Flashback: March 2023

Naihm's Point of View

I stood there in the 7-Eleven, hoodie pulled low, umaasang maitatago nito ang pamumugto ng mga mata ko mula sa pag-iyak. But obviously, it didn't. My eyes were burning, my head was throbbing, and my chest felt like someone was squeezing it with their bare hands. I didn't even know why I was there. I didn't know where I was supposed to go. I just... couldn't stay home anymore.

I couldn't stay in that house, suffocated by my mom's nagging about quitting the publication, about "focusing on what matters." But this? This was what mattered to me. It was the only thing that made me feel like I was worth something like I wasn't just floating around, invisible.

I thought I could lean on Miles. I thought he'd be my rock—like he always was. We were supposed to have each other's backs, right? But now? I didn't even know who he was anymore.

I dialed his number again, ang kamay ko ay nanginginig, at ang boses ko ay pilit na nananatiling kalmado, kahit na ang puso ko ay lumulukso sa sakit. Please, please pick up.

And he did.

"Hello?" ang boses niya, walang kahit anong emosyon. Walang gulat, walang pag-aalala.

I almost collapsed right there, I was so relieved.

"Finally!" I almost shouted, voice shaking, but I forced myself to sound calm. "I've been calling non-stop."

"Yeah, I saw," he said, his tone colder than I could handle.

The knot in my stomach tightened. Is that it? That's all he had to say? Hindi ba siya magtatanong kung bakit ako tumatawag? Kung anong nangyari sa akin?

"Miles, where are you? What's going on? I need to talk to you, please," I begged, my voice cracking, and I hated how weak it sounded. But I couldn't help it. I was falling apart.

"I'm not in the mood to talk, nai," he said. The words hit me like a slap.

I couldn't believe it. Not now. Not when I needed him the most.

"Lagi na lang. What's wrong with you?" I snapped, frustration boiling inside me. How many times had I been there for him? How many times had we stayed up all night, talking through everything? "What happened to us?"

"I just told you. I'm not in the mood," he repeated.

I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself, but the tears were already threatening to spill. "Lagi na lang ganyan. Seriously, ano bang problema mo?" My voice cracked again.

"I didn't ask for this," he shot back, "Just stop calling me."

It felt like he was shoving me away—like I didn't matter anymore. I closed my eyes, fighting the tears burning at the back of my throat.

"Just for tonight, Miles. I just need you to listen," I said quietly, but I knew how desperate I sounded. "Can you do that?"

"I'm not gonna listen to your tantrums at this hour," he muttered like I was just another annoying person in his life.

"Miles, I'm not throwing a tantrum!" I almost yelled, but I kept it low, my voice trembling. "I'm trying to talk to you because I need you. You used to listen!"

But he wasn't listening. The silence stretched between us like a thick wall. Hindi ko na alam kung anong dapat gawin. Nanghihina na ako.

"I can't do this right now, Naihm. Just stop," he said, so dismissive like I was a problem he couldn't deal with.

I shook my head, even though I knew he couldn't see me. "Why? Why can't you talk to me? Is it so hard? You've always been there for me before—what happened? Bakit? Bakit mo ako tinataboy? Hindi ba tayo magkaibigan, Miles?"

I couldn't stop the tears now, soft sobs that I couldn't control, no matter how hard I tried. I was losing him.

"I just... I don't want to talk... Hindi naman big deal," he said, like my feelings were some joke.

Not a big deal.

It pained me that even breathing is so hard to do.

"It's a big deal to me, Miles!" My voice was breaking now, every word harder to breathe out. "I need you, and you're pushing me away like it's nothing!"

I could hear the sound of him on the other end, but I couldn't hear him—just the coldness, like a thousand miles away.

"You wouldn't understand," he said, so distant like I was someone he barely knew. "I don't know anymore, Naihm. I just... I don't know."

That was it. That was all he could say.

"So you're just gonna shut me out like this? You really don't care anymore, huh?" I asked, barely holding it together, voice breaking under the weight of everything.

