HeungSoon | My most important thing... Is You by harukno89

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MinKi looks her in the eyes and replies, "Yes. I tried to kill myself."

Again, silence and no one wants to be the one to break the silence, except...

"How are doing now?" KangJoo asks.

"I'm okay now. I talk to someone about my issues and how to handle them, so I'm doing better."

"Good, you can talk to me anytime you know," she tells him.

"I know, thanks."

"Okay MinKi time to spin the can," JiHoon says.

MinKi spins the can and it lands on Namsoon.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare. All these truth answers are bringing me down," Namsoon laughs.

"Okay. Go Namsoon, I dare you to sit on Park HeungSoo's lap, wrap your arms around him and kiss him on the lips for three minutes."

"Come on, HeungSoo is my best friend and a guy, give me another dare," Namsoon says.

"That's your dare. Do it or lose the game," Jihoon tells him.

Namsoon is not one to lose anything much less a game. He turns to me and pulls my crossed legs apart and straight out in front of me.

"What are you doing?" I ask brushing his hands off my legs.

"Getting ready to sit on your lap, wrap my arms around you and kiss you for three minutes, right Jihoon?"

"Right! This is going to be so good," Jihoon whispers.

"Oh, hell you're not."

"Yes, I am. I will not lose to Jihoon. So, pucker up buster."

Namsoon jumps on my lap and wraps his arms around my neck. I am in shock that I don't know where to put my hands. He snuggles deeper into hip and I feel his manly parts rub on my stomach and his ass right above my dick. Shit! My body heats up and I put my hands on his hip and try to lift him off me. He grinds harder on me, nailing my ass to the spot on the floor.

"Who's keeping time?" He asks Jihoon.

"I will. I'll start the clock once your lips meet," KangJoo replies gleefully, and sets the timer on her phone.

This is not good. Everywhere Namsoon's body touches mine heats up. My tight hold on his hips soften and he uses his right hand to lift my face up at an angle.

And then he kissed me.

His lips are soft as they perch on mine. He nibbles on the edges of my lips coaxing them to open and let him in. In a sultry daze, I answer his request and part my lips slowly. Just as I think he will devour me whole; he nibbles on the edges of my lips softly. When it feels like I can't take anymore, he sinks his tongue deep in my mouth, sealing my mouth with his.

Oh my God, he tastes so good. I can taste the beer, sushi, and his essence. They all combine to make me want more and I unconsciously tighten my hands on his hip. I pull him closer to me and in response, he grinds down harder on my lap as his tongue darts in and out of my mouth. Our tongues start to battle each other teasingly like our friendship.

My right hand inevitably moves to his head, turning him slightly to deepen our kiss. I swallow his moans deep into my soul. My nose inhales his breath as he releases them sending my senses into overdrive. I leave his face at the perfect angle for our deepening kiss and move my right hand back to his hip. I grip him tighter as I start to rock him on my lap. I moan when he crosses his legs behind me, positioning his dick right on top of mine.

We sigh deeply and gently rub our dicks together. Our pants added extra friction to our heated movement stimulating me the more. I kiss him harder and just as I was about to lean back and take him down with me, I hear a loud noise seep into my senses.

The noise gets louder and I realize it's the alarm from KangJoo timer. We jerk apart, look at each other and something shocking happened at that moment. I realize that I just had the best, soul-quenching, body quivering kiss of my twenty-plus years with a boy, my best friend.

I jump up so high that Namsoon fell off my lap towards KangJoo. I get up and rush to the bathroom about thirty feet down the long hallway. I lock the door behind, lean against it, and take a deep soul cleansing breath. A few seconds later, I heave off the door and walk to the sink, lean over it, looking down at my swollen dick, and willing it to soften. Not happening.

I slowly raise my head and look back at myself in the gold-framed mirror above the sink. I don't recognize myself. My lips are swollen, red and quivering. I look dazed and excited. I have never kissed anyone like that before. No one has kissed me like that before either. I stare at my face for several minutes and I look different, flushed. I touch my lips and gently trace them. They are warm and I lick them again unconsciously hoping to have another taste of Namsoon.

