Random one shot based on season 4 if Marinette finds out Chat'a identity in a one sided reveal.

This is very angsty and covers the five stages of grief, so please be cautious reading.

•••••

So that was it.

After all this time of hiding their identities the cat was out of the bag.

Adrien Agreste was Chat Noir, and Marinette was numb.

She sat silently on her bed, transformation dropped and looked up at her corkboard.

Adrien.

So many pictures of Adrien.

So many beautiful, wonderful pictures of the boy that she loved. The boy she thought she knew. The boy she thought she had a future with.

A silent tear streaked down her face, dropping onto her hands positioned in her lap. The wetness was ignored due to the battle currently playing in her mind.

She'd never considered it. She'd never thought her happily ever after was just a dream, that it would never happen. But now she knew. She knew that she was destined to be alone.

Never had she thought her loyal kitty would be the boy she loved so helplessly, the boy she wanted a future with, the boy she dreamed of ... the boy who destroyed the world because of their love. The boy she could never be with.

Stage One: Denial
Denial is not only an attempt to pretend that the loss does not exist. We are also trying to absorb and understand what is happening.

Marinette pulled a picture from the wall of Adrien's face and stared at it. She turned it sideways, she flipped it upside down, she pulled her phone up to look at a picture of Chat Noir and positioned them next to each other.

They looked nothing alike.

Chat had messy hair, Adrien didn't. Fact.

The hair alone made them seperate people, didn't it? It's not that easy to flip from one hairstyle to the next? It's not like Adrien went around changing his hairstyle multiple times throughout the day. That would be insane.

And the smile ... Their smiles were different too.

Adrien's smile wasn't as bright as Chat Noir's. Chat's beamed a thousand watts whereas Adrien's was more in the lower hundreds. So, of course, Chat wasn't Adrien. Rolling her eyes at the silliness of the situation, Marinette placed the picture back on the board and wiped under her eyes.

Adrien couldn't be Chat Noir, right? Of course not! She was just tired. The pressure she was putting on herself was causing delusions because there was no way Adrien was Chat Noir. She was seeing things today. She did not see her one true love stand exactly where her partner was.

Adrien Agreste did not tell puns.

Adrien Agreste did not turn into a catlike superhero.

Adrien Agreste was not Chat Noir.

Adrien Agreste was not Chat Blanc.

Chat Blanc. It wouldn't happen because Adrien was not Chat Noir.

She was meant to be with Adrien, she could feel it in her bones. He was who her heartbeat was for. He was her everything, there was no way fate would be as mean as to stop her from loving him. From being with him.

She would face him the next day at school and everything would be fine, because she was dreaming. Because as far as she was concerned there was no way Adrien Agreste was Chat Noir.

Marinette made her way to school the next morning carrying two extra bags with her on her face. Her eyes were burning with tiredness and she could feel the migraine taking over her forehead. Tension, stress, tiredness, it was all there.

She'd had such a horrendous dream last night and she was struggling to focus because of it. Every second her brain seemed to be taken over by the bizarre idea that Chat Noir was Adrien Agreste. She let out a laugh. Not a chance. Her mind was still playing tricks with her.

Walking into class, she was five minutes early, but so was Chat Noir, no, not Chat Noir, Adrien Agreste. Her mind felt like it had short circuited and she kicked herself, Adrien was not Chat.

"And then she asked me what the motto was, so I said 'nothing, what's the motto with you?'." Nino began to laugh at Adrien's joke and Marinette stilled.

Was that a pun? No, of course it wasn't, Adrien Agreste did not pun. Chat Noir punned, and Adrien was not Chat Noir.

She made her way up the stairs and to her seat behind the blonde model. Adrien was still wrapped up in his conversation with Nino that he hadn't noticed the aspiring designer sit down behind them.

"Adrien, that's the worst pun you've ever made."

"My puns are great, Nino."

The boys started laughing and Marinette could feel herself tensing. Why did he think he could pun? Did he want to be like Chat Noir? Is that what it is? Has Adrien been trying to be like Ladybug's partner? Like her partner?

Luckily, Alya had appeared not too long after and seated herself next to Marinette, pulling her into a conversation and away from eavesdropping on the sunshine boy. Before long the lesson had started and Marinette's attention was pulled to Ms. Bustier, simmering the tense feeling currently occupying her shoulders and relaxing the clenching of her jaw.

