Ha Na : Jeon Jeongguk!

"Yes, are you awake yet?"

Jeongguk's excitement couldn't pierce through the thick layer of her morning crank. She sounded displeased.

Ha Na : What do you think?

JK : Well, check your notifications!

Reluctantly, with heavy lids, barely open, Ha Na followed his words while being on the call.

Ha Na : HOLY MOTHER OF-

The sight of her screen finally managed to stretch her eyes out of sleep. She sat up immediately. However, her reaction came around as a surprise to Jeongguk.

Ha Na : Jeongguk-ah! I told you not to do this. Do you even listen or- No, did you even consider my words at all!?

JK : About that, I did mention it. But-

Ha Na : How could you do this?! I feel so upset.

Ha Na sighed big and almost instantly spoke through.

Ha Na : You know what, I will talk to you later.

She hung up on him, without waiting for any responses or leaving a chance for Jeongguk to explain.

Her head hung low, the black locks almost curtaining her expressions. Ha Na felt her body warming up at the unalarmed surge of recognition.

She was only beginning to feel unbothered about the lack of reader engagement, that suddenly she was bombarded with a typhoon of it.

Owing to a natural curiosity, Ha Na scrolled through the pages, feeling ever so nauseous and overwhelmed by the intensity. With the positives, the hate surfaced just as quick.

Being exposed to such explicit and malicious side of the internet, it was too formidable and overpowering that she couldn't feel the slightest joy at the success.

She did not realize the nervous sweat, until she heard a desperate door bell, coming from the hall.

Ha Na hesitated to approach the door, startled at the loud slams.

Ha Na : Who- who is this?

Came back Jeongguk's hurried voice, "It's me. Open up."

Just the relief that it was not someone unknown, Ha Na let the guest in without a second thought. He had a black hat on, as the only article to cover his identity. It was evident that he rushed there at the soonest convenience.

However, Ha Na avoided his gaze, neglecting his presence. To a side she faced, trying to hide her jitters from him.

JK : I don't have much time. So, I will just be straight to the point. But listen all the way. Please.

Ha Na remained unwavered as Jeongguk spoke right after.

JK : I did mention the name- tsk. Well, just watch this.

Jeongguk flashed a video clip from his live session from the night before, that he had specifically located to back his innocence.

In the said clip, Jeongguk was seen reading through fan's comments and questions. A specific one claiming the main character of a webtoon had an uncanny resemblance to Jeongguk, it caught his eye.

"Watashi? Who is Watashi?" Jeongguk feigned oblivion. He added, "He looks like me, you say?" Jeongguk read through a few more comments, "A webtoon character? Ah, I see. Cool."

Jeongguk paused the video before speaking back to Ha Na.

JK : And that's about it of what I said.

Ha Na fixated on her silence and spaced out. Jeongguk took a moment to understand the fragility of the situation. Her perplexed and speechless reactions ironically spoke to him.

Without any more words, Jeongguk inched closer and simply wrapped her from the side. There were no signs of resistance nor yielding from Ha Na. He brought his arms around from the side and caressed her head.

So deeply buried and accustomed, Jeongguk had almost forgotten the heaviness the industry came with. The second he realized it, he dropped the tone of jubilee and empathized with Ha Na's nerves.

It was a pure gesture of lending some comfort.
Little did he realize that simple embrace could plunge him deeper into the maze, he was so desperate to escape.

Quite the sensation Jeongguk was, his brief interaction single-handedly piqued the curiosity of millions. After he ended his live yester-night, that character swooned all over social media, from side-to-side comparisons to various creative edits.

A big chunk of his audience being avid readers, were impressed by the artwork and the creator's immense attention to minute details. Not to mention, the searing chemistry between the leads, Watashi and Boku, was enough to keep them on edge.

Few months passed, Ha Na established her feet as a growing comic artist in the realm of manhwa. At times, she reasoned it as Jeongguk's persistent efforts to keep her on schedule and his alleged "indirect" promotion. While some critiqued she was one of those fortunate artists who got a sudden blow-up in the unpredictable terrain of the internet.

Regardless of the specific reasons, Ha Na experienced a sense of self in a long time. Sketching characters, and knitting them to a beautiful blend of tragedies with a slice-of-life twist was something, Ha Na genuinely felt passionate about.

However, with the overwhelming popularity of the comic, came the dreadful anxieties and apprehensions.

It was the weight of success, she did not have enough time to prepare for. On the bright side of it, Ha Na embraced her anonymity tightly. Therefore, she could sustain her ordinary life whenever she was offline.

Quite literally, overnight her pen-identity came to be counted among the other renowned ones in the like field of work. A few distracting offers knocked with new opportunities, Ha Na refused it all to primarily focus on the storytelling.

