A/N: it was in this moment, Mason knew, he f-ed up...or did he? 

Surprise update, I had this finished with Chapter 17, but I couldn't wait any longer and decided to post it after that bombshell lmao. If you haven't already, check out Chapter 17: PDA first :) Love ya <3

Ollie's POV

I heard the thud of a car door closing in the distance, but that had hardly fazed me in comparison to what Mason had done. However, the sound of the car startled Mason as he retreated back to the driver's seat. He blinked, shaking his head as if waking himself up from a nap before murmuring a soft, "sorry."

Only then did it really hit me what he had done. He kissed me. Mason kissed me. Me, of all people.

He rested his head against his steering wheel as I glanced out at the parking lot. What was that? I could still feel the feeling of his lips on mine, the feeling of shock still coursing through me in waves of aftershocks. Did Mason feel that way, was this his way of hinting that he had feelings for me?

"Sorry," he mumbled again into the steering wheel. "I shouldn't—should've asked or something."

"Mason—" I stopped myself but the question remained. What had Mason meant by that? He had never mentioned anything about his sexuality, but at the same time, was I missing something? Had the time we spent together meant something different to him, was this a proclamation of sorts? He didn't respond, so I dared to ask the question. "Are you—"

"I don't know," he said harshly, turning his head toward me, his temple still rested against the top of the wheel. He let out a groan before saying, "I really don't fucking know, Ollie."

The rain outside was heavier now, pounding against his car's roof in heavy thumps as his words echoed. It hadn't been the first time I heard Mason swear, but it had been the first time he's said it towards me, even if his statement was more reflecting to himself than me. Even with the car heater on, I brought Mason's suit closer to me, hoping it'd warm me up, anything to distract me from all of this.

"Well, it's ok to not know," I told him finally, remembering the time I felt the same way. It hadn't been a fast and done thing for me either, even if looking back on it, it felt silly to think that I had affections for girls at one point. "It's a process."

"Well, I shouldn't have done that."

"It's fine," I assured him, even though I wasn't sure if it was, what would this mean between us now? "It's just—it's normal to feel this way. And if it's because being around me made you start to question yourself, that's totally okay. And if you're not gay, or attracted to men in general, that's totally fine too. I was just curious if you had known or figured something out, and if that kiss had meant...well, more."

"I—" Mason started but turned his head away, shielding his face away from me. As calm as he probably thought I was, my brain was internally in overdrive; questions and different scenarios had played out in my head as Mason rested there. Had it not been for the rain, the silence would have been stifling. "I don't know. I guess I just..."

He didn't finish, rather groaned instead, running his hand through his hair. He breathed heavily for a bit before clearing his throat."You probably think I'm pathetic now. I'm sure if people knew, they'd definitely think I'm pathetic."

"It's not like I'd tell anyone, Mason. Why would I mention something like that, when it's this personal. I would never out somebody like that."

"I know," he said before sighing. "It's just stupid, and I can't believe I did that."

"Well, it's not stupid to kiss someone, Mason. And if this is how you feel, and who you truly feel who you are—"

"I am not coming out," he seethed in a tone I had never heard before. The hair on my neck and arms stood up, as my eyes widened. His body was rigid, the fierce look in his eyes was frightening, I couldn't suppress the fear from surfacing. Mason was never one to have a violent outburst, even during football games and the boys' stupid little spats over calls. But his whole demeanor seemed to change.

"I—I'm not saying you are," I said, holding my hands up toward him. "I'm just saying that this doesn't change anything–between us, I mean. Unless—well, never mind. I know how significant this is, and if you decide something later—or when you are ready—that I wouldn't make it a big spectacle. I wouldn't treat you the way Benji treats me. You can trust me, Mason. You keep my secret, and I'll keep yours. Nobody has to know about this kiss, or whatever it might mean—if you don't want."

"Thanks," he mumbled. "But I—It's just—never mind. I just really can't have this blowing up. You know how the school is with rumors and drama. And with the football scouts and everything, I just can't afford it right now. You understand that, right?"

