TW: Mentions of PTSD, gore, non-consultance, force, violence.

(Lila's P.O.V)

Maybe it was because of my turbulent mind, maybe because I'd made out with Derek. Maybe it was because he'd uttered Tatiana's name when he had me under him.

I don't know what it was.

But it sure as hell triggered me.

And now I was stuck in this memory, in this nightmare. Aware but also now. Stronger but weaker. I was in my body and yet I felt a stranger to the horrors I'd experienced.

PTSD has a funny way of showing through.

And for me, I was always self-aware in these nightmares that played my horrible memories from two years ago like a creepy broken vinyl record at a haunted house.

•♤•

Roy slowly got up, eyes on me before he turned to Mellisa and I whimpered. The pain in my chest was real and so was the brand that made me want to hurl.

But at their mercy and in tremendous pain, I was helpless, sitting on the sidelines as Mellisa took the brunt of it all.

"Let's start with some fun, hm?" Looking at me with a cruel smirk as he used his knife to cut through the yellow sundress Mel had on, the monster chuckled at her cries of weak protest.

"Oh? You don't want me to touch you?" He rose a cool brow at Mellisa and then hardened his eyes.

"Then your friend Lila here can replace you." He smiled cruelly and as I cried silent tears, I understood his strategy.

Mellisa trembled and shook her head silently, biting her lips tight as men held onto her. Her clothes were ripped off, one by one, slowly.

And all I wanted was to kill Roy in that moment. But I couldn't even bring myself to move, my burnt flesh burning up like hot fire all over again and I gasped for air.

"You'll pay for this..." My best friend's words were croaked and lost.

And then the men along with the monster went ahead with no inhibitions.

They groped and touched and disgust crawled over my skin. I sobbed as I closed my eyes in anguish only to be slapped by a gruff man towering above me.

"Watch." His warning growl made my entire body tremble and he made sure I watched.

Watched as they roughly pulled on her hair and marred her delicate flesh.

As sadistic smiles covered faces and the Monster snaked his knife between her legs, forcing them open.

I felt tight in my own skin and screaming out ignoring the blistering pain of worsening burns, I lunged upwards.

Only to have someone push me back with a hand on the brand between my breasts.

I yelled in agony as the pain tripled and I couldn't breathe, my tear filled eyes trained on Mellisa.

The monster saw my efforts and laughed simultaneously taking his clothes off.

No.
No.
No.
Please, my god, please No.

I wanted to gouge my eyes out and bleach my ears of the pained screams filling them. The horror in her eyes as they met mine made my spine straighten as someone stomped on my splayed hand and pain travelled up the limb.

"Isn't this absolutely too much fun?" Giddy like a psychopath, Roy toyed with her and toyed with me.

Until he raped her.

I screamed.

I didn't stop despite the slaps, despite the kicks to my stomach. I didn't stop as water was poured over my burning flesh.

I screamed for her and for me when her mouth was silenced so cruelly with another of those disgusting and forced appendages.

A steady pulse of anger filtered in.

And yet my mind felt numb.

I watched every last thing they did to her, almost throwing up when they rutted her like animals.

My best friend was no longer making any noises, just like a broken doll. They turned her on all fours, they raped her like beasts, like animals. Blood smeared her skin and the Monster laughed.

The scenes would never leave my memory if I survived. But I doubted that and I almost wanted to die.

No, I did want to die.

Except I'd watch. I'd watch so I could remember and hate and maybe even.....take revenge.

Someone went to grab my exposed breasts but a growl stopped them.

"You do not touch that one. I have plans for her." Roy's dark eyes promised me nightmares and terror.

Piercing and angusih-filled hoarse screams entered my ears and I realized they were coming from me.

"Ah, such sweet screams you make." The Monster groaned, enjoying himself, as he thrust into Mellisa from behind.

The torture kept on for a lifetime.

The tears seemed to have dried up and my voice was hoarse from so much screaming and crying. How no one heard us was beyond me. Breathless and feeling the sting of my multiple wounds, especially the burn, I gasped for air.

