Secrets That Shouldn't Be

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You are both 17

WARNING: there is self- harm. Do not read if this will affect you negatively.

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"Hiccup, we need to break up," you told your boyfriend.

He stopped what he was doing and turned to you with disbelief. "What?"

You swallowed, nervously, but repeated yourself. "We need to break up."

He stumbled the few steps towards you and stared into your (E/C) eyes, desperately wishing that you were just kidding around. "Why?" He was searching for something in your eyes, and you couldn't let him find it. No matter what.

You ducked you head. "Because there shouldn't be secrets in a relationship. Not any. Not even one."

"I'm not keeping anything-"

"I know," you interrupted him. "But I'm keeping a secret from you."

"What is it? I don't want us to break up, (Y/ N). I love you! Don't you love me?" Even without looking at him, you could tell that he was crying. The guilt of making him cry hit you like a tsunami, but you stood strong.

"I can't tell you my secret," you paused to look him in the eye, "and of course I love you, Hiccup. More than anything, but I can't be in a relationship with a secret. Especially since it's my secret."

"Please just tell me then!" he begged, his voice braking at the end. He held your hands tightly in his.

Tears slipped out of your eyes as you kissed him once more. "I'm setting you free, Hiccup. Go find someone without secrets."

You started to walk away but he pulled you back. He pulled you into a tight hug as it suddenly started to rain. The rain beat down on you like the overwhelming guilt.

"I don't want to be set free!" he wept, not caring about the rain pellets drenching him. "And I don't care if you have one or two or even a hundred secrets! I just want you, (Y/ N)! Just you. I love you! Please!"

You wept, too, as you both held each other tightly. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Hiccup."

"Are you staying?"

"Yes and no. Yes, I'm staying here on Berk. No, I'm not staying with you. Not as your girlfriend, at least. But I'm willing to still be your friend." You said the last part as you pulled away.

Rain mixed with tears, but it wasn't hard to tell that he was still crying.

"Please don't hate me."

He cupped your cheeks with his hands, staring deep into your (E/C) orbs. "Never. I could never hate you." He started to lean in but stopped himself.

"Do it," you breathed, fluttering your eyes closed.

He nodded ever so slightly and gently pressed his lips to yours. The kiss started off gentle and sweet but quickly turned into one with a passion as y'all clung to each other like it was your last day of life.

One of his hands pulled at your hair while the other forced you closer to him by your neck and shoulder. Your hands found themselves gripping tightly at his upper arms, pulling him as close as possible.

Your lips stayed centimeters apart when you pulled away. Rain matted your hair and ran down your skin, making your clothes cling to you, but it didn't even matter. Nothing but the boy in your arms did.

"I can't be in a relationship with a secret. I'm sorry," you apologized.

Hiccup's grip loosened. "What will it take to get you to be mine? I'll do anything. Just tell me."

You shook your head. "I only have one secret, but it's bad. A really bad secret. I haven't had it for long, though, I promise. But I'm too embarrassed to tell. Stupid, I know-"

"No: understandable."

"-But it's how I am. I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that," he ordered. "I don't care about your secret- I mean I do care, especially if it brings any harm to you-" you stiffened slightly when he said that, "but I still want to be with you. You, (Y/ N). Not anybody else."

"Then you'll discover my secret. If you can figure it out, I'll have no more secrets, and then we can be together again," you told him, leaning your head against his shoulder.

He took your hands in his and brought one knuckles to his lips. "I will find out your secret, (Y/ N). I promise. I love you."

"As I love you."

"Impossible. My love for you is greater than anyone else's in the world. Past, present, and future."

"I love you, Hiccup. I'm sorry," you hid your face in his chest for a moment. When he started to wrap his arms around you, you ran off.

"(Y/ N)!" he shouted. "(Y/ N)!"

The rain beat down on you like the overwhelming guilt.

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A whole year went by, Hiccup still couldn't figure out your secret, though he didn't think it was possible for your secret to be as close to you as it actually was.

You shared a hut with Hiccup on Dragon's Edge. You had different rooms, but it was in the same hut. (D/N), your (D/T), and Toothless got along well, so it pleased them to be able to play after dark as well as during the long day.