"Yeah." I sighed. I wasn't sure why that bothered me so much, maybe because it reminded me too much of Benji and his stupid obsession over becoming a professional football player. Or maybe it was because there was that slim chance—very slim, that the kiss Mason had given me meant something different. I would've been lying if I said I hadn't felt something between us during our talks and mini-adventures across town these past weeks. After all, we had been fairly close since that first day we hung out, we had both shared some of our own family drama that we hadn't shared with anybody. We shared secrets and our little hideout spots we enjoyed. But now he was sounding just like Benji again.

Reputation, reputation, reputation.

It's all they fucking cared about.

"Especially if Benji found out," he trailed, but his words sounded so far away now, like the distance between us was growing even though we were still seated next to each other in his car. "He'd be pissed."

"Yeah," I said again, softer, before looking out the passenger side window, not wanting to look at him anymore. The rain fell harder than before, almost impossibly so. I cleared my throat louder before telling him, "look, if this kiss—or any of this between us bothers you, I'll just go, then. I'll catch the bus or something, or order an Uber. Hell, I'll even walk home if I have to."

"What?" The frown lines deepened as tilted his head slightly. 

"You're uncomfortable," I told him plainly, a statement. I rested my hand on the door handle, more than willing to leave this metal deathtrap already. "I get it, alright? Kissing a gay guy turned out to be gross for you, and now that it's finally dawning on you what just happened, you're regretting it, and probably find me disgusting, I get it. I won't tell anyone, and I hope you won't tell anyone about my stupid little secret. I'll go and live my little gay life and pretend these past weeks meant nothing. I'll go back to eating in secluded spots of campus or in teacher's classrooms and take the bus home from now on."

"Ollie?" His whole body turned to face me, his hand left hand placed on the buttons on his door. "What are you talking about?"

"Right, not nothing," I frowned. "An experiment, right?"

"What? No!" He reached for my arm but I jerked away from him, my other hand gripped the door handle tighter. "Ollie, that's not what this was—"

"Wasn't it?" I scowled before pulling on the door handle, yanking the door open. Practically ripping the seat belt off I stepped out of the vehicle. Mason made a move to stop me but I was already slamming the door. He opened his door and went around to grab my wrist, which I yanked away to throw my hands out. "Isn't that exactly what this is? Oh, I'm so stupid! Of course, this was just a game for you! Like one of those stupid football schemes, just to mess with me, isn't it? I'm sure you'll tell my little secret so I become the laughing stock now, while you and Benji live this glorious football career. That's what this whole thing was about wasn't it?"

Without the door as a buffer, the rain was louder, but not enough to mask his words. "That's not what I meant! Ollie, please; just get in the car, it's pouring; you'll get sick out here. I'll take you home.

"Oh, pretending to care. Turns out you are just like Benji!" I pointed a finger at his chest. 

He flinched as we stood in the rain, a look of hurt visible even in the rain. "Ollie, please. Would you stop and just listen?"

"No," I spat. "I fucking get it now. This whole act of yours to befriend me. You never cared, even when you were with Benji, while he tossed out those slurs or had his lackeys bump into me in the halls. Why did I think that would change? God, I should've fucking known!"

He gripped my shoulders, leaning down to my height before I could try and move away from him. "I do care! I really do, Ollie! If you would just let me explain, I'll tell you everything, please. Let's just get in the car. I'll tell you what you want to know, okay?"

Fake, I wanted hiss under my breath. So fucking fake. 

At this point our suits were completely soaked, our hairs pinned to our skin, but I wasn't going to just follow him blindly anymore. I'd be a fool to believe any of the words that came out of his mouth. But behind us, I could hear the cries of some of the high schoolers belting songs that were reserved for the ending of the dance.

"It should be ending any minute," Mason said in a gentler tone. "Please. Let's just go."

"Fine," I told him after a frustrated sigh. Begrudgingly getting back into the passenger seat, he turned on the heater to full blast, but I was certain that wouldn't have done anything to help. "No detours, straight to my house, that should be enough time to explain yourself."

He sighed, before starting his car. "Look, I'm sorry that it looks like I'm using you—or whatever. I know it looks like that, but I promise that's not my intention."

"Then what?" Asshole, I wanted to add.

Even with the rain, I could hear him let out a shaky breath."When I said that we were quite alike, I meant that, Ollie. Besides our home situation, we really are alike."

"I don't see how that can possibly be true." I shook my head at him. "I mean look at us, Mason. How could that possibly be true."

