December

Another Humpty Dumpty month later...

We've finally made it to the close to the end of the year! Yeah, it's Christmas soon... so, Ho Ho Ho.

Did you think I'd lose myself because I fell in love?

Nope.

The sass is still here, the ass is still there—at least the last time I checked, and I'm still a bitch on heels to the assholes.

If you're hoping that this is a story where I become all soft from falling in love, like an ice cream melting in the sun, then you're reading the wrong story. I mean, what the fuck about all these romance novels where the protagonist loses herself in love and becomes Snow White, with birds chirping and all?

I hate Disney princesses, by the way.

Fuck that shit, because bad-ass Eva is here to stay.

What's happened since I proposed to my fiance?

Well, I've got a new tattoo. How did that happen? Let's just say that about a year ago, drunk Eva (yes there's no denial that it was me, and I'm face palming right now) promised her work buddies at a pub one night that she would never fall in love.

Walt and his crew bet drunk Eva that within a year she would find herself a man and fall in love. She bet against it.

Long story short, drunk Eva lost the bet and come December a year later, the lads and ladettes accompanied her to a tattoo parlor, with Sven Handsome in tow.

Sven, by the way, had been teaching Walt some Norwegian swear words, and Walt was in the process of "educating" Sven with some Australian slang that you'd never learn in English classes.

Here's a list of words Sven learned from Walt:

- Donger = penis. 🍆
- Face fungus = beard. 🧔
- Air ping pong = Australian rules football. 🏉
- Liquid laugh = vomit. 🤮
- Snog = passionate kiss. 💋

It was the evening of my last day at Hudson Engineering, and Walt and the usual after-work drinks crew shouted me a farewell party at a local pub.

Earlier that day, there was an official farewell event at our office, hosted by Gary, who gave me a gorgeous bouquet of flowers. Then, there was the unofficial party where my workmates and I let our hair hang down.

To complete the ritual of fulfilling a lost bet, the crew took me to a city tattoo parlor.

"Eva! Eva! Eva!" My mates chanted as I sat on the parlor chair, flicking through tattoo designs. Sven was in on it too, chanting with my mates, while rubbing my shoulders. As if that would help ease the nerves.

"Nice hair," I commented to Davo, the tattoo artist who sported Australia's Mullet of the Year.

"Yeah, it's business at the front and party at the back," he replied, grinning, at first rubbing his short sides, then flicking his horse tail locks.

"You're not going to run like the clappers, eh, Eva?" Walt placed one burly hand on my shoulder, clapping it firmly, as I sat, imprisoned on the parlor chair.

"Let's not beat around the bush. I'm gonna go for gold with this one," I replied, patting Walt's hand.

"Eh? Run like the clappers? Beat around the bush?" Sven frowned in confusion.

"In this context, to run like the clappers means to run away fast. Beat around the bush means to procrastinate or avoid something," I explained.

"Have you picked a design?" Mullet Davo asked.

"Yeah, mate. Let's give this one a burl," I suggested, pointing at the design to be etched on my skin.

I chose the word "warrior", with the female gender symbol to replace the "o", under my wrist:

Warri♀r

As for our engagement and plans for the upcoming months, Sven and I broke the news to our families. We planned to travel together to Europe, first to London, where I would settle and prepare for a semester to complete my MBA, under the scholarship exchange program at the London School of Economics.

Hudson Engineering deposited a fat lump sum in my bank account for the years of hard work. My "golden handshake" was enough to support my living expenses as a full-time MBA student finishing my last semester in London. The money I received from Hudson meant that I wouldn't need to sell any of my investments to support myself in the coming months.

Knowing that London wasn't cheap, I wasn't planning on being a big spender. I already looked at being a part-time tutor for undergrads at the university to earn a bit of cash.

Sven and I would travel on the same flight to London, and after a few days, we would fly to Norway, so I could spend Christmas with him and meet his family in his home town—Sven's a country boy. Thereafter, he would fly to Oslo to start his career while I return to London.

Then, I would move to Oslo in June. Looking ahead, I already contacted a few companies in Oslo, who were interested meeting me post-MBA. Gary was right about one thing—I was resourceful.

Sven's parents, who we spoke with several times on Skype before, were gobsmacked about the news. This was because their son transformed from Van Wilder, party liaison officer, to a man of responsibility who was going to have a wife and a job. He was growing up.

Sven's mum was pleasant on the phone when I spoke with her, although she was a little nervous about speaking in English. His parents were devout churchgoers who, on the surface, would appear to have followed life's traditional recipe. However, his mum hinted once that she and Sven's dad met in a rather spontaneous and unexpected manner.

Hilde Hansen was a young teacher engaged to a doctor when she met Sven's dad, Karsten, a tall, handsome carpenter. She and the doctor planned an entire life together, but she quickly ditched the doctor for Sven's father.

I was grateful for Hilde's bold, gambit move that started a chain of events, which would rock the world of a certain Australian woman years later. Between you and me, I thought Hilde was kick-ass.

When it came to my family, Mum told me that Sven had asked for her blessing before he bought the rings. Fully aware that we weren't Romeo and Juliet, she told him that I decided my future, not her.

On December 14, the night before Sven and I left for London, Jack held a farewell party for us at his place.

It also turned out to be a pseudo-engagement party, which was not particularly traditional, but nothing we did was traditional and according to plan.

The first thing I noticed when we arrived at Jack's spacious suburban Queenslander home was a "Not a farewell, but see you later" banner hanging at the entrance.