I was so tired.

"Mm, you're too ruined to use now." He smoked on a cigarette, his foot on top of Mellisa's head as someone grabbed my hair tightly so I could watch.

Mother fucking sadists.

"But that sure were some tight holes. Perky tits too. I have to say I enjoyed."

A flash of monstrous teeth at me as Mellisa collapsed when the others involved in the gang-rape pulled back as well. Roy ground his foot on her head and only a weak whimper escaped her lips, choking my heart.

"But now that you're useless, nothing but a burden....mmm." He smoked, puffing out a cloud of the scent I was growing to hate with a burning passion. "We should get rid of you, don't you think?"

Even though he was speaking to Mellisa, his eyes were wild and trained on me.

Tears filled my eyes again, coming from somewhere deep and choking my throat as I realized the implications of his words.

Mellisa was wrenched up and she made a small weak noise, her eyes looking dead.

A man started to pull her towards the center of the road and I watched in confusion, my breaths starting to come out short as panic swept over me.

Roy ambled towards me but my eyes were trained on Melissa.

Until he grabbed a hold of my ankle making me flail and my eyes widen.

He grinned.

And then he dragged me like that, my naked back scratching against the rugged asphalt of the road and I could feel it like a thousand needles piercing my skin.

Imagine having the feeling of skinned knees times fifty.

Choked up cries escaped me as he continued dragging me like that, my head pounding with a headache till he finally stopped.

I cried as I got on my elbows slowly, feeling the skin of my back stretching in agony.

The only part of me unblemished was perhaps my face.

Roy threaded his hard fingers through my hair and pulled on them so I was looking at the center of the road where Mellisa stood on weak knees.

This close, I could see her better.

"Watch." His hot breath skated over my neck like creepy insects but I ignored as I watched my best friend, unaware of anything else, just us two against the world.

We had mere feet between us and as her eyes met mine for the first time since the ordeal started, I saw a spark in them.

It was light in utter darkness, bleak eyes filled with a dying ember of warmth.

"Live." She smiled.

And then a in a blur, too fast to note, a truck ran her over.

Silence.

A strangled sound filtered past my mouth, my eyes wide open as I saw her crumbled body, disfigured bones and blood pooling around her.

I blinked.

So surreal.

What happened?

Numbness spread over my whole body and I slowly blinked, my mind unable to process.

My lips moved but nothing happened.

I felt the pain in my head lessen as my hair was let go of and my head dropped.

And then like lightning, everything came rushing.

Breathless, I crawled over to her lifeless body.

Crawled because my body wouldn't work, because the trauma was now so deep I couldn't think. Couldn't speak. Couldn't hear.

Thud, thud, thud.

My heart beat incessantly.

But I wanted it to stop.

With a calmness that was at complete odds with my current state, I moved a steady hand to cup her cheek.

Moving it lower, I searched for a pulse.

There was none.

I stared at her open eyes and the smile frozen on her face.

Now, there was only frigid horror in her dreary eyes and a smile that looked maniac.

Mellisa Waterbrook was dead.

And I felt.....so unfeeling. So numb to it but also not.

"Live."
"Live."
"Live."

I didn't want to.

"Lila Smith."

Coldness seared into my skin and goosflesh erupted. A hard, cold, calm sort of anger took root within me as I slowly moved my eyes to look at the Monster.

"I told you my name so you'll always remember me." He grinned and took a step towards me.

"I let you witness everything so you'd be broken and angry."

Another step.

"I didn't kill you so you could die a thousand times remembering today. Remembering me."

Another step.

"I offered her mercy, don't you think?"

A fire blazed with me. So foreign that my body trembled and all my pain watered away.

I saw red.

"I'm going to kill you, Roy Gambino."

I probably looked crazy as I stumbled to my feet, eyes feral and hands clenched.

The thirst for revenge drowned me and pure, undiluted anger swallowed me.

Can't feel pain, it's not real.

"I promise you, I'll kill you with my own two hands."

He laughed and then his hand ghosted a touch over my chin.

