A Silent Tear

For SasakiHamato

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Sister One Shot

This has Dragon's Edge in it but no main spoilers. Just basics.

WARNING: This has self harm. If this will affect you negatively, please don't read.

You're 16. Hiccup is 18.

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Thunder shot across the sky with its deafening drum. Lightning lit up the village in quick flickers. Being only eight, you shook in fear of the mighty Gods wrath.

"H- H- Hiccup!" You cried out loud, knowing he would be able to hear you from his room, which was next to yours. "B- b- big b- b- brother!"

Without knocking, Hiccup raced in, already knowing why you called him.

He quickly walked up to you, careful not to frighten you even more. You scooted over as Hiccup climbed into the bed next to you, pulling you into the safely of his skinny arms. "Shh, it's alright, (N/N). You're safe. Thor is just a little upset, that's all. He'll calm down soon." As if Thor himself could hear your silent pleas, the thunder quickly became distant. "See? Thor didn't mean to frighten you, (N/N). I'm sure taking the storm away is his way of apologizing. You're safe now. Relax. Breathe. Sleep."

Hiccup, like every night there was a storm, stayed the whole night.

A dragon's nose against your hand brought you from your flashback. "Yeah, I see it (D/N)," you told your trusted dragon, looking to see a storm brewing in the horizon. "Let's head home."

You hopped on (D/N) and flew from a cliff with a clear view of the sunset to the Edge, landing near the Dragon training arena to see if Hiccup was there. When he was nowhere to be found, you went towards the main building, where the gang hung out a lot.

Sure enough, Hiccup and Astrid, who were beginning to pursue a romantic relationship, were standing apart from the rest of the group, talking calmly, both smiling with gleaming eyes. You were happy that your brother finally went after the girl of his dreams, but were sad about the significantly less time you two spent together.

Both being hiccups (viking word for runt), you were used to spending an endless amount of time with the brother you looked up to (and not just literally). He was your role model, and you enjoyed every second you spent with him. You use to tell each other secrets and talk about anything and everything. When Hiccup found Toothless, you found (D/N), helping each other train the amazing dragons. Even with the Red Death, you both defeated it together.

Becoming famous across the archipelago didn't even nick the closeness of you and your big brother. Even with the many adventures you went on with him and the gang, you always managed to find time to spend together, just the two of you.

Now, things are different. It started when you moved to the edge. Construction was time consuming, leaving no time at the end of day to do anything but sleep. Yet, you believed everything would return to normal once construction was completed. Sadly, it didn't. Hiccup and Fishlegs spent hours day after day with the Dragon Eye, often excluding you, which never happened before. The Dragon Eye left Hiccup with no free time to spend with you, but he had plenty of time for Astrid.

You weren't mad at Hiccup, or Fishlegs, or the Dragon Eye, or even sweet but tough Astrid. You weren't mad at all. Jealous? Well, maybe a lot, but you knew Hiccup was just growing up. Perhaps it was time for you to do the same.

Nope. That wasn't going to happen.

You thought things would change, that Hiccup would spend less time with the Dragon Eye and Astrid to eventually make time for his little sister. Again, you quickly learned that that wasn't going to happen.

You would've hung out with the twins or Snoutlout but they were masters at creating headaches, not something you enjoyed having. So, you went to exploring. At first, you'd be home by dinner (which was spent with the gang talking about the Dragon Eye more often than not). Then, you would camp out for a day or two, being able to venture further out. Once, you were gone for five and a half days. Hiccup was worried sick and literally ordered you not to leave the island by yourself (aka: with someone other than (D/N)).

"You're not the boss of me, Hiccup!" you grumbled, slightly mad that he would go to such drastic measures. He could've simply asked you to inform him of how long you would be gone.

"I'm you're older brother and future chief, I have every right to order you around," he shot back. The entire gang, who was watching the exchange, gasped. It wasn't the first time he used that line, but it always filled you with fury.

"That gives you NO right! If anything, it give me the right to slap you back into place!"

"(Y/ N) Haddock-" he warned, but you cut him off.

"No! You're not the boss of me, nor will-"

"I've always been-"

"Ugh! You're impossible, Hiccup!" you declared, throwing your arms in the air.

"No, you're irresponsible! You could've gotten hurt out there, or worse: killed."

"Yeah, I bet you'd love that."

"You know I wouldn't. (Y/ N) you're my best friend. I can't imagine a world without you," Hiccup said, all anger vanished. His tone was one of a beggar.

