Missing Dad

For hiromysuperhero

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WARNING!: Self harm and suicidal actions, don't read if this will effect you badly.

Another brother- sister one shot. I love these.

Your both 19 and ten months younger than Hiccup (20)

After the second movie.

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You looked out the window. It was a bright and sunny day, but your mood was the exact opposite.

"(Y/ N)!" Your mother, Valka, called.

"(N/N), breakfast," Hiccup said, knocking on your door. You walked over to the door and opened it, revealing your worried older brother. You have him the best smile you could before he followed you downstairs.

"Good morning, (N/N), Hiccup," your mom said.

"Morning, mom," Hiccup greeted, plopping in his chair. You silently sat down in yours. "(N/N)," Hiccup drew out, "don't you have something to say?" You shook your head no and they both sighed.

"Please, (Y/ N)," your mom begged. "I want to hear my little girl's voice."

You opened your mouth to talk. How could you not? You didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"G- good m- morning, m- mommy." Your voice was a bit raspy since you hadn't really used it in a few weeks, but it made your mom happy.

"Thank you, dear," she kissed your forehead and set your breakfast in front of you.

"Thank you," Hiccup mouthed when your mom wasn't looking.

You ate breakfast, listening to Valka and Hiccup chat like usual.

"(N/ N), can I talk to you? Alone?" Hiccup asked. You nodded and he lead you outside. You were going to talk on your morning flight together? Okay.

You started to get on (D/N), your night fury, but Hiccup stopped you.

"Nope. The dragons are staying today." He took your hand and began walking towards a certain statue.

"Look, (Y/ N)," he began, "I know you're going through a rough time- I am too- but you need to stop pushing everyone away. Or, at least me and mom. (N/ N), mom wants to get to know you. But you keep pushing her away. I want my little sister back. Astrid wants her best friend." He stopped, turning and putting his hands firmly on your shoulders. "Please, (Y/ N), say something. Do something! And I don't mean lock yourself alone in your room and you cry."

"B- But I want dad." Tears sprang to your eyes, followed by his.

"I know. So do I. But he wouldn't want you to shut everybody out like this. He would want you to spend time with mom and Astrid and playing with (D/N) and exploring the surrounding islands like we use to! (Y/ N), I miss you. I know you're sad and depressed. I know you feel scared and alone. But I am here for you. So is mom and Astrid and (D/N) and Toothless and anyone else in the village. You don't need to be alone."

You pushed him away, shaking your head. You muttered "You don't get it," and ran away crying.

He called your name multiple times, but you didn't stop or slow down.

You ran to the cove, where you and Hiccup met (D/N) and Toothless. You immediately went to a patch of dirt, picked up a stick, and started drawing. At first, it was random lines in the dirt, then it got more complicated and before you knew it, you had almost finished a drawing of your beloved father.

"I miss him too, (Y/ N)."

"Ah!" You jumped up. "Hiccup! Don't scare me like that!" you demanded, punching his shoulder.

He laughed, rubbing his shoulder with his opposite hand. "Sorry. Come on, mom wants to speak with you."

You sighed and followed him to Toothless, who eagerly shot off when you were both securely on him. You laughed freely and held on tightly to Hiccup.

"You laughed," he stated when you landed.

You nodded, your smile fading.

"No no no! Smile! Come on, (N/N), I know you can do it! You were so close! Please smile," he begged, his eyes making the begging more intense.

You smiled slightly, but it was forced.

He sighed, his shoulders falling. "Never mind. Come on." He turned around and went inside, not even making sure if you were following.

You got many talks similar to Hiccup's that day, all saying that you should start talking and stop pushing others away. You got one from Gobber, Astrid, Fishlegs, your mom, two of the village elders, a few villagers, and one from both Hiccup and your mom during dinner.

All you said was, "Sorry," at the end of each one.

More days went by, you started talking but you never smiled, you stopping flying, going outside, and drawing. Even your spoken words were minimal and blunt. You ate little to nothing everyday.

It worried people. A lot.

Soon Hiccup got so worried, he assigned people to stay by your side at almost all times, and to make sure you got out. That got real annoying real quick.

"Hiccup," you said, standing in his open doorway, arms folded across your chest.

He smiled, "Yes, (N/ N)?"

"Stop with the body guards all the time! It's annoying."