"I look forward to it." He tenderly rubbed my cheek. "Thanks for such an eventful weekend. I had fun."

"You bastard!" I screamed and lunged at him, clawing at his face like a feral animal only wishing to inflict a wound-

•♤•

(Derek's P.O.V)

"Ahhhhhhh!!!"

I woke up to a scream so blood-curdling that my heart beat out of my chest.

I fell to the ground, gasping as my head pounded like there was an entire orchestra there.

Faint ribbons of light weaved through the half-open curtains and I glimpsed it to be early morning at best.

"Ahh!! Ah!" Another scream pierced the silence and I scurried to my feet, recognizing the voice as Lila's.

I hurried outside and stumbled to find her room. When I did, I swung open the door with murder on my mind....

Only to come up empty.

There, on the bed, lay a writhing Lila. Her back arched off the bed and her hands clutching fistful of the bedsheets tightly, Lila whimpered and wailed, eyes clenched shut.

Tears trailed down her closed eyes and harsh breathing filled the room.

My heart stuttered to an abrupt halt before I unfroze and hurried to her side despite my pounding headache.

I stilled again, unsure about my next course of actions but my mind was made up when Lila screamed again, anguish squeezing my chest.

I put my knee up on the bed as she jerked around and gasped, still lost to whatever demons were haunting her mind. Keeping my hands on her shoulders, I swiftly shook her and started to speak.

"Wake up, Lila. It's not real!!" I loudly emphasized and her eyes flew open after a violent shake.

She flew upright in a quick jerky move and I moved with the motion, my hands falling from her shoulders to cup her tear-stained cheeks.

"It's okay, you're okay." I soothed. "Come back to me, sweetheart."

I rubbed a thumb over her wet cheeks, realizing she didn't hear me. Her eyes were glazed over as if she was stuck in a different place unable to hear me.

Fear snaked up my chest until it squeezed my anxious heart.

Lila's breaths came out in short spurts and her hand rubbed at her chest fervently, her ash grey eyes were swirling with emotions of rage and anguish so deep I felt them rattle me to my core.

A sob hiccuped and her chest heaved as she whimpered and her hand clawed at her chest through her thin clothing, unstopping.

"Please, God, please, no more." Her pleas literally tore me down and anchored themselves into my mind.

Whoever was responsible for all of this, I'd make them pay myself.

Maybe I couldn't right now, but someday soon, I'd ruin them.

Worried, I went to grab her wrist but she growled like a feral animal, still stuck inside her own head and very reactive to touch that was forceful.

"It's me, Kitkat." I whispered soothingly, "I'd never hurt you, you know that."

Maybe it was the use of the nickname Kitkat, or maybe it was simply luck but....

A short beat of tense silence passed and then her cries and moans wracked up as she fisted my shirt in her hands and buried her face in my chest.

Shaken myself, I ran my hand over her hair, hushing and whispering words to calm her down as she trembled in my arms, sweaty and shaky.

"You're fine. You're okay. Shhhhb." I rocked back and forth, feeling her tears stain my shirt as she struggled to breathe.

I could almost feel her emotions like my own.

Desperate hands that clung to me, tears that broke my heart into a million pieces and wrecking sounds of screams and whimpers that belied how vulnerable the girl I liked truly was.

I wanted to kill and maim and then kiss my girl until she'd be content.

Her body shook with the force of her slightly muffled cries and my heart broke.

"Fuck, Kitkat, your tears are killing me. Please don't cry." My desperate and broken, hoarse voice was foreign even to my own ears.

She whimpered.

I wrapped Lila in my embrace as if I could protect her from everything that made her so stressed and pained.

I exhaled and closed my eyes painfully tight, rubbing soothing circles on her back.

"Breathe, Lila."

I didn't know what was happening but it had to be something terrible to make my girl cry and scream like this. This almost looked like signs of a panic attack but I knew this wasn't it even if panic was evident in both our demeanors.

She whimpered and cried harder, "I want it to stop."

"Sweetheart, please don't cry. It's over now."

