A/N: i didn't edit but here ya go <3 Honestly most of Olivia's songs on the Sour album could apply as the title here XD

Chapter 12: Traitor

Ollie's POV

The drive to the coffee shop wasn't as awkward as I had expected, and surprisingly enough, Haruto didn't mind me blasting Conan and Olivia songs through his car's speakers. As I remembered the events of high school through the power of their lyrics, Haruto drummed his fingers against the steering wheel to the instrumentals.

"So you do like their music."

He tilted his head before humming. "Of course I do. They're genius writers and it's very catchy."

"You said it was too angsty and sad."

He let out a laugh before pulling into the employee parking in the back of the cafe. "Well they wrote it during their angsty teen phase. But it makes it relatable that way."

"Teen Ollie would've enjoyed the fuck out of these if they had been released then. Probably would've fallen into a full emo phase. Dyed hair and all."

"That's hard to imagine," he remarked before opening the car door. "Come on, let's get your cold brew before you consider ruining that nice hair of yours."

I rolled my eyes as the bell to the cafe door chimed. Janice and Mi-young working the counter. He gestured to the table before saying, "I'll make your drink, make yourself cozy in your corner."

Per usual, nobody paid any mind to Haruto as he strolled behind the counter, whipping up a cold brew and his drink. Haruto worked fast when he wanted and it wasn't long before he came back with the drinks, and some pieces of cake to the table.

"I hope you paid for those."

He shrugged with a smirk on his face. "Maybe."

"Haruto."

"I'll take it out of my check, don't worry."

I hummed in disbelief but took the piece of pound cake. With the cold brew washing the taste of the bad coffee and memories of the mall out of mind, I finally felt at ease. The soft sounds of the cafe made it easier to enjoy Haruto's company again.

"Anyways, what would you like to do? Youtube? Chat? Listen to some playlists?" Haruto sipped on what looked to be a chai latte.

My shoulders scrunched up at the questions, not sure what would be best. After all, we did those things normally here anyways. "Uh, you decide."

He pursed his lips, pondering what to say, the slight dimple on his cheek visible. "Well, I'd say chat, but I don't wanna bore you to death."

"You couldn't bore me," I muttered, feeling my face flush. Was that too forward to say? "What...what was high school like for you?"

"Me? Kinda boring, I guess," he drawled. "I did track and field as you know already. I was more of an academic kid I guess, really strived for good grades as opposed to a social life."

"Really? I pegged you for a popular kid. You're so extroverted."

He shrugged. "Well, I hung out with a lot of kids, mostly the smart crowd, and the buddies from track. But for a while I struggled to adjust I guess? We moved out of a predominantly Asian community into a more suburban area right before high school. Being half Japanese and half Brazilian put me in a weird spot in a way. Which is dumb, cause Spanish and Portuguese are totally different."

"Caucasian neighborhood?"

He nodded. "Well, sort of. From the Chinatown area, my mom and I moved back with my dad, in a more hispanic neighborhood. Now it's more inclusive, but back then, my dad was one of the few who spoke Portuguese. We learned spanglish together to blend in, but it was hard to adapt to the culture. I was used to speaking Japanese and some Chinese, and eating Asian dishes to having literal mixed plates of food. Having gyoza to pastels, or having feijoadas instead of oden. Sometimes I'd have it all on the same plate."

"That must've been rough, the cultural shock."

He shrugged. "Well, I love food, so that wasn't too bad. But the languages and changes of crowds at school was a different story. It was like a constant imposter syndrome game at school. Too Asian, too Brazilian. Or not enough of either. Then there's the people who treat you like some exotic unicorn. Asking you to translate things or help with their Spanish and Japanese homework."

Imposter syndrome had been a real issue in high school for a lot of kids. I certainly felt it in some aspect when it came to my coming out, and how little attention it garnered with my parents in the beginning. People like Harvey, Mahealani and Courtney had it completely worse off in terms of their family's reaction.

Then there was Benjamin and Mason; probably the spitting image of imposter syndrome. And in a way it was for polar opposite reasons.

