8 years ago

She bounced her leg up and down, anticipating her man Keith walking through the steel doors of the Prison's visiting room. This was her twelfth time seeing him behind the walls of prison and she was still nervous. It hurt her to see Keith in shackles like an animal. She knew him, she knew what type of man he was; A man that would do anything for his family and friends, who loved hard, and in this case one who was at the wrong place at the wrong time.

She yawned and eyed the clock on the wall, tired from the night before from staying up all night trying to study for an upcoming Midterm for her Chemistry test and then having to drive 5 hours to see Keith, she was truly exhausted, but she didn't want Keith to know that cause then he would get on her about prioritizing. To her, he was a priority. She felt bad that he had to be here alone, a place he didn't even belong while she was out in the world enjoying her life.

She felt guilty. Therefore, she would do everything in her power to let Keith know that she was always on his side and willing to do everything and anything to keep him happy. A vow she secretly made to herself and that she was more than ready to commit to.

She stood up and smiled as she seen him walk through the doors with two officers behind him. The scene made her heart break all over again, but she didn't let it falter the smile on her face. She held it as they uncuffed him.

Even though his facial hair was starting to grow in and his hair was growing into a tight curled afro, he still looked great. She admired his face, while silently counting his freckles. She stared at his lips, just wanting to kiss him. Because of the rules, she would have to be satisfied with just a peck and a hug under 30 seconds and occasional hand-holding.

She could tell from his aura that something was off. She was so in love with Keith that just from his face, the inflection in his voice, or even his energy could alert her that something was wrong. His face held no bright smile, his eyes were lifeless as if he had given up all hope. She quickly begin to lose all hope as well. Keith was the only thing, the only person to give her light in darkness so for him to look like this it made her question their current status.

Despite, the energy she hugged him tight anyway. He held her so close to him as if she was the only thing keeping him up. She pulled back slightly to plant soft kisses on his face and on his lips before someone noticed what they were doing.

They sat down and stared at each for what felt like an eternity before she giggled. Seeing her laugh bought life to him for a second and he finally chuckled to himself.

"There you go baby, I was afraid that this visit wouldn't go well" she started.

"Why do you say that?" he grabbed her hand caressing it.

"I don't know, it's just your energy is off today baby. I always told you I know when something is wrong with you Keith"

Not doubting her for a second, he quickly asked himself did he want to talk to her about how he's been feeling or just shake it off in hopes that he doesn't give himself away. He quickly recovered from his guilt and just decided to enjoy the time that they had together and not ruin it.

"Baby girl, it's the same old same old. I just feel, defeated. Just tired of trying." He told half of the truth.

She put her head down and quietly asked him "They denied your appeal again huh?" she was afraid of setting him off. Keith hated talking about bad news to the point that it would set him off and they would be arguing.

He just nodded and looked off in the corner somewhere, he didn't want to make eye contact because truly he felt he disappointed her again. The last thing he wanted to do was make her feel like he was useless and like an inconvenience to her, that's why he hated talking about bad shit. He just didn't want to upset her.

Little did she know, she was as important to him as he was to her.

"Well keep trying baby, don't give up." she encouraged, giving a slight smile.

"Whatchu' you think I been doing?" he asked defensively.

"I'm just saying Keith, don't let it get you down baby, I know it's hard-" she was interrupted by him.

"That's easy for you to say, you ain't in here. I'm tired of being positive, I just want to get the fuck out of here. I'm tired of you trying to be so damn positive all the time, sometimes a nigga don't want to hear that shit Tayler. I just want people to be real and say 'I'm never getting out of here'."

"I'm not trying to upset you Keith, I just don't want you to give up baby, I know I'm not in here, but I am out there without you! I'm trying to live without you and stay positive for you. You don't need anymore negativity because you have to wake up here and I have to wake up alone without you!" she yelled in a whisper tone.

Beginning to feel overwhelmed by everything and as if this whole trip was a waste, she stood up ready to leave.

Realizing what he had done, he stopped her.

"Baby, please don't leave. I'm sorry."

She looked away and pouted, trying not to break the damn that held the tears that stung her eyes. She didn't want all of this to be in vain, she didn't want to walk out on him like she quit on him, but she was hurt that he would snap on her like she's the enemy when all she wanted to do was help. He wasn't on the outside with her, he didn't know everything that plagued her life since he's been gone and that's because she wanted to keep anything negative away from him.

"Please sit baby and let's start over again."

"POWERS!"

The officers yelled over at him because he held her too long for their liking. He backed up and gave her a head nod toward the table, signalling her to sit down. She sighed, wiping her fallen tear and obliged him.

