So you have still time to vote, soooooo yeah (Maybe after this chapter you'll change your mind)

Also I just died

-Todorokis POV-

We all have a different idea of happiness. Some say you're happy when you live in peace, some say you can only be happy if you found the love of your life, others see happiness in fame, there are even people who don't believe in happiness because no one showed them how to be happy and they don't have a happy story because they don't live a happy life .

Still there are people who are happy, but deep down, somewhere inside their hearts or even brains there is this depressing, ugly, cruel, painful, and even understandable sadness.  A lot of people hide this sadness, they bury it inside of them. But there are still the people who show this sadness from time to time.

Maybe the happy girl you see every morning in school, at work, in the cafe, doesn't matter, is as sad as the depressing boy who goes every week to the therapist and tried to die, tried to commit suicide.

Or maybe the boy who everyone knows and constantly says that no one understands him and shows everyone his scars, shows his sadness for attention. Or this is his scream for help, but no one is there to help because they think he does it for the seek of attention.

We all have a different idea of happiness and sadness, and we don't feel it all the same. Sadness kills some of us and the others sadness leaves alone. Some feel more sad than the other. The same with happiness, some have  a lot of it, some don't.

But let me tell you, in this society it doesn't matter how or what you feel. You are the person the society wants to see, you are not your own person, you are a product of society.

Tell people you are depressed and they will tell you that you're not, that it's only in your head. What they don't understand is that depression is a mental illness and it is all in your brain. You don't need to cut your skin to prove that you're depressed, you don't need to be skinny, not eat anything until your bones are showing, to prove that you are depressed. That is not how it works, still society has another idea of it.

The same is with perfection. You are not a perfect girl if you don't have blond long hair, ocean blue eyes, have a clean face, are skinny like the models you see on TV, and don't wear designer clothes. 

Society has it's own idea of depression, perfection, rebellious, love, normal, crazy, boring, interesting, the list is endless. If you don't fit the stereotypes, you are not the person you say you are. Society says who you are, like I said, you are the product of it. And you can do nothing to change it. Sure you can say fuck it, but people will still put you in boxes and judge you. You can't escape it except you die. But we don't die, we are scared, maybe not of dying, but of the idea what happens after that. 

We just live in constant fear. It will be okay though. It's okay to feel the pain and to show it, you just need to remember that some day it will be okay.

But why am I telling you this in the first place? Everything is okay with Katsuki and me, right? We live happy, Katsuki had his top surgery and bottom surgery. I am no longer depressed, the torture in the institute did something after all, right? Or is it just what society says? Am I in that place, in that box where you're happy after therapy? I am not completely fine, right? I got everything society says you need to be happy, family, love of your life, a job, sex, a social life, a boring everyday life. The thing is depression doesn't care what is going on in your life, it is in the grain and there is nothing you can do.

You can lie and lie. You can poison you life with lies. You only wait for someone to notice.

So, why am I telling this?

Did Katsuki break up? No, of course not.

Did someone die? No, believe me, only me on the inside.

 Maybe I got separated from Katsuki again? No.

Family members that only did bad to me are back? No, they are gone forever.

So what is it? What is it, that made me tell you all this stuff?

My happiness? Sadness? Love life? Social life? Because of a person? Maybe even because of me?

I did, in fact, poison my life with lies. It's disgusting. You lie and lie and lie. You came so far with lies, you even started to believe the, believe your own lies. A coping mechanism? Maybe.

I am not happy. I wake up everyday, next to the person I love and tell myself that I'm happy and that I will survive this day. 

Of course I still love Katsuki and I love seeing him happy. Just my brain fucked up. Or I just fucked up. The point is that I'm not happy and can't do anything. Believe me I tried. And telling Katsuki about my problem is not an option, I don't want to make him sad. Kind of dumb of me, I know.

Still, will I keep on fighting? Yes, I try. And I try to stop lying to myself, it never was okay in the first place.

Maybe, at some point, I will just break and can't do anything. But I tried, and that's what matters, right? 

I still don't understand how I came this far in life. I though Enji will at some point push me this far that I'll just die. Or that Dabi will do something to me. Holy Kaltenecker, I didn't even thought that I will be over twenty years old, Slav take the wheel. (Voltron references? Yes)

I will just keep trying, and maybe I will become who society thinks I am.

________________________________________________

A friend of mine found my wattpad and I think I'm ready to die. Slav take the wheel.

Did I just write shit because I didn's have any ideas because I don't know how it is to be happy? NoOoOoO

Okay, I need Klance... I miss 'em

So yeah, this is your last chance to vote for an ending.

1079 words

Author-san out

I hope you all are well today

and tomorrow

after that you're on your own