Benjamin came from a lower-income family, his uncle and prestige in sports the main reason the school hadn't kicked him out. After all, his alcoholic mother could hardly pay her bills, let alone the school fees or lunches. And his never around, abusive father didn't want anything to do with them. And yet, Benjamin was the star of high school, living a life of fame and what appeared to be a blessing to others. Only Mason and I had known the truth at the time about what that empty house his uncle lent Benjamin for social parties hid from everyone else.

And then there was Mason. His family had been one of the luckier ones; wealthy, but humble. So fortunate and well-endowed, the school had racially profiled him in the beginning, not believing his address to be accurate. Mason had lived in the richer areas on the hillside, an area that was predominantly Caucasian; and the school believed him to be a sham, possibly adopted, or reaching for some unheard of district exception to pry his way into the sports team. But of course, Mason was humble with his background, only a select few knew exactly where he lived, only Benjamin and I being the few guests he's actually invited over; or that I was aware of.

Both were living this double life of sorts, and in a strange way, I had been too, just by being involved with them.

"They weren't all that bad at first." I finally said, the memories flooding back, piecing the incredibly tangled and complicated timeline back in my head. "Mason and Benjamin. You probably would have gotten along with Mason back then. He moved to our high school from a different area and had a hard time adjusting too. Well, outside of school anyways."

"School changed him?"

"You could say that. Less than it did for Benjamin, though."

Haruto drummed his fingers on the table. "We don't have to talk about them if you don't want to."

"It's okay. I probably owe you some context after all these weird, and incredibly awkward situations I put you in."

He took a sip of his latte. "If you're okay with that."

Taking a long sip of my own drink, I thought of where I should even start. From when Benjamin started the bullying, or to the broken camera at homecoming. Maybe the kiss with Harvey, or start off strong with the ER visit that pushed me over the edge to switch schools. Of course, I could just start where Mason had entered the picture, after all, I was certain that was what had spiraled this whole disaster in the first place. Or had it been that elementary school day that I had decided Benjamin was my best friend? Maybe that was where things had gone wrong.

Either way, I wasn't sure Haruto would fancy sitting here this long listening to me rant about my entire life's backstory.

So with another sip, I looked at the table, letting whatever first came to mind just slip off my tongue. "I guess it all started when I realized that my friendship with Benjamin was more than just that. And when I realized he thought of it as lesser. We were weird in that sense, never meeting eye to eye on anything. I take things too seriously, and he takes things for granted; the difference between profound and superficial, that was how we saw our friendship."

I let out a sigh, letting that revelation wash over me. "And Mason—well, I guess he'd be that tie breaker, the judge that determined what was the truth. Single-handedly, he ruined our friendship but in a way broke up something that apparently wasn't there, a blessing I guess looking back that I wasn't led on for even further than I already was."

"And now he's with said person."

"Yup," I replied. "In my mind, Mason was the catalyst."

After all, it started with Mason and ended with him too.

"Of course," I added. "I know he didn't mean to be; he had no control over that, but in probably the worst way possible, I hated him for it. Still kind of do, along with everything else he inadvertently caused and did through the years."

Haruto hummed, nodding along as I went on. Although I felt bad for dumping all this info on him, it felt nice to let it out; almost like a much needed therapy session. And surprisingly, he didn't complain, didn't show any signs of annoyance or boredom.

So I kept on talking. Telling him about the day Mason entered school, about that silly kiss with Harvey near the field. About the feeling of hurt when Benjamin would choose the team and Mason over me; discluding me from all the facets of his life that had been ours at one point. Those little banters and gossips we had over the rest of the team, to the adventurous car rides we'd have to ourselves to avoid being at home for longer than necessary. To the few vulnerable moments we shared our family's drama, to Benjamin crying about the abuse at home, or to how I begged him to just move in with me since my parents were never home.