Oh my God, what am I thinking? This is Namsoon. A man! I have never thought of a man in any sexual content. The thought of touching another man like that makes me want to throw up. But the thought of kissing and touching Namsoon makes my body crave him. What am I going to do now? What are we going to do?

I know what I must do. I'll make light of the situation and hope Namsoon does the same. We can then put this behind us as some sort of a graduation party prank. Yes, that's it. That should work. I nod to my mirror image and pull myself up. I take a deep breath, fixed my clothes. I walk out of the bathroom, and ready to joke about the outrageous 'dare' game with my best friend.

But he's not where I left him. I look around and everyone's in the living room except Namsoon. I look around and he's nowhere to be found. I look at KangJoo and for the first time since I met this tornado of a girl, she wouldn't look me in the eye. Not good.

"Where's Namsoon?" I ask her. If anyone knows where he is, it will be KangJoo.

"He left with MinKi and YoungWoo;" she tells me.

"Left? When?" I realize only the three of them are left. Jihoon and HaGyeong are also not meeting my eyes.

"As soon as you ran down the hall."

"I didn't run. How long ago?"

"They left the same time you leaped down the hall. Don't frown at me, you ran, leaped whatever down the hall and Namsoon skipped out of here. And before you ask, he didn't say a word. So, we can't tell you where he went."

"I'm leaving," I tell the rest of the crew.

"Wait, I'll walk out with you," KangJoo says.

Now, what does she want?

When we get to the door, she turns to me, arms folded, and stares at me silently for a few uncomfortable seconds.

"So, what are you going to do about it?"

"About what?"

"The long-awaited make-out session with Namsoon," she smirks.

"I didn't make out with Namsoon," I correct her.

"You didn't? I must have been watching two different people eating each other's faces and holding on tight for dear life. I am jealous though, he never kissed me like that," she winks.

"KangJoo I am not in the mood."

"Well get in the mood. I think that this whole thing has thrown Namsoon for a loop, and I'm guessing you too. You both can't put the escaped 'genie' back in the bottle, so deal with it. Deal carefully with it but do it. It's amazing that the two of you are the only ones who don't see it."

"See what?" I reply harshly, frustrated at this delay. I want to go look for Namsoon.

"That you two are in love with each other."

"I'm sorry, what? Namsoon and I? You're his girlfriend, remember?"

"I know but I am not the one he has to talk to every day. I am not the one he must be near every day. I am not the one who knows him better than anyone else. I am not the one who from the look of the parlor tricks, turns him on. I am not his soul mate. HeungSoo, I am not the one he's in love with," she says.

"He's not in love with me, and I'm not in..."

"Please don't lie to me or worse to yourself. I think you both realize it tonight, but do you have the balls to admit it?"

"I have to go KangJoo, okay? I've got to find him and make things right."

"HeungSoo please don't hurt him, okay. Despite everything, I love and care about him..."

"Then why are you pushing him and me towards each other?"

"I love him as a good friend who wants the best for him, and if you don't believe you're it, let him down gently."

I walk away and pull out my phone to call for a taxi. I walk down the driveway to wait for my ride. I look all around me for Namsoon, even though I know he left with MinKi and YoungWoo. The taxi arrived a few minutes later. I gave him Namsoon's home address. I must start somewhere, right?

I dash out of the taxi and ran up to his rooftop apartment. I pull out my keys, open the door to a dark apartment. I know he's not here, but I still turn on the lights, calling his name, looking around his place. I leave to go to his neighborhood favorite convenience store. Maybe he's sitting at the window counter having some ramen? No, he is not there. The owner confirms that he hasn't been there.

I call his phone and it goes straight to voicemail. I spend the next few hours going to all his favorite hangouts and Namsoon is nowhere to be found, in between trying his phone. Tired and exhausted, I go to my house that I share with Noona, her husband, and daughter.

"HeungSoo, are you okay? You look tired," Noona asks me.

