Jameel...

(The pool)

I pressed on the little button underneath my finger and I, "clicked," on the left hand side of the little gadget Kamal had explained to me that it's called a mouse, and I had almost choked myself I laughed so hard. Of all the things the inventors who created this awesome device could have named the little navigation instrument, they had chosen to name it after vermin. Wow, smart people are weird. The mechanical rodent was connected to a flat screen monitor, and there was also a keyboard with different letters of the alphabet printed in both the English and Arabic alphabet. The buttons on the keyboard were called keys hence the name keyboard.

I was completely fascinated by moving the mouse all over the wide screen and randomly clicking on each and every little thing icon to see what would happen. Kamal was sitting right beside me working on a portable computer he said was a laptop. Both machines had a picture of this half eaten apple on them.

The thin little folding thing he had propped on one of his thick thighs, it was gold on the outside with white keys while the one set up on the desk in front of me was all white, the keyboard and everything. Farooq had explained that the apple was the logo of the company that created and manufactured the devices. They also made other portable machine and their names all started with the lowercase letter, "i."

Everyone in this family seemed to be connected by the hip to a portable phone. They each had different phones various sizes and colors. Nasim had explained that their cellular phones were different models of the iPhone. Then Yasmin proceeded to show me another portable computer and a music player.

The flat gadget that was roughly the size of piece of paper only thicker, she said it was an iPad tablet and the music player was an iPod. It boggles my mind how all the devices seemed to connect to one another and to the user's personal account where they can be customized to that person's preferences.

I kept up my with my clicking until I found a file full of pictures. I happily sorted through them one by one looking at the smiling faces of the siblings along with their parents. They had taken pictures all over the world it seems and it was so awe inspiring look at the different places, the different way the dressed, and the different landscapes in the backgrounds. My heart fluttered that maybe one day I can leave this country and see different places and sample different foods as well.

Grinning like an idiot, I continued to click over and over again on the photos looking at the El-Sayed family's photographic documentation of years worth family trips and gatherings. Every scenario was covered, and multiple chronological images ranging from the silly pictures of the kids making faces to the sweet as can be photos of the parents cuddling with their dripping wet toddlers on huge beach towels on stunning white sandy beaches.

Then the later years as the sweet little babies grew into their teens and then adulthood and the family pictures of all the clan together on one place had become few and far in between. I wondered if they realize how precious their time spent together as a family was? I would have given anything to have both my parents and maybe a brother to play with or a sister to protect and care for. All I know is that my world came crashing down after my mom died, and Master...I had to stop myself, that man was no Master. He was a sick bastard. May Allah forgive me for speaking ill of the dead.

I wasn't expecting it, but it seems that my thoughts brought about the next circle of events. On the very next click of the mouse, a portrait picture came up on the widescreen of computer screen of Naji Shariff himself, the man who proclaimed himself as my Master while he abused me in ways no human should never have to experience. The man was walking in the photo with his thobe (robe) swirling behind him while talking to another man I didn't know.

I was so shocked and appalled to see his face again so suddenly, my hand went slack and came slapping down on top of the mouse. The thing skidded from under my fingertips and clattered across the surface of the desk. A tiny gasp escaped my mouth and I pushed back from the computer and immediately pulled my niqab (veil) from around my neck and wrapped it around my face shrouding myself in darkness and locking out the world.

I felt movement beside me and I scooted a little further away whoever it was. There was a brief murmured conversation before I heard a door open and close. I was left in the blissful silence of my self made shelter and I relaxed just for a bit. This is the reason why I refused to part with my beloved abaya (robe) and my niqab (veil). They have allowed me to disappear over the years, to easily transition from this painful confusing environment and into the tranquil serene altered universe of my own making.

A soft hand brushed across my shoulder and my entire body stiffened. I was getting ready to take flight and run across the room. My shriek of terror dried up quick in the back of my throat when I was lifted and promptly deposited on a wide lap, and it seems after years of training, the old man's wish had come true. Like Pavlov's dog, my body performed exactly the way the old man had taught it to do over the years. I went absolutely still and waited until the person decided to do what they wanted with me.

Then it dawned on me that I wasn't that person anymore. Kamal had rescued me out of my prison. He and his family told me that I am somebody that I am not what he taught me to be, and yet here I practically giving myself a heart attack over a photograph of the dead man. He's dead and gone. No longer does he have the power to make me live in fear again.

I heard a quiet whisper close to my cloth covered ear. "Hush Jameel, no one and nothing is going to ever hurt you again. Do you remember the promise I made to you when we were sitting on the floor in your bathroom?" Kamal's soothing baritone flowed over my frayed nerves like a soothing agent.

My hands shook as I slowly removed my veil and timidly brought my eyes up to meet his stunning ones. Allah help me, but this man was beautiful, sitting this close to him, literally on top of him and having him look at me like I was the most precious thing that he has ever set eyes on. That intensely focus look had my heart fluttering away in my chest and the man simply left me tongue tied.

Kamal was looking at me expectantly but his question was the last thing running through my mind at the moment. It also dawned on me that everything that hypocrite had said and the things I had to suffer through because of his warped beliefs was a lie. Every single person in house has said so and have tried every way to make me accept and believe it.

