The next morning I woke up tired, but I wasn't sure if it was because of the late night or because of the fact that I wasn't going to see Tae again for a very long time. 

Rina picked up on this, and suggested that we go out somewhere new, and I agreed so that I could get my mind off all the shit Taehyung had told me yesterday about his job. 

We ended up driving out of town, out onto the highway and then having a little picnic in an open area just off the highway. As expected, it helped take my mind off things, and gave way for plenty of conversation with Rina.

We were sitting on the hood of her car after finishing up our food, trying to take cool pictures in the sunset. I managed to get a nice one of her in the grass, but all the pictures of me were coming out shitty.

"So, Rina. Are you and Jungkook like together now? Together together?"

She flushed red. "No, not really. I mean, sure, I like him, but it's like a little crush, so I don't know if we should get serious. 

Like, he's the sort of person that could be friends with me even if it didn't work out, but why rush into it?" She looked up at me. 

"Wait. Sit right there, light is good, right in your face. No no, don't move- yeah, that's good. Stay still. Okay, now look forward, like you're gazing into the future, and yes!" She took the pictures and came to sit next to me. In that moment, I forgot about everything else, just glad to be where I was with my best friend.

***

*three weeks later *

"Yachts are cool," I commented, looking up at Rina from my spot on the floor. Again, all my stuff had been packed for the third time in two months, and all the furniture left in my apartment was the bed and the couch. 

I was scrolling through random aesthetic pictures and there were so many boat pictures popping up. My brother was moving to our new place in six days, and I was so beyond excited to move to my new apartment. 

For now though, I was just laying in my place at fiveish in the morning, chilling with Rina. Since I had slept ridiculously early the previous night, I had just woken up. Rina was just going to get some sleep now.

"Right? I feel like a yacht trip is the coolest thing ever."

"Not like my cheap ass could ever imagine it," I said, laughing. "They're expensive as shit."

"Yeah, it seems like a rich kid thing. Actually, I'm not sure if I would enjoy it, though, you know I hate swimming, and going out on the water for days may not be the best.

"Oh my gosh! It's April!" I exclaimed suddenly. "I completely forgot!"

"What happens in April?" Rina asked. "Is it someone's birthday?"

"No, no, no. The swimming pool opens for the mornings in April! Oh yes, I'm going now." My heart was hammering with the excitement of finally getting to swim after so long. 

There were plenty of indoor heated pools that were open through the winter as well, but I had no membership to go to those places, and most of them were further away. I hadn't been swimming since November, when I had come beck with a terrible cold.

"Wait, now? Like now now?"

"Yes, now now." I pulled open the box in which I had packed all my swim stuff. Digging through, I grabbed my swimsuit and swim things, ran to my closet and pulled out my towel and jacket that I had from my high school swim team. 

I stuffed them all into my bag hastily and practically ran out the door. Reaching the pool ten minutes later, my excitement had still not faded. 

It was a simple twenty-five metre swimming pool, six lanes wide with floating dividers between each lane. Nothing fancy like the other places I had seen before with those high diving boards, or a sauna or a steam room or anything like that. It was just a normal pool place.

I changed into my swimsuit super fast, and walked over to the shower, letting the cold water spray over my body. My whole self felt lighter with the thought that I would finally be back in the water. The whole pool area was almost empty, as expected, since training usually started at around six or six thirty, which meant that I could stay here for as long as an hour and a half, though I'd probably be too tired to stay for very long since I hadn't swam in forever.

My body slid into the water with a smooth dive, and I smiled at how it seemed so easy, so natural, to be back in the water. I went for three hundred metres of easy swim to warm up, which was harder than it was supposed to be. 

I was already out of breath by the end of my eighth lap, and when I stopped at the end of it, I was breathing heavily and my arms were beginning to feel a bit tired. I took breaks at my leisure, but ended up swimming for about an hour. Once I finished, I pulled my self out of the pool and ran over to get my stuff and go change.

I grabbed my bag and walked towards the changing room with long, reaching strides (that is, as long as my short legs could). I felt the goosebumps rising on my bare legs, and increased my pace.

