It's Friday night and there's no text from Ben. I thought after my offer to answer any questions, I'd see a text from him the same day, yet here we are. Why didn't I say 'text me'. I've never been the one to text a guy first after a date, but seeing that this was not a date and it didn't seem like Ben was going to follow my hints—it's up to me to decide to text to not to text. This choice is straightforward.

Me: hi, this is Amélie.

I don't expect a quick reply. But when two hours later there's no answer, I try again.

Me: is this ben's phone? please let me know if i have the wrong number.

Still nothing. How hard is it to text back? I know he uses his phone. He showed me his food list, I've seen him type up notes into it many times at the store. Did he give me a wrong number?

I'm finishing up another chapter of "Look Alive at 25" snuggled up in my PJs in my bed with a decadent mug of jasmine tea. My phone vibrates and Yo-Yo over a picture of a yo-yo shows up.

B: It's Ben. Hi. Is everything OK?

Me: you are alive!

Me: all good here. just testing the texting.

B: Why wouldn't I be alive? Got done working. I didn't know that texting required testing. I will add a special ring tone for your texts, do I don't miss them. Are you canceling tomorrow's walk?

Me: what? no! are you?

B: You texted me. My plans haven't changed.

Me: true. just making sure i have the correct number. *winky face*

Such an obvious lie.

B: You do. Is this all?

Me: guess so. bedtime for me *sleepy face* see you tomorrow?

B: See you tomorrow, good night.

***

I'm prepared this time. For my clothing choice on our walk that is. I'm wearing yoga pants, sneakers, a t-shirt, so I don't look quite out of place next to Ben. Thursday's walk at the library was intense mentally. Twenty minutes in on today's one and it's a different kind of intensity. I'm breathless, and not because Ben's wearing another variation of running shorts.

Factum fieri infectum non potest. It is impossible for a deed to be undone.

Ben's a friend. This is a friendly walk. No, what we are doing is a walk in the loosest meaning of the word, and only because I can't run. New workout clothes don't make me fitter overnight. Keeping up with Ben is a physical impossibility. If we were wearing matching headbands and racing numbers on our backs, we could've qualified for some prize, surely.

Damn my pride. I want to feel my legs tomorrow. "Could we slow down?"

"Sorry. I get into a rhythm and get lost." Ben slows down, but it's not slow enough for me.

"Like, really really, slow down, a leisurely walk?" I huff and puff with the best of the big bad wolves. "We planned to talk about dating, remember, not win the speed-walking championship?" I place my hands on my knees and bend down.

"We weren't walking that fast." Ben's tone suggests I'm exaggerating. I am not.

"Well, maybe you weren't, but I was. If we are supposed to walk and talk, we have to do it at my speed." I grab his elbow and resume walking at a good clip for me. "Thanks for texting me back, by why didn't you text me first?"

"I believe your instructions were to let you know if I had questions."

"Yes, but that's a turn of a phrase. In truth, it means: text me."

"Why not just say: text me."

"That's too vulnerable."

"That makes little sense."

"It's a thing." The psychology courses didn't seem to make me any better at explaining this. Let's try again. "See, asking someone to text you may seem desperate or show them you like them before you know if they like you back. So, a whole slew of rules around texting and calling back exist. I don't even know them all, but in my experience, I'd be waiting for a guy to make the first move."

"Are you saying I should ask the girl to text me after a date or that I should text her first?"

"Both? Either? But expect the ball will be in your court. Some girls don't care, but most will probably assume the guy will make some moves. Again, my personal experience here. Not a universal truth."

"That's great information for after the date, but what about asking someone out?"

"Do you have some dating profiles? What was your plan before you involved me?"

"No, on a dating profile. My friend Mike took me out to different bars several times, but that was a series of disasters. He tried to get me into a club, but I'm never agreeing to that. I can't stand loud music, crowded places, and blinking lights, and all of them together are not sustainable."

Not to self: no clubbing for Ben.

"Anyone you know who you'd like to ask out?"

"There's someone, but she's not interested. Tall said there's someone who might be interested in me though."

The plot thickens. Ben's interested in someone. He must have a type. Not messy-haired slouches like me. Chances are I'm not the only one he takes for walks. She better be nice. And this Tall character keeps popping up."Tall's involved in your dating life as well?" I kick at the clump of grass by the side of the path.

