Part Ten

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Scott and I have kissed more than twice, and it's becoming a disturbing habit. It's not that I can't control how I feel; he makes me numb, unable to move. I only have myself to blame.

I regret it with every fiber of my being. I regret it because he's Scott. But mostly, I regret it because of Jessica. She's my damn sister, and I keep making out with her boyfriend.

These thoughts haunt me as I walk through the woods, careful not to slip or twist my ankle. We keep our pace, never stopping.

Damn it, I wish I could say it wasn't consensual, that he forced himself on me. That would be a convenient excuse.

I sigh and look up. The sun is setting, casting pink and purple hues across the horizon. I inhale sharply. It's breathtaking.

I kissed him back with the same passion, the same desire. As much as I hate to admit it, I liked it. More than I should have.

Still feeling the tingling on my lips, I touch them with my hand. I want to do it again. I want to sin again.

And that's what's really tearing me apart. Everything would be so much simpler if I could just say that, looking back, I was disgusted. Revolted, even. But if I want to do it again, do I even really regret it?

I shake my head, trying to clear these unfiltered thoughts. I need a plan. If I can lie to him and make it sound like I didn't like it...

Anything to get my feet out of the mud.

Scott suddenly stops, turning to face me. He opens his mouth as if to speak, but no words come out. I can tell he's wrestling with something he wants to confess.

"Can you tell me how you feel?" he asks, his voice delicate and soft, as if he's afraid of hurting me. "Please," he adds desperately. "Because I never know how you feel."

"Yeah, you do," I reply, folding my arms tightly across my chest. "You know I don't like you, so I don't know what more you want me to say."

I hate saying this to him. It feels alien on my tongue. He steps closer, closing the distance between us, and I have to look up to meet his gaze.

Standing so close, I can feel his breath on my lips. "Well, in that case..." he trails off, leaning in to kiss me. And I almost let him.

Just as our lips touch, the image of my sister flashes in my mind, and I pull away. I can't...

"No," I say shakily. "We shouldn't."

Surprise flickers across Scott's face. "What?" he asks, running a hand through his hair.

"No," I repeat, more firmly. "This can't happen. It won't. I have to protect my sister. How can you not want to protect your own girlfriend?"

I'm startled by the hurt in his eyes. "Can I..." he chokes on his words, clearing his throat. "May I ask why not?"

"May I ask why not?" I echo, scoffing and shaking my head. "Dude, you're my sister's boyfriend. Does that not raise any red flags?"

He scratches the back of his head. "I mean..." he trails off. "I've always felt more comfortable with you. There's something about you that ignites something in me. All I want is to be with you. You make me laugh and smile."

"Scott, I..." I struggle to find the right words. I don't want him to keep describing his feelings. Glancing down at my dirty Converse, I look back up into his brown eyes. "I don't like you that way. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it's the truth."

I have to make it look as convincing as possible. I turn away, taking a step back and walking ahead. I can't bear to see the hurt in his eyes; it's too much for my heart to handle.

Love is cruel, and I don't want it to hurt me again.

"Right," Scott's voice cuts through the silence, cold and biting. I don't stop, despite hearing his hurried footsteps closing in. "So when you kissed me that night, was that supposed to be your way of saying you didn't want to kiss me back?"

"You kissed me," I retort, rolling my eyes. "And you're not making any sense. Can we just move past this?"

"Are you saying you didn't kiss me back?" His hand grips my elbow, forcing me to turn and face him. His gaze is intense, seeking answers. "Because I'm pretty sure you did. And don't call me dude."

I look at him, frustration bubbling over. I pull my arm free, though his touch lingers in my mind. "I don't know how else to tell you. I don't like you. You're my sister's—"

"—boyfriend," he interrupts, his voice heavy with disappointment. "I know. But this isn't just about labels, is it?"

"Forget that night ever happened!" I exclaim, my voice trembling. I run my fingers through my hair, feeling the weight of my words. "It's like it was erased from existence. None of those moments should have happened!"

"That's just it," Scott says, his voice breaking with frustration. "It did happen. And if it happened once, why wouldn't it happen again? Is it so wrong to want that?"

"Yes!" I snap, the raw pain evident in my voice. "It's wrong because it involves my sister! I shouldn't have to explain why this is so messed up."

The thought of control flashes in my mind. If I can dismiss this, maybe I can regain some semblance of it. "Look, don't question my choices," I say, trying to keep my voice steady. "I don't question yours. I love my sister. She means everything to me, even if I don't always show it."

