As I half expected, Dad was up and eating breakfast when me and Luke walked in together, my shoes in my hand, and my dress still knotted up against my thigh.

He gave me one look and raised a grey bushy eyebrow. "I'm pretty certain you left with Marcus last night."

My cheeks flushed red. "We've had a...disagreement."

Dad rolled his eyes. "What did you do?"

My jaw dropped. "Dad!"

He chuckled. "I'm joking. What happened?"

I told him the tale right from the wine and the hot blonde through to Marcus hanging up on me this morning.

Chewing on a piece of toast, he enjoyed drawing the silence out for a minute or so before he said, "Really this is about your insecurities."

I looked at Luke who just shrugged his shoulders. Sophie huddled over the cooker, frying bacon, trying her hardest to appear like she wasn't there.

I marched over to the table, pulled out a chair, and grabbed a piece of toast from the rack. "How do you figure that out?"

A playful smirk tweaked at his lips making me wonder if he had been expecting more of a reaction. "The driving after drinking is a separate issue but the blonde woman and him disappearing in the middle of the night, you're putting two and two together and coming up with thirteen."

"I never said I thought him disappearing had anything to do with her."

"You didn't have to."

I frowned and chomped down on my toast. "So what about the drinking and driving?"

"That's a curious one. Perhaps he has a high tolerance for alcohol like some people have a high pain threshold. We're not all the same. He's too much of a gentleman to do anything reckless."

Luke snorted and disappeared outside.

"Are you actually saying these words, Dad?"

"I'm just saying give him a chance to explain himself."

"You mean now he's had all day to come up with a viable excuse?"

"Don't be so pessimistic," he replied, picking up a piece of bacon. "You're jumping to conclusions and making assumptions about things before you've heard him out."

I sighed and forced the rest of my toast down before I excused myself to shower and change. Just as I flicked the shower on, my phone beeped with an email. It was from Dad. I opened it to see the pictures he'd taken of me and Marcus last night.

My heart skipped a beat as I glanced at them, one by one. It looked like I was stood next to a movie star with the car and the way Marcus held himself, such easy confidence and striking good looks. I studied myself critically, coming to the conclusion I looked like nothing more than a gawky teenager clinging on to an older man.

"Excellent timing, Dad" I mumbled to myself.

After I cleaned myself up, I changed into some rough clothes and headed back into the house to give Joanna a hand. She'd managed to get a babysitter for the twins so I figured if I helped her out, she could have a couple of hours to herself before she had to pick them up.

Working our way through the first-floor rooms, she suddenly turned to me after several minutes of silence and said, "Why don't we hang out more?"

Startled, I looked up from fluffing the pillows and said, "What do you mean?"

"I mean we're not too dissimilar in age, you're up here quite often to see your dad, we get along. Why haven't we ever become better friends?"

I faltered. I didn't know what to say. More to the point, what kind of an answer was she expecting or wanting here? "I...I don't know."

She finished restocking the tea and coffee sachets and then said, "Well now you're living here, perhaps we should change that?"

Confused and rather taken aback, I didn't know what to think. I'd never had someone approach me and ask me to be their friend, friendships were something that just tended to naturally develop over time.

A minute or so passed by and I became very aware of the fact that she was staring at me, waiting for my reply. "Sure," I said, smoothing down the duvet. "That would be good."

"Eeeek, this is going to be so fun!" She clapped her hands together and grinned at me. "And the girls already love you so that's the biggest hurdle out of the way. So, come on, give me the gossip about you and Marcus." She winked at me and grinned.

A feeling of unease unfurled in my stomach. I felt very odd about this situation. Something about it seemed...false. "Oh, there's not much to tell really. We're still getting to know each other."

"But, come on, it's Marcus Davenport. Do you know how many women would kill to be in your position?"

"Why though? Sure, he's drop dead gorgeous, got a fancy car, and clearly a lot of money, but they don't really know him, do they? Which means they're only after his material possessions. That's not my thing."

She opened her mouth, but no words came out. Her brown eyes flickered with confusion. Several seconds passed before she said, "I...I hadn't ever thought of it like that."

I struggled not to smirk. "I could find out yet that he's a serial killer." I shrugged my shoulders. "Kind of takes away the appeal of the car and the money then, doesn't it?"