His smiled quickly faded and he heaved himself off of his bed. "Sorry, (N/ N), but it's for your own safety."

"Safety? I can take care of myself!" you shouted.

"Then prove it!" he shouted back. "You can't just go around saying that when your action prove otherwise," he said, much calmer. He ran his hand over his face. "Prove it to me that you can take care of yourself and won't do anything stupid and then I'll remove the body guards, deal?"

"Deal."

You quickly changed your actions, talking more, getting a normal eating habit, spending time with your mom and brother and friends and dragon. ((Sorry felt like saying 'and' repeatedly for some odd reason)).

Within three weeks Hiccup allowed you to roam freely around Berk, but promised to assign the body guards again if you went back to your depressed self.

So, naturally, you kept that part of you hidden. You still talked, but spent many hours of the day in the forest behind Berk. You made sure to take walks during different parts of the day so that Hiccup thought you were interacting with others.

Crying soon wasn't enough. Soon you kept a knife in your room and would take it into the forest every day. You'd pull up your sleeves and revealed your stomach, showing the many cuts and scars on them. But you placed more through your flesh.

At first, you only cut yourself when you were depressed, but it quickly became a bad, unstoppable habit (though you didn't really try to stop it).

***********

Nearly two months after your dad, Stoick, died, you found your long-lost mom, and Hiccup became chief, and here you were, standing on a cliff and looking out at the sunset.

You looked at the knife in your hands, gripping it tightly with both. You held it at arms length, squeezing your eyes shut.

"Don't worry, dad. I'll join you in Valhalla soon. Very soon."

You sucked in one last breath and pulled the knife towards your heart. Your plan was simple: stab your heart, fall into the ragging waves below, and die of either drowning or blood loss before seeing your father again.

Two hands grabbed yours and stopped the knife at the last moment, crying out, "(Y/ N), NO!"

"Hiccup," you gasped, spinning around after a few seconds of standing there in shock.

His hands found yours again, pulling the knife out of your strong grasp, tears spilling out of his eyes. "(Y/ N)," he whispered. "Why?"

You shook your head, facing the ground and closing your eyes shut again.

"Why?" he demanded, more urgently. "(Y/ N) (M/N) HADDOCK, TELL ME WHY YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS THIS INSTANT!"

You busted into tears and hugged him. He immediately relaxed and hugged you back, rubbing small circles on your back. Neither of you said anything as you cried.

"I- I'm s- s- sorry," you choked out.

"Please don't leave me, (Y/ N)," Hiccup begged. It was then that you noticed he was also crying.

"B- But dad-"

"Would want us to be happy. To stay alive." You were about to say something but he continued. "(Y/ N)," he pulled back, keeping his hands on your shoulders, so he could see you, "we will join dad when it's our time. But our time isn't there yet. (Y/ N), I know you miss dad- so do I- but you can't throw everything away because of it! I'm here for you! Astrid is here for you! Mom is, too! And even (D/N)! (Y/ N), you're not alone. I know you've been putting on a brave face for me but it's okay to cry. Don't be afraid to pull me aside and just cry. Same goes with mom and Astrid or anyone else you need."

"But-" you stopped, avoiding his gaze.

"But what?"

"But... I... I miss dad, Hiccup. Why did he die? Why did he leave us? Why did Drago kill him? Why did he try to kill you?" As you asked question after question, your voice started going higher and higher and tears sprang from your eyes.

Hiccup pulled you in another hug just as your voice broke and you began to bawl again. "Shh, it's okay. I'm right here," he soothed, petting your hair. "Everything is alright. It's okay."

After a few minutes, you suddenly stopped crying and exhaled a shaky breath. "Thank you, Hiccup. I feel much better," You sighed, keeping your head on his chest. You could hear the steady beat of his heart. The rhythm was calming.

He kept running his hand through your hair, knowing how much you it calmed you. "Your welcome. Now, please tell me why you would try to... kill yourself."

You sighed and started to pull away, he let you. You moved yourself so you were sitting in front of him and you noticed how dark it was outside. Toothless laid nearby, watching the two of you with big eyes.

"Uh, I didn't want to worry you, so I tried to keep my emotions to myself. At times-" without pausing, you glanced at the knife Hiccup had thrown a few yards behind him, "the pain was too much. I learned that physical pain got rid of the emotional pain- temporarily, at least."