Stage Two: Anger
Trying to adjust to a new reality, we are likely to experience extreme emotional discomfort.

An hour and half later the bell rang signalling the end of class and time to get lunch. As usual, Adrien was making his way to the front of the school ready for his ride home.

"Sorry guys, but I've got to make like a tree and leave."

Nino burst out laughing holding up his fist for Adrien to pound, when the tense feeling Marinette had managed to rid came back ten fold.

"No!" She screamed, her voice violent and not the usual softness associated with the hidden superhero.

Everyone in the vicinity froze, staring at the young girl.

"No," she replied, this time more to herself than for the ears around her. She shook her head and felt her fist grip tightly into a clench, ready to attack.

Adrien stopped laughing and looked to his friend, concern laced in his eyes. He took a step forward towards her and she flinched back, away from the model.

"Marinette?" His voice was soothing and caring as he took another step forward, concern evident in his eyes. He reached out to comfort her, only to have his hand slapped away and Marinette pushing him hard in the chest, causing him to stumble backwards and almost hit the ground.

"Don't touch me," her voice came out with venom. A darkness edging the words, warning him to stay back. "Don't you dare touch me."

Tears built up in her eyes as she stormed past him, barging him out the way with her shoulder as he reached to stop her. She didn't need comfort at the moment, and even if she did, she definitely didn't need it from him.

"Marinette?" His voice was laced with emotion, as he tried again. "Marinette?"

"Back off, Adrien." She said, brushing his concern away. Why couldn't he just go away?

A gasp surrounded them as classmates watched the interaction.

"Go back to your own business, this has nothing to concern you." Marinette said, continuing her walk out of the school and towards the patisserie.

Why did he always have to try and save her? To protect her from the storm? Couldn't he let her wallow in her self pity for once? Just for once!

Ignoring the calls from her friends, she left the school grounds heading into the patisserie without looking back. Her phone signalled with a notification.

Alya
Do you need me to come around? Let me know if I can help. Love you Mari.

Marinette quickly replied she was fine, just tired and slammed her phone back into her bag, waking Tikki in the process, and pulling worried glances from her Maman and Papa.

"I'm fine," she mumbled, "just tired."

Her parents nodded and handed her some sweet treats for lunch as she headed past them and up the staircase to her room.

Once inside, she threw the food onto her chaise and headed up to her bed. Tikki on her tail. The small bug-like creature wouldn't say much, but she was worried for her holder. It wasn't very often a Ladybug went through a grieving process for the one they loved, especially when said person was still very much alive.

Tikki watched alongside the other kwami's in silence as Marinette sat on her bed facing the board again. She removed all the pictures except Adrien's and began to stroke the edges on one of his profile face shots. Marinette couldn't help thinking how beautiful he was, and at how much she never actually knew him. He was meant to be hers ... but now ... now ...

Stroking down his face, she hit the bottom of the photograph and began to move it around. Twisting it side to side, as she looked at his dumb, perfect, cheesy face, and then she noticed one thing about Adrien Agreste. She noticed she didn't know him as well as she thought.

"Our love destroyed the world,"

Grabbing the bottom edge of the photograph, she ripped it off the board and threw it onto her bed. The tears began to leave her face thick and fast as she ripped the photographs off the wall one by one. Photograph after photograph, until there was only one left. A photograph of her with Chat Noir. A photograph and Ladybug kissing Chat Noir.

She'd kept this picture up and hidden. No one knew it was there apart from herself. It was her one piece of love between her and that stupid, dumb cat.

In a rage, she began to rip the picture time and time again, over and over until only small pieces of coloured confetti were left. The small pieces of paper representing all that was left of their relationship in both hero and civilian form. It was nothing but a mess, an unthinkable mess.

Throwing herself into her cat pillow she grabbed the Chat Noir doll from her shelving and threw it across the room with as much force as she could, no care in the world as to where it landed. Before Tikki could question her holder, Marinette was crying. Sobbing her heart out.

"I'm so angry," she cried between tears, "I am so, so angry! Why did it have to be him? Why did Master Fu choose him? There are millions of people in France, why Adrien?"