He breathed out loud, his grip on the wheel tightening just as he took the turn towards my block. "When it comes to Benji, we're...we're the same."

"That he ditched us? Yeah, I know."

"No," he drawled out. "I mean. When I kissed you, I was trying to test something, a theory I guess. I know that sounds awful to do to you now that I think about it, and I'm sorry, but I—"

"Mason." I narrowed my eyes. "Spit it out."

"I don't know when it started, I really, really don't. And I thought I was developing the same thing with you but the kiss made everything make sense. I don't feel that way when I kissed you, Ollie."

My jaw clenched. "I'm not catching on."

He bit his lip, just as we pulled up my street, and I wondered if he was simply stalling till I got home. "What you feel—with Benji—that feeling you described. I've realized I felt the same. It's not just this feeling of friendship anymore, I imagine much more than that. I've started to think about him more and more, that that's all I can really think about. At first, I thought it was jealousy—seeing him with Lauren and ditching me as a friend. But now, it's different. I'm imagining myself in her shoes, wanting to be there."

"You what?"

He pulled up to my house, both the upstairs and downstairs lights still off. My mother hadn't been home for almost a week, and honestly, I had hoped those lights to be on. Just this once, I wanted her to be here. Mason turned to look at me. "I like him, Ollie. I like Benji, and I don't know how, or why, but I'm sorry. I know you liked him, and I know that it was wrong too, but I do."

My blood ran cold. "So what? The kiss was what? A test to see what exactly?"

His lip quivered before he pursed them. He glanced away before whispering. "I wanted to know if that feeling was the same with you."

"And?" I could barely keep my frustrations in, my eyes welling with tears. I only hoped the rain from my hair made it seem like there weren't any tears at all. "What did that kiss mean to you?"

He gulped. "It—it was nice, but all I could think was—was it wasn't him. I didn't feel that feeling when I'm near him."

I was a fool. 

How could I have possibly thought any of his actions had been genuine? To think that there was a small chance that I had thought this friendship could have meant something. That any of whatever that fucking asshole did meant something. I wasn't sure why that hurt so much, or maybe it was just the whole fucking night that was catching up to me. Either way, I was mad. Mad at Benji, mad at Mason. Mad at Lauren and all those snobby high schoolers with their stupid reputation. But most of all, I was mad at myself. Why did I let myself think that Mason—of all people—would have the slightest care towards me?

Although I knew it wasn't the rain-soaked suit, my body shook; that dreaded feeling of self-hatred and anxiety taking over me. I couldn't control it, couldn't control my breathing, I just wanted to curl into a ball, remain under a pile of warm blankets and never see the light of day again. I was an idiot.

"Ollie?" His voice was muffled, underwater-like, as I shook my head violently. I flung his expensive suit jacket to the ground, not even caring about how pricey it was anymore. I needed to get out of here. "You okay?"

Gripping the door handle tightly, I almost turned to scoff at him, if the tears hadn't started to fall.

Okay? How could I be fucking okay?  

It was more than just a stupid kiss theory for me, I wanted to yell at him, but I choked on a sob before throwing the car door open. 

I couldn't do this, and his voice calling out to me only propelled me further. I fumbled with my keys, and I almost thought I heard him stepping out of his car, but I managed to fiddle with the house key, twisting it into place before stumbling inside. I shut the door behind me loudly, not even daring to look back at the driveway. My heart pounded violently against my chest, my lungs struggling to breathe as I rested against the front door. It took me a couple of minutes of just leaning against the door before I stumbled up the stairs to my room.

I left my suit and undershirts in a haphazard pile, not even bothering to go for a shower. I'd regret it in the morning but all I wanted was to be buried under the sheets. Well, I really wanted my mom here, but I'd have to settle for hugging the pillows. I tried to breathe steadily but it would just end in sobs. I was certain that between my wet body and hair, and the excessive tears, the sheets would be as soaked as the clothes, but I couldn't be bothered. Mason's words echoed in my mind as I sobbed, the sheer idea of him kissing Benji, or being around him made me nauseous. To think he had kissed me to confirm his feelings, what kind of bullshit was that.

But those words I had wanted to yell at Mason were plaguing my mind more than the image of those two together. How could Mason have not felt even the slightest something from our friendship? Was he even genuinely a friend or was it all an act too?