Her face paled and she started fiddling with the kettle, curling the excess length of cord around its base. "I'm sure he's not," she said, very quietly.

"That's what people said about Ted Bundy. Charming man who volunteered at a suicide hotline. Or John Wayne Gacy, the children's clown entertainer, or my favourite example, Karl Denke. The church organist who sold human flesh to people in his community."

Terror flooded her eyes. She quickly scraped her hair back into a ponytail and cursed when she dropped her hair band. When she reached down to pick it up, I noticed her hands were trembling.

"Are you alright?" I asked, guilt suddenly swamping me that I'd somehow frightened the poor girl.

She scrabbled around for the hair band and managed to secure her blonde locks in a loose bun. "Yes, I'm fine. Just need something to eat, that's all. I skipped breakfast this morning."

"Let me go and fetch you something."

"No, it's ok. I'll go."

With that, she turned and ran out of the room leaving me wondering what the hell had just happened.

***

Joanna kept very quiet for the rest of the day and we worked on in all but silence. Her odd reaction hadn't been forgotten but I knew now wasn't the time to raise it. Instead, I found my thoughts wandering to Marcus and our peculiar situation after last night.

Selina bothered me; I couldn't deny that. The thing I couldn't understand was why. Marcus could have any woman he wanted. If he wanted her, he would have been with her. The more I thought about it, the more I convinced myself it was probably jealousy based on the fact she knew him better than I did. It was an ugly truth to admit but it made the most sense.

As if he were watching me, or psychic somehow, the second I finished work, Marcus called me.

"Hey there," he said, his voice gentle.

"Hey."

"I think we ought to talk."

"I agree."

He sighed. "Can I come and pick you up?"

"I'm hungry, I've not eaten all day."

"That's ok. I can cook you something."

Damn him and his cooking. "Actually, I think I fancy something else. I've got a craving for gherkins."

He laughed. "I can find you a jar of those, I'm sure."

"No, I mean in a burger."

"Please don't tell me you like that fast food junk?"

I raised my eyebrows. Really? Was he for real? "Please don't tell me you're trying to control what I eat, especially after you hung up on me this morning?"

He cleared his throat. "Ah. I was wondering if you were still angry about that."

"Well, question answered."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done it."

His apology did nothing. It didn't even feel like he meant it. "Wow. I think I've heard robots sound more convincing."

"Are you going to be this difficult all night?"

I grinned. "Yep."

He let out a long breath. "Nothing I don't deserve. I'll come pick you up and we'll go get your burger."

"Burgers, Marcus. Burger-S."

A light chuckle sounded down the line. "Whatever the lady desires."

I hung up and headed into the kitchen to wait. Dad sat at the table, reading a newspaper. When I told him Marcus was heading over to pick me up, he smiled.

"What are you smiling at?" I asked him.

"Nothing," he said, not taking his eyes off the paper. "I just think you're cute when you're trying to be mad."

"No, Dad, I am mad."

"Of course you are."

"Dad!"

He laughed. "Look, if there's one thing I've learned in my life it's that we waste too much time letting emotions rule us. You're going to forgive him, we all know that, so why bother with the fuss beforehand?"

"Because he needs to know my boundaries, Dad. If I didn't react, he'd think it was ok to keep on hanging up on me and peeing me off."

"Then tell him that," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "Don't wait for it to happen to set the boundaries, Cat. Prevention is better than cure."

As he said cure, a pang of sadness hit my heart. It instantly made me wish for a cure for him. Pushing the thoughts away, I nodded. "You have a good point."

"Like normal," he replied, chuckling.

The sound of Marcus' car cut the conversation short. I gave Dad a quick peck on the cheek and headed outside. Seeing Marcus and his car again in the flesh reminded me of the pictures from last night. Then I realised I still hadn't sent them to Hannah. That had to be priority one once I got back.

"Hi," Marcus said. He had already gotten out of the car and halfway to the house.

"Hi."

He held his hand out for me which I took after a slight hesitation. Dad had a point. Prevention was better than cure. Still, I could enjoy making him squirm a little more, couldn't I?

"Food first, then we talk," I said.

A smile tweaked at his lips. "I expected nothing else." He walked me around to my side of the car and settled me in the seat before asking, "Where does the lady require her burgers from?"