All those little fragments of us I thought had been real and exclusive. All for Benjamin to throw it away for the new kid, sharing all those fragments and secrets with someone he had only known for a couple of weeks. I had known Benjamin for years, more than the measly twenty or so days that Mason had weaseled his way into our lives.

I had been in denial, anger, all the other stages of grief that one would go over with the death of a friendship, except maybe I hadn't fully accepted it. I was still coming to terms with it. Like everything, I made things into a bigger deal than others, took it more seriously than him, while he moved on like he was merely changing his shirt.

But the worst of it all was that I almost forgave him. Almost took the blame for it all, just as always did when he pulled off stupid shit. I almost gave in to his pathetic excuses, almost allowed him to walk over me, even after switching schools.

"What makes it hurt so bad too, was that for years—" I paused. "I had this massive crush on Benjamin. I don't even know when it started, maybe middle school. But I knew it was wrong, knew that I couldn't let anyone know this when he was the star at school. The rumors, the bullying. He had protected me from all that, and I thought keeping my secret would protect him from that too."

Haruto fiddled with his empty cup, seemingly at a loss of words before gulping. "He doesn't know? About your feelings, even now?"

I shook my head, letting out a nervous breath. "I had to tell someone. It was literally eating me alive keeping it to myself. I had told Benjamin everything growing up and suddenly I didn't have anyone. I wasn't that close with anyone else except him. But I had to tell someone. So I found an opportunity, right after winter break. Benjamin had this girlfriend, and for a brief window of time, Mason had been ignored for once in his life. Benjamin had pushed him away for her, and suddenly Mason and I started talking."

"You told him."

I nodded slowly. "It was stupid, but I did. We had been talking for a few weeks, gotten close enough where I felt that same vulnerable yet safe feeling I had when it was just me and Benjamin. We shared our secrets, about our families, about our dreams and goals, and sure enough, I had told him. I just had to get out there, to tell him that Benjamin had been mine first. In friendship and what I had hoped would be more."

"Did he not take it well?"

"Surprisingly, no, he took it incredibly well. In fact, I was astounded at how believably respectful and reassuring he was. He was the one person I had trusted, after Benjamin, who saw me for me. There were times he'd actually ask if I was okay, made sure I had a ride home, or tried to stop the other team members from picking on me."

"But—"

"But that all stopped after Benjamin and him were besties again. Girlfriend got dumped and it went back to how it was, ignoring me, bullying, and pretending that I had never seen Mason's vulnerability and secrets."

"He betrayed you," Haruto said, his knuckles turning white as he clenched his fist. "Broke that trust."

"Yes." And I'll be damned if I let him do it all over again with this stupid invitation. "Probably to just rub it all in my face years later with this damn wedding invite."

"So, you think he's told him about your crush," Haruto pondered.

"Most likely. I'm sure that wedding invite, and showing up here has something to do with that. Some weird twisted way to apologize, I guess."

Haruto looked distraught at all this info, and I wondered if I should have omitted at least half of it, simply tell him that shit happened and that was it. Finally he let out a sigh before saying under his breath, "and you didn't retaliate."

"How could I?" I rolled my eyes. "I was the pathetic, lanky gay kid that people picked on. I didn't have proof of the things either of them said, and nobody would have cared if I did. They were the stars of high school, I couldn't put a dent in that image if I tried."

"I guess," he muttered before taking the last bite of his slice of cake. "Well, I can say for certain, that your high school experience was far less boring than mine. I'm surprised you haven't sprouted any gray hairs from high school."

"Yeah," I said breathily. "Sorry for the rollercoaster, it's a lot to take in, I know. You probably will look at me like a lunatic now."

He smirked. "No, I'm just amazed that despite all that, you still are sensible and kind enough to not just go out there and punch their guts. I'd be furious and start throwing things at the sight of them."

"Believe me, if I could, I would." I laughed, before holding out my arms. "But, my spaghetti arms would be no match against football boys."

"Well, it's a good thing karma and I've got big guns," he mused, flexing his arm.

I rolled my eyes. "Alright, I get it, you work out and I'm a weakling, no need to rub it in."