I pushed the door to the changing room open and tiptoed in. I first pulled my swimming cap and goggles off, and leaned against the wall, closing my eyes and taking deep breaths. I then walked over to the sink and washed my face- yes, I wash my face after swim practice, it gets the chlorine out- and pressed my palms to the area around my eyes, where my goggles had pressed against the skin below, leaving it irritated. I stood there for a while and then walked over to grab my bag from where I had dropped it on the floor.

I locked the door to my shower stall and turned the shower on, peeling my swimsuit off as the water flowed down my back, relaxing my muscles. I opened out the braid my hair had been in before practise, now soaked, and massaged some shampoo onto my scalp. Working like this, I was soon done. I dried myself down and pulled my clothes on, zipping up my jacket completely.

Once I was done, I dried my hair as much as I could with my towel, and, tying it up into a knot at the top of my head, I headed back onto the bus to go home.

I was out by about six thirty, chewing on my little granola bar as I saw the kids coming in for their morning training. My hair was still dripping a little bit during the bus ride, down the back of my shirt. 

I pulled my phone out of my bag and texted Taehyung to ask when he was free in the day, though I figured he wouldn't see it until later.

Then, opening YouTube, I clicked on last night's going seventeen episode and began watching. The intro had just finished when the notification popped up on my screen. 

Instinctively, I clicked on it, opening Tae and my chat. He had replied that he was free now, did I want to videocall?

My finger hovered above the call button for a second, wondering if I should bother him early in the morning, but then I pressed it, figuring that he was awake anyways.

It rang once before he picked up, and I heard his voice over the line, the camera was dark. It was a little deeper than usual, huskier, as if he had just woken up.

"Hey y/n," he said, dragging out my name.

"Good morning, hope I didn't wake you up."

"Oh, no, no. I woke up half an hour ago, but I still haven't got out of bed. One sec." he shifted his camera and held it above his face, yawning and rubbing his eyes. Then he turned over and promptly fell off his bed and onto the floor. His must have dropped his phone on the ground, because my screen went dark. "Ow." He whined. "Ow, ow, ow."

"You okay? Taehyung?" He picked up his phone and placed it on a table so it was standing upright as he began to make his bed.

"Perfectly fine, y/n. Sorry, I just-" he yawned again. "I slept late last night, and forgot to switch off my alarm for six. So I woke up this morning and couldn't fall back asleep."

"Then go back to sleep, you goose!"

"Goose? And you call me a dork?" He dropped the folded blanket on the bed and came closer to his phone. "Why are you wet? Where even are you?"

"I'm on the bus. I went swimming, and I'm going back home now."

"You're going back now? Why the heck would you go swimming so early? It must be freezing!"

"It's fine. I have a really good sports jacket which is keeping me warm enough. How are you, Tae? I wanted to talk to you about you, not me."

"Aw, I'm touched. I'm doing fine, thanks though. We've been busy with customer service and all, but it's actually been quite interesting. I've met a lot of new people in the past few days, and I'm going to work with a younger team this week, so it should be fun. There's finally some people around my age to work with, rather than people like twenty five years older than me, and I'm excited for that. There's this dude three years older to me and a girl a year younger to me."

"That's great!"

"Yeah, I should actually start getting ready. It's almost seven." He got up and moved around, but I couldn't make out much of the background because of how he kept moving the camera, causing everything to blur together. 

When he set it down next and I could see clearly, he had placed it next to the sink, facing the ceiling of his bathroom. He brushed his teeth aggressively, and ended the call so he could have a shower.

I looked up and realised that I was almost at my stop so I stood up and gathered my things, and when the bus stopped I jumped onto the footpath and speed-walked towards my apartment.

 Unfortunately, when I had been issued the jacket at school, they gave me the small size, which didn't have a hood on it. The early morning chill didn't go quite well with my still- wet hair, and I made my way back home as quickly as possible.

I had just closed the door to my place when my phone started ringing again. Taehyung was out of the shower, his hair a bit wet and messy. 

I put my phone next to the sink facing myself as I took out my hairdryer and continued talking to him. 

