Lesson Learned

For silverflyer

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Warning: There is some child abuse, self harm, and suicidal actions. Do not read if this will effect you negatively!

Beginning also about stuff before the first movie!

Flashback style.

You are 17. Hiccup is 19

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Hiccup's P.O.V

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I remember when I first met (Y/ N). I was seven. I was crying. I believe it was about my father hating me. No one was willing to help me. I was disgrace. A mistake.

I still believe that, but I'm not depressed. I can still see the joy in life. At least, when I'm around (Y/ N).

Anyways, I felt alone. And I was until a small voice asked, "Why are you crying?" I looked up, surprised to see the small young girl with her knees bent in front of me. "Do you want a shoulder to cry on?" she asked, wearing a small smile despite also wearing rags with holes in them.

I started to nod but quickly shook my head. I was the chief's son; I couldn't be seen as weak.

She sat next to me nonetheless. "Don't worry. I'm here. I'll always listen." She brought me into a simple hug, but it still had me suddenly breaking down. I wept on her small shoulders like there was no tomorrow. She rubbed my back gently and, at one point, sung soothing songs softly in my ear.

I found out that the young girl could keep secrets. I spilt all of mine to her, and she would always comfort me and listen silently. If I ever asked her for advice, she'd ponder over her thoughts for a moment before sharing them with me.

She quickly became my best and only friend. I found out she lived with her uncle in a house close to mine. We played for hours nearly every day, mostly in the forest.

I would do something silly to hear her gentle and bell-like laugh, and she would often do the same to make me smile or laugh. We loved making the other happy, but also had plenty of serious moments.

She always made sure she was home before dark, though. Whenever I questioned why, she was quick to distract my active imagination or use my short attention span to detour my thoughts onto something else. At first, I didn't realize what she was doing. In fact, I'd only recently realized she was avoiding the answer. Yup, six years and she still made sure she was home before dark every night, unless she spent the night at my house, which happened quite often.

I am not stupid. I knew she had a secret she- for some unknown reason- wouldn't tell me. She has told me secrets before, and I made sure to keep them (besides, who would I tell?) but I knew she wouldn't tell that secret with ease. It would take some major persuading.

When she was seven, I was nine, I taught her to read and write. Ever since then she eagerly kept a journal, filled with drawings, ideas, or things that happened that day. I would get her a few journals for her birthday and Snoggletog every year since she went through a journal every few months.

When I was ten, just a year younger than (Y/ N) is now, I started cutting. It relieved me of the pain I felt from the hatred the tribe held towards me. The hatred my father held towards me. (Y/ N) was the only one who loved me. I loved her not like a sister as I had once, but as a lover. I was only thirteen, but I started having those feelings towards (Y/ N) for over a year.

She could never love me back, I often thought to myself, gliding my blade across my scarred skin.

"Hiccup," I can still hear her soft voice call.

"Yes, (Y/ N)?" I would look down to meet my eyes with hers. She was always a skinny thing, thinner than me somehow, and she was also short for her age.

She always looked up at me with innocent (E/C) eyes. She would then give me her closed eyed smile and say, "I love you, big brother!"

Yes, that's all I would ever be to her, I told myself, saying, "I love you, too, (Y/ N)." Of course, I meant it in a different way, but she never knew that.

"Hiccup!" I could hear her shout, eager to show me something, whether it'd be something she made like a stuffed dragon, a rock, or something else she found in the forest or at the beach.

I would always call back and quickly make my way to her, and always with interest.

Quite a few times, she'd point something out. Something we saw so often, I was surprised she bothered to take note of it.

"Look, Hiccup," she pointed to the shadows of the leaves on the trees and the sunlight pouring through the gaps.

"Yeah, what about it, (N/ N)?" I had asked.

"Even the trees are happy. The sun is, too," she stated, bending her knees so she could graze her finger across the soft green grass, where the shadow moved back and forth with the wind.

I bent my knees as well, but didn't touch the grass. Instead, I stared at the same mix of shadows and light that she did but couldn't see how she saw happiness from it. "How can you tell?"

