I remember those days, how I was very ignorant of feeling of love. I had never experienced how it feels to fall in love and how incredible this love is!

No doubt that I was curious to meet someone who will remain close to me, who will share my feelings, emotions and become part of my life. But somehow I decided to enjoy my single status and I was very determined not to engage in such kind of relationship when I had seen how my best friend Sara was crying pathetically when her boyfriend cheated on her. I felt very very bad for her but she said she can't forget him, at that time she felt so vulnerable to me.

I learned that love is not only amazing and beautiful but it has dark shade too. It could easily destroy you and shatter your heart into pieces. I locked my heart more tightly and kept myself busy in my routine job, books and music until the day you enter in my life.

You influenced me so strongly that I couldn't hold back my feelings towards you. You felt so different than usual category of boys. You were very understanding, attentive, kind and responsible towards your duties, friends, family and me. It's not like, you were having heroic personality or charms but yet your thoughts and your heart pouring words caged my soul in your mesmerizing castle of love and that's when I believed, true love is pure and different, it never really cares about colour, shape or size.

Love is very very special and it happens just like that....How much I kept my heart rock hard but you melted it so easily with your overwhelming love, care, attention and affection which I could not think even in my bestest dream. That's how I fell head over heels in love with you.

You became sunshine of my dim, alone, unexcited world and gave me tremendous happiness which I could ever think of. Every day was rejoice for me, every morning was so excited to see your heart melting smiling face and every night was so blissful with the thought that one day we will seal our love with sacred bond of marriage and you will become my husband..... loving father of our cute babies.

****

On your birthday, you made me wear black dress which I wasn't feeling comfortable but I wore it just to make you happy on your birthday.

When your eyes fell on me, your face immediately became bright seeing me in same dress you gifted me. I smiled and stood frozen on my place feeling nervous. You came by my side and hugged me kissing on my cheek. "Happy birthday Dev! I whispered in your ear and kissed your cheek.

Party was grand and ravishing just as you wanted. After party was over and everybody left, we did silent romantic dance on our favourite track 'khuda bhi jab tumhe mere paas'; I rested my head on your chest humming the same song and we started swaying our bodies slowly in glowing moon light on terrace of the hall you booked for your birthday celebration.

"Dev" I said.

"Mmm" you hummed in my neck.

"I need to go now. Will you drop me to my house?"

"Not now. You didn't give me my birthday gift properly."

"Dev, I can't give you expensive gift, I can't afford it. But I really wished if I could give you Hamilton pilot watch as your birthday gift." I said feeling sad.

"Alisha, you are silly to think like that. You are so beautiful and I feel really lucky to have you in my life. But still tonight I expect my gift from you......." you said in deep raspy voice before pressing your warm lips on mine. I kissed you back. We kissed so many times before but never on lips. This was first time we were having lip lock and I couldn't say no for that not on your birthday.

I closed my eyes, savouring all the sweet hot kisses you were placing on my jaw, neck, throat and shoulder blades. You were making sweet sensations by sucking and nibbling my sensitive spots of neck. The heat of your breaths and your hands roaming on bare skin of my back as my dress was backless. I was melting like ice-cream in hot pan, and suddenly my all senses came alive when I felt your hand gliding from my stomach towards my pantie.

"Dev", "Dev stop." I tried to push your hand away but you were not listening to me. "Dev" this time I yelled and pushed you off me. You groaned irately and glared at me. First time I was seeing you like this, you were always soft and caring to me and suddenly what happened to you?

"What is wrong with you Alisha? Why are you stopping me to make love to your body? We are truly in love then why you are depriving me to touch your body?" You shouted at me. I was shocked seeing you shouting at me, I was so confused and scared at that moment even to utter a word. I hugged myself and my eyes welled with tears.

You raked fingers through your dark brown hairs to calm your rage.

"Alisha.........Look, Don't misunderstand or think it negatively. Just have faith in me, ok. We are not doing anything wrong baby." Saying this you walked close to me. You pulled one strap down my right shoulder; I swat your hand away and moved aside.

"Goodbye Dev....Something is wrong with your head and I know the reason. This dress which you gifted me, I shouldn't have worn it." I said feeling disappointed; I never imagined your birthday would end up like this. You turned your back at me as you let out a frustrating sigh, I know you were not in mood to understand my feelings so I left the place and went to my home.

I was keeping myself only for you; I wanted to give my body and soul, my priceless possession to you on our wedding night. I was also desperate like you to have you in my arms and show you how much I love you but to my dismay you tried to break the rule which I was executing honestly. Can't you see in my eyes how much I love you, everything of mine belongs to you only, I had asked only to wait until we get tied into marriage bond but what you did, you started ignoring me, my texts and my calls. My love for you was not fake; I cried so much knowing that you can't understand how much it was hurting me to see you ignoring me. Every minute I had fear that you should not give up on me because I will die if you leave me. Why can't you read my eyes, my heartbeats like you always did earlier, why can't you show that care and love which you used to pour on me every time.

For almost 6 months I was chasing you crazily but you were not ready to face me, every minute was profusely painful to live without you. I was seriously thinking to die but before that I need to talk with you once; I wanted to see you once.

****

"First of all thanks for coming here. I missed you so much." I said smiling with tear brimming eyes when you showed mercy on me and came to meet me at 'Restaurant Junket'. You didn't seem happy to see me after a long time. I didn't know how to start so I went silent for a while. You looked sideways before saying dryly,

"Do you have anything to tell me? or else I should leave, I have some personal work to look after."

"Dev...stop this torture, I can't bear it anymore." I burst into tears.

"Don't make show here in public. You are embarrassing me." You said through gritted teeth.

"Dev....don't you love me now?" I said wiping off my tears; my chest was feeling so heavy; hoping silently you still love me.

"Why are you so obsessed with me? Can't you see I am not interested in you? I have moved on Alisha, I don't want to be with you. I have already wasted so much time on you, and what did I get? You better find out a man who is boring just like you, and who is stuck with great standards and values which you worship all the time.

Please let me live my life peacefully, don't ever show up again. Get that?" you said aggressively shattering my heart into tiny pieces.

"Dev, please, don't do this to me. I love you Dev, please don't say like this. I will do anything for you Dev." I wept clinging on your back when you stood up and turned to leave.

"Alisha, I told you I am moved on. I am done with you. This innocent face and these tears can't change my decision. Goodbye Alisha." You said pulling me off harshly as I was gripping your shirt to stop you.

"Dev.....Dev, Dev, Dev.............." I kept calling your name till my voice crackled and I fell on my knees crying miserably, not even caring of people who were looking at my pathetic mess.

I meant it when I said I can't live without you. I am leaving this letter behind which probably would have reached to you; I asked Max to do me favor of giving this letter to you and he agreed. I hope that you will understand that my happiness was with you; only you. I wouldn't say goodbye to you though I am going to leave this world today, because I wanted to stay with you, I wanted to meet you, greet you every morning, every night through the beautiful memories we created together which I don't know how much it meant to you but for me, it was best part of my life.

My love is forever with you Dev....

Remember me
   Though I have to say goodbye
Remember me
   Don't let it make you cry
For ever if I'm far away
   I hold you in my heart
I sing a secret song to you
   Each night we are apart
Remember me
   Though I have to travel far
Remember me
   Each time you hear a sad guitar
Know that I'm with you
   The only way that I can be
Until you're in my arms again
   Remember me  

..........***............      

The End...

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