SEPTEMBER 1, 1996 – The Hogwarts Express

Harry shared a compartment with Neville as the train pulled away from Kings Cross Station, and morosely stared out the window, while Neville looked into his latest Herbology text, a gift from Luna for his own birthday. Meanwhile, Ron, Hermione, Draco, Ginny, and Luna were all on prefect duty, with Ginny and Luna having been selected during the summer months as one-half of the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw fifth-year prefects. Harry thought back to his nights alone at Grimmauld Place as the rest of the summer ticked by, doing homework and continuing to read more about Animagi and Occlumency, while Sirius and Gwenog engaged in double dates with Remus and Tonks.

"Looking forward to term, Harry?" Neville asked about a quarter of an hour after they had left London, when their friends were about halfway done with their first rounds of prefect duties expected of them.

Harry turned and regarded him with a grimace. "Oh, I don't know," he said softly; Dean and Seamus had stopped by to say hello before going to a compartment alone to get in some snogging before arriving in Scotland. "I suppose I am a bit lonely, what with everyone pairing up recently. I guess I'm worried about being a third-wheel..."

"Or a seventh-wheel," Neville said, smiling sympathetically, given that Hermione, Ginny, and Luna had roped in Ron, Draco, and Neville for tea at Madam Puddifoot's during the first Hogsmeade weekend. "But you won't be, really, Harry. You know how much we all care about you... I mean, you do, right?"

Harry finally managed to give Neville a tentative smile. "'Course I do," he assured his friend, although he found he was still worried about Severus, now that term was about to begin, and he would now be 'Deputy Headmaster Snape', 'Professor Snape', or 'sir' once again. "You've all been great, especially now that I'm not staying with my relatives anymore..."

"Gran sounds like a saint after you told us what they put you through," Neville said quietly. "I'll bet you were also glad that you could just give the Wizengamot pensive memories, so that you didn't have to see them again."

Harry nodded emphatically at that. "You're right there," he replied.

Neville hesitated for a moment, before putting his book aside and leaning forward, clasping his hands together. "Look, you've been a bit distant since your birthday party," he said quietly, and not accusing in the slightest. "I don't want to pry, especially if you don't want to share anything about how you're feeling, but I do want you to know that I'm here for you, mate."

Harry blinked. "You've noticed?" he asked.

Neville nodded his head. "Of course I noticed," he assured him, "and so did Luna. We discussed it between ourselves, but didn't mention it to anyone else. I just thought you were worried about the trial, before we got word that you wouldn't have to face your relatives again, but Luna thought it was something else."

Harry sighed. "What did Luna think, then?"

Neville checked the hallway for a moment from where he sat and, once he was satisfied that no one was coming inside their compartment anytime soon, replied, "Luna thought that you were hung up on someone. I guessed that it was Cho, because you two did snog last year, but Luna said that the pair of you obviously weren't meant to be, because of...well," he said, scratching at the back of his neck awkwardly, "you know."

Harry nodded. "I do know," he said quietly. "And no, mate. I'm not hung up on Cho."

"But you are hung up on someone, then?" Neville asked.

Harry hesitated, turning to look out the windows at the water and trees they passed by at lightning speed. "You could say that, yeah."

"If you don't want to tell me, Harry, you don't have to," Neville said, and Harry turned back towards his friend, who smiled softly at him. "Really. Just know that, whoever it is, you've got my support."

Harry lowered his eyes. "Even if the person was someone you never saw eye-to-eye with?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Well, Draco and I get along now," Neville said, and Harry looked up at him. "Other than you and Ron, he's my best mate now."

Harry nodded. "Same, although Hermione, Ginny, and Luna are my best female mates," he said, and Neville nodded in agreement. "Well... As long as you swear not to judge who it is, or tell anyone..."

"Luna as well?" Neville asked, his tone understanding, and not the least bit disappointed in Harry for potentially wishing to guard his secrets.

Harry swallowed. "I trust Luna as much as I trust you," he replied. "You two may discuss it with or without me."

Neville nodded. "All right. You can tell me if you like."

Harry leaned forward then, and Neville did the same, so as they could properly hear one another without having to speak at normal volume across the compartment. "It's Severus," he whispered, and Neville's eyes widened at that.

"Professor Snape? As in, our deputy headmaster?" he asked, not accusingly.

