ARNAV

I picked up my phone and stared at the screen blankly, it had been a week since I sent the text, she never replied. I know I should have stopped expecting a reply by now but I still had hope, that maybe she was finally going to reply, which she didn't.

I sighed and leaned on my chair, having no work to do was just making this whole thing harder for me because I couldn't keep myself busy, so I kept on thinking about her the whole time.

I shut my eyes as I remembered our first meeting, at the Jade garden, when Sonali introduced me to her, I couldn't stop staring, I was glad I chose to wear sunglasses that day otherwise she would have literally thought I was some creep for staring at her like that, well what could I do, I was totally mesmerized.

I think it was from the first meeting itself, something just clicked between us, and for so long I might have pretended to not feel a thing or avoid whatever I was feeling, but eventually I gave in, I mean who wouldn't right?

Everything about her just kept on getting me more and more attracted towards her, like her obsession with Darshan Raval and his music, and her nonstop talking and how she forgot about the whole world when she was talking, it was a delight to watch her, I wonder how it took me so long to realize I loved her, I was always so mesmerized by her, even when she wasn't around all I could ever think of was her yet somehow I chose to believe that my feelings for Sona weren't completely gone even when they were.

I would have never felt so attracted to Khushi if I still loved Sona in the first place, and I remember I even told her that, yet somehow I managed to ruin our beautiful relationship just because of the whole confusion and ended up hurting her, she didn't deserve that.

We had so many beautiful memories together, I mean even in such a short time span, I was sure we could make out a whole Bollywood movie out of our lives, everything that happened with us was so Bollywood kind, like her walking into my room and me walking out covered in just a towel, her expressions were priceless.

Then us meeting at the temple when I went there just to feel better because at that time I believed I had lost Sona and the pain sometimes was just unbearable, and then meeting at the flower shop and my mom and Asha basically trying to play cupid, everything from the beginning just happened so smoothly like we were meant to be, just that right now I wasn't so sure of it.

She definitely ready my text and chose to ignore it which meant that maybe there wasn't a chance of us getting back together, and that really broke my heart.

I tried to make myself feel better by trying to remember the happy memories of us, like our first kiss... oh it was a moment I wouldn't forget. The way she was so vocal about it and she went for it and the way it made me feel, she was my first kiss ever and it was all sorts of perfect.

I stood up immediately and decided to go see her, I just couldn't sit here like this and cry over fate when I was the one that ruined everything, I had to mend it and I just... I wished I hadn't promised her that I would stay away from her if she doesn't talk to me, now was I supposed to keep my promise or act like a maniac and just go disturb her again.

What if I did that and ended up hurting her again? She was already hurt so much because of me, I didn't want to hurt her again.

Oh God!

I got into my car and decided to head to a mall, maybe this was my punishment for breaking the girl that actually healed me.

I really wished things would have been different, but they weren't and I couldn't do anything else, the only thing I could do was regret all my stupid decisions.

*****

I walked from one shop to the other but shopping dint seem to help either, all I could still think of was her, maybe someday I was going to get crazy enough and start seeing her everywhere even when she wasn't around.

Was that day today? Because I swear I just saw her pass by, I rushed towards the area I saw her in but she was nowhere, I was either hallucinating or she managed to disappear before I could bother her.

If there was a tiny bit of chance that she was here, I was going to take that chance to find her, so I roamed around, from one floor to the other, from one corner to the other, hoping that I would get to see her again.

And then I saw her.

I wasn't crazy, I wasn't hallucinating, she was here, she was just avoiding me I guess.

I spotted her in a makeup store and rushed inside immediately, I had to talk to her, I had to know why she didn't reply to my text.

"Khushi." I stopped in front of her, she looked at me in a really weird way, as if she didn't know who I was and she was scared that I was some sort of creep that was harassing her.

She turned around and walked on the other side completely ignoring me but I followed her, I just wanted to talk to her for once, why wouldn't she let me?

"Khushi please." I grabbed her hand and stopped her from walking away, she turned to look at me angrily and slapped me, it came as a complete shock I immediately let go off her hand.

"Who do you think you are? And why are you trying to touch me without my permission? I could get you arrested for it, stay away from me otherwise I would call the cops." She looked at me angrily.

When I looked into her eyes, all I could see was hatred, she had so much hatred towards me in the same eyes where once she had so much love for me.

Oh Arnav, what had you done?

"You better stop following me around otherwise I would have to get a restriction towards you, it's too much work, don't make me do it and now, leave me alone!" She walked away without letting me talk to her once again and this was the moment when I knew...

It was completely over.

There wasn't going to be another chance for us, she was never going to forgive me, even after I texted her about my feelings, if this was how she reacted on seeing me or me trying to talk to her, it just meant one thing, she hated me more than she loved me... I guess I deserved it right?

From her reaction it was clear that me confessing my feelings to her didn't mean a thing, and she no more wanted anything to do with me, which meant I had to accept the fact and just live my life knowing we won't ever be together.

That was the hardest kind of truth to accept.

It hurt, all that happened today hurt so much because it was just so hard to accept, I mean look at Khushi, she loved me, and now when I wanted to tell her how much I loved her, she didn't care anymore. How did she manage to do that?

I wished she could teach me how to do the same so I would stop feeling this hurt, I knew I had hurt her but only if she could let me talk to her, if she could give me one chance to mend everything that I broke, but it seemed like she no more cared what I felt towards her, that's how much I must have hurt her, that in order for her to stop feeling the pain, she had to hate me so she wouldn't feel it.

Funny isn't it, every time I am close to love, destiny somehow takes it away from me, firstly with Sona and now the same thing with Khushi, maybe I wasn't meant to be loved and that feeling of not being loved is just so terrible, it makes you do terrible things, like it made me.

I walked into the liquor shop, grabbed a few bottles of alcohol and went straight home, maybe this was the only way to numb the pain, get drunk and forget about everything.

Once I was home, I headed straight to my room with all my bottles and started gulping down on the alcohol, and with every drop that went inside my body, somehow the pain managed to fade off.

I might have not found a solution about Khushi and I but I sure did find a solution to avoid feeling the pain, who knew what wondered alcohol would do.

Here's to our journey, that began in a very cute sweet little way where if someone actually watched us or read about us wouldn't stop smiling like idiots to a point where if anyone was with us till this time, they would be crying their hearts out.

How times change... how do we end up always hurting the people we never want to hurt? How do we manage to break a relationship we thought would last a lifetime? And how do you move on from all that's left of it?

Most importantly, how do you move on from someone you don't want to move on from? Because clearly this was it, there were no miracles happening but then I loved her too much to want to forget about her or forget about all the beautiful times I had spent with her, so maybe the only option I had was to live with the memories I created with her, and feel this pain every day of my life as a punishment for hurting the only person who ever managed to cheer me up.

Here's to us Khushi, and to our broken relationship.

Cheers!