"I've always known who you'd pick. It's a feeling that I can't block. For she was always your tick and I was only the tock."

—Nadine Rose, Secondhand

It had been exactly one week since I had been back at work. Surprisingly, Jamie and I were getting along pretty well. Even Connie didn't bother me as much these days. I had an inkling that it had to do with the fact that I was no longer at that awful post-breakup stage where all you do is cry all night and yell at all the happy people around you, and therefore I was no longer a nightmare to work with. But you know, as fate would have it, my happiness was always fleeting.

I had just finished with my work for the day and was about to leave when Brian walked in. I have to admit that when I saw his face, I lost my breath a little. But I didn't crumble like I would have six months ago. I found it a little hard to focus with all the pounding in my head as I stared at him, wondering what on earth had possessed him to ambush me at the one place that didn't reek of reminders of our relationship.

"Taylor, wait up," he said when I brushed past him. I held up two fingers and motioned for him to follow me. I had no intention of causing a scene. If we were going to finally hash it out, I'd rather not do it in the presence of my coworkers, and most importantly, Jamie.

"Just know that you don't deserve this minute that I'm giving you," I said when he finally caught up to me in the parking lot. I unlocked my car and got in, but left the door open. "So, make your point and make it fast."

"Oh," he said, running his hands through his windswept hair. The familiar sensation of wanting to neaten the mess that he'd created caught me off guard. I didn't think that I could still feel anything for him after all that had transpired and it unnerved me.

He smiled a sad smile. "I didn't think that I'd get this far, actually. Now I don't know what to say." Instantaneously, he put his hand out to thwart my efforts to lock the door. "Okay, wait. Just... just hear me out. Okay?"

"Thirty seconds, Archer. Make it count." I could feel my anger rising to the surface. I knew that I'd regret this moment in an hour when I'm at home replaying the afternoon's events in my mind, wondering why I just didn't keep walking.

"You should know that I never meant to hurt you." He said it with such an earnest look that it took me a few seconds to gather my wits. "I promise you that, Taylor."

"Then what the fuck did you mean to do, Brian? Huh? You didn't mean to hurt me." I scoffed. "That has got to be the dumbest thing that you've ever said. Tell me, how does asking my sister to marry you, not hurt me?"

"Because not everything is about you, alright?" He said in exasperation.

And there it was. The underlying truth that had always separated Katie and I— It was never about me, even when I was the only one hurting. Skakily, I blew out a breath, leaning my head against the door because just then, it hurt to breathe. All I knew was that I wasn't ready for the pain that I was sure was about to hit me like a truck. "Stop talking," I said through gritted teeth. "Please."

"I know that this is not what you want to hear, but it is what it is. Asking your sister to be my wife wasn't just some ploy to hurt you and I'm sorry, but us falling in love is the best thing that has ever happened to me." He took a step back when he saw my face. It wasn't the murderous rage, so much as the hurt that had caused the tears that were flowing. Just when I thought that I had no more tears left to shed for this fool, I surprised myself. "Taylor, I am so, so sorry that it happened the way that it did and if I could go back and somehow change it—"

"You'd do what?" I cut him off. "You'd never date me? You'd erase three years of memories so that I wouldn't have to hurt? Is that it? Am I right?" Before he got a sentence out, I continued. "You would unlove me?"

He closed his eyes and his body swayed slightly. "Really, Brian? She means that much to you, that you would erase our love?" In his silence, I found my answer. Without giving it a second thought, I shut the door and sped out of the parking lot.

I don't know how exactly I thought that meeting was supposed to go, but I know that it wasn't supposed to leave me feeling like someone had taken a jackhammer and repeatedly slammed it into my heart. It seemed like the moment that I'm finally happy and on my way to being over the hurt, something like this happens and completely derails my progress. I was this close to getting over Brian when Katie announced their engagement. And now any chance that I might have had at normalcy was gone.

I pulled into my driveway to find a strange car already there with someone leaning on the hood. I stepped out of the car with a sigh. I was sure that I looked like something out of a horror movie. I knew for a fact that the black spots on my white shirt were the remnants of my mascara, but I was too drained to care.

I took a cautious step towards the other car and stopped in my tracks when I recognized the owner. "Dammit! Nathan, now is not the time for an impromptu visit," I groaned softly and continued towards the front door with him following closely behind.

"It sure looks like you need some company," he said, leaning against the wall while I tumbled my bag for my keys. I shrugged, refusing to look at him. I'd probably start crying and by now I was feeling somewhat embarrassed about my appearance. But hey, if he stuck around after this, he'll be in for a lot worse than just charcoal eyes. "Hey," he said quietly.

"What?" I mumbled unhappily. My mind was in so many different places at once. I was furious all over again about Katie and Brian and for the life of me, I couldn't stop thinking about how little I meant to him that he was willing to just erase us.

It was almost impossible to concentrate on anything and I was growing frustrated trying to get the key into the lock. Sensing my distress, Nathan took the keys that were now dangling from my hand and unlocked the door before ushering me inside. "Thanks," I said softly, dropping my bag onto the floor. I kicked it into a corner and plopped myself down on the couch.

