Chapter 8

Jameel...

(Guest bedroom in El-Sayed home)

My heart was pounding so hard in my chest, I was sure that Kamal and his sister could hear it. The organ felt like it was going to come crashing through my breast bone at any moment. Embarassed, small, unworthy, and insignificant weren't close enough to describe how I was feeling.

Even wrapped in about quilt, I didn't even want to sit on the jeweled silk comforter covering the massive bed the siblings led me to.

Kamal had spent quite some time trying to reassure me that it was indeed alright to speak directly to his sister. So I had taken a deep breath before quietly answering her questions about my health the best that I could. When the verbal part of her questioning came to the physical aspects of my injuries, I once again looked towards Kamal and although his strong jaw was tightly clenched he nodded his head for me to continue.

It was extremely hard for me to speak about the private areas of my body to a woman. I didn't know if Yasmin was a married woman or not, but I guess as an educated woman and a physician, she is surely more knowledgeable than I was about these things, even if it's only textbook knowledge.

Again, my anxiety levels spiked and I shamefully lowered my eyes as I disclosed all the things Master had done to me over the years, and all the implements he had used to dole out my multiple punishments for my transgressions of the flesh, he had exclaimed. I explained how Master would leave me covered in my own blood, sweat, and his fluids until he chose to punish me again. He would then have Mahmood come and clean me inside and out, and the sadistic servant took pleasure in being as rough about it as he could be.

I had gotten to the part of my explanation of Mahmood's method of treatment for my open wounds and skin tears was to pour alcohol directly into the ripped flesh when I jumped and automatically reached for my veil. Kamal had suddenly surged to his feet and he quickly walked across the room. His stopped in front of the enormous window. His back was ramrod straight and his fists were clenched at his sides.

Another wave of shame washed over me, I had just met this man a few hours ago, and for some reason I felt like I couldn't cope or breathe unless he was close to me. It didn't matter to me that Kamal is the grandson of the man who turned me into the simpering broken mess that I am today.

Now he was upset on my behalf and I felt like he is wasting his energy to care about what has happened to me. Master had only proved how worthless I am and how utterly sinful and depraved I am for harbouring feelings of attraction for other men. It was a painful lesson to learn, but I had learned it, and I refuse for this good man to feel sorry for me.

Maybe I was reading too much into it? Maybe Kamal was just concerned about public learning about his grandfather having sex with another man, even if he used it to show me just how wrong sex between men are. Master had torn me to shreds each and every time he entered my body. He made sure to tell me that my hole is never meant to take cock the way it did and that made me the devil's spawn.

Kamal's sorrow wouldn't erase or cure the deviant that I am, or the lessons that Master had drilled into me over and over again. I can't remember a tie I didn't hear that hateful raspy voice cursing me for being a waste of Allah's infinite grace.

Yasmin's voice broke through my internal ramblings and my head shot up when she told me that she needed to examine my body for injuries or signs of infection. I drew back from her and my anxiety level spiked all over again, but this time it was to epic proportions as I recalled the exact state of my appearance at the moment.

It wasn't just about the rancid smell, it was also about the fact that I was so filthy from head to toe. My stomach knotted when I thought about all the ugly scars crisscrossing my skin from my neck to my ankles. Master's chosen weapon for correcting my transgressions was a thick leather whip. He would gleefully use it on me until my flesh as sliced open, dripping blood, and raw for weeks afterwards.

"Jameel, I am sorry, but I think it's best that we take a look to make sure that you are healing properly after your latest ordeal. If you are worried about your modesty or being left alone with me, don't. Kamal is going to be right here throughout the entire exam. As a matter of fact, you can get under the covers and reveal only the parts I'm going to examine as needed." Yasmin coaxed with a small encouraging smile. Little did she know that I was more concerned about Kamal seeing my damaged and disgusting body over her seeing it.

I looked over in Kamal's direction and he had turned his tall frame around to face me. He seemed a little more relaxed and for that, I was glad, but right about now, I wanted to ground to open up and eat me alive. I really didn't want either of them looking at me, but what choice did I have. What if something wasn't healing right or worse yet, the welts on my back were infected from lying in my own filth for days?

"Um...C...Can I bathe first, please." I whispered and prayed to whatever Deity out there that didn't see me as an abomination. Master said Allah would never favor a reprobate like me, so I didn't even bother attempt to call out to him.

