Week 1

-Bakugous POV-

"Good morning Katsuki. Here is your breakfast, you know what will happen if you don't eat" the therapist smiles and leaves again, closing the door behind him. When I don't eat they give me liquid food and in some way it's just more painful, not physically but emotionally. You see they are not as nice and kind as in the hospital, they make you feel uncomfortable and will do anything so it will work like they want it. I just lost everything.

I look at the amount of food they gave me and could vomit just by looking at it. It doesn't feel really good to eat, I always have the feeling as like I'll  vomit any second, but it is not happening.

On the plate is rice and fish, plus they gave me water. I start to eat slowly with disgust and could eat almost half of the plate. 

After some time he comes back and brings the plate with the food away, but comes back to 'listen to my worries and problems' but to be honest all I have to say, is that they are my problem. Yeah sure, I wanted a normal body, I don't want to be anorexic, but I don't want to be forced to do stuff that make me feel bad and uncomfortable, that just makes me depressed. But after all it was my decision not wanting to live anymore. I didn't ask for help.

"So Katsuki, lets talk about your worries" he sits down on the chair that was standing beside my bed "I already told you that the only worry I have, to die here and the only problem I have, is you.  And please don't tell me that you help me, you only make me feel like shit and my dysphoria only gets worse and that's the reason why I want to die right now!" he sighs and puts his pen down, that he was holding a second ago "I know that you don't believe that we can help you, but we do, you need just open up" I swear to god, if I'm out of here, I will have anger issues.

"You want me to open up?" he nods and takes the pen in his hand again "Yeah, if you want to be out of here as fast as you can, you need to open up to me so that I can help" "Okay I'll open up. You don't respect me, my pronouns, and it makes me really dysphoric. All I want now is death and why? Because I can't be who I want, no who I AM, because I am a boy and you treat me like a girl. Believe me dysphoria is much worse than you could imagine, than I tell you right now. And with the suicide action, it was my fucking decision, it is my life and I didn't see why I would continue living. Believe it or not, but there are only a few people who even know me and if I would be gone, they would be sad as fuck for only a couple of months and then they would get over it. And please don't bullshit me with 'life is beautiful' and 'there is still so much to see'. Some people don't have the interest in this shit, they don't see joy in life and boom surprise, I am one of those people. If it really was that big of a deal, then there would come people from the future and stop me!" he smiles "At least you said more than you did the other days. Still that's not what I want to hear" he shakes his head "You wanted me to open up, I did and when you thought I feel different, then you are wrong". 

I could fucking break something, but I try to stay calm "Okay mister whose name I still don't know. What do you want to know?" I force a smile "Tucker, Shou Tucker. And tell me something about your boyfriend, about your love life" my smile fades away. Fuck I didn't even thought about Shoto all these days, there was always something else on my mind "You forgot about him, right?" I glare at him "What no, of course not" "Of course" he almost whispers.

How could I forget about Shoto? He was the only one who was on my mind in the hospital and now I just forgot him? It's only been a week and I don't know how long I'll be here. Did my parents even do research on this hell of an institute? Or did they only see a fucking brochure, that to your information always say or show lies. Don't normal people -and with normal I mean people with mental illnesses- just go to a therapist once a week or something. Why am I in some shitty institute, I don't deserve that shit.

"Shou" I smile at him "You should keep your ass out of my love life" (In japan it is disrespectful to call someone by their first name without having some "connection" (I don't know how to say that in english but I think you get me) he looks down at his notes "Okay we will talk later" he stand up and leaves.

I sigh and lie down in my bed. I cover my eyes with my arms and cry. I just need to let it all out. This place is a nightmare. I'm only a week here and almost at my breaking point, how can I even keep being here? 

I'm not even sure that they will leave you alone when you are, lets say, healed. They probably just want control over people, I even doubt that someone got out of here, okay maybe I overreact, but this place is just so horrible. 

Shouldn't places like this be more supportive? I mean they understand that I only feel worse when they force me to stuff right? Or do they think that homosexuality and being transgender is just a manipulation? They are not dumb are they?

I swear to god, when I'm out of here, I will report this place and every single on in this country. I will fucking make that this place won't exist.