She looked at me the same time I looked at her and giggled. "Its dancing, Hic. Look." She pointed up just as the wind blew against the branches, shaking them. She jumped up. "See! Dancing! Their happy!"

I just chuckled at her. She saw the world around us so much differently. "And the sun?" I challenged.

She giggled at me again. "Why would it be shinning so brightly if it was sad?" Again, with her childish logic, but I didn't dare ruin her fun. "Silly Hiccup."

I nodded and let her be. "Alright."

She danced over the mix of shadows and sunlight. The sunlight seemingly danced across her skin as she held her arms out and spun. Her laughs filled the surrounding air, causing a smile to appear on my face as well.

And suddenly, I could see what she meant. With her presence, everything seemed to be happy. I wondered if it was just the two of us that noticed, or if everyone else around (Y/ N) did as well. She seemed to make everything around her happier. She made me happy just by thinking about her.

I blinked, the sharp pain from my blade across my skin bringing my roughly back into reality. I made several more cuts across my wrist, then some more on my stomach.

A knock disrupted my silence. "Hiccup?" a soft and familiar voice called out. "Big brother, can I come in?"

"(Y/ N)? Uh, just a minute." I quickly wiped up my own blood and hope that I wouldn't bleed much more as I hid my knife and bloodied rag in a drawer in my bedside table. "Come in."

It took less than a second before eleven year old (Y/ N) to coming bounding in. "Hi!" She giggled, jumping into my arms to give me a hug. I tried to hide my wince; she had rubbed my shirt against my cuts just right. . .

"Hi to you, too," I smiled at her. I looked at my window to see it was nearly dark. "Why are you here? It's late."

"I was running an errand for Uncle and wanted to give you a quick 'hello'. And to ask if we are still having that picnic tomorrow."

Guilt instantly filled me as I was reminded of our plans tomorrow and my plans tonight.

"Yeah. I'll pack the food," I lied.

She looked up at me with worried eyes. "Are you alright, Hic? You seem upset."

"I'm fine," I lied again.

"You're lying." Hurt covered her features. "Why are you lying to me?" Tears started to fill her eyes.

I hugged her tighter. "I'm sorry, (Y/ N). I'm not fine, you're right. I just don't feel like talking about it right now."

She instantly relaxed. I had told her the truth. "Tomorrow, at the picnic, perhaps?" she asked.

I nodded. "Perhaps. You'll find out tomorrow, either way. Now, it's getting late," I started.

"Oh yeah. Bye, Hic! See you tomorrow." She skipped out of my room.

I get straight to work and tied a rope to a support beam. I carried a chair underneath the rope before tying a loop at the end not tied to the support beam.

I looped it around my neck and closed my eyes. "I'm sorry, (Y/ N)," I whispered, before letting my goodbye letter float down to the floor and kicking the chair out from underneath me.

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Your P.O.V

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You had nearly made it home before you remembered you forgot the bread your uncle wanted you to retrieve was forgotten in Hiccup's room.

"Oppies," you giggled, before running back to Hiccup's.

You knew his dad often got home late, and if he was home early he wouldn't mind you just walking in (you often did come in without knocking).

Stoick was home. "Good evening, (Y/ N)," he greeted with a smile. "A bit late, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I forgot something in Hiccup's room. I'll be on my way home in a minute."

"Okay, then. Better hurry up."

You nodded. "I will." You immediately ran up the stairs and knocked on Hiccup's door. "Hic? Hiccup?" you called out.

What you saw was what you least expected. Hiccup was hanging by his neck in the middle of his room.

"HICCUP!" you shouted in fear. You quickly pulled out the knife you kept at your side and stood in the chair knocked over next to him to be able to reach above him and cut the rope. He fell to the floor. "Hiccup!" You climbed down and moved his head so it sat in your lap.

"Stoick! Somebody! Help!" you cried out, tears racing down your face.

"(Y/N)? What's wrong- oh my. Son!"

You turned to look at him. "Help! I- I- think h- he's d- dead!"

"Stay here! I'll go get help. Don't worry, (N/ N), everything will be fine." He tried to reassure himself as well as you before he quickly ran off.