She buried her face in her pillow, screaming with rage and heartbreak, and just uncontrollable anger.

"I hate the Miraculous! I hate Hawkmoth! I hate Shadowmoth! I hate Master Fu! I hate Chat Noir, and I hate Adrien Agreste. Why did he have to be so kind and caring? Why couldn't he have just been like Chloé, and been a spoilt brat? I hate him so much, I hate how wonderful he is, I hate that I love him. I just hate it all, Tikki, I don't want to do it anymore, I can't!"

The kwami's flew around hugging onto their Master, soothing her to the best they knew how, none knowing what to say.

"You know," Fluff was the first to speak up, "the future is never set in stone. It can be changed. Each reality is different."

Marinette lifted her head to look at the tiny rabbit by her side, and spoke.

"Our love destroyed the world."

Stage Three: Bargaining
When coping with loss, it isn't unusual to feel so desperate that you are willing to do almost anything to alleviate or minimize the pain.

Marinette made it through the next couple of days in a daze. If you asked her anything that happened she couldn't tell you.

All she knew was Adrien, her Kitty, didn't deserve anything she was putting him through. She was a vile human being.

As the shock closely began to wear off, she'd done what she always did. She'd come up with a plan. It wasn't ideal she knew, but she couldn't let this happen. She could rewrite the past, she could go back in time and just not have Chat Noir reveal himself. Yep, that would work. She could go back and forget that any of this happened.

"Fluff?" She called out, "Fluff, come on, I have a job for you."

The small kwami appeared next to Tikki smiling at the guardian.

"Oh, exciting! Am I finally getting to be with Alix?"

"No," replied Marinette, "you're going to take me back in time to the day I got the Miraculous and then I'm going to make sure I give the earrings to Alya. That way I will never find out who Chat Noir is."

The two kwami's looked at her, worried expressions on their faces.

"That's not how it works Marinette," Tikki was first to speak. Her voice was quiet and careful.

"Once you've seen it, it can't be unseen, I'm sorry." Fluff continued.

"But there has to be a way," she shrieked, holding her hair in her hands. "I'll do anything! Anything to stop this pain I'm feeling. I'll be a better person, I'll work harder, I'll make sure I don't fall in love with Adrien or Chat Noir," the pain shot through her heart as she spoke his name. Saying the two together in a sentence made it too real. "Just please! Help me!"

The tears began again and Tikki flew straight to Marinette comforting her the best that she could.

"Marinette, sweetie, you can't just undo everything that has happened."

Rummaging around her room, Marinette searched for her diary. She needed to get rid of it. She needed to hide it, or burn it or something? Perhaps she could give it to Alya? Yeah, that could work. Alya could look after it just in case. This plan was brilliant. So much better than using Fluff. She didn't know why she didn't think about it in the first place.

"Marinette? What are you doing?" Tikki was by her side, watching the young girl fumble around as she found her diary and began to look through it.

"I'm giving my diary to Alya. She can hold onto it and have all the information she needs about the Miraculous'."

Tikki looked at her holder perplexed.

"Why does Alya need that?" The small bug mouse creature asked.

"Because I'm giving up the miracle box! I will make a deal with Su-Han and give up my memories."

Tikki's jaw dropped open and the other kwami's zoomed around. Each chattering at the speed of light, trying to get their point across.

"Marinette, you can't do that! Shadowmoth is at his most powerful and you're Ladybug. You can't just give up the box, and lose your memories."

"So?" Marinette said, continuing to scribble down on the notepad. "If I don't know about the Miraculous perhaps I can be with Adrien. I won't be a threat. Chat won't be used to get to me, he won't be akumatised."

"Marinette, I don't think you're thinking this through." Tikki responded.

"But I am, Tikki, if someone else is Ladybug then I'm not a threat. Chat won't get akumatised because I don't know anything and he won't know I know."

"Marinette, I don't know what you're talking about but you know it won't work like that. You giving up being Ladybug will not be the best way around this." Tikki tried to reason with her, but it seemed no use. She seemed set on this being the right way, the only way.

"I know you mean well, but I'm going to go to Su-Han and give him the box. As long as I can be with Adrien I will do whatever it takes."

Tikki was exasperated. This did not make sense. Marinette was not making sense.