How is even Shoto doing. I know he has is worse than me. I'm not sure how to feel about it, I just can't do anything.

-Todorokis POV-

"I don't how often I need to retell you all this until you understand that this is how I feel" I sigh "Listen Shoto, I work as a therapist, a professional therapist, many many years, I know that you are not telling me the truth" I roll my eyes and lie down on my bed "It's disrespectful Shoto" I sit up again and look her in the eyes "Yuno, I think you just want control over me, you don't want to listen to my problems, is that right?" she smiles and looks down at her notes "You yourself were in an institute right? Yukki still needs help after what you did to him and his friends" he smiles fades and she sits straight up "It's none of your business of what is going on in my life" now i am the one who smiles "Then my problem are none of your business, since you don't know how to do your job correctly" she suddenly stands up and just stares at me for a second. I cross my arms and raise one eyebrow "What is it Yuno, did I hit a nerve of yours?" she takes her notes and leaves, slamming the door behind her.

I groan and lie down again. I could cry now, but I don't have tears left. Yuno has bothered me for a week now and I seriously could choke her, okay no I couldn't really do that. But the therapists, if you could call them like that, really don't know how to do their job. It's frustrating, you tell them really how you feel, but they just don't accept it. a dog could do their job better than they do!

How is Katsuki even doing. I mean he never really had some kind of a therapist right? Or at least not someone like the ones that work here. I worry more about him than about me.

At this institute you really can't do much. You live in a small room with a bed, table, chair, toilet and everything is white. All you can do is sit around and wait until the give you something to eat or a therapist will come and annoy you. You can annoy them as well, I have done that a couple of times with Gasai. You see Gasai is a really crazy person, not exited crazy, but horrifying crazy. She mentally abused her boyfriend, well from her side it was her boyfriend, and he still has problems with trusting people or come near them. She was like a yandere girl in an anime. Yeah sometimes you can get scared of her, but she won't do anything because if she does anything that is not apart of her job, she will get fired. I really have a fun time by annoying her, but it gets boring.

You may wonder how I know about her life, well I once was friends with Yukki and he told me about her and showed me pictures of her. We told each other our problems and such, but then he moved away and I never saw him again. Tragic past, but you know, you can't really do something against it.

To be honest you really can't lose anything here. You don't have family here. You don't have friends here. You don't have respect here. You don't have pride here. You just don't have a life here. The love for and of Katsuki is all I have, I just hope he didn't and won't forget me, that would break me completely.

I didn't think that it will turn out like this, all this. I just thought that I will come in the hospital, be there until I'm eighteen and then will leave. I didn't think that I will fall in love, that I would worry about one person. Katsuki showed me how to love again, he is the reason why I can love again.

I actually wouldn't blame him, if he forgets me. The institute is really cruel, so I would understand, if I'm not on his mind. Of course it's sad and it makes me wanting to cry, but he has, I think, a harder time than me. With us being gay and him being transgender, there is no one who will support him. God, he must feel horrible. How is he holding up? Oh my god, I just realized, he has the hardest time of hi life, worse than I can probably imagine. 

How will he be when I see him again? Will we be completely damaged or... I don't want to think about the bad stuff. But I'm still scared that we won't see each other again, or that he won't love me anymore.

Katsuki please don't give up. What will I do, if you give up?

Month 5

-Bakugous POV-

I look at Shou and he looks at me, we sit in silence if you wonder. Then I say out of the blue "You are not my favorite person today" he smiles "I'm not your favorite person on any day" I nod "Yeah, but I thought I would tell you" he shrugs "Okay but lets get back to to the therapy" I cross my arms "You are used to it right?" I nod again "But today we will talk about your sexuality, well more about your gender" I sigh and try to hold my tears back "Go on, destroy me more" "Okay"-

-Todorokis POV-

"Hi Todoroki, I'm Spike Spiegel, your new therapist. You can call me Spike if you want" he sits down and he shakes my hand "T-then you can call me Shoto" he looks up of his papers and looks confused at me "Is something wrong?" I stay silent at first "No, just why are you treating me like a person. I mean every other therapist is treating me like shit and you, well, you are like a normal therapist who respects us?" he sighs and looks now more sad "Yeah, to be honest there only a couple of understanding therapists here who respect you, who want to help you. We sometimes go in other institutes to help as much of you as we can" my mind wanders to Katsuki "Do you know Katsuki? Bakugou Katsuki? He is in another institute and I'm really worried, I don't know how he is doing and-" "Calm down, calm down, you're having a panic attack. Breathe slowly" I do as he says and try to calm done.