"I wish I could wipe your tears baby, but you know how they are. I'm so sorry for making you cry. I never really thought about how you felt and I just wish that I realized sooner that this situation is hurting you too." he said caressing her hand.

"You know it is Keith, I love you." She sniffed.

"I don't want to see you like this, I don't. It breaks me, but I promised myself and I promise you I'm going to be here and I'm going to stand by you through all of it." she said.

"Look at you got a nigga about to cry and shit" they both laughed.

"I love you baby, thank you for sticking with me when no one else did. It seems like since I been here everybody been turning their backs on me including my own mama, my lawyer ain't worth shit" he sighed.

"I'm just lucky to have you here baby with me and I can't wait to get out of here to make it up to you" he said.

"Big house by the lake?" she asked.

"Big house by the lake." he called back.

"Three kids."

"Three kids."

"You gone have my babies Keith" she cheesed.

He laughed and licked his lips "Yeah, I'll have your babies and if we could. I'll give you some now. By the way, you look good. Look very edible right now" he said licking his lips and biting down on his bottom lip.

"You are so nasty" she blushed.

"That's how you like me." he said laughing back.

"I like more things, but do you have time to listen to everything."

"Baby, I have nothing but time." he joked poking fun at his time being locked up.

~

In the middle of Tayler going on about school, about the new shit she learned, the rude ass Professors she had to endure, rude customers from work, and home life, Keith grew quiet and his thoughts begin to swirl again.

Could he really do this for the next 15 years, seeing her like this, stressing about school, work, and him. Shorty had big dreams and he didn't feel he fit into any of them. He felt selfish being the reason she would be held back. He knew she couldn't really enjoy life with him being away and her need to be completely obligated to him. How could he ask that of her? Because his life was over or at least he felt that way, doesn't mean hers had to be wasted.

His thoughts played tug of war, but in the end he knew what decision had to be made.

"Keith, baby are you listening to me?" She slightly chuckled.

"I'm sorry baby, just thinking"

"About?" She inquired.

He sat quietly and contemplated did he really want to do this now or wait, but he knew he couldn't prolong this conversation. Over the phone is too impersonal and he knew if he waited, it would be much harder to spit the words out.

"I want to tell you something." She spoke up first before he could.

"Me first." He interrupted her, afraid that it would be some lovey dovey shit and that would just break his heart and make it harder for him to utter those words. He grabbed her right hand in his and stared deep into her eyes.

"Awww you about to get deep on me." she smiled.

Just seeing her smile, brought tears to his eyes because it pained him to know that he would be the reason her smile would disappear.

"Tayler, I love you. Your letters, phone calls, your visits, just your presence has brought me through this shit storm that has become my life. I never thought I would find myself in this position, but in the mist of it, you stayed true. You never faltered nor did you question me. You believe in me more than anybody ever has in my entire life. Because of that I am forever thankful and grateful to have earned and found a true angel that God has put on this Earth. That's so crazy, it's like he knew I was selfish and he made sure to give me his only Earth bound angel. But I guess he also knew I would mess it up because this happened and this taught me a lesson that nothing last forever." he looked away from her.

She had already had tears falling because his words "Baby what do you mean? I'm here, I'm not going anywhere."

"That's the problem." He leaned forward with her hand still in his.

She now had a confused look on her face as she sat back in her chair, preparing herself for what was going to come next.

"Just listening to you and hearing about your accomplishments, your fails, your experience of being at school. I mean you stayed at a local university just to be able to be with me! It just puts things in prospective that you are too good for me and that I don't want to be the reason you don't elevate in life. I want you to live life-."

"Keith are telling me what I think you're telling me?" she interrupted with a cracked voice.

"Tayler, please let me-"

"No explain, I want to hear this." she snatched her hand from him.

"I don't fit in your life, I'm doing 15 years here. How can I give you the house? How can I give you the kids, when by the time I get out you'll be 30 something years old. Ain't your clock ticking by then? I won't be able to get a good job because of a felony or be able to have a driver's license for a while or even vote because of that on my record. I want to give you those simple things like provide for you-"

"I can do that myself! I don't need you to do nothing, but love me. I just want you to love me like I love you. Please Keith, I just want you. I can give you all of those, I will be successful like I told you and I will give you the house, and the kids or we can adopt, just please." She furiously wiped her tears that fell a mile a minute.

"Do you hear yourself? What man would I be if I let my woman give me that? I'm supposed to do it! You've been making sacrifices for me, you don't think that I know you're tired, I notice how you look. You gotten smaller and you have bags under your eyes, I know it's me and I won't let me drag you down."

"You can't make that decision for me! This is my life and if I want to be with you, I can. I love you. You can't do this, I promise I won't stress, I'll limit myself from seeing you, I'll go out more, I'll take time off from work."