On the intrinsic level, Ha Na designed the story in a manner that it was a reflection of her own life. Yet it maintained a distinctive tone in itself that it doesn't sell out the imitations to her closed ones.

She wanted to write a conclusion she knew was impossible for herself through a virtual reality she crafted. Was it the emaculate degree of realism and relatability she framed her plot into, people seemed to connect and find comfort in the read and the aesthetics equally.

One evening, Ha Na invited Jeongguk over a formal dinner in her rooftop apartment. She also had something to tell him. And although Jeongguk anticipated that dine, he seemed distracted and distant.

He could barely keep his focus even at his immediate surroundings. Spacing out too frequently.

The breeze around them was chilly, but it was rather comfortable. The sky was clear, the crescent moon afloat, indicating the end of a cycle. Or perhaps the advent of a new one.

Unlike Ha Na planned, the dine was quiet and sombre, the clatters of chopsticks and spoons filled the open space. Ha Na had a keen notice of his brooding silence and thus figured to talk it out before dawning the 'news' on him.

Ha Na : So. What's up with you lately? You seem in some grave concern.

Jeongguk was silent. The moon in his sight.
Ha Na nudged him by his shoulders to grab his attention.

Ha Na : Are you okay?

Jeongguk was ever so subtle about it, nonetheless it reached Ha Na when he tried to move away from her touch. She immediately removed her hand, reminding herself of the boundaries she thought were dissolved.

Ha Na : Funny right? I get too ahead of myself.

First time that evening, Jeongguk's restless eyes landed on Ha Na's sulking voice. But before he could make the best out of the situation, Ha Na cut right to the chase.

Ha Na : Anyways. I wanted to say that, I remove you from my managerial works.

She could finally have his full attention on the table. Jeongguk, too stunned, could not think of the point she was coming from.

JK : What?!

Ha Na : You heard that right. You are already so girdled around with your agency. It's just impractical for you to invest the remnants of your peace of mind, and energy, dealing with my side.

JK : Did it come off like that? I don't look tired because of that. I just...

Ha Na looked at him with hopeful eyes. But only received a restrained silence following the next few moments.

JK : I am just saying, being around in a similar field for quite a while now, I know ways to block out the unnecessary things out of your sight. And sure, with your comic gaining more exposure day by day, there is a lot more to deal with. But I am more than capable to handle that.

Knowing that she would never rely on his fortune even at times of struggle, Jeongguk simply cut off an expense from her list by hiring himself as her manager. And Ha Na had slowly figured this out course of the time— the real reason behind his insistence.

Ha Na : Well, I have already hired an assistant today. I needed an extra hand in the sketches anyway. And she will manage the heat of the internet for me too. Her credentials are fairly equipped to do that.

Her words were impenetrable. Jeongguk sighed long, holding his frustration.

JK : So then, this dinner was your polite way to kick me out of your life?

There was a certain bite of spite that Ha Na found irksome. But she kept her cool.

Ha Na : Jeongguk, don't be dramatic. Although, it is partially true. But, not out of my "life". We are still family.

Jeongguk had a blank expression, staring at her flickering eyes.

Ha Na : I mean, you don't have to use "work" as an excuse anymore. You can drop by anytime, without a reason.

His eyes ever so slightly creased into a smile at her assurance. Jeongguk looked away, feeling a sweet relief in his heart.

Ha Na : But, are you really not going to tell me?

JK : Tell you what?

Ha Na : That big fat brood on your face. What's causing it?

Jeongguk had a moment of recollection, rewinding to the night before where he had a heart-to-heart conversation with Jimin.

He wanted to use Jimin's suggestion as a warrant to relieve himself of the weight he felt.

While Ha Na, sitting across the table, comfortable in her trousers, patiently waited through his silence. Only to be robbed of the peace, she did not realize she had before it was ripped from her.

JK : I like someone.

For a fleeting moment, Ha Na despised to ever corner him about it. Jeongguk did not look at her as he spoke his confession in the most casual tone, he could possibly act out.

JK : As clichè as it sounds, someone I cannot have. Quite like your character, Watashi.

Ha Na, on the other side, decided to play along his lines in a similar tone of poise and informality.

Ha Na : A forbidden love interest?

Jeongguk's subtle nudges of body language confirmed it to Ha Na. Thus, she led on the conversation from there.

Ha Na : Who is it? From your agency?

Ha Na began to avoid looking straight to his side anymore. Meanwhile, Jeongguk was trying his best not to break his shell any further than that.

Ha Na : By any chance, one of the membe-

Jeongguk snapped.

JK : She. It's a she.

Ha Na : Oh. Well, I didn't specify anything though. But, okay.

A twinge of regret started to bloom in Jeongguk. With her rapid rap of questions, it was getting increasingly difficult to be careful of his words.