Once I calmed down I look at him with hope in my eyes "No, I don't know him, but if you want I can check on  the computer in which institute he is and pay him a visit as a therapist and if you want I can pass on a message from you to him" I smile, the first time in months, and nod "Yeah please do that" he smiles too.

"Okay but we really need to have the therapy" I nod and the first time in a long time I had a really good conversation and he really listened to me and I felt good that someone understands and can help.

Month 6

-Bakugous POV-

My door opens and a stranger walks in. Where is Shou, actually I don't want to know. "Hello Bakugou, my name is Spike Spiegel, your new therapist" he smiles at me and I look at him with the 'Do what you want I don't trust you' look. "I know you may not trust me now, but I'm actually here to help you" "Yeah, that's what you all say" I roll my eyes. 

"Oh yeah, I also have this for you" he takes something out of his jeans pocket and gives it me. A letter. I open the letter and start to read it

Hi Katsuki

Okay, I'm actually nervous to write that. So, you probably noticed that Spike is treating you like person. You can trust him really and he will actually hep you, we might be out of here sooner than we thought. He is a really good therapist and  will listen to you and actually help. 

And now I will let it all out.

GOOD KATSUKI ARE YOU OKAY HOW ARE YOU HOLDING UP I REALLY CAN'T THINK  OF SOMETHING ELSE I KNOW THAT THE PEOPLE HERE AND THERE ARE CRUEL BUT PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP I'M SURE WE WILL SEE EACH OTHER SOON.

Also, I love you. I hope you didn't forget me or at least my love for you. I really miss you and I really need you. I swear if we are out of here, I will never let you go again.

I love you, with all my heart, please know that.

Shoto

I feel hot tears falling down and wipe them away. "Do you trust me now?" I look up from the letter and nod. "If you want to write a letter for him you can do it. I will give it to him. He told me much about you, but he didn't tell me who you are for each other, are you boyfriends or?" did he really just see me as a boy "Yeah, boyfriends, yeah" this makes me happy.

"I sadly can't do anything with your dysphoria, but I try to help you with your depression" I nod and we start to talk.

"That is not a happy story" he says after I told him about my past "Well I don't live a happy life"

Year 1

-Bakugous POV-

Shoto and I have a better therapist now who actually helps us and we can write letters each other and that' the best thing here. If course there is still a part of me that feels like shit, but I will fix it when I'm out of here. Also good news, I'm not anorexic anymore, well I'm still really thin, but not that you can call it anorexic. 

Thins really get better.

-Todorokis POV-

Spike really helped. Not that I am not depressed anymore, I still am, but he helps and it got better, really.

Year 2 month 5

-Bakugous POV-

How long do I need to stay here, it gets frustrating.

Year 3

-Todorkis POV-

Did Spike lie when he told me that I will get out soon?

I need to see Katsuki.

Year 7

-Bakugous POV-

"Congratulations to your 24th birthday!" I've been here seven years?

We stopped writing letters to each other, because Spike refused to take the risk. I guess there is no us anymore.

Months later

-Todorokis POV-

"Congratulations to your 25th birthday!" that means that Katsuki is already twenty four years old.

Spike needed to be an asshole and stop the thing with the letters. He knows that we are nothing without each other right? And it's been already 3 years since we stopped. We lost contact, we lost each other. Does that mean there is no us?

Year 8

-Bakugous and Todorokis POV-

"Congratulations you will be out of here in a week" Spike smiles and I jump up "Really? I can see Katsuki/Shoto!"

____________________________________________

Eeeeeeeeeeehhh that was kind of heartbreaking?

3008 words

Cliffhanger?

Yes. (Kinda)

Suffer

Author-san out.