"Hiccup," you cried, closing your eyes and weeping over him. "Oh, Hiccup! Please don't leave me! I need you! I love you! Not like a brother, but more! Please, Hiccup! I love you so much, just please don't leave me!"

"(Y-Y/N)," Hiccup stuttered.

"Hiccup!" you gasped. Had he heard your confession?

"I- I love you, too. As a- a lover, not as your brother," he smiled weakly. "I- I'm sorry." He apologized as his eyes started to flutter close.

"No! Hiccup!" You kissed his lips in hopes of keeping him awake. He kissed back for a moment, but then started to fall back into darkness.

"I love you, (Y/N). Thank you for caring about me." His eyes closed and his head rolled sideways.

"No! NO! HICCUP! NO! WAKE UP! HICCUP, WAKE UP! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME- NO!" You continued calling out for Hiccup as people pried you away from him before carrying him away. You fought blindly against the person preventing you from running to Hiccup.

"Let! Me! Go!" You grunted as you desperately tried to get away. "I- I need to see Hiccup! Let me go! Please!" You stopped fighting. "Please." Tears quickly replaced the old set and you began to cry again.

Strong arms made their way around you and gentle but big hands patted your back as you cried and wept for the boy you loved.

You didn't remember falling asleep, but you woke up beside Hiccup on his bed.

"Hiccup," you said, finding your throat dry. When you went to sit up, hands pushed you back down.

"Rest," Stoick said, gently. "You had a rough night."

"W- Water," you managed.

He nodded and picked up a cup from the table beside the bed. "I figured you would want some when you woke up. Here you go, sweetie."

You downed the water in one go, before thanking Stoick and laying back down. You wrapped one arm around Hiccup and fell asleep as Hiccup wrapped his arms around you in his sleep and pulled you close.

Stoick watched with a soft smile on his face.

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Hiccup's P.O.V

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I woke up a few days after I attempted suicide in a bed with my arms around (Y/N), holding her close. I blushed as I heard my dad's voice.

"You're awake. Finally."

I looked up at him as my memories came flooding back. "Oh!" I looked away from him, ashamed.

"You gave us quite a scare, son. I don't expect you to explain it to me if you don't want to, but you owe (Y/N) an explanation."

I looked at him and nodded. "Yes, dad." I looked at the sleeping girl in my arms. "I owe her everything, don't I?"

Dad smiled softly. "You sure do, son. You sure do. Take care. Don't try another stunt like that again. I'll leave you two be." Dad left the room and I watched (Y/ N) sleep until she started to stir.

"Good morning, beautiful," I smiled when her eyes fluttered open.

She blushed, but responded. "Good morning Hic. Wait- Hiccup!" She cheered and hugged me tightly.

"Omph! Can't- breathe," I muttered.

Her grip loosened. "Sorry, big brother- oh! I mean Hiccup."

I smirked. "Yeah, can't really call me big brother anymore, can you?" I joked, placing a gentle kiss upon her lips.

She giggled. "I guess I could, but it would be kinda weird."

I chuckled. "Yup. Just kinda weird."

"Hic?" She avoided eye contact.

"What is it, mi'lady?"

She hugged me, hiding her face in my chest. "Please, never do that again."

"I won't."

She punched me, but she didn't have much strength so it didn't really hurt.

"Ouch," I joked. "Okay. Lesson learned."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"And what do you promise?" she urged.

"Fine. I promise I will never try to do suicide again."

She closed her eyes in content and snuggled up against me, using my chest as a pillow. "Thank you."

"Anything for you, mi'lady."

"Hic?" her soft voice asked.

"Yes?"

"We're dating, right?"

"If you want to, uh, I guess."

She smiled softly, but didn't open her eyes. "I do. It sounds nice."

I smiled. "Okay then. I guess we're dating."

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We kissed and goofed around. We held hands and whispered meaningful "I love you"s to each other often. We would still explore and play like before. Our relationship may have upgraded, but our behavior stayed mostly the same.