You were both still best friends, but you kept one secret from him while he kept two. One: his feelings for you grew. Two: He was getting closer to discovering your secret. It was just a hunch, considering your limited movements when it came to moving quickly and suddenly.

Sometimes, y'all kissed, but only with permission (that was always granted). Y'all cuddled and laughed and went exploring together and supported each other.

One day, while you were playing with (D/N) and Toothless, you tripped over thin air and fell backwards. It wasn't uncommon for you to trip but Hiccup still looked up in concern from his position on the couch where he was sketching.

"Are you-" he paused when he saw scarred skin revealed by your lifted shirt.

You let out a gasp and quickly pulled it down, but it was too late.

Hiccup stood up cautiously, tossing his stuff carelessly to the side. "(Y/ N), what was-?"

"N- n- nothing!" you rushed, still propped up on your elbows.

"That wasn't nothing, (Y/ N)," he immediately dismissed the lie. He knelt down next to you and reached for the hem of your shirt. You scooted away. His eyes darted towards you, pleading with you to let him see. "Please. I won't hurt you."

You closed your eyes and breathed, "Just- just say it."

He silently nodded. "This is your secret."

This four words was all that needed to be said. You nodded, your eyes still closed, but stiffened as Hiccup lifted your shirt up a bit. He uncovered your stomach but stopped at the bottom of your ribs. You opened your eyes to see pain and hurt and disbelief take turns painting themselves across his face.

"(Y/ N). H- h- how?" His fingers traced scars both fresh and old. You winced at some of the fresh ones but not often. You stared at him as he examined your stomach. Not many fresh scars were recently added, but you hadn't self harmed much the past few weeks. "Why?"

"I'm sorry." Tears sprang to your eyes. "So sorry." They slipped out. More followed.

Hiccup noticed and instantly pulled you into his arms. He rocked you gently as you quietly wept. "Shh. Let it out. Shh. You're alright now. Everything will be fine now. Don't you worry," and he whispered other soothing things into your ear.

"I'm not alright," you began once you could speak. "I'm broken. Nothing is fine; you know how broken I am. I never wanted that to happen." You cried a minute more before continuing. "Don't worry? I only have everything to worry about. My best friend, my lover knows that I'm broken, he'll probably warn everyone to keep an eye on me, he might never trust me again, he probably hates me or doesn't want me anymore, and-"

"Shh shh shh shh. Now, now. I don't hate you; I won't leave you. I love you with all my heart and want you to be by my side every day for the rest of my life. I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to, so relax. I don't think you're broken, just wounded. Nothing that can't heal. I still trust you with my life, although I will admit I might keep a stricter eye on you for a while."

"But you'll probably make me stop, too."

"Well, yeah, of course. But I'll help-"

"I don't want to stop!" you exclaimed.

"(Y/ N)," Hiccup started.

"No!" You shook his hand off your arm. "It makes all the bad stuff go away, Hic. All the memories. The fire. My parents. It makes it all just go away. I mean, it hurts, but it works."

"It's not good for you. You don't have to hurt yourself. Let me help you. Just let me show you." He stood up, holding out his hand for you. You stared at it, wanting to take his hand but also not. Your hand went back and forth until you clutched your hand to your chest. "Please, (Y/ N). If you love me, give me a chance to show you another way. A better way."

You looked up at him and started to reach your arm out. Your fingers grazed his before you changed your mind and started to pull back. Hiccup wasn't having that and took your hand. With a comforting smile, he helped you up.

He was true to his word and found things to occupy your mind other than the dark memories and haunting thoughts. He didn't tell the others and stayed by your side as much as he could.

After a month, you were cut free, with only scars to prove of your personal Dark Ages. After three months, Hiccup held your hand as you threw your knife into the ocean with the words, "I won't need this when I have you, Hiccup."

"You'll always have me." He wrapped his arms around you.

"Then I won't ever need a knife."

He leaned his forehead against yours and breathed, "I love you," against your lips.

"As I love you." You closed the gap and enjoyed his sweet lips.

After the kiss, you enjoyed sitting and watching the sunset as (D/N) and Toothless played behind y'all. After the sun had set you enjoyed looking up at the stars.

Suddenly Hiccup stood up. "I think it's time we start heading back. What do you think?"

You gave him a closed eyed smile and a nod, so, with a comforting smile, he helped you up.

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