Unable to admit you were the one at fault, you stormed off. "I'm going home. I'm done fighting with you, Hiccup."

You hopped on (D/N) and took off before anyone could jab in a comment. The flight home was silent but not peaceful. You stormed into your room, leaving (D/N) in the living room.

Picking up your new yet to be used sharp knife, you lifted your shirt and dug into your own flesh, whimpering at the blood path you created. A silent tear dripped down your check.

*****

Hiccup suddenly had a few hours to spend with you every day, halting your personal adventures for the time being since you adored your big brother. Then, two weeks after they started, they shrunk. Hiccup was too busy to spend all day with you, which you understood. But when he spent over half the day with Astrid just hanging out, only saying "Morning," "Good night," or "Sweet dreams, little sister," once or twice a day for a week, you picked up the knife and disappeared for a few days, never more than three or four.

Terror mail arrived when you were gone and needed, but those were few and far between. Hiccup spent all day with Astrid, leaving not even a three sentence conversation for you when you were home at the Edge, even though y'all shared a hut and your rooms were right next to each other.

Feeling unwanted, not needed, useless, alone, hopeless, and more brought you to where you were. Standing on a stool, holding a rope with one end tied to the ceiling and the other end in your shaking hands. You glanced at the simple note you left on the bedside table before slipping the rope around your neck.

"(Y/ N), I have excite-" Hiccup froze in horror as you stared wide eyed at him. "Stop. Get down. Please, (Y/ N)," he begged, holding his hands in front of him as he inched forward.

You shook your head no. "No. I don't want to live anymore, Hiccup. I hate being invisible."

"What? You're not invisible, (Y/N)."

"Hiccup, if you take one fire step closer I'll push the chair over," you threatened once he stood four or so feet away.

He froze in place. "Please, don't do this! You're my little sister! I need you!"

"Well it certainly doesn't feel like it! All you ever do is ignore me!"

"When do I ever-" he cut himself off, suddenly realizing his life costing mistake. "Oh my goodness. I'm sorry, (Y/ N). I didn't realize-"

You scoffed, "Don't bother. You're growing up. I just am not ready. Well, not ready to grow up, that is."

"Please," he begged, taking a step forward, "get down from there. I promise I'll spend more time with-"

"I warned you not to come close-!" you stopped, having cut off your own air supply. Your first instinct was to claw at the rope, but managed to resist the overwhelming urge to save yourself from certain doom.

"NO!" Hiccup shouted, tripping over his own two feet before staring at you in shock.

Thankfully, once the shock was overcome, Hiccup was quick to stand and grab the knife off the dresser next to him and reach up to cut you down, seeing as he was just tall enough to reach above your head. You collapsed, but he was quick to catch you.

"N- n- no!" you coughed, unwillingly sucking gasps of air desperately.

Hiccup sat down, laying you on his lap as he quickly rocked y'all back and forth, holding you tightly to him as he cried, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I won't ever let this happen again, I promise. I'll be the best big brother ever. Oh, I'm so sorry. So so sorry."

Your eyes fluttered close as you fell asleep, feeling loved.

*****

Everyone was in shock at hearing what you had tried, but only Hiccup knew the reason why.

"So that is why I won't be leaving (Y/ N)'s side for a long while," he explained, tightening his grip on your hand as you stared at the increasingly interesting wooden floor. Such details in the fine wood.

"Are you okay, (Y/ N)?" asked Astrid, slowly.

You stepped back as she reached forward, unwillingly to be comforted by anyone besides Hiccup.

"She's fine, just a little bruising around her neck. It hurts for her to speak," he assumed, taking note in you only speaking once after the incident to apologize for your rash behavior.

"Oh, I hope you feel better soon, (Y/ N)."

"We'll be going home now, I'm making (Y/ N)'s favorite tonight. See y'all at dinner."

A chorus of "Bye, Hiccup. Bye, (Y/ N)," soon echoed.

"Thank for not telling why," you whispered.

"You're welcome. I know them just knowing what almost happened was bad enough. The last thing we need is another episode like that. Don't ever try that again, (Y/ N)."

"I know. I won't." You resisted to add the word "maybe", sure his undivided attention wouldn't last long.

Surprisingly, it last nearly a month. Then, he slowly gave you more and more time without him, making sure to leave some quality sibling time in both the morning and evening for you, making you feel complete once more.

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