There was only one answer for me. "Propa Burger of course."

I watched him for a reaction but his perfect poker face gave nothing away. Propa Burger made the best food I'd ever tasted. As the name suggested, proper handmade burgers made from the highest quality meat, fresh ingredients, and insanely good value for money. The only downside happened to be where they were—right on the quayside which meant parking spaces were never available. That one small con far outweighed the juicy burger I'd soon have in my hands though.

"What burgers does the lady require?" Marcus asked, settling himself into the drivers seat.

My answer was instant because I always had the same. "A quarter pounder classic with salad and ketchup, and a Kentucky chicken mayo with salad and mayo. Please."

He smirked and nodded before striking the engine up and cruising down towards my favourite food.

"You know, in regards to your fast food junk comment, Propa Burger technically isn't junk because it's all handmade and fresh ingredients. I'd produce just the same at home if I cooked it, it just so happens I'm paying someone else to cook it for me."

He laughed. "However you need to justify it is fine by me."

I frowned. "So if I asked you to cook me burgers, how would you make them differently to not class them as 'junk' food?"

"Well, first of all, I'd find meat from an organic source where the animal has been allowed to grow and graze naturally, not power fed and pumped full of grain just for a quick turnaround. Then I'd collect fresh ingredients from an organic, natural farm that doesn't use chemicals to produce food. And of course, I'd make my own bread rolls, made from the healthiest ingredients I could find."

"Of course," I said, smiling to myself. "I'd expect nothing less."

He glanced over at me and raised an eyebrow. "Are you mocking me, Miss Snaps?"

I pulled my best serious face and placed a hand over my chest. "Me? Never."

"In my defence, you asked the question and I gave my answer."

"You did, yes. But it's a highly improbable scenario for us regular people. I wouldn't even know where to go to get all that, let alone justify the cost."

"Ahhh, so convenience takes precedence over your health and the treatment of animals."

Ouch. That stung. I felt he was being a little pretentious with that comment. "Yes," I replied, sharply. "And my bank account."

He pulled his lips together and said nothing as he searched for a parking space outside the shop. The only space available happened to be on double yellow lines, which of course, he parked on.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean for that to come across like it did."

I looked him in the eye and said, "If I had no limits on money, I'd be right there with you, but people like me live a realistic life, Marcus, not an idealistic life. You're extremely privileged and with that comes certain things you don't have to worry about."

He held his hands up in a surrender sign and nodded. "I understand. I do. I'm sorry."

"Do you though? Have you ever had to scrape one and two pences together just to buy a pint of milk? Or make your daughter a meal and watch her eat it because there isn't enough food for you as well?"

His throat bobbed as he swallowed. Sorrow and regret settled in his eyes. "Your mum?"

I nodded, mentally telling myself not to cry. "Things were very hard when she first left my dad. You could argue it was self-inflicted, but she had to leave."

He reached over and took my hand, giving it a squeeze. "I'm sorry you had to live like that. It would kill me to see you in a situation like that again. If I can help in anyway, I will do, and if that means buying all your food so you can eat how you should, then I will do just that."

I smiled. "I appreciate that, I really do, and it's very kind of you to offer but I wouldn't feel comfortable with that even if we were a year down the line, let alone after a few weeks. Besides, sometimes you just need a junk food blow out. Don't you ever get that craving? Where you just want to eat crap and do nothing?"

"I can't say I do, no. Then again, it's very hard to miss what you've never had."

"Interesting point..."

He smiled. "It certainly is. Why don't you have a think on that whilst I order your burgers."

I laughed. He disappeared into the shop and left me to my thoughts. I found myself thinking how much I loved our banter and his gentlemanly ways. But the drink driving thing far far outweighed any pros he had or the way he made me feel. I couldn't tolerate it under any circumstances.

Several minutes later he reappeared with my two burgers. As soon as he opened his door, the delicious smell wafted in and made my stomach grumble. He passed me the plastic bag over as he sat in his seat.

"Shall we head up to the abbey car park and have a chat?"

My stomach churned. How was I supposed to end this nicely? I nodded and clutched onto my food like it would somehow save me from this horrible situation.

A couple of minutes later, we were parked where we'd been the first night he brought me up to the abbey. I demolished the burgers in about five minutes, hoping and praying I wouldn't drop ketchup or mayo all over myself or his fancy hand stitched leather seats.