"Marinette, please, this is not the way. I don't know what you think will happen but nothing good will come from you giving up Ladybug or the miracle box. All you will do is make things worse. Su-Han trusts you! He doesn't want it back."

Marinette slammed her hands down on the desk and let out her pent up tension in a loud exhale.

"Tikki, listen to me and listen closely. I will do whatever, and I mean whatever, it takes to keep Chat safe. If I need to I will give up my Miraculous to Su-Han, or Shadowmoth or whatever villain appears next. All that matters is that Chat is safe and I can be with him, I need him more than this ... this ... crazy magic! I will give up everything for him!"

Marinette stood having a face off with Tikki. This wasn't going to work, she needed to get the message across some other way. Flying towards Marinette's bag, Tikki pulled out her phone and sent off an SOS text to Alya. Maybe her friend could help Marinette think straight, to help her through this emotional breakdown.

All Tikki knew was she was worried.

With Marinette being so low and frantic, Shadowmoth finally had the advantage.

Stage Four: Depression
During our experience of processing grief, there comes a time when our imaginations calm down and we slowly start to look at the reality of our present situation. Bargaining no longer feels like an option and we are faced with what is happening.

Alya ran up the staircase to Marinette's room, panicked by Tikki's SOS message. She knew something had gone on recently with Marinette but she wasn't sure of the extent.

Marinette had become distant, angry, and a shell of her former self. Ladybug had become harsh and mean, snapping at Chat Noir for no reason and continually sending the other holders into harm's way. Rena, herself, had suffered many times during the last battles thanks to Ladybug's refusal to send in Chat.

She'd shouted at him and berated him, yet held him back from any potential danger. Everyone was beginning to be unsure whether she was protecting him or just blocking him from the fight.

Chat himself was getting agitated by it all too, causing numerous blow outs with his polka dotted partner. Rena had caught them in the middle of an argument, shocked by the sound of each other's voices. These were not the heroes she knew.

"Is this because you know who I am now? You suddenly think I'm not capable of doing my job?"

She'd never heard Chat raise his voice before. He'd always seemed such a laid back guy, and the tone made her flinch. She'd hidden herself behind the chimney to keep herself out of view. She knew she shouldn't be eavesdropping but Marinette hadn't been herself lately and she knew it had something to do with him. Maybe finding out his identity had thrown a rather large spanner in the works.

"It's nothing like that, okay? I just don't want you getting hurt."

"But that's my job!"

As the debate continued, Rena left. She would be the first to admit she was nosey sometimes, however she felt this was personal and nothing to do with her. It was between the two partners and there it would stay.

Alya opened the trapdoor to find Marinette scurrying around her room, moving stuff here and there, and muttering over and over again about how she was going to make it right.

"Mari?" She called, slightly afraid to approach the manic girl.

No answer came for the intended target so Alya tried again.

"Marinette?"

Trixx flew out of Alya's bag and was met by the worried eyes of Tikki and the other kwami's.

"How long has she been like this?" Alya asked.

"You don't want to know." Tikki replied, letting out an unusually large sigh for such a happy go lucky creature. "I'm worried about her." Tikki continued.

Marinette was currently standing over her diary, looking through pages and ripping some out. Suddenly it hit Alya, she knew what Marinette was doing and she shot forward ready to help her friend, only for Marinette to push her away.

"Marinette, stop! This is not okay,"

"It's the only way, Alya. I need to give it all up. I can't love him anymore. I can't hurt him. I can't let him be alone."

Alya placed her hands over Marinette's and pulled them from the diary, only for the raven haired girl to push her away.

"Marinette, stop! What is wrong with you?"

"There's nothing wrong with me, Alya, it's everyone else!" She spat out. "You don't get it! No one will get it so don't bother trying."

Marinette had only spoken like this once, and that was just after she'd taken on the guardianship. It was obvious Marinette had hit a state of depression. Her red rimmed eyes and manic mumbling were a clear indication of her issues, and a red flag that she needed help from someone, anyone.

"Stop!" Alya tried again, moving back.

"I wont hurt him Alya, it can't happen. I love him too much. I love him, I love him, I love him," suddenly Marinette froze, hands on desk and head down, voice suddenly becoming silent. Before she let out a quiet. "I love him."