Harry nodded, wrapping his arms around himself. "Yeah. You know he gave me some reading material over the Easter holidays to help me master Occlumency?"

Neville nodded. "Yeah, I remember," he replied.

"Well, I wanted him to test my shields at the Burrow during my birthday," Harry explained, and Neville nodded. "Well, Ron comes charging up to tell me that he and Hermione are finally going to start going out, and my shields failed."

Neville's eyes widened in sympathy. "Merlin, Harry!" he said.

Harry sighed, utterly deflating at the memory of Severus's expression. "Yeah... He saw a very real memory of me in the shower...erm, thinking about him," he said, whispering it, and Neville nodded in understanding and not condemnation. "I couldn't even explain to him that he wasn't supposed to see that...he was never supposed to know..."

"Are you ashamed of your feelings, then, mate?" Neville asked, his tone utterly understanding and not invasive in the slightest. "I mean, do you think you're gay?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah. I've known since fourth-year," he responded.

Neville nodded at Harry's words. "So, it was Cedric, not Cho, then?" he asked.

Harry grimaced. "Yeah... But it's different how I feel about Severus. I mean, I feel like I can see a future with Severus. With Cedric, while I was attracted to him, it was definitely a schoolboy crush, you know?"

Neville smiled at Harry. "Yeah, I know," he replied. "When did it start?"

"After I apologized for looking into his memories without permission," Harry said, having told all his close friends about the incident, as well as Draco, once they had become friends. "We got together several times a week after the Easter holidays to master my Occlumency, and we got to know each other, without the barrier of his past and the notion that I was anything like my father getting in the way of that."

"You started over, then," Neville said.

"Exactly," Harry whispered. "Now, looking back on it, once he started separating me from my father and just treating mer like Harry, a person, someone who was an entirely different entity from James Potter..." He shook his head. "It was amazing. I knew when I started having dreams about him during the summer holidays that all those hours and days meant something to me, but it all came out full-force when I heard that he'd be coming to the Burrow for my birthday..."

"You did spend quite a bit of time together before he left," Neville mused.

"That's when it happened," Harry clarified, and Neville nodded in understanding. "I just wanted him to be proud of me. I showed him my Animagus form, and he was the first one to see it," he went on, breathless as he remembered how proud of him Severus looked, and Neville smiled at Harry's obvious happiness. "He looked so proud of me... I just wanted him to be proud of me. I then wanted to keep him there with me, and showed him how much better I was at Occlumency, and if Ron hadn't..." Harry felt his face shuttering then as he pulled his legs to his chest, resting his chin upon them and shaking his head.

Neville hesitated for a moment before he finally permitted himself to speak again. "Do you think you'd have ever told him?"

Harry bit down hard on his lip, considering it for a moment. "Maybe, but certainly not then. I mean, I think eventually, you know?" he asked, looking up at Neville, who nodded. "But, I guess, after Voldemort was gone, and after I was at least seventeen and no longer his student, so there'd be no barriers between the two of us?"

Neville smiled sympathetically then. "I just hope that he's all right with it."

Harry shook his head at him. "I doubt it," he replied, "given that he left so suddenly. He looked as if I'd... I don't know, betrayed him, or something? I don't know how else to put it. He looked so frightened at the thought of me...doing that...and now I don't know what to do."

"Did you send him an owl?" Neville asked.

Harry sighed, shoulders slumping. "Yes. One a week after my birthday, so five between then and now," he said, putting his face into his still curled-up knees. "Hedwig came back within hours with the letters, all unopened..." Harry's voice broke then, and he felt the warm tears tangling within his lashes as he sobbed into his knees.

"Harry," Neville said, moving to sit beside him, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Oh, mate, it's all right," he soothed him.

"How can it be all right?" Harry asked, turning his cheek into his knee and peering up at Neville through his tears. "I feel as if I've wrecked everything..."

Neville shook his head. "I can't believe that, mate, I can't," he whispered. "It's not as if you meant anything badly by it, did you?"

Harry shook his head. "Of course not."

"Then, what's got you so upset? Are you worried that Professor Snape will go back to treating you badly in class, then?"

Harry sighed, curling in on himself once again. "It's not just that..."

"Then, tell me, mate," Neville encouraged him. "What is it? Maybe I can help..."

Harry sighed, feeling utterly devastated. "I think I'm falling for him," he admitted, and Neville wrapped his arms around him, as Harry sobbed into his shoulder.