"He keeps telling me I'm missing out on wonderful moments by being too afraid to be made fun of or get hurt."

Okay, maybe Tall's not all that bad. I pick at the chipped nail and peel the strips of the purple nail polish off.

"It's not only Tall. At this point, everyone tried it. Mike with the bars, Mom with inviting girls who she knows form her orchestra to our family Saturday lunches, my boss Jaimie was bringing her girlfriends to the Self-Defense class I lead at the dojang, and forcing us to have small talk, which you know I'm not great with at the best of times, but with a new person and under pressure it's so much worse." Ben sounds exasperated and the fact that he does is a tell.

"That sounds brutal. I've never had to do much. Most of my dates sort of happened. Guys asked me out, and I said yes. I've never been the 'asker', always the 'askee'."

"Askee?" Ben peers at me. "Is that French?"

"Nope. It's not. It's bad English." The gravel under my feet crunches and covers up my weak chuckle. "And I hear you with blind dates. Never had a successful one, so it's not just you. But I've seen it work for other people."

"Too many unknowns. Too awkward. I'm better with people I know. Tall is the one pushing me the most." Ben sighs. He sighs again. And he's not out of breath like I was earlier. He's ... nervous? "He even found a girl for me to ask out." Ben lowers his voice when he speaks the last words.

I swallow a lump in my throat. "Oh, who is she?"

"Linda."

Linda.

"She's a librarian at our local branch. Tall says she's interested."

A librarian named Linda. That's a fitting name. Tall was meddling in Ben's dating process more than I realized.

"Do you think she is?" I still the icky feeling this conversation brews in my gut.

"I might not have been the best judge in this type of situation."

"Do you like Linda?" I glance at Ben, and he doesn't look excited about this girl. Woman. Whatever. I bet it's Tall's doing.

"I do."

He does? What do I know about what Ben looks like when he's into someone? If he says he likes her, then he likes her, and that changes things. Not sure why, but it changes things.

"I talk to Linda when we are at the library." Ben's doing his open-close fingers thing.

Nervous. He is nervous about this girl. So, he does like her. Likes her enough to be nervous to ask her out.

"She's helpful, smart, and knows my background." Ben pauses. "Plus, I find her attractive."

"Your background?"

"ASD. Asperger's. She helped me get some advanced books on the topic," says Ben.

"Interesting. Then, I may agree with Tall. She seems like a great candidate for your first date. What d'you know about her?"

"According to Tall, she's single and lives near the library." Ben rakes his hand through his hair.

"That's a start." I put on a fake smile and try to sound encouraging. "So, how are you planning to approach her?"

"I can say: would you like to date me?"

"I wouldn't start with that. How about asking her out for a coffee?"

"But I don't drink coffee."

"Ben, don't be so literal. You can drink tea." The wind whips my hair into my face. I should've put it in a braid again, but my curls looked good with the new conditioner Angie bought me.

"I can do that." Ben picks up the pace. "So, I ask her to tea, like a tearoom? What do I say to her?"

"She's a librarian. Ask her about a book."

"I can do that." His hand is in his hair again. "Which book?"

"What is she into? Maybe Tall knows."

"Ask Tall. I can do that."

"You can compliment her on her clothes or hairdo. Does she have nice hair?"

"I guess. It's very long, longer than yours and straight. Tall's an expert on compliments. I'll ask him to help with this one too."

I hope he doesn't end up with 'your tresses are lovely, milady'.

"Excellent. After that, you hopefully chat and suggest meeting up for a coffee." I put my hand on Ben's elbow, and slow down. He matches me.

"Can I invite her out for a drink? That way tea is included."

"Not unless you want to go to a bar. Out for a drink will involve alcohol."

"I don't drink alcohol either. And no more bars. Awful places. Coffee then." Ben squints at my fingers on his arm, and I lift them to fiddle with my flyaways.

"Ask for her number, like you did with me. It'll feel logical. You need her number in case plans change."

"Plans do change."

"When will you see her?"

"Monday." He mouths the word after he says it out loud.

"Text me before Monday if you have more questions and later to tell me how it goes." I want to reach out and touch him again, but that's not what I'm here for. I'm here for support. "Just ... text me anytime when you want to."