'Of course, oh my Gosh. I should have offered you a bath the minute you set foot inside the house. Oh you poor baby." Yasmin suddenly declared and rushed towards the bedroom door. Alarmed, I looked towards Kamal and he just shrugged his wide shoulders with a playful little smile curving those awe inspiring lips.

I felt my face get hot, and I ducked my head to hide my bright red cheeks and my my brazen thoughts from the intensely observant man. My head soon snapped up though, because all of a sudden, there was a whole lot of activity going on in the room. Yasmin and two other women came bustling back through the bedroom door. They were followed by the older house servant that had scared me earlier.

This time his arms were piled high with what looked like big fluffy white towels and maybe a clothes. He didn't even look in my direction as he made a clear path to what I assumed was the bathroom. I wasn't too sure because all three women descended on me. My eyes went wide and my stomach flipped over but I remained where I was for the main fact that Kamal didn't seem too concerned as he smiled indulgently at the scene before him. If he was so relaxed then he must be comfortable with these women.

I still jumped a little when Yasmin placed a gentle hand on my shoulder, and I dared to peek up at her from under my lashes. I was just stumped and confused by their forwardness. I didn't know how to react to these women. They were so much more open, vibrant, and relaxed with me, a virtual male stranger, rather than acting traditionally reserved and meek.

"Jameel, let me introduce you to my sisters Farrah." She stated as she pointed to the tallest of the three gorgeous women, "and this is Nasim, one of the youngest siblings next to Kamal over there." She introduced the ladies and I took a quick peek up at them and gosh, the gene pool in this family is spectacular. Those prominent cheek bones seemed to be the common feature amongst the El-Sayed children. They were all stunning to look at.

I was just beginning to relax and to show my gratitude to the kind ladies; I actually attempted to give them a grateful little smile and that was when everything went south for me.

My heart almost collapsed in my chest when Farrah let out a high pitched inhuman squeal. She rushed towards me and that had me longing for the sanctuary of hiding behind my veil. My irrational nerves took flight and I quickly scrambled backwards across the silk covered mattress. I landed in a painful and inelegant heap on the other side of the bed.

Other than my blood rushing through my ears, I heard nothing but absolute silence in the room. I chanced a glance from underneath the black cotton of my niqab(veil) to see what was going on, and everyone was standing stock still looking at me. My pulse was still racing, but it soon began to dawn on me that I had majorly overreacted to Farrah's enthusiasm.

"Oh Jameel, I am so sorry. I just think that you're so adorable, especially when you smile like that. I was only going to pinch your cheeks. I didn't mean to scare you...."

Her words were cut short by a deep baritone barking out the command, "ib'd (go away)!" Kamal came sauntering over as he impatiently waved his babbling sister out of the way.

I watched Farrah stick out her tongue at her brother before giving me a little wave. Nasim made a crude gesture with her finger at her brother before they both let the room, and my shocked eyebrows nearly disappeared into my hairline. Never have I witnessed a woman acting so bold with the men of their household, but I must admit that for the short time I have observed these siblings, they seem to be really close to each other.

My shoulders promptly slumped yet again as dejection seized me. What did I know about anything? I had no family to create any dynamics with. All I can remember is Master and his excruciating and repeated lessons. Releasing a sigh, I tried my best to shake off my melancholy before I slipped too far into my head. Kamal sat on the bed next to where I was still kneeling on the floor, and I gladly welcomed the distraction he simply provided by breathing.

"Ta'ala ma'ee(come with me.)" He said as he held out his big hand and raised a challenging brow at me.

"I'm going straight to Hell and burn for all eternity." I thought as I studied Kamal's face from the semi security of my veil. This man was the thing that dreams were made of and if it's sinful for me to think that, then I'll just add it to my list of transgressions.

Biting the bullet, I tentatively reached out and placed my much smaller hand in his and I shivered at the heat of his touch. Kamal helped me stand and my knees wobbled for a bit before I was able to lock them in place. I don't think my exhausted mind and body could endure being in Kamal's arms again and hold off on shamelessly burying myself in his intoxicating scent, and the delicious heat coming off that big hard body.

He slowly led me across the room and under another archway. We passed through another door and I caught sight of a bathroom that could probably rival something in a magazine or something. The house man was turning several faucets in the gigantic tub and billows of steam floated over the fragrant water.