I, being the boy, asked (Y/ N) on many dates. We had one nearly every week for the first three months, then it went to every other week, then every month.

She didn't tell her Uncle, but it was no surprise when he found out.

One day, she showed up in our secret hiding spot- the cove- with a bruise on her cheek.

"What happened to your cheek?" I asked her, on our one year anniversary. She flinched away when I touched it. "Sorry."

"It's fine. Um, I, uh, fell." She shuffled her feet, avoided eye contact, and bit the right side of her lip. An obvious lie.

"Now you're lying. What's wrong, (Y/ N)? You know you can trust me." I bent down, trying to make eye contact. I succeeded for a short moment, but then she looked away. "(Y/ N)," I said, in a serious manner. When she still didn't look up at me I placed a finger under her chin and guided it up. "(Y/ N), please look at me." I waited until her eyes met mine. "Please tell me what happened."

Tears slipped from her eyes. "I'm sorry, Hiccup. I can't. He would hurt me. He would hurt me so badly. I- oh my gods." She slapped her hands over her mouth.

"What? Who will hurt you?" I placed a hand on her shoulder but she shrugged it off. "(Y/ N)," I repeated. She started to run off. "(Y/ N)!" I attempted to grab her wrist but I just grazed it. She stumbled with a wince, holding onto her wrists for a few seconds before continuing to run away. So, I chased after her.

She didn't even leave the cove before I caught her and started pulling her back. She fell to the ground. "No, Hiccup, please no. Stop."

I pulled her up and wrapped my arms around her so she couldn't move. Her arms were at her sides and were now trapped so she couldn't fight back very well. She was facing me but ducked her head down.

"Please tell me."

Tears fell down her cheeks and she shook her head no before resting it on my chest. "I can't, Hic."

"(Y/ N), let me help you. I may not look it, but I am strong. I'll protect you. I will keep this person from hurting you, just please tell me who is hurting you."

"No one is-" she tried lying.

"Stop lying!" I commanded, a bit harsher than I had intended it to. "Please tell me," I said in a gentler voice. "Please," I whispered helplessly into her ear when she didn't respond. "How can I help you if you won't let me?"

"My uncle."

"What?"

"Don't make me say it again," she begged, eyes closed.

"Shh shh shh," I soothed when she started to cry. "I won't. Don't worry. Now," I said slowly, pulling back. She looked up at me with tear filled eyes. I moved my hands and grabbed her wrists. She flinched again with a noticeable wince. "Can I know why you flinched whenever I grab your wrists?"

Fear filled her expression, then panic. She tried to break free. "No."

She tried to fight back, but it was no use. I was stronger. I suddenly let go of one wrist and picked her up bridal style before laying her on a soft patch of grass and hovering over her.

She crossed her arms over her chest and looked up at me fearfully. I gently tugged at one wrist, but she didn't move.

"I won't hurt you," I promised. "Just show me. Please."

She caved in, letting me pin her wrists to either side of her head and pulling down the long sleeves.

Only to reveal the same cuts that had covered my body just a year beforehand.

I sucked in a breath. "(Y/ N)," I trailed off. "How long?"

"Not very long. About three or so weeks."

"Why?" My voice broke.

"I- I'm so sorry!" She cried. "I just couldn't take it anymore, and you were right- cutting does get rid of the pain. Emotionally, at least. But physical pain is easier to deal with then the emotional pain. I understand if you're mad at me- if you even hate me now-" I cut her off by pressing my lips against hers.

When I pulled back I moved my lips next to her ear. "Hate you? Impossible. Mad? Maybe a little, but not at you. At the person who made you do this, of course. And at myself, for not helping you sooner. I love you, (Y/ N). You proved your love for me over the past year by helping me, now let me prove my love to you by helping you."

And I did. I didn't let her return to her uncle, who had been abusive towards her since she was three. He 'punished' her for nearly anything and everything. One of the rules was about being home before dark, which is why she was always so keen on it. It honestly made me feel bad about always persuading her to continue playing. It made me wonder about all the beating she received because of me.

She assured me she was fine, and when I wouldn't let it go she said I made it even by rescuing her. She viewed me as her hero. Her savior. Though she was twelve, she still had her childish and pure view on the world.