The party was a small and personal affair with Mary, Maddy, Verity, Jonas, and Jack. We spent the first half the evening on the patio behind the house eating a barbecue feast, drinking beer and wine, and enjoying the good company.

Pinhead was at home shit-faced and high, which upset Verity, but didn't bother me, as I was more than happy that he wasn't there.

"Alright, we have a surprise for Eva and Sven in the living room inside," Maddy announced, as the others cheered and made their way into the house.

The gang set up a PowerPoint presentation, using Jack's white wall as a big screen, revealing "Eva & Sven's Journey", which included a series of tacky photos taken by Maddy and Jonas over the past months, accompanied by some shitty music.

Fuck my life was my only thought when I heard K-CI & JOJO's All My Life accompany the presentation.

"Oh, and Mary picked the music," Maddy added, winking at Mary.

"Ugh," I groaned. "Seriously?"

"It's such a beautiful song," Mary defended.

"Then save it for your wedding with my brother," I suggested, trying to hide a genuine smile. I think Mary was seriously considering my tip.

Frankly, I was itching to listen to anything by Shawn Mendes, but it would spoil the fun.

"Sven and Eva, we've made a special timeline to honor your 'togetherness'. However, we've also put a back story and cringe factor ratings to each slide," Jack proudly declared.

"I didn't agree with the group ratings, so I've added my own in most of the slides," he added with a smirk.

The gang erupted in laughter, as the timeline began.

***

January to May: "Eva and Sven before the love bus arrived."
Photo 1: Me in a Donna Karan business suit holding a bottle of Moët & Chandon Impérial Brut, together with Maddy.
Photo 2: Sven, shirtless, with a cowboy hat and a scantily clad girl in each arm.
Cringe Factor: 3/10. 7/10 (Jack).

"The year began slowly, with Eva going gung-ho about her plans to rule the world," Maddy started.

"During that time, Sven was Norway's Van Wilder, busting a move at the parties and rocking it with the laaaadieeesss," Jonas sang.

***

June: "Eva got hit by the love bus."
Photo: Me gawking at Sven, who had his arm draped around Cyborg, at Maddy and Jonas' dinner party.
Cringe factor: 5/10. 10/10 (Jack).

"Then we hit June, when Eva got hit by the lurrv bus!!!" Maddy shouted.

The B-52's Love Shack started playing, which was an old song my mum used to dance to, but it was a refreshing change that was more in tune with my personality.

"Actually, the first time I saw Sven was in March when the love bus hit me," I corrected Maddy.

"I remember that. The love bus arrived early for me too," Sven added, holding me tightly.

***

July: "Oh, what a night!"
Photo: Sven and me busting our moves to Vanilla Ice's Ice Ice Baby.
Cringe factor: 6/10. 10/10 (Jack).

"Then came karaoke night! Sven told me you needed some saving," Jonas teased.

***

September: "Poor Sven! He's in the dog house."
Photo: Sven looking unshaven, unshowered, and disheveled, with misery written on his face, sitting amid a pile of mess on Maddy and Jonas' sofa.
Cringe factor: 7/10. 10/10 (Jack).

"Do you remember when Eva kicked Sven out of her apartment? Sven, you were a naughty boy!" Maddy laughed, and so did the group.

The only one not laughing was Sven, whose facial muscles ticked and lips tightened. I snickered, upon seeing his reaction, before reaching out and stroking his hand.

"It's all in the past, baby," I murmured soothingly, and he began to relax.

***

October: "Together forever!"
Photo: Sven and me making out at the Koala Bar.
Cringe factor: 8/10. 10/10 (Jack).

"Yeah, they were together," Maddy remarked.

"Gross, is that Eva's tongue in Sven's mouth?" Mary wrinkled her nose, turning to Verity, who rolled her eyes.

***

November: "Will you marry me?"
Photo: Sven and me with the Mayor of Brisbane, Grace Nielson, and her mother, Ann, at the Brisbane Corporate Ball.
Cringe factor: 0/10 (Verity and Mary), 5/10 (Maddy and Jonas), and 10/10 (Jack).

"We couldn't agree on a cringe factor rating for this one. Mary and I thought the proposal was so sweet, while Maddy and Jonas thought you guys were rushing into things. Jack, of course, had his own rating," Verity commented.

***

December: "Sven and Eva hop on the love bus, and it's 'see you later'!"
Photo: Me cuddling up to Sven in his graduation gown. The photo showed his dimpled grin, as he held his Master of Information Technology diploma.
Cringe factor: 3/10. 10/10 (Jack).

"You guys are seriously so sweet," Mary cooed. "We really hope you'll come and visit us when you're married with babies!"

"They have to get through six months of a long-distance relationship first," Maddy remarked.

"You guys are getting married at the Oslo courthouse in June, right?" Jonas asked.

"Ja, det stemmer," Sven replied. (Translation: yes, that's correct.)

"I'll be there, if you need a witness," Jonas replied.

"Thanks, Jonas." I gave him a 'thumbs up' signal.

I wished Maddy would come too, but she had a work project due around that time of the year. On another note, Maddy and Jonas may not have worked out, but they were friends.

Sven and I were going to miss this motley crew of crazy friends and family.

It was now only a matter of hours before Sven and I were going to hop on that plane and say goodbye to life in Oz.

Sven also had a plan: to join the mile-high club.

A/N: I hope you're enjoying this crazy ride so far! Have you ever said goodbye to family or close friends? Do you still keep in touch?