The thought of sinking myself into all that warm water and letting the silky heat wash away all the grime and the last of Master's filth from my body was enough to have hot tears pooling behind my eyes. I turned to Kamal but his attention was on the slender arm reaching through the crack in the bathroom door and waving a bottle at the occupants in the room.

It was almost funny to watch as Kamal let out an exasperated breath before stalked back over to the door. He ushered his servant through it while taking the bottle from his sister. He stood there for a minute and listened to her instruct him what to do with it and then he firmly closed the door.

Kamal came back to my side and patiently explained that the bottle contained an antiseptic medicine that will go right into my bathwater to help disinfect and heal any external cut or scrapes that I may have.

He went on to explain that he'll turn around and respect my privacy as I got undressed and settle myself into the tub. Then, he went to pour the medicine into the water and he turned on the faucet again and poured another small container into the water and a big grin split my face as a mass of bubbles began to form over the surface of my bath and I found myself getting eager to strip off and dive into that tub.

True to his word, Kamal sequestered himself into the far corner of the room, and he kept his back to me as I quickly shuffled out of my soiled robes and literally submerged myself in the warm cleansing bath. Not even the sting of the antiseptic on the places my skin was broken and scabbed over prevented me from fully enjoying the feeling of finally being able to get clean.

I dunked my entire body under the water and when I came back up splattering but happier than I can ever remember being in a long time. Kamal was sitting on the edge of the tub smiling down at me, and I couldn't help myself but I just beamed right back at him. He handed me a soft washcloth and pointed out the assortment of shampoos and soaps lined up on a shelf within arms reach of where I was sitting.

He got up as I was making my selection from the multiple scents of soap. I chose the soothing scent of lavender and began to scrub myself from head to toe. I sighed as I washed my hair and I was so thrilled, I dunked myself and repeated the entire process all over again.

I would've stayed there all night if it wasn't for the fact that the water was getting cold and after removing all that, I needed a quick rinse from the overhead shower to finish up my little bit of heaven. I looked up and Kamal must have read my mind because he toggled with the faucets and I was cascaded with drops of water. A happy giggle escaped my mouth as I looked up to see that the entire ceiling over the tub was literally raining on me.

I forgot myself and hopped up to my feet as Kamal opened the drain of the tub and my joy was short lived when I heard his surprised hiss, and I immediately froze where I stood under the sheets of water.

"Oh God." He whispered as he stepped forward with his eyes glued to my decimated body. I was too shocked by the the sheer look of fury on his face. I went to cover myself and sink back into the tub, but Kamal arms shot out and he gently held both my wrists in one of his hands.

He reached out with his other hand and I watched his fingers tremble before he traced one of the ragged scars that slashed across his side and over my stomach. One of the many many gashes from Master's spiked tip floggers. I morbidly wondered what his reaction would be if I turned around and he got a gander of my back.

"Don't cry for me, this was my punishment for desiring men. Master made me atone for my sins." I whispered in hopes of making him feel better. I didn't want the image of his grandfather sullied for his remaining family. I was about to say something else when I was suddenly hauled out of the tub, wrapped up tight in a huge fluffy robe, and unceremoniously lifted off my feet and carried back into the room.

Yasmin scurried out of her determined brother's way as he made a beeline for the massive bed. Even in the grip of his strong emotions, he carefully laid me on the soft bedding as if he was putting a newborn baby down for a nap. He drew the covers over me all the way up to my chin and held them there.

His gorgeous golden brown gaze captured mine and I was held completely enthralled by the intensity of his emotions swirling around those hypnotic orbs. The next words out of his mouth shocked and confused me to the core of my being.

"What that man did to you was not punishment, it was outright and blatant abuse. You did absolutely nothing to deserve the atrocities that old depraved bastard heaped on you and if he wasn't already dead, I would have gladly taken his life and spit in the Devil's face myself." He swirled away from me and demanded his sister to examine me.

I didn't know what to think and I didn't know what to say as Yasmin rushed forward and gently explained what she was doing as she uncovered one part of my body or the other. My entire focus was on the man standing by the window. It was like he was trying to hold himself together with his rigid back facing the room.

I closed my eyes and I tuned out Yasmin's warm fingers as she examined me from head to toe. My muddled thoughts started to flicker in and out and I was just plain tired. Too exhausted to figure out his words or even try to. I was too tired to feel anything at all about Kamal seeing the imperfection of my horrendous body. I let my eye flutter until they closed completely, sure that I will be able to understand everything better in the morning once I could think straight again.