Mistress El-Sayed had even said that her father was absolutely depraved and wrong to say and do what he did to me. She stood against her own father and said the man had lied and abused me for most of my life because he had been afraid to accept his own sexuality, and instead of coming to terms with it.

She went on to say that the man was riddled with self disgust and like a coward he punished others, especially those who tempted what he saw as sinful and unnatural urges, namely me. I could clearly see that admission had hurt her to soul. It was like someone had wrenched her world from right underneath her feet. She more than anyone else in this house felt just a smidgen on the pain I had to endure over the years.

If the old man had been so wrong and lied to me about everything, I wondered if I really wasn't an abomination for liking men. I wondered if it was okay to have these feelings, the sexual romantic kind of feelings I have only read about in stories.

Kamal had bravely admitted that he was attracted to men and his entire family was okay with it. No one seemed to care any less for him because of it. My overtaxed mind kicked over yet again and I pondered over the thought that if this sexy beast truly is enchanted with other men, what kind of man is he attracted to? Would he and could he ever be attracted to me?

I snapped out of my internal musings when I felt those big warm hands squeeze my shoulders in order get my attention. I looked back up into Kamal's handsome face and struggled to remember the question he had asked me earlier. It was something about him keeping his promise to keep me safe. I quickly nodded my head to answer him so that little crease of concern between his eyebrows would go away.

I had some serious thinking to do. My captor had quoted my sins directly from the Quran. My religion or I should say the religion I was raised to believe in and the very culture I was born into believed that I was indeed a sodomite and a sinner. That I was going to burn in hell for my unnatural predilections.

I wanted so much to talk to Kamal about all of it, but I had no idea how I was going to even bring that up in a conversation without giving myself third degree burns all over my body from blushing so hard. I can't even look at him for long periods of time before I started flushing like someone poured scalding hot water over me.

All of a sudden the study's door banged against the wall and I jumped so fast, I nearly fell off Kamal's lap. His long arms wrapped tightly around my waist and he pulled me back until I was steadily seated once again in his lap.

I looked up to see Nasim and Farrah standing there smirking at us and then my eyes went wide as saucers because I realized I was still sitting on Kamal's lap like it was the most natural place in the world for me to be, and as if on que my face lit up like Chernobyl's exposed nuclear reactor and I tried to get up but those two thick bands of steel tightened around my waist and I refused to look back at Kamal as he refused to let me get up.

For once I thanked Allah for this family's untraditional behavior and lack of respect for each other's personal space.

"Come on you two, Mummy finally had Mohammed open and clean the pool." Nasim chirped and bounded over to us and grabbed each of our wrists and pulled. I found his almost comical and absolutely adorable that Kamal groaned and let his little slip of a sister think that she had the ability to move his massive mountain of muscles with such little effort. She was about the same size if not a little smaller than I was.

I was glad for the reprieve from thinking about my life and sexuality too hard as the girls giggled and wove their way through the labyrinth they called a house. We followed dutifully behind them, and I didn't miss the fact that Kamal held onto my hand the entire way to their pool area.

It wasn't until we passed through a set of wide sparkling glass doors, I noticed for the first time what they were wearing. They were appropriately covered but their robes or cover ups I should call them was light enough to see their swimsuits underneath the gauzy fabric.

As we crossed the terracotta tiled patio and turned the corner my jaw dropped at the virtual oasis in front of me. The pool itself was a wonder of creation. It looked like there were no edges like a regular inlaid body of cement, it looked like a lagoon or outdoor grotto.

There plush lounge chairs scattered throughout the space with lush ferns and other types of palms and tropical plants. Yasmin was already in the water and so was Hamid, they were busy setting up some type of met when all of a sudden Farooq came barreling off a hidden platform at

the back of the pool and performed an Olympic champion worthy dive right into the water. There was even a splash as the man's decadent body sliced right through the water.

I discreetly slipped my niqab (veil) a little further up on my face because I am sure I was drooling. The El-Sayed children were truly blessed when it came to their beauty. Hamid and Farooq where mind numbing handsome, and Farooq was even taller and wider than Kamal. He was almost too big. Hamid's muscles were a little less defined than his brothers but he was just as handsome, and not to mention the girls. They were absolutely stunning. I found myself wishing I was that pretty.

Oh gosh, listen to me giving off commentary about how men look and wishing I was as flawless as the girls. I just shook my head, if I was going to hell, I might as well enjoy the ride.

Kamal laughed at Hamid's attempt to get a white ball from his sisters but they all ganged up on him. It looked like they were drowning the man, but he was laughing more than fighting them.

"Come on, this way. Let's get changed into our suits so we can get into the water too." Kamal said as he took me by the wrist and started walking towards a hidden dressing area.

Oh gosh, I was going to see this man in nothing but a bathing suit..."OH JOY!" I cheered in my mind and then it hit me. I was expected to wear a bathing suit too. My mind went from cheering to panicking just like that. The only things I was thinking about was my skinny pale body and my ugly scars. "OH HELP!"