"I'm fine. Has Namsoon been here?"

"No, why would he come here? Are you hanging out with that boy again? I told you that he's trouble."

"Stop it Noona. You need to stop blaming Namsoon. What happened was partly my fault too, so stop the blame game. I have to find him."

"Why?"

"To tell him about Colorado. I planned to tell him, but something happened at the party and..."

"...what did he do now?"

"He didn't do anything. I did. I planned to tell him about Colorado after the party and never got the chance."

"Maybe that's good. Now you can make a fresh start with no baggage holding you back."

"NAMSOON IS NOT BAGGAGE, NOONA!"

"Shhh! Keep your voice down, your niece and brother-in-law are asleep."

"Sorry. I'm going to say this for the last time. Namsoon is my best friend and we both share the blame in what happened to me, so let it go."

"Fine. Are you going to keep looking for him or finish packing? You don't have much time left."

I look at my watch she's right. I have just under five hours left.

I pull out my phone and call him again, straight to voicemail. Exasperated I go into my room and finish packing. I make sure I have all my necessary papers with me. I don't have the option of missing or misplacing anything. This is my second chance and I can't lose it. Opportunities I'm told rarely come along a second time.

It's now six in the morning and I've called Namsoon about fifty times, no answer. He is avoiding me. I left a voicemail asking him to call me back. In Korea leaving a voicemail is an expense, so most people hang up before the voice completes telling you to leave a message.

"Are you ready," Noona ask?

"I thought Hyung was taking me to the airport," I tell her as I grab my luggage and head towards the door.

"They called him to work so I'm driving you. I'm glad though because I get to spend some more time with my little brother," she says.

We get into the car and hastily make our way to Incheon International Airport. At the airport, I check in my one luggage, grab my carryon bag, and turn to bid my crying sister goodbye.

"Noona don't cry. I'll call you as soon as I get there, okay? Do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Promise me you'll find Namsoon and tell him that..."

"Tell him what?"

"Never mind. Maybe this is for the best."

"That's what I've been telling you. Now go on and take care of yourself."

"I will. Thank you for everything you've done for me."

"That's what families are for, silly. Bye."

I walk through the security checkpoint and never looked back. If I had, I may not have the nerve to get on the plane taking me to my second chance.

                                        ― ☾ ―

I stand up to join the line when my seat zone assignment was called to board. I move to the side and make one final phone call. It goes to voicemail, again. I decide to leave my final message.

"Namsoon, I just wanted to tell you that..." I stop myself and cut off the phone.

No, I will not tell him. He's done it again, left me hanging and this time I will not go looking for him. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, I eat crow.

I board my flight to New York and then connect to Denver, Colorado. The soccer team, Colorado Rapids offered me a starting center forward position. That's what I wanted to tell him after the party. That my rehabilitation worked. I have finally been scouted and given this opportunity to fulfill my dreams. Dream I've shared with Namsoon.

Now he's doing the same thing as before; he's running away from me, from our issues. This time I will not run after him. I'm grabbing this second chance and no one, not even Namsoon is going to take this chance away from me.

Namsoon's POV

I can't believe that I just kissed my best friend, loved it, and want more. My lips feel hot and swollen. I run my tongue over them tasting HeungSoo all over again. Damn! I kissed Park HeungSoo. I shake my head to bring me back to the here and now. How can a game of 'truth and dare' go so wrong and still make me feel so good?

What just happened. The lips I want to keep licking, the tongue I want to suck on, the groin I want to grind on until I can't take anymore, all belonged to HeungSoo.

I remember HeungSoo's face, and he looked devasted.

What have I done? My competitive nature took over me again, that's what. I just didn't want to lose. I look around and my classmates had smiles on their faces. What is so funny? Nothing is funny.

I must get out of there. I can't let HeungSoo and my classmates see how turned on I am. I scramble off the floor that he dumped me on and grab my jacket heading out the door.

"Wait a minute Namsoon." KangJoo runs after me, catches me in the lobby, pulls on my arm, and stops my exit.