Our conversation broke off in the middle because of how loud the hairdryer was, but other than that, it continued on smoothly. We both made and ate our breakfast together, laughing and chatting all the way. 

I hadn't realised how much time had passed until Taehyung told me that he had to leave for work and I realised that I did too.

He said a quick goodbye and hung up, and after laying out some breakfast for Rina, who was still asleep, I left for work as well. 

The workday was quite uneventful, the only thing slightly out of the ordinary being a special lunch that one of my colleagues brought in. 

I had plenty of wok to do, but was still bored out of my mind while doing it. The topic that I was researching on was super confusing, and eventually I found myself in the break room contemplating the meaning of everything that I did in life.

It was a relief to get home that evening and make myself dinner, finish up pending work and have a quick chat with my brother and parents before sleeping, and to wake up to a new day.

I didn't really like Wednesdays much, but what did it matter? Life goes on. Work, work and more work took all the time I had, and I was exhausted.

The next few days were super tiring. When I wasn't working I was packing, which was equally tiring, but at least a bit more fun.

I had moved around a lot as a kid, never staying in the same house for more than two years until I was fourteen. 

My brother was seventeen at the time, about to go to college, so it was too much work to move at the same time, but my parents and I shifted to the first apartment I had lived in after that. 

My parents had moved around a ton too, before the two of us were born, internationally. First they lived in New York, then Singapore, then Japan, where my brother was born, and then they settled down after I was born. 

We went to the US after that, then moved back after two years. We just shifted around the city after that until I went to uni and my parents moved back to New York.

Most people hated moving, complained that it was too much work or too much stress, but I loved it. In my whole life I'd moved around eleven times, counting this current serviced apartment I was staying at for the past while, and I enjoyed every bit of it. 

Sure, it was exhausting, but I loved the feeling of walking into a new space, an empty space, and think of all the different things it could be. My mum had always told me that I should go into interior design and architecture like I wanted to when I was younger, but as I got into high school I was far better at biology then I was at art, which was obviously a qualifying factor to do further studies in design. 

I still loved it, but especially with a friend like Rina who was so exceptionally talented at art, my family and I figured that design wasn't really the route for me.

Still, deciding where things would go and how to decorate was so incredibly exciting. I felt like every time I moved I had the chance to start over, try something new. 

And this time was more exciting than ever, since my brother would be there with me. We hadn't lived together for more than six whole years, which was tough to believe considering how close I felt to him. 

We were close as kids, very close; we would spend our hours outside in the yard all day, climbing trees and playing 'cavemen' where we would forage for food and hunt, build ourselves shelter and fight against invisible intruders.

Through our elementary school we were close as well, and only began to drift apart slightly when I was in early middle school. I had gone into this phase where I thought that spending all my time with him was beneath me, and I always wanted 'time for myself', thinking that it was mature to take my own time. 

I was always in my own world, and we fought a lot, which was the literal worst. My awakening probably happened in eighth grade, when we began talking more again.

I think it suddenly hit me that he wouldn't be there at home anymore after that- and we might not even be able to talk much once he went to university. I pretty much moved into his room, sleeping on the floor every night, and we would talk for hours before sleeping. 

I got into trouble every morning because of it- he would wake up at early, unearthly hours, while I would sleep through my alarm- which high schooler willingly wakes up at four thirty? But getting into trouble for waking up late was totally worth it. 

My brother made an effort too, which I loved. Even after he went to college, he made it a point to call me every single day, and was incredibly apologetic if he missed even one. I loved him for that, along with his dorkiness and the fact that he was never embarrassed to be around me, even when his friends were there. 

In elementary school I'd play with them after all my friends left the park, and at a point in time I felt so close to some of his friends; they would include me as well, but when we got to an age where their basketball was too aggressive for me (tall guys with deep voices yelling at one another across the basketball court is a bit terrifying, especially when you're small and easily pushed around lol), I eventually gave up on trying to play any sports with them.

On friday night I was laying on the floor of my apartment, drained of energy and unwilling to move even an inch. My brother called me and we spoke for a while, but I fell asleep at some point, on the floor. 