"Better?" he asked, smirking as I wiped my mouth with the napkins.

"So much better, thank you."

"You're very welcome." He cleared his throat and said, "Shall we get the awkward part over with?"

I nodded, my heart suddenly leaping into a new rhythm. This was it. I would be breaking up with the most desired man in Whitby, or probably the country, but I had standards. No amount of good looks, money, or nice cars would compromise my beliefs.

"I don't want to go over everything that happened last night, Marcus, because quite frankly it's all irrelevant except for one part."

"And what is that one part?"

"Your insistence on drink driving. I can't be with someone who thinks that's ok because it's not. Quite frankly, I'm truly shocked that you even would do something like that. It seems so out of character for you but then is it? Does anyone really know anyone these days?"

"I can't apologise enough for that. When it comes to my car, I can be a little irrational. You have to know I wouldn't ever endanger your life willingly."

"But you were going to. If I hadn't insisted on the taxi, you'd have happily driven us back to yours."

He let out a long breath. "Ok, I can't deny that."

"Thank you for being honest. However, that doesn't change the fact that I can't be with someone who would do that."

Panic surged through his blue eyes. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying we—" I motioned between us "—can't do this anymore. No more us."

I didn't realise how much the words would bite at me as I said them. This actually physically hurt. How did people go through this over and over again?

He fell silent and scrubbed his hands over his face.

"I'm sorry. I just...I won't compromise on my beliefs. It would go against everything I am as a person. I hope you understand that?"

Silence. As the seconds ticked by, I began to wonder if I should just get out of the car and walk home. A minute passed, then two. As the clocked ticked onto the third minute, I decided to leave. I couldn't stand being in such a tense atmosphere.

"I'm just going to go," I said, almost whispering. "I'm sorry it's come to this but I'm glad I made memories with you and for that I'll always be thankful."

As I opened the door, he grabbed my hand and said, "Caitlyn, wait."

"Marcus—"

"I can explain."

I sighed. "There is no explaining the need to drink drive. Answer me this question. When I woke up and you'd left, you'd gone to fetch your car, hadn't you?"

He closed his eyes and turned to look out of his window. That was all the answer I needed.

"I'll maybe see you around," I said, setting a foot down outside the car.

He turned around to look at me and took a tighter grip on my hand. "Please let me explain."

"Marcus—"

"Caitlyn, please. What's another two minutes?"

I sighed, brought my leg back in the car and closed the door. "Go on then."

He moved his hand from mine and placed them both on the steering wheel. "There is a simple explanation for everything, I promise you."

"So explain."

"It's not that easy. This is hard for me. It's a part of my life that is kept exceptionally secret."

I frowned. "What?"

"I'm not a drink driver, Caitlyn. Well, I suppose to be technically correct, yes I drink alcohol, and yes I do drive, but the alcohol doesn't do anything to me. It's like water to me."

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, that's such a simple explanation." I shook my head. "I'm sorry, Marcus, but I need to go."

"No, Caitlyn, wait. There's a reason it's like water to me."

My sarcasm rolled around in waves in my head. It was inevitable something would spill out. "Right. Because you're Batman."

He smirked. "No. Actually, I'm way cooler than Batman. I don't even need the Batmobile."

I didn't smile. My sense of humour had been replaced with turmoil and the need to cry. All I wanted to do was go home and weep into my pillow.

"I don't really know how to say this so I'm going to just say it—I'm...a..." he circled his hand around in the air "...a vampire."

My mouth dropped wide open. Then I started laughing. "Of course you are."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Fine, don't believe me."

The sincere look in his eyes and the serious edge to his handsome face immediately stopped my laughing. He wasn't joking. Deep down in my gut, I knew it. Things, odd things I'd noticed about his behaviour and tales he'd told suddenly started making sense but even though the puzzle had finally been pieced together, I still couldn't accept it as a truth.

"You're a...a what?" My mind spun at a thousand miles an hour. How could this be possible? I must be trapped in some sort of lucid dream, surely?

"A big bad vampire," he said, smirking.

"No..." I said, shaking my head. "It's not possible. We did stuff and you...you kissed my neck...a lot." I gasped and put my hand to my throat. "Did you...did you feed on me and wipe my memory?"