I could taste her agony and I clenched my jaw. It hurt me so much to see her like this and be helpless.

I pulled away but Lila grabbed for me again as if willingly trying to hide in my chest, finding comfort in my touch, despite not even being able to gulp down one lungful of air.

"No, no, no no–" She lunged to catch me, her eyes so broken and her vulnerability on display.

"I'm going nowhere, sweetheart. Never." I assured her ferociously as I cupped her cheeks.

She started hyperventilating.

Winging it, I pressed my forehead against hers, feeling the sweat coat my skin but the drive to calm her down was bigger.

"Deep breaths, Lila."

I searched her eyes, licking my dry lips. "In and out. Come on, do it with me. In." I took a deep breath and exhaled, "Out."

Lila's dark grey eyes finally locked with mine and she seemed to be returning to her sober self. She was quivering, goosflesh over her skin and sweating, cold while her heart beat frantically.

"That's it." I cooed. "Again, deep breaths." She followed my example and after around doing it five times, she had calmed down considerably.

She sniffed, her eyes puffed up as her lip quivered and she looked up at me through her dark long lashes.

Pain slashed over her face, embarrassing red and anger sparking up her cheeks to a dark red on the pallor she'd gained.

I slowly let go and pulled away, willing my erratic heart to calm down as well, gulping thickly.

"Did you come because I screamed?"

The crack in her voice belied her haughty manner of speech.

She rose her chin, presenting the prickly exterior once more. Her walls coming back into their respective places and I watched as her eyes shuttered, trying to hide the vulnerability I'd already witnessed.

"You're okay now?" I asked in response.

She faltered, her brows pinching before she grit her teeth and nodded.

"Okay then." Steadily rising up, I swallowed the lump in my throat and didn't bring up any questions because Lila was probably too volatile right now.

But before I could leave, her hoarse words scratched over me like nails on a chalkboard.

"Why do you always see me at my worst?"

With the tightness in her words, even without looking at her, I could tell she was keeping her tears at bay.

"Why can't I hate you, Derek Greyson?" A much more frantic, fury filled question that made me so unsure.

I glanced at her over my shoulder, "Do you have any reason to?"

"So. Many." She got the words out through clenched teeth, a stray tear falling out of the corner of her eyes that she angrily swiped away.

I bit my lip harshly and exhaled.

I'm confused. Everything is so much more complicated that I'd expected about Lila Smith.

"Okay." Again, calmly unlike how I truly felt, I nodded in response silently. Slowly.

Lila didn't look at me and I took my leave silently, well aware of how she probably wanted to be alone and reconstruct her armour of snark.

Her mask had cracked and fissured and her prideful personality wouldn't appreciate my intrusion.

But it was too late for me. I'd already seen her at almost all her lowest points by now and all it did was make me fall harder.

Make me want to protect her from everything bad in this world so I would never see those darned tears.

As I found myself out of her room, I finally felt like I could breathe. I couldn't yet leave for fear of her well-being.

One more step in our relationship.

I just didn't know if me knowing all these sides of her and these half-secrets was a good thing or a bad one.

But why was I even in her house?

In that moment, a blurry yet fresh memory rushed past my eyes.

I blinked, sliding against the wall with wide eyes until my ass hit the floor.

Fuck.

Lila and I had kissed last night.

And there was more.

But I couldn't remember anything else except the feel of her bare skin under my hands, so hot and smooth and her full lips moving in sync with mine.

Did I just screw everything up?

•♤•

A/N

Wohoo. What a long and intnse chapter, huh?

How do you feel about it, guys? I cried writing it but I loved when Derek soothed Lila. I hope that the trauma doesn't come as such a surprise because Lila was good at playing her part and we'll get more details in upcoming chapters regarding all of this from Lila's perspective to fully make sense.

We have a lot to cover up but the story's ending soon too. What do you think Derek and Lila's relationship will be now? After the kiss scene, I had no hope but now this? Do we hate Derek or not?

Anyways, hope you vote and comment. Till next time then!

~Skyler