Alya watched a stream of tears hit the desk as her friend began to uncontrollably sob. Marinette's legs bucked out and she collapsed to the floor. Alya caught her just in time, lowering her down and into her arms, rocking her backwards and forwards as she made soothing sounds.

"I'm here, Mari, it's ok. I'm here."

"It's not ok," the ladybug hero said. "Nothing will ever be okay again. I love him and I can't be with him. I just don't know how to give him up."

"Marinette, you know we will help you with Adrien. Just say the words and I'll speak to him and we can end this once and for all."

Marinette let out a huffed laugh. If only it was that simple.

"Chat," one word left Marinette's mouth causing her friend to freeze her movements.

"I thought you loved Adrien?" She asked.

"I do," Marinette said, speaking a lot calmer than she felt. "I love him now more than ever."

"Then let me help you, I'll get my phone and -" as Alya reached for her phone, Marinette stretched out and stopped her.

"He's Chat." She whispered.

Alya started her rocking again and began to chuckle.

"Marinette, you need to stop eating cheese before bed, it's giving you nightmares."

"Adrien is Chat Noir." Marinette repeated again, closing in on herself, another selection of tears running down her face.

"Marinette," Alya squeezed her friend tighter and sat there in silence with her. The tension in Marinette's body seemed to evaporate as Alya held her and allowed her to cry.

Taking a deep breath Alya spoke again.

"Well isn't this a good thing?"

Marinette began to shake her head frantically.

"No! No! No! No!" She stood up out of Alya's grasp and started hyperventilating. Her friend darted up behind her and wrapped her into a hug.

"Mari, calm, calm, I'm right here with you. Nothing is going to happen." She continued to talk to Marinette though what she was quite sure was a panic attack.

Eventually, she positioned Marinette on the chaise and sat on the floor in front of her. The girl looked tired and, dare she say, broken.

"Chat Blanc." Marinette announced to no one in particular.

"Who?"

Taking a gulp and a deep breath Marinette launched, for the first time, into the story of Chat Blanc. About why she could never be with Adrien, and about why her heart would never be whole again.

Stage Five: Acceptance
We are no longer resisting the reality of our situation, and we are not struggling to make it something different.

Alya sat in complete silence listening to Marinette as she cried through the story of an akumatised Chat Noir. The pain this girl felt, the anger at herself, the sorrow for her partner and the guilt was overwhelming and Alya couldn't help but cry too. Marinette had kept this to herself for too long, the poor girl was suffering too much.

"I can't ever let him be alone, Alya. I can't do that to him. It's time I let him go."

Alya sat in silence after moving onto the chaise beside her friend. Marinette had curled up on her side, her head in Alya's lap allowing her hair to be stroked just like when she was a young girl.

"No," Alya said. It was so straight forward and matter of fact Marinette jumped backwards and sat up straight.

"No? Did you not listen to me?"

"I said 'no' Marinette. It was a different timeline, Adrien, Chat or whatever you want to call him has been left in the dark, it's his choice too. It's his life too. You need to tell him. You've been selfish with this! I can't believe you kept it hidden. He would never, ever hurt you Marinette, he would never do anything on purpose. He loves you. You are being unreasonable."

Marinette stood up and walked towards her diary. Picking up a scrap piece of paper from the floor.

If there was no Adrien, I'm sure I would give Chat Noir a chance.

"The way I see it, Marinette, you have a choice. Let your partner in and do what you always do, battle the world together, or you let it draw you down in its grief and you lose sight of everything that's good, of everything that's worthy."

She looked down at the paper again, allowing the words from her diary to swirl around her head. She hated to admit it but Alya was right. She needed to face it head on, she needed to talk to Chat.

That night on patrol Ladybug was shaking with nerves, rattled by guilt and heart aching for love. As her feet touched the concrete of the rooftop she launched herself into her partner's arms. Taking him aback as Ladybug cried tears of pain and anguish. Apology after apology split from the young hero's mouth. Apologies for her behaviour, for keeping him in the dark, and, most of all, for what she was about to tell him.

That night she had a story to tell, and where they went from there she would accept.

But one thing was for sure, her heart belonged right here in his arms and she would do anything for it to remain.