He tipped his head back and laughed. "No, Caitlyn, I didn't. We can't wipe away memories, only merely suggest new ones."

"But you...you...how did you not bite me? I thought you were all ravenous bloodthirsty monsters?"

"We are, for the most part. Controlling our urges is a huge thing to master but at my age, it's nothing but second nature."

"That's why you could drink and drive..." I gasped. "Selina, is she one too?"

He smiled. "No, she's not a vampire but she's not human either."

Too distracted by all of my memories to focus on what Selina could be, I remembered the wine. "The wine, that bottle of wine? You were there, at the vineyards, weren't you? In nineteen-forty-seven?"

He nodded.

All of my pain from minutes ago evaporated into nothing, suddenly replaced by an even deeper feeling—fear. "Oh my...this is...what are your plans for me? Am I your next meal?"

He laughed. "No, Caitlyn. I would never feed from you unless you asked me to. You have the sweetest scent I've come across in centuries. Does it make me crave you like chocolate? Sure. But I can resist. Just inhaling your smell is enough of a high for me."

I shivered. Hearing him talk about me in such a foody way made me feel really uncomfortable. "I don't...I can't even deal with this right now." I moved away from him, pressing myself up against the car door, suddenly aware I was trembling like crazy. "I need to go. Space." I nodded, telling myself I needed space. "Yes, I need some space."

"I understand. Would you like me to drive you home?"

I shook my head. Be in an enclosed space with someone, no, something, higher on the food chain than me? No way. I suddenly felt like a pet sheep, not knowing when its master would slaughter it for a good meal.

"I need to get out of here," I said, opening the car door and getting out.

He leaned across the middle of the car, looking up at me and said, "At least let me walk you home, then. Make sure you arrive home safely."

Be in public with him? I pondered that thought for a moment. It seemed simple enough. If I felt threatened, it would be easy to raise an alarm. Although, how many humans would it take to overwhelm a vampire? More than a couple, if all my readings and TV shows were correct with their myths.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Caitlyn," he said, his voice soft and low. "Have you ever felt anything but safe with me up until now?"

"Well, no, but that's not the point. It's different now I know there's danger."

He chuckled. "I'm not going to pretend to agree with your point of view because I don't." He shook his head and sighed. "What if I followed you at a safe distance, just to make sure you get home ok?"

My eyes bulged at his question. "You mean stalk me? Like a cat stalks a mouse before it pounces on it and kills it?"

He roared with laughter. "That is quite the analogy, bravo. But no, I have no intention of pouncing on you in any way other than a temptingly wicked way." He winked at me and smiled, sending my body into meltdown as memories from last night flooded my mind.

"Ok, fine. Walk me home. But you put one foot wrong, Mister, and I'll be seriously pissed."

He grinned. "I wouldn't dare unleash your temper, my sweet lady."

Did I really want to walk home? "Just take me in the car," I said, sighing in defeat. "Please."

A knowing smirk tweaked at his lips before he nodded. "Your wish is my command."

As shocked as I was, I also found myself curious. I had a million and one questions I wanted to ask him but only one sat forefront and centre in my mind, resting right on the tip of my tongue. I sat back in the car and closed the door.

Marcus struck the car up and started driving. I kept my lips pressed tightly together as I stared out of my window, watching the scenery roll by. It took all of my willpower not to ask the one thing that burned a hole right through my soul. After five minutes, I couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Does your blood really heal anything?"

He glanced over at me, his striking blue eyes full of sympathy. "Yes, Caitlyn. I could save your father's life, but it's not as easy as that."

"Why not? Surely all he'd need to do is unknowingly digest some of your blood and then he'd be ok again?"

Marcus shook his head. "The mind needs to be prepared to cope with the physiological changes the body will go through. If it isn't, the subject will still die. The mind and body were designed to work together as one, if one fails the other, there's no hope."

"So he'd have to know what he was taking into his body and accept that it would save him?"

Marcus nodded. "We're a higher state of being, the next link in evolution if you like. Everything about our existence is about being aware of who and what we are and embracing it. That drills down right into the basic biology of our bodies, including the blood." He pursed his lips for a moment, then said, "If I were to give you my blood now, and you weren't fully accepting of what you were taking into your body, your body would fight it because of your mind. Do you understand?"