Three more days and we'd be living together- the idea of just meeting him in person was so surreal, let alone living with him again, after so many years. I hadn't seen the new apartment yet, but it was in a nicer locality from what I knew, closer to pretty much everything in town. 

My brother had picked it out, so I knew it would have a nice area for a lot of plants and it would have a lot of sun. A great kitchen was guaranteed, and two bathrooms for sure. The boy was super considerate, although he could be stubborn and a bit of a pain in the ass at times, bless him.

Whoever got him as a partner in the future was lucky, though he'd never, in all his twenty six years, ever expressed interest in anyone, ever. That I knew of. I'd thought about him being gay when I was younger, but I just didn't think he was. 

I mean, I never talked to him about guys until he was twenty, so I knew it might be because we weren't really very comfortable talking to one another about romance. 

I still shuddered when I thought about the time I told him that I was dating Junsu. I knew he thought it was too soon after my previous relationship, even though it had been more than a year and a half. He was so awkward, and so was I, but he was chill because he knew I'd never do something stupid or reckless.

To be completely honest, Junsu was not my first boyfriend, only the first that my family knew really well, because our parents had known each other since we were younger.

I had 'dated' one guy in middle/high school, nothing serious, technically we didn't really date, we just spent a lot of time together, but it was kind of an unspoken thing. Everyone thought we were together, and we would just hang out together a lot. 

I would say that he was my best friend apart from Rina, and we got closer once she left to another school. Looking back on it now, I wasn't even sure that I liked him- I think I just got my brain to think that. But nothing ever really happened between us, and my family definitely didn't know about it, as my parents are typical- no dating till college for sure- even then they were hesitant.

My second boyfriend was the only real one I'd had. In the first year of university I met Jeonghan. I'd liked him from the first time we met, and over time we grew closer, finally getting together after eight months of me liking him. 

Dating him was the best thing ever; he treated me good and he was beyond anything, one of my best friends. This was at a time when I was away from my family for the first time, working my ass off, and trying to hold myself together. 

He just had this way of making me feel so special and loved, and he was so genuine and sweet with the fact that he knew he was my first boyfriend. He'd had a serious relationship in high school, but he didn't make me feel inexperienced or uncomfortable at any point of time in our relationship. 

He was my first kiss, my first love. He was someone special. Two years my senior, funny and kind, and absolutely gorgeous, it remained a wonder to me how I had managed to get such an amazing catch. 

Despite the fact that there was undeniably a lot of tension towards the end of our relationship, we remained on reasonably good terms. Not as great as me and Junsu, for sure, but the post- breakup awkwardness wasn't like how the movies made it seem.

Junsu and I... I don't even know why we dated. After a while, our decision to listen to all those people who told us to go out seemed so stupid. He'd never liked me, and I never liked him as anything more than a friend. We literally hung out only because people expected us to. In a way I was glad, though, because I would have never got to know him otherwise. Nevertheless, it was obvious to both of us front beginning that we were not meant for one another.

Many times I had thought to myself about whether breaking up with Jeonghan was really the right thing to do. We were happy together, we truly were, but there was no way that long distance would work out for us. 

He was going to Australia after he finished, and I planned to stay put. We never spoke about breaking up, but towards the last few months of his last year at university our relationship was so tense, us arguing about every small thing, until it came to the point that I told him I couldn't do it anymore.

 It had been at the back of my mind for months that we would be so far away from one another, so unbearably far. I was a hundred percent sure that there would be plenty of girls after him there, and I'd much rather we ended it before he went there and things got worse. 

I was scared that he would either refuse to interact with others purely because he was trying to stay faithful, or that I would have my heart broken if I found out he was being unfaithful.

In the end, we resolved it without a major fight, and though I will admit I shed a few tears, I knew it was for the best. We'd spoken a bit over the phone after he moved, but we fell out of touch after a bit. 

The little I saw of him now was through his Instagram story. He had a new girlfriend now, a really cute girl with the most gorgeous smile. I really hoped she made him happy, giving him all the love he deserved.

Later that night I woke up on the floor, shuffled over to my bed, and collapsed on it, falling right back to sleep.