

"Oh, yeah, totally." I actually wasn't. I was too busy staring at you like a hawk, Nathan.

"Oh, yeah? What did I say?" He challenges.

"That how much I look like your next girlfriend."

He looks taken aback by my confidence. I want to laugh but I refrain myself. The game just got to the most fun part. Unfortunately, his smartass reply gets stuck in his throat because of the shrill ringing of my phone. I shrug apologetically and check the caller ID. It's Naomi. I stick out of finger to let him know it will take me a minute and walk to a quiet corner of the restaurant.

"Hey Naomi, what's-"

"Zara, I need you."

"OK. I-"

"Kai pushed me down the stairs. I am pregnant." I didn't notice it before but now that she's completely beguiled me with this piece of information I take notice that her voice comes up choked.

"OK...I..." I feel completely clueless. Thousands of images and questions run through my mind, but I say the one that seems rational at the moment. "Are you- no. I mean... is the baby.... Alright? Are you still-"

"Still very much pregnant, yes." God, she sounds like she's been crying for hours. "He's not in the house. Please come here. I need you. I am not alright."

"I will be there in a breeze." I hang up and walk back to the table.

"It was really nice meeting you after years Nathan. But something really urgent just came up." I try to look apologetic. "I took a ride with Shorty. Can you give me a ride to Naomi's?"