"Please, (Y/N), tell me you didn't..." he begged, shaking his head.

"I did." You pulled up your sleeve a bit to show the many cuts and scars.

You were about to pull it down when Hiccup grabbed your arm. "No." He stared at it, tracing a few lightly. "Oh Gods, please tell me I'm having a nightmare. Please no." He pulled you so you were on his lap and he wrapped himself prospectively around you, rocking you back and forth while muttering to himself. "Please no. Please no. Oh Gods. Please, Thor, no. Please. Not my sister! Not my baby sister! Not (Y/ N)!"

"Hic- Hiccup," you cried, tears starting to fall out of your eyes as you looked up at your weeping brother. He never cried. I mean, sure he shred a few tears when your dad died, but he didn't actually cry. "I- I'm s- sorry!" you said, your voice getting higher. You gripped onto his shirt and hurried your face in his chest. "I'm sorry. It's- it's- all m- my fault! All- all my f- fault! All-"

"(Y/ N)," Hiccup yelled, sternly but tear- filled. His grip on you tightened. "It's not your fault. It'll never be your fault. It's mine for not noticing sooner. For not helping you sooner."

"But, Hic, it's not y- your fault t- that I d- did that to m- myself."

"It's not yours either-"

"Yes it is! It was my decision, my actions, and my emotions! Emotions that I let get the best of me," you muttered the last part, looking at your hands.

"It's not your fault, (Y/ N)," he said, calmly. "Let's just agree that it's neither of our faults, okay?"

"Okay. Don't go blaming yourself for everything, Hic."

He smiled, softly, "Okay." He looked at the sky. "Uh oh, we better head back. Mom will be worried."

"Oh no."

Hiccup helped you on Toothless and y'all sped back home.

"No mentioning what happened to mom, please, Hiccup," you begged.

He shook his head, much to your dismay. "Sorry, (Y/ N), but we need to tell mom what happened. She'll find out sooner or later."

"But, Hiccup-"

"No buts, (Y/ N)," he said sternly, before opening the door. "Mom! We're home-!" he grunted as your mom ran into him, causing him to stumble a few small steps back.

After a few silent seconds, she went onto hugging you. When she finally pulled back she demanded, "Where have you two been?!"

You pleaded with Hiccup using your eyes. He shook his head no again. "Mom-" he started.

"On a cliff!" you interrupted, quickly. "Watching the sunset."

She folded her arms, "It's long past dark."

You mouthed "Tomorrow," to Hiccup when she turned to him.

"She fell asleep. I didn't want to wake her and also ended up falling asleep," Hiccup explained, waiting until after Valka looked away from him to frown at you. You nodded your thanks. "Sorry, mom."

"Okay," she drew out, suspicious.

"It's late. We're heading to bed. Love you, mom." You kissed her cheek and dragged Hiccup up the stairs by his wrist.

"You better tell her tomorrow," he frowned, arms across his chest as you stood in his room.

You sighed and plopped on his bed. "Don't worry. I will. I will."

He nodded in approval before asking, "You staying in here tonight?" suddenly leaning over you.

You looked up at him with big (E/C) eyes. "Yes, please. May I?"

He smiled and said, "Sure thing, little sister. You can have the bed, I'll take the floor."

You grabbed his wrist before he started make a palette. "Actually, Hiccup, I was thinking we could, um, do it like we would when we were kids and I had a nightmare." You released his wrist and avoided eye contact. "If you don't mind," you added softly.

You felt him lay next to you, followed by his arms wrapping around you. "I don't mind, (Y/ N)."

You snuggled in his arms and smiled. "I miss this."

"So do I."

You looked up at him with pleading eyes, "Can you sing the song, please?"

He smiled and started singing.

"When the blazing sun is gone,

When he nothing shine upon,

Then you show your little light

Twinkle twinkle all the night

Twinkle twinkle little star

How I wonder what you are

Up above the world so high,

Like a diamond in the sky

Twinkle twinkle little star

How I wonder what you are."

When he checked to see if you were awake or not, he saw your peaceful sleeping face and held you closer.

"I will always protect you, (Y/ N)," he whispered. "You are never alone."

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The song was how I learn twinkle twinkle little star. I know not many others learned it that way though.