She moved in with my dad and I, and, with some persuading, I manage to convince my dad to let us share a room (with (Y/ N)'s consent, of course). We shared a bed. She tended to use my chest or my upper arm and shoulder as a pillow and I wrapped my arms around her. We had a changing area in the corner separated by a curtain and our separate dressers and desks.

A year later, she helped me train a night fury, Toothless. I helped her train a (D/T), (D/N), at the same time.

We continued to be boyfriend and girlfriend the entire time. But today, on (Y/ N)'s seventeenth birthday, I have a special surprise for her.

I asked her on a date a few days ago, and asked our friend Astrid (who knows about the surprise) to help her get ready.

I landed in front of Astrid's house and climbed off of Toothless. Stormfly (Astrid's dragon) and (D/N) were outside. Toothless eagerly went over to the other two dragons and engaged himself in the conversation.

I chuckled at them and walked up to the door. I patted my pocket before knocking and anxiously waiting for an answer.

"Why? Calm down, Astrid!" I heard (Y/ N) shout. She was the youngest of the group, but fit in just fine. Although, we use to treat her like a child when we were younger (aka Hiccup was 15; you were 13).

I chuckled as she opened the door. She was dressed in her normal attire, like always, but so was I. We didn't really dress up for dates, but instead focused on making them memorable and fun, as (Y/ N) put it.

"Hello, mi'lady," I greeted. I blushed, as did she. But mine was lighter and it fader faster, luckily. I walked up to her and pulled her into a hug. "You know you're very cute when you blush." She flushed a deeper scarlet. "See?" She tried to hide her face with her hands.

"Hiccup, stop," she complained. We often had this exchange.

"Come on," I laughed. "It's cute. Come on, daylights a' wasting."

I guided her to (D/N) and helped her on her dragon, though she really didn't need it. Then I climbed on Toothless and we took off.

We went on a nice flight before I told her to follow me to our special place: the cove.

"I have a surprise for you today, mi'lady."

"You do?" she asked, surprised.

"What, Astrid didn't tell you?" I chuckled.

"No, she didn't. Was she suppose to?"

"No. I asked her to keep it a secret, but I thought she'd at least tell you I have a surprise for you."

She shook her head. "Nope. Didn't mention it once. Astrid is very good at keeping secrets."

"Is that so?" I teased, pulling her close. I placed a gentle kiss on her lips and she blushed when I pulled away. "So cute," I murmured.

"What's the surprise?" she insisted. I didn't answer; I was so nervous. "Hiccup," she whined. "Come on, you know I hate surprises!"

I laughed at her cuteness. "Of course, just, give me a minute. I'm not sure how you'll respond and it has me rather nervous."

"Whatever it is, I'm sure I'll love it."

"Well, I'm almost completely sure of your response, but there is that slight chance you'll do what you often do and surprise me."

"Take your time, Hic. Breathe and remain calm. Everything will be fine," she assured. Then she rested her head against my chest. I nodded once and closed my eyes, taking calming breaths. I felt like I was screwing this up, but (Y/ N) helped me get my courage back.

I pulled back, letting her know I was ready. I held her at arm's length for a long moment before kneeling down on one knee and placing one hand in my pocket and the other over my heart. I looked her in the eye and let my words flow.

"(Y/ N), you're my best friend and the one person (besides Toothless and (D/N)) who I blindly trust with my life. You're my everything and I would die without you. I'm not sure how else to show how much I need you by my side. I'm not even sure if you'll agree but, no matter what, I love you with all my heart." I pulled the ring I made for her out of my pocket. "(Y/ N), will you marry me?"

I waited anxiously for her answer, and it wasn't long before she responded with a quick nod. "Yes!" I stood up and she almost instantly brought me into a bear hug.

And with that moment, she became mine and I became hers. We started our life together after many years of helping each other and being best friends.

With the smile she still wears today, it's hard to tell she ever had such a dark past. I didn't even know of the pain she went through until she told me.

But she lives peacefully and happily now. As do I.

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