my sweet love

how can i possibly still be so newly in love with you? do you know how much i adore everything about you? your eyes, your lips, your voice. everything you say. every word that comes out of your lovely mouth always makes sense and always impresses me. your truth is like mine. that is what makes us one, your truth is like mine. just more so and sometimes less so. perfect, actually. you are so clever and wise, you probably advised king solomon, for sometimes your wisdom seems as old and steadfast as the mountains surrounding our home. and i see it in your eyes. i see the cogs turning and i love you so much for the movement i detect behind those intelligent eyes. and it really is there, that stir of wit. i can see it happen and it excites me to know you love me with your intellect too. (do you? you do, don't you?)

i love your sense of humour. i'm hoping somehow that you find mine halfway as engaging as i find yours. i love how you sass me. you always make me smile and laugh out loud, which is no mean feat, i can tell you. sometimes it feels to me as if we have our own air, just for the two of us. i feel we are so singular that nothing which has to do with us, has ever seen the light of day anywhere else. of course that is just silly. but i don't care. this is how you make me feel every single day since we have met. sometimes i think, oh, we are like other couples too, in this way or that way... but no. nothing i have with you is like anything i have experienced before or seen around me with others. you are the rock i never thought i needed and didn't really think about. everything you think is important to me. everything you do. everything about you is the only importance featuring in my life now. how did it happen? how did you do it? i have no idea. it is being who you are. you are so perfect for me. for me. you are the mold that made my shape from the slime. you are my sun, my rain, my ocean, my mountains, my heart, my blood, my breath. how did it happen that we found each other amongst billions of people? you and i met up and it is the only miracle i have ever experienced.

sometimes when we are speaking i have so much to say that i just shut up, because i can never get it out, there are too many things i want to say, all at the same time. or i just talk about any old thing that is not important. i am often so overwhelmed by my feelings for you so that being quiet is the best i can do. do you even guess this, i wonder... now i am smiling...

if thinking of each other in our minds could have brought us to the same place, we would never have been apart for a second. but that miracle i am still waiting for. in the mean time how you love me, projects onto everything around me. you know, the sky that is honestly such a prettier blue, the dawn that is more crisp, the smiles of people around me that seem warmer, i am warmer, more tolerant. i have become kinder. you make me kinder. i am so filled by you, buck, that i need nothing else on earth except you. and it feels to me as if i am being taught some important truth on a level so deep, that i can only wait for it to be revealed to me. and then again i suspect that i know it already, have known it since before you and i were born, like i think you know it too. how can i not know it? the truth is you. and me. it is us. i'm a madwoman. i'm crazy about you. about us.

on a more serious note... i cut my finger with the pairing knife i told you that i'd bought. i'm glad you weren't here to kiss it better because your magic vampire breath would probably have healed it immediately. now it opens every time i type with two fingers and the little cut reminds me of you. (by now you must realize you have a girlfriend beset with some twists.)

the hills are green. every summer after the rains, i am surprised by how many trees there are in this small, dry city, each one a different shade of green, probably because some years there is no rain and everything stays brown. this year the greens rejoice. i don't think it is my happiness alone that makes it so...but who knows?

in moments of panic i am frightened that my love means less to you than yours does to me. you are so very self sufficient. you are so perfect for me. am i perfect for you too, i wonder...

all my love, lestat

your ruby