Ha Na : Then, do I know her?

Jeongguk glanced at her and sighed audibly. He didn't comment on it however.
Ha Na, at that point, wanted to take that as an excuse to stop deliberately pushing herself into more torment.

That brief silence that followed, alerted Jeongguk of the safe instant to leave the predicament.

JK : Anyway, I am taking off now. Write the next episode well and stick to the schedule. That's my last word as your ex-manager.

Ha Na could not utter anything against. She simply watched Jeongguk walk over to the farther corner to fetch his leather jacket and mask.

Ha Na : Jeongguk-ah.

Her blank call made him look at her curiously from the short distance. 

Ha Na : Maybe society will have a million thing to say. But, whoever it is, I won't judge.

Their wistful eyes shared a moment, a distinctive moisture in them. So much left unsaid, so much buried down.

Ha Na : At the end of the day, it just happens.  You cannot deliberately stop it with reasoning anyway.

As if speaking from experience, she framed the exact words that Jeongguk wanted to hear. That, it was okay. And that, there was nothing he could have done to fight the fangling affections for someone. Regardless of who it was.

Ha Na : I will always be on your side.

His heartbeats raved up, his feet almost immobile—as if the utterance of the words, stuck in his jaw, was the only way they could move again.

JK : It's . . . Noona.

_____

Behind the scenes
At the BTS dormitory the night before, Jeongguk was seen in solitude in their common balcony. Jimin, initially wanted to give him his lone space, but almost literally hearing his loud sigh, he couldn't just pass by.

The torments of his insides were so profound, Jeongguk finally confessed to Jimin. The first time he had ever admitted to his deeply buried sentiments in words.

JM : What did you say!? You are not siblings by blood? Not related at all?

JK : Pretty much.

It was a lot to take, but Jimin maintained his calm admirably well. He tried his best to keep a non-judgmental attitude towards the situation. Prioritizing Jeongguk's emotions, he pushed aside all his conflicting and polarizing questions and concerns.

JM : I will admit, it's hard to process. But I guess that makes more sense, considering that you had known about her adoption for the most part. It's only natural.

Jeongguk expected a much worse form of abhorrence and disgusted reaction. However, Jimin's conditioned and more accepting words kindled a certain hope in him. He looked away from his perpetual stare at the other. Jimin likewise avoided a direct eye-contact.

JM : So, where are you heading with this?

JK : I am clueless. It's b-bad.

Jimin noticed the crack in his voice as the latter tried to bottle his frustration. Hands resting in his pockets, Jimin tried to lend Jeongguk the space to project even the vaguest picture of his inner anguish.

JK : But, I can show up at her place literally any time of the day, and I don't have to answer anyone. Or make her uncomfortable about it.

Jeongguk's words progressively grew more heavily pronounced, as his throat seemed to close up. Nonetheless, he managed to not break down then.

JK : After the longest time, we have this 'normal' bond that I have been craving for. I-I am just too scared to ruin that.

Jeongguk began to despise the utter helplessness and ridicule he found himself stuck in. It was aggravating.

JK : It is only getting worse by the day. To pretend. To hold on the last bit of my sanity when she's around.

Teeth gritted, he exhaled deeply. The bottled exasperation and bitterness flourishing in his heart was starting to overwhelm his cores into a turmoil. He was unable to find a hose to release the overflow of such negative energy.

Jeongguk gripped on a silence for a long while until Jimin's words triggered it.

JM : But what are you scared of more? Losing your current bond with her? Or the probable rejection?

JK : I fucking don't know!

Jeongguk flared up with an outburst. As an immediate reaction, Jimin was startled and taken aback. The former, with dripping rue from his eyes, looked over at the latter's sudden movement.

But the second Jimin's soft expressions filled Jeongguk's sight, his vexation could no further manifest itself. His senses tamed back, he dropped the tone instantly to a more respectful one.

JK : I am so sorry, Hyung. I didn't mean to curse.

Jimin sympathized with Jeongguk, feeling a pure sense of commiseration and pity for him.

JM : Listen, vent it out. It's okay. Hyung would not mind.

His compassion rightfully reached Jeongguk's heart, providing it some solace. Although, that was still far from allowing a complete detachment and relief to Jeongguk.

At the very next breath, he received a text message from Ha Na. He, listlessly, let Jimin have a brief peek. It read,

"I have something to tell you. Let's have dinner tomorrow in my apartment."

In that tight ambience, Jimin could feel Jeongguk's fear and hesitance just from his silence. He placed his hand on the younger's shoulder, firming his grip to relay on his assurance and comfort. At the same time, dosing him on the bitters of life.

JM : No matter how careful you are, there are always some things that you lose in the process of gaining something else. Therefore, focus on your priorities.

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