"I think so," I replied, frowning. "Kind of like the whole 'mind over matter' thing? If you think you're in pain, then you will be, but if you think you're ok, then you will be. Is that what you mean?"

"Yes, that's exactly it. The brain is a very powerful tool and at our level of existence, we are able to use around thirty percent of our potential capacity, as oppose to humans with their ten percent. If the mind can't keep up with the physical side, then something has to give."

"I thought that was just a myth? The whole ten percent thing?"

He laughed. "Not at all. It had to be later discredited and said to be a myth in order to make humans feel better about themselves. Such an arrogant species at times."

It felt so odd hearing him talk about people in third person, like we were an entirely different creature to his kind. "You were human once, right?"

He flashed me a cheeky grin. "You'd love me to say yes right now, wouldn't you?"

"Wait, you weren't? Then how did you...how are you?"

"What your TV shows, films, and books miss out with all the myths is that the dead can indeed procreate. Are you familiar with ancient Egyptian history at all?"

"Bits and pieces. I prefer Greek. Are you telling me you were born a vampire?" My mind had scattered into so many pieces across so many places right now, I found it difficult to focus on anything.

"Night-time reading for you—research the myth of Isis and Osiris."

I frowned. "Can't you just tell me?"

"That would take away all the fun."

"So how old are you?"

"Seven hundred and four to be exact."

Wow. Just wow. How was I supposed to even deal with this? I found myself giggling which then turned into uncontrollable laughter. He had to be joking, playing me for a fool. This wasn't possible. Was it?

"What's so funny?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"The fact you almost had me believing you."

He pulled the car over and turned to face me fully. His eyes swirled with amusement and frustration. "What makes you think I'm lying to you?"

"This is crazy, Marcus. It isn't humanly possible. Vampires are fantasy, legends, made famous by Bram Stoker and his Dracula, ironically born right here in Whitby. Don't you feel it's all a little bit cliché?"

"I understand it's a lot to take in. I assure you, Caitlyn, I am not lying. You said you needed some space, so let's give you that time to soak all this in, hmmm?"

Acting purely on impulse, I blurted out, "Bite me."

His entire being immediately darkened. Every muscle in his body visibly tensed. His right hand, gripping the steering wheel, turned whiter than white as he squeezed the soft leather. His eyes seemed to darken ten shades and his face suddenly seemed cast by shadows.

"Don't say things like that to me," he said, all but whispering. "It's a very dangerous thing to do."

"If you're a vampire, show me what you do best—bite me."

He clenched his fists. Veins in his neck bulged as he strained against himself. My heart thudded against my ribcage, desperately trying to leap free. "Caitlyn..."

I licked my lips. The tension in the air became almost palpable. We were balancing on a precarious edge and only my words could swing it either way. I thought over my options for several agonising seconds. I had to know. The only way I could believe any of this would be to see it, feel it, experience it. Seeing is believing, after all.

"Bite. Me."

What happened next happened in slow motion. As if the elastic band keeping him taut had just broken, he lunged across the car at me, his eyes turning to the deepest shade of black. Instantly, two huge canines, needlepoint sharp, protruded from his top lip, poking the soft flesh of his lower lip. He reached for me, cradling my head in his huge hands, tipping me sideways to expose my throat to him.

I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for the excruciating pain of being bitten. Instead, I felt a feather light kiss brushing over my pulsing jugular vein. His heavy breathing filled the fraught silence in the car. I suddenly became very aware of the fact I was shaking from head to toe.

"I will not feed from you to satisfy your curiosities, Caitlyn," he whispered, covering me in chills. "You are far too precious for that. Perhaps my loss of restraint for the merest of seconds was enough to convince you of my truths?"

I nodded, stifling the whimper accumulating in my throat. I truly felt like the mouse in this game I'd insisted on starting.

"Look at me," he breathed.

I dared to open my eyes to see his handsome face inches from mine. His eyes were sparkling sapphires once more and his features light and airy.

"You have no need to fear me, sweet, sweet, Caitlyn. Perhaps one day I will allow you the intimacy of being fed from, but now is not that time."

I nodded again, my head whirling from the dark turn of events I'd brought on all by myself. What the hell was this?