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Chapter 11 : Something, a little new

JK : Be my girlfriend.

Jeongguk, observing her rather calm but nonplussed face, didn't wait to place his point in the next moment.

JK : It's hard and sounds impossible for you, doesn't it? It is so to me calling you Noona too.

As if she was troubled finding the appropriate template of expression to put on, Ha Na rooted there staring blankly at him.

JK : Goodnight.

The singer, having her silence as a cue, quietly climbed down the stairs nonchalantly.

Completely cut off from her sight, Ha Na breathed out the air she held in. She came in motions again.
The words that carelessly left Jeongguk's mouth, were the ones she would fantasize through her mini stories. Which, she had tooned in the reckless, blatant and vulnerable years of her teen.

What lied beneath the facade, no one knew but her. Not her closest friends. Not even her own self, whom everyone addressed as 'Jeon Ha Na'.

A concealed identity and its shrouded yearns; would it ever dare to surface?
Would she be able to fight its dominance when put to test?

"It's alright. Just keep calm and avoid such thoughts. You are Jeon Ha Na," she whirred her spell, "and that's your only identity."

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Few mornings leaped over the skies, Ha Na strived to look for a graphic designing vacancy anywhere and everywhere in the premise of the entire city. Eventually, after all the rejections, she finally came to accept that her skills did not get her into her previous job. Having good connections was equally important alongwith a degree from a prestigious university, to settle onto a promising position.

Flyers layering on her table to peek for the shortest route to acquiring a diploma with the cheapest options, Ha Na dropped on the floor exhausted.

No university checked all her squares of need. Getting on part time jobs would take her longer to earn the fee than to get the diploma. She realized, her options were starting to fade from her sight bit by bit.

"Waah... Ha Na-shi... Don't you have some guts to move to Seoul impulsively when you don't have the money to afford the city!" She gazed at the ceiling fan spinning. Something about that seemed discouraging to her. Even a fan looked working harder than her, to fulfill its purpose.

"Living completely independent must be this frustrating helplessness afterall," Ha Na scoffed talking to herself, "I guess, I was smarter when I was little."

She shifted her heavy figure to the side where the sun rays peaked through from the window. Her eyes were closed and those young memories rekindled in her head.

How the twelve year old Ha Na fought the countless urge to simply run away from the Jeon residence, after she found out the title never belonged to her. Ha Na called it her selfish reliance on the Jeon family that she failed all such attempts as a child.

Now that she had finally freed herself from that house as an adult, she has come to regret her decision. No matter how bad she wanted to disagree, in the end, she is used to having a support to cushion her fall all these time.

Just with the creeping of the regretful feeling, her door bell snapped her out of it. She looked at the time and wondered who visited her at such an odd hour of late afternoon.

Ha Na opened the door to Jeongguk, casually standing there with his hands tucked in his trench.

JK : You were home.

His tone seemed rather an assurance to himself than a question to her. Ha Na dropped her eyes with a sigh leaving her parted lips.

Ha Na : Unfortunately, yes. Come in.

If anything, she wanted someone to keep her company for awhile desperately. Thus, no questions asked, she invited him inside.

Ha Na : Did you eat?

JK : Oh, uh... I didn't yet.

Ha Na stared down at the untouched black bean noodles that she resisted to dig into when she plopped herself on the wooden floor. She gently pushed the packed bowl to Jeongguk.

Ha Na : Have this then.

He sat across her by the floor-seated dining that pulled the entire aesthetic of her cozy hall theme.

JK : You don't have to, I can order my own.

She pointed to a side of the table, Jeongguk's notice didn't go to earlier. He inaudibly gasped counting three emptied bowls of the same dish.

Ha Na : I had those a while ago. So, don't worry about me. Just dig in. It's fresh.

Starving, Jeongguk did not rely more to formalities and plucked the light wooden chopsticks apart. Stripping the transparent film atop, he began mixing the noodles with the black beans dipped in a savory glazed sauce.

Ha Na : Not- not like I mind... but I wasn't expecting you here.

JK : Oh, well, like I said, I will try to treat you better. So, I dropped by...?

It was new. Something very strange, confusing but never discouraged.

Ha Na forced out an awkward laugh looking elsewhere. The scene seemed too good to be true. She never knew Jeongguk was capable of that tone and such words directed towards her.

"This change is almost scaring me now..." she mumbled to herself while Jeongguk picked a topic to fill the awkward air.

JK : I heard about the magazine company.

Ha Na : Oh, you did? Right. I got fired again. Why do I keep getting fired, ha? And why do you find that out always?

Jeongguk's mouth brimmed with a large bite portion, he couldn't speak right away. Ha Na sighed long and rested her face on her open palms.

Ha Na : It's lonely here too... I don't know, maybe I should just return-

JK : Don't go back to Busan!

Jeongguk coughed a little, trying to munch the remains quickly and drank some water to help the slurp. Ha Na blinked up at him with a blank expression, watching him struggle.

Ha Na : Im?

JK : I mean, nobody has it easy to settle here in Seoul in the first go. So what if you cannot work for that stupid magazine company?! There are ton others. Apply for them! If you jolt down in your first shake, you are not going to survive anywhere.

His little dump of passive aggressive motivational speech had both the figures silent and processs it for a second.

Ha Na : Okay! Jesus, I was just saying out of frustration. I didn't mean to pack everything and return to my nest at the first inconvenience.

