Lori

The door creaks open, and I freeze. I don't need to look up to know who it is. I only have two keys, one is on my counter and the other...

Well fuck!

Marcel...

I haven't heard from her since last night. Not a word even after sending that text, it's been silence, all of it too heavy to bear.

I was ready to ignore the way I feel about her, to convince myself that I'm fine. But seeing her now, standing in the doorway with that look in her eyes-it shatters everything I thought I was prepared for.

I can't help it.

My gaze flickers toward the bed, where Julian is sprawled lazily, half-smiling like he knows exactly what's about to happen.

He looks comfortable, smug in a way I'm not sure I'll ever get used to.

Then I realize the mess we've created. It's not just the room. It's everything-the whole situation.

The way Julian lounges there in my bed, me in nothing but a robe and wet skin.

I wish I could explain, but there's a lump in my throat.

I should be mad at him. I should be mad at myself. But instead, all I feel is this sickening rush of panic, because I don't know what's worse-the fact that I'm caught in this mess or that Marcel is standing there, seeing exactly what she's been afraid of all along.

"I-" I start, but the words sound like I'm underwater.

The room spins, and I feel like I'm suffocating, like there's no air left to breathe.

"It's not what it looks like, okay?"

Right, said every other person caught red handed!

I don't even believe it myself. I should have kicked him out last night. I should have known better than to let him back in.

But Julian is like a drug I keep taking, knowing it's bad for me. He doesn't care about me. He never has.

He's just... there. And I was stupid enough to let him crawl back into my life when everything else felt too hard.

Marcel doesn't say anything at first. Her eyes move between Julian and me, the silence stretching between us like an ocean I can't swim across.

Her hands ball into fists at her sides, and I can almost see her jaw clenching. Her posture is tight, rigid, as if she's trying to hold herself together while everything she thought she understood falls apart.

I know her-this is the moment when the wall she's built between us turns into something more impenetrable.

And then, finally, she speaks, her voice low but cutting.

"W-we argue, and this is who you run to?" She spits out the words like they're venom, like they burn her tongue. "This is what you want to do? This is how you want to handle things?"

I want to say something, anything, to make this make sense, but the words get lost.

I want to explain that this is just a... bad decision.

That Julian doesn't mean anything, that it's just the fallout from everything that's gone wrong. But it's too late for that. She's already made her judgment.

Julian laughs from the bed, loud and obnoxious.

"You know, you can't expect her to just wait around for you, babe," he says, his voice dripping with mockery. "You don't exactly make it easy, do you?"

My stomach twists, and I shoot him a glare, hoping it's enough to shut him up. But it doesn't work. He enjoys this, every second of it.

Watching me unravel.

Watching Marcel lose it.

Marcel's eyes flick to him for a split second, and then back to me. I can see the sharpness in her gaze, the frustration building in her chest.

She's not just angry; she's disappointed. She doesn't get it, and I don't expect her to.

"Just tell me, Lori," she says, her voice quieter now but still dangerous. "Tell me this is all just a misunderstanding. Tell me you don't actually need him, because I'm struggling to believe that after everything!"

Her words sink into me like stones, one after another.

I take a breath, trying to steady myself, but it's like breathing underwater.

"It's not what you think," I say, but my voice cracks, and I know she can hear it. I know it doesn't sound convincing. "I-he's just... here. He's just someone I've known, someone who... who gets me. It's not... I wasn't trying to-"

"Then what were you trying to do?" Marcel interrupts, her voice rising again, full of anger and that same hopelessness I've been feeling for days now.

"Tell me, Lori. What was this supposed to be? Was it supposed to make me jealous? Was that the point? Or is this just you acting out because things did not go your way?"

My heart stops.

"I'm not doing this to hurt you," I whisper, but it feels like a lie. I want to say I'm not like this, that I'm not this person, but every part of me knows that's exactly what I've been.

Marcel's face softens for a second, but the anger is still there, still bubbling.

"So you think this is okay? I'm just supposed to watch you go running back to someone who's never treated you right?"

I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.

What do I say to that? How do I explain to her that I don't know how to fix myself, that I've been so wrapped up in my own mess that I can't tell which way is up anymore?

Julian pipes up again, clearly enjoying the drama. "I mean, come on, it's not like I've been waiting for this, right? I wasn't even supposed to be here. You guys can sort out your thing without me." He shoots me a wink making everything worse. "But I'll be around, whenever you're ready, babe."

I want to strangle him. I want to throw him out, tell him to leave but there's a part of me that just... doesn't care anymore.

Not in this moment.

Not when Marcel's here, looking at me with so much pain, so much betrayal in her eyes.

"You think this is what I want?" I finally ask, the words slipping out. "You think I wanted this? I don't want him, Marcel. I don't want any of this. I just... I just don't know how to be the person you want me to be!"

Marcel's face hardens, and I know I've said too much. I've broken the dam, let the flood come rushing through.

She takes a step back, her shoulders tense.

"Maybe that's the problem," she mutters, voice low. "Maybe I've been trying to be what you want me to be, too."

I don't know what to say to that, because she's right. She's absolutely right.

The silence is like glass cutting through my chest. We're standing on opposite sides of a sea, and I'm not sure how to cross it.

I want to say something. I want to tell her so many things but my mouth won't open.

She glares at me, once, twice then turns on her heel, marching toward the door.

Her back is stiff, her head held high, but I know her well enough to see the cracks in her façade.

She's falling apart, and I can't stop her.

"Don't do this, Marcel," I beg with a shaky voice. "Please. Just-"

But she's already gone. I hear the front door slam shut, and I'm left standing in the mess of my own making.

Julian takes the hint and slips away too.

I sink into the bed, my head spinning. The last thing I wanted for her was this.

But in the end, she was right. I let everything fall apart. I let Julian back into my life when all he does is drag me down.

And now, the person I want more than anything is walking away, and I'm too late to stop it.

Marcel's gone.