Hearing her trying to reason with him, broke his heart because here she thought it was her that needed to change when really it was him. He didn't want to distract her or be an area in her life that brought her down. He begin to cry at how wet her face was with tears and how red her cheeks were from the hurt she felt.

"Please, you can't do this."

She pleaded like her life depended on it, he looked away not being able to take the look she had on her face.

"It's already done" he wiped away his tears.

He tried to become cold-hearted as possible because watching her plead for him, only made him feel much worse than he already did. He had to get out of there.

"I'm going to take you off my visitor's list, my call list, and my mailing list. I don't want to hear from you anymore, I want you to live life, be successful, be happy. Even if it's not with me Lil Bit. Baby you deserve the world"

"I deserve you."

"I'm so sorry, please forgive me one day. I have to let you go." he stood up and planted a soft lingering kiss on her sweet lips, he tried to savor it. He pecked her again and kissed her forehead, the guards watching the scene of a heartbroken woman let him kiss her multiple times. That's how potent her sadness and cries were, she even made the guards soften up a bit.

"Don't come here anymore Tayler, please. It's for the best." He kissed her forehead and asked the guard to take him to his cell.

"Keith, wait! Don't go!" she yelled after him.

After she noticed, he wouldn't turn around she grew angry.

"FUCK YOU! YOU PIECE OF SHIT! I FUCKING HATE YOU! AFTER ALL I'VE DONE, I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT STAY DOWN FOR YOU AND THIS IS HOW YOU DO ME?!"

"LOOK AT ME! YOU FUCKING COWARD!" She continued to yelled as he was escorted out.

She had to be detained by the guards and carried out by four guards.

"Damn Powers, you got these women going crazy over you huh?" the officer tried to poke fun.

"No, I just broke a woman that loves me more than the world itself. That's the cry of a woman back there." he said with piercing eyes.

~

Present Day

"What are you doing bitch?" Raven asked on the other side of the FaceTime call.

"I'm busy hoe, what do you want?" Tayler answered back.

"Bitch you ain't doing shit. You're probably over there drinking some cheap ass wine and reading them damn thick ass books."

Tayler looked over at the night stand at the half drunken glass of red wine and the book that laid next to it.

"Fuck you, don't read my damn life" she laughed taking off her reading glasses.

"Told you bitch, now I'm just calling to see what you're up to. I miss you."

"Yeah, yeah. What do you want?"

"Is this how you treat your best friend of eight years. The one that held you down? The one that held your hair when you threw up on the bathroom floor of a club, the one that cleaned you up and bought you breakfast the next day, the one that went on a double date with that ugly ass nigga you tried to hook me up with because you wanted to go out with his best friend? and his breath smelt like Racoon dick-" she rambled.

"Raven, cut the shit. What do you want? You only call to see what I'm doing when you want something. Now spill" Tayler asked then taking a sip of her wine.

"Shit, since you put it that way. Bestie, I need a girl's night. Me, you, and Peaches this Friday. Get all cute and shit, get drunk, shake some ass and spend this cash"

"Sounds intriguing Ray, but no"

"UGH! Your Grandma Shirley ass always saying no. Listen Best friend, I've been working hard for the past few weeks, all I've been doing is working, going home, sleep, pay bills, and repeat the cycle."

"Welcome to adulthood Ray, I'm so glad you could make it." she said sarcastically.

"Fuck you, why am I even friends with you?"

"Because I'm the bestest friend you got,if it wasn't for me you'd be getting punked all the time and I keep you safe and I keep you warm because you know how timid you are." she replied back, imitating the movie Friday After Next.

"Girl shut up"

They shared a laugh.

"But I'm serious bae, I'm happy for your success and we need to celebrate you. Your episode of Sister Circle is airing Friday and I know you would love to celebrate. Bestie I need this come on." Raven begged.

Tayler groaned.

"Think about it, sexy ass men, shaking ass, I'll pay for your drinks and you get to get cute."

"It's been a while since I got cute" Tayler looked down at her worn out Jersey that used to belong to Keith.

"Did I mention, it's Reggae night bitch. I'm talking Vybz Kartel, Mavido, Spice, and even Wayne Wonder."

She knew how much Tayler loved dancehall music.

"Bitch you really had me at you paying for my drinks so I'll go. Plus I've been dying to go out."

"YAAASSSS Best Friend. Make sure you get fine"

"When have I ever looked bummy."

"Well.."

"Hoe fuck you with a soft dick"

They cackled and talked for some time until it was time for them to go to bed due to next day obligations.

She couldn't shake the feeling, but Tayler knew that something was about to happen. She couldn't explain it, she just could feel it.