Silence. That long, painful silence made me feel like I was screaming into an empty void.

"You don't even care to ask how I'm doing? After everything that's happened?" I pressed, desperate.

"It's not about that, Naihm," he said, sighing. "I can't be weak right now. I can't fall apart. I have to keep it together."

I didn't know how to respond. I was falling apart too, but apparently, that didn't matter.

"You think I'm asking for you to fall apart?" I cried out, holding the phone like it was the only thing keeping me from falling apart completely. "I'm asking you to care! I thought we were friends, Miles... but clearly, I was wrong."

"I'm not going to keep going in circles with you," he said, voice colder than ever. "I'm sorry, but I can't be there for you right now," tumawa ako nang mapait at pilit pinipigilan ang mga luha.

I felt like everything inside me just shattered. This was what I had been afraid of.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about," I whispered, so thick with emotion I could barely breathe. "You don't even care to try."

He sighed again like he was trying to pick his words carefully, but it felt too late. "You're not understanding this. I can't. I just need space, Naihm."

Space.

I laughed, but it was bitter, hollow. "Space? Miles, you've been shutting me out for months. It's not just space anymore. It's like you're erasing me from your life."

And just like that, he was silent again.

"Just... just leave me alone," he said softly, almost like he didn't want me to hear it.

But I heard it. And it broke me. I couldn't stop the tears now. They were coming faster than I could catch my breath.

"You promised, Miles," I whispered, voice trembling, barely a sound.

He didn't answer.

"You told me... no matter what happens, you'd always be there," I said, my voice shaking as the hurt spilled out. "You told me you'd never leave me. And now look at us."

"Please Naihm... Not tonight." His voice cracked. It sounded like he was feeling something but it didn't matter anymore. The damage was done.

"No," I cut him off. "You lied. You said you'd be there when I needed you the most." My voice broke again and I hated how raw it sounded. "And now you're choosing to walk away. Do you even care, Miles? Or were those just words?" sabi ko, nanginginig ang boses ko.

Silence. That silence was the answer.

I closed my eyes. And now, here I was, standing in a convenience store under fluorescent lights, tears streaming down my face, and he was slipping away.

"You don't even care anymore," I whispered, but my voice felt too small. "And maybe you never did."

"That's not true," he said suddenly, voice shaky. For a split second, I thought I heard the old Miles—the one who would never let me feel this way. But it was gone just as fast as it had come.

"Then prove it," I said, voice barely above a whisper. "Prove that you care. But you won't, will you? Because you're too busy shutting me out."

"Nai, you don't understand—" pero hindi ko na pinakinggan.

"I don't understand because you won't let me!" I cried out, and I couldn't hold back the flood anymore. "I don't know what else to do, Miles. And all I'm asking is for you to be here for me kahit ngayong gabi lang."

He didn't answer right away.

"I can't," he said finally. "I can't be there for you right now. I'm sorry."

I let out a bitter laugh through my tears, the sound echoing in the emptiness. "You're sorry? That's it?"

"You're a liar, Miles," I whispered, my heart breaking with every word. 

"I didn't mean to—"

"But you did," I cut him off, my voice trembling. 

Another long silence. And then, I knew. There was nothing left to say.

"Fine," I said quietly, my heart shattering with every word. "If you don't want to be here, then don't be. Let's just... be strangers, then. From now on. You don't wanna talk to me, so I won't talk to you either."

"Naihm..." His voice cracked, but I didn't let him finish anymore. What for?

"I'm done, Miles. You've turned into someone I don't even know, and I don't think I can keep pretending I do." I whispered, my chest aching. "I'm not gonna reach out anymore. I'm not gonna say anything. We're strangers now." But with memories.

I pressed the end call button. And for a moment, I just stood there, staring at my phone, numb.

I didn't know how long I stood there, but when I finally looked up, I slipped the phone into my pocket and walked out of the store.

He wasn't going to be here anyway. I never should have believed him. I thought he'd catch me. But I fell. And he didn't even look back.