His eyes lock onto mine, and his voice is low but firm. "According to you, those kisses didn't mean anything, right? If that's true, how can I explain it to her? How can I confess something that was never real in the first place?"

I throw my hands up in exasperation. "You're twisting this. It's not about what happened or didn't happen. It's about what's right."

Scott's face falls, and for a moment, his walls seem to crumble. "I don't know what to say. All I know is that when I'm with you, it feels like I'm being true to myself. But now, it's like I'm caught between two worlds, and I don't know how to make things right."

I look at him, my heart aching. "You need to figure out what you really want. Because right now, it feels like you're just adding to the mess. And I can't be part of that."

Scott is silent for a long moment, his eyes reflecting the turmoil inside him. "I know. But it's not just about her either. It's about how I feel when I'm with you."

I shake my head, frustration bubbling to the surface. "It's not that simple. Jessica's my family. She trusts me. I can't betray her like this, Scott. I can't be the reason she gets hurt."

"I get it," Scott says quietly, running a hand through his hair. "But what if I don't know how to stop? What if every time I see you, it feels like... like something I can't ignore?"

I look away, my heart heavy. "You have to figure it out, Scott. I can't be the one to clean up this mess. You need to decide where your loyalties lie—because right now, you're standing in two worlds, and neither one is fair to anyone."

He looks down, clearly struggling with his emotions. "I don't want to hurt anyone. But..."

"Then do the right thing," I cut him off, trying to sound more resolute than I feel. "Break up with Jessica. Be honest with her, even if it's hard. Because keeping this secret isn't just hurting her; it's hurting all of us."

Finally, he turns away, shaking his head. I follow him, but the weight of our conversation lingers, both of us burdened by the choices we've made and the consequences they carry.

Scott and I finally discover a small cave nestled between the trees. It's not luxurious, but it's dry and offers some protection from the chill. We gather what we can to build a fire: a few dry twigs, some fallen leaves, and a handful of pinecones. After a few attempts, the fire crackles to life, its warmth a welcome relief from the night's cold.

The cave is small but cozy enough for us to sit close to the fire. We huddle together, the flickering light casting playful shadows on the rocky walls. The stars outside sparkle through the cave's entrance, a distant, serene canvas against the dark.

Scott stretches his legs out and stares at the night sky. "You know," he begins, his voice relaxed, "if this were a movie, we'd have a montage of us doing ridiculous things—like roasting marshmallows and making shadow puppets."

I snort, a smile tugging at my lips. "Yeah, and I'd be the one who manages to set the marshmallows on fire while you dramatically blow them out, making a big deal about it."

Scott laughs softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Right. And I'd be pretending to save them with exaggerated gestures while you look on in mock horror."

I shake my head, grinning. "And then we'd argue over who's worse at making fire, even though neither of us has a clue."

Scott chuckles, throwing a couple more sticks onto the fire. "Exactly. 'Scott and Zayn: The Great Fire Fiasco.' The most chaotic survival movie ever."

I lean back against the cave wall, looking up at the stars peeking through the entrance. "You know, despite everything, this is kind of nice. The stars are so clear."

Scott's gaze follows mine, his expression softening. "Yeah, it's peaceful. Moments like this make being lost not so terrible."

I nudge him playfully. "As long as we don't become those legendary lost hikers who survived by befriending squirrels and eating bugs."

Scott grins, pretending to consider it seriously. "True. 'Lost in the Woods: Hikers Rescued After Squirrel Negotiations.' I can see the headline now."

I laugh, shaking my head. "I'll make sure to take credit for all our 'squirrel diplomacy.'"

"Hey," Scott says with mock indignation, "I'll have you know my squirrel negotiating skills are top-notch. Just not so great with maps."

I raise an eyebrow. "Clearly, since we're still wandering aimlessly and your 'diplomacy' is just us and a tiny cave."

Scott's smile turns genuine, and he nudges me with his shoulder. "At least we're lost together."

The fire crackles, casting a warm glow over us as we sit in comfortable silence. The forest outside is quiet, and the stars above seem to shine a little brighter.

Scott shifts slightly, his voice low and sincere. "Despite everything, I'm glad we're here. Even if it's just because we're lost."

I glance at him, the warmth of the fire and the night's calm making his words feel more intimate. "Me too. It's been a wild ride, but having you here makes it a bit easier."

We settle in, leaning against the cave wall as the fire's glow dims. Outside, the night sky stretches endlessly, a silent witness to our unexpected adventure.

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