He forced out a few layers of awkward cough as the pitch of his voice toned down to normal.

JK : Okay. I was just saying too.

Ha Na : Besides, I did not leave Busan to return there again.

JK : What does that supposed to mean?

Not wanting to break it down to Jeongguk and burden him with her messed up mindset, Ha Na tried to cover.

Ha Na : Your parents... well, they raised me all the way up to who I am now. I am not planning to leach off their backs forever, you know.

Jeongguk stared down at his bowl and wiped the last bite of the serving without any reaction or words. His silence was irking.

Ha Na revised her words if anything offended him. She watched him quietly wrap up his lunch.

JK : Thanks for the meal. I should get going now.

Ha Na couldn't utter anything, Jeongguk stood up and was leaving. She caught up quickly and asked.

Ha Na : You are leaving already?

JK : Yeah, I have to rush back. Oh, and... it's our.

Ha Na : Im? What?

JK : It's still "our" parents.

Ha Na : Oh! Are you fine with that?

Ha Na wanted to respect his possessive side for Mr and Mrs Jeon after the confession of the same that night.

Jeongguk softly flicked on her forehead to give his words more breeze.

JK : Of course, you hyena!

The habitual address—Jeongguk had altered by a heavy butchering of her name when they were little—froze the two for a moment. The first time after years, she felt happy to be called a hyena. And, didn't wish to stop him.

Ha Na : Why'd you hit me?

She rubbed her forehead and heard Jeongguk mumbling in confusion himself. "Right. Why did I?"

JK : JUST! Just letting you know, you can tell me if you need any help. And making sure to eat is good. But don't overdo it. It's not the best to your health either.

Back to back his words continued to baffle both the Jeons, for they never expected to be having such remarks with each other.

Ha Na : Oh? Oh. Oh...

JK : I should just go.

Jeongguk acted on his words and saw himself out without sparing her a glance back.

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Having large hours of nothingness, Ha Na stepped into the world of webtoon eventually to pilot the water there. However, the depressing lack of support on her work lit no fire of hope for her.

And slowly she began to lack enthusiasm and incentive to draw further chapters. Ha Na took on a few parttimes to meet her daily needs or more accurately to occupy herself atleast during the day.

On the flip side, Jeongguk tried to keep her company as much as possible whilst being lowkey about his attempts.

Nevertheless in the gathering of a few members and Ji Won, Ha Na failed to charge herself up. The darkness in her sight blinded her to see or relish these moments.

Ji Won, among the crackles of the three boys, noticed Ha Na's persisting quietness. They hadn't been close for very long, yet with Ha Na, her goofy easygoing and open personality was too readable to not notice when they are absent.

Ji Won : Why don't you just take a student loan? And get that damned diploma. The room's become too humid with all your sighing the entire evening.

Ha Na : Oh, I didn't notice I was doing that. I am sorry, Eonnie.

Ji Won : Dump the apology and how about we think about the student loan?

Noticing the tipsy states of her guests, Ha Na felt it safe to be honest about her reasons.

Ha Na : I have some debts that I can never pay off.

Jeongguk looked at her as those words left her mouth. As if he could read those receipts of debt in her face : the debt she owed to his parents.

Ha Na : I just don't want more on my head. It would weigh on me beyond my threshold.

Jeongguk felt himself getting sober with the conversation. Hoseok, sitting across the table from Ha Na, placed a suggestion in the next silence.

HS : Why don't you just try freelancing majorly? A lot of dramas and movies are based off webtoons lately. It's pretty hot and trendy.

JM : That's right. Given the right publicity, it would be a great opportunity to stabilize you.

Noticing Ha Na's reluctance, Ji Won further added to the persuasion.

Ji Won : They are absolutely correct. You draw well too! It's sure to lure any comic worm, I am telling you.

Ha Na began to feel cornered by them and it also appeared to her as if she was being hard to please. It almost guilt trapped her into feeling sorry to turn down yet another advice.

JK : Just do-

Ha Na : I can't!

Her sudden and loud response, stunned the others for a moment. She avoided their eyes and sighed to reason her words.

Ha Na : I have already tried that... I don't think it sat well with me.

Ji Won : And what suggested you that? The reaction of the audience. Or shall I say, the lack of it.

HS : Ha Na-ssi, nobody in this room had a good start. None of us had a great response either. Barely any, to be honest.

JM : If we had given up then, we wouldn't have been able to witness the present, which was so much worth hassling for.

There was definitely a dawn of a needed enlightenment in her mien.

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It could be said, the real struggle began after that night. Blocking her sight to the number of views, she wholeheartedly focused on drawing and creating. Ha Na figured she had nothing to lose in this road. It could be her highway to the destination she didn't know she was wanting to reach.

And that motivation was facilitated by Jeongguk's  insistence on managing her, mainly to prevent her from quitting.

Currently in a sleep after an exhausting night of sketching and brainstorming plot twists, Ha Na was woken up by a phone call.

She received it in the morning crank without caring who was on the other line.

Ha Na : Hello?

"When's the next episode coming?" asked the line. Ha Na's droopy eyes creased at once to the familiar voice.

Ha Na : Jeon Jeongguk!

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Anything I say would sound like an excuse, so I simply apologize from the core of my heart for the extremely late update.

Let's simply enjoy the chapter?😬

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