"WHAT," I yell at her?

"Slow down. Where are you going?"

"Out of here, duh!"

"Okay. Why?"

"Were you blind? Because half the class including you, saw me make out with my best friend who as it seems, is repulsed by the whole thing."

"Correction: not half the class just a handful of us," she teases.

"I am not in the mood for jokes, KangJoo."

"Fine. Why the hurry to leave?"

"I can't face HeungSoo right now."

"Why not?"

"Were you blind? Did you not see us, HeungSoo and I, two men suck face in front of half the class?"

"Yes, I did. Quite a sight it was, too. I was turned on to be honest. Why don't we ever kiss like that?"

"KangJoo!" I growl.

"I mean if you and I are supposed to be to be a couple, and you kiss someone else like that, our relationship is sorely lacking," she says wrinkling her nose.

"KangJoo, I'm sorry. I'm a lousy boyfriend I know."

"Yes, I agree but you're a great best friend. I hereby release you from the boyfriend trap."

"Come again?"

"If there's one thing we have going for us, it is the fact that we never lie to each other, right?"

"Right," I answered wondering where she's going with this 'boyfriend trap' crap.

"Honestly Namsoon I love you as a best friend and not as a lover..."

"Ouch!"

"Come on you feel the same way too if you're honest. HeungSoo is the one that owns your heart. You're too scared to admit it."

"HeungSoo is my best friend and nothing else," I repeat trying to convince myself.

"We've never lied to each other, Namsoon, let's not start now. If you were paying attention, you'll realize that you talk about HeungSoo a lot, even after we had sex."

"I umm..."

"That's okay. I think your feelings are like a volcano, bubbling on the inside till it went full blast tonight. Listen, we all see how you are when you're with him. He makes you...what's that word, glow. That's it."

"Women glow, not men."

"I beg to differ, you glow when you are with him, when you talk about him, and when you were kissing him a few minutes ago. Tell me 'mon ami', are you scared of your feelings for HeungSoo or the fact that he's a man?"

"Both?"

"Idiot! Other than that, how did you feel when you kissed?"

"Complete," I whisper. "But why him, and not you?"

"Because we cannot predict who completes and makes us whole. We can try to force the feeling, but in the end, it blows up in our faces. Besides, you can't handle all of this," she says pointing to herself.

I laugh. "I still don't know what to do. And until I do, I can't face him. He looked horrified, KangJoo."

"You say horrified, but I saw him shocked, flabbergasted, aroused, horny..."

"Stop."

"Go Namsoon, what are you going to do?"

"For now, I need space. I need to think. I'll talk to HeungSoo when I understand why I want to kiss him again and hold him forever."

"Umm, you are stubborn. Okay, I'll talk to you later."

"We'll see you all later," Min-Ki interrupts. "Young-Woo and I are heading out. Great party."

"Can I get a ride into town with you," I ask.

"Sure."

"Thanks. I'll call you later," I turn and hug KangJoo. "Let's go, guys."

"Goodnight KangJoo."

"Goodnight.

                                         ― ☾ ―

I decline HeungSoo's what, fortieth call? I lost count. I am not ready to talk to him or face him. What will I say to him? Kiss me again, big boy? Uh!

My feet push off and the swing starts again. In my wandering, I came across this playground and my butt has been glued to this swing all night.

Another call. Not yet.

It's early morning, I make up my mind to talk to him. I am tired of overthinking the whole thing. I am in love with my best friend. I am attracted to my best friend. Time to tell him, after all, I have always been honest with him. I'll tell him how I feel and hopefully not lose him as a friend. I barely survived our fallout a few years ago. Another one might just break me.

I pull out my phone and call him. It says, phone no longer in service. That's weird. I dial my voice mail and hear HeungSoo's voice, 'Namsoon, I just wanted to tell you that...' and it cuts off.

What did he want to tell me? What?

I call the number again, and the same message. Again, and again.

Now I'm the one calling his number that is no longer in service over and over, wondering where on earth is HeungSoo?