"Hungry?" he asked already heading to the kitchen. He was going to be sorely disappointed, there was nothing in my fridge besides leftover pizza and fried chicken from last night's takeout. After that first day of trying and failing to create something gourmet, I'd quit indefinitely. Some of us just weren't cut out for making restaurant themed homemade dinners.

After about twenty minutes of wallowing in misery I realized that the house was eerily quiet and decided to see what was taking Nathan so long. Surely it didn't take that long to reheat a meal. I massaged my temples as I walked. It appeared that someone was throwing one hell of party in my head and I wasn't even invited.

"Dude, what's up?" I asked Nathan. He was wearing my Betty Boop apron with a smile while he chopped onions. It was then that I realized that he intended to make us dinner that didn't include reheated pizza. "You don't need to do all this. There's a deli a few blocks away. It'll be just as tasty," I said with what I hoped passed for a reassuring smile.

"You deserve a good meal," was all that he said. I moved closer towards him and slipped my arms around his waist, surprising us both with my display of affection. "That bad a day, huh?"

I sighed. "You have no idea." Pressed up against him, there was nowhere else that I wanted to be and no one that I wanted to talk to more. "Need some help?"

***

Two hours later we were curled up on the sofa, my head resting on his chest and his arm around me, my troubles almost forgotten. There was something soothing about Nathan's presence and I reveled in the reprieve from my frustrations.

"Wanna tell me about your day?" he asked softly. I sighed, burying my head in his chest. No, I did not want to tell him about my day. I didn't even want to think about it, much less talk about it.

"Wanna tell me about yours?" I asked, my voice slightly muffled.

He chuckled. "Alright, I get the picture."

For reasons that I couldn't fathom at the moment, I felt a bit guilty about mourning the loss of one guy while snuggled up with another. I knew that Nathan would've tried his best to understand my predicament and perhaps even calmed me down but it just felt wrong to unload like that on him, especially when the reason that I was so upset was because the other guy in question was truly over me.

That realization hurt the most. After three years that was all that it came down to, a few good memories that did nothing to alleviate the pain that accompanied it. I wanted to scream and throw stuff. I was so angry. I wanted to punch someone and preferably Katie. I was mad at her the most. She not only owed it to me to be a good sister, more importantly, she owed it to me to be a decent person.

She owed it to me to tell me beforehand that she was falling in love with the guy that I was still in love with and in that regard she'd failed. I'd spent six months agonizing over our breakup while hoping and praying that there was some way that we could still make it work. Nobody told me that the guy I was praying for, was praying for someone else. A heads-up would've been nice is all I'm saying.

"Don't think me rude, but do you think that you could go?" I asked Nathan while extracting myself from his hold. I needed to seethe in peace without his watchful gaze.

He hesitated but eventually nodded. That hesitation was all that I needed to feel all the more awful about kicking him out. It takes a special kind of person to stay by the side of another while they put themselves back together and at this rate, I'd be picking up my broken pieces at an agonizingly slow pace. It wasn't fair to ask him to stay for that.

"This is just goodnight, it's not goodbye," he said when he was almost out the door. "Promise me that."

"Goodnight, Nathan," I whispered, kissing him on the cheek. "Drive safe."

I waited until his car had disappeared around the corner before slumping onto the porch swing. I gently swayed back and forth, staring at the stars while tears streamed freely down my face. There were some situations that only crying could fix and I'd say that being stuck in an endless cycle of the same heartbreak warranted more than a few tears.

I didn't want it to be goodbye but the side of me that usually sabotaged every good thing in my life was rearing her ugly head. She reminded me of the fact that he came with his own baggage that was still to be properly unpacked in the form of an ex fiancée. That posed the question of whether I wanted to go down that road.

Being in a relationship with someone that was still in love with their ex could only lead to a mass of complications and I had no intention of diving into that particular pool of emotions, neither did I want Nathan to. So where did that leave us?

***

After three days of ignoring Nathan's calls and texts, he'd finally stopped trying. While I was relieved that I'd be left alone, I was scared that I was losing him before he was even mine. It wasn't easy to ignore the one person that I wanted to talk to, but I had no choice. I had temporarily moved back into that dark place that had consumed my life before we'd met and despite the rumors, I wasn't selfish enough to drag him there with me.

"Wanna grab dinner later?"

I shook my head at Jamie as I slipped my coat on. Between him and Connie I was going to have to stamp the word "NO" onto my forehead. They were relentless in their pursuit of drawing me out of this "funk" as they liked to call it. I wasn't in a funk though, I was just emotionally exhausted. The only person that I'd confided in was Hailey because she'd been here with me before and knew what to do—Leave me alone until I was ready to rejoin the happy people.

I hurriedly made my way to my car but slowed my pace to a walk when I saw Nathan. He was casually sitting on the trunk with his arms crossed. I sighed and shuffled forward. "Hey," I said, stopping short of the door. "Mind hopping off?"

Frowning, he came up to me. "So, I called your phone."

I unlocked the car and turned away from him. "I know. I watched it ring." I couldn't help it. Being mean was second nature to me when I was upset or in this case, sad.

He sighed. "You don't have to do this, Taylor. I'm staying regardless of how much you try to push me away, so if your plan is to shut me out, you'll have to let that go."

"Why? Why stay? I'm giving you an out. Take it."

"I don't want an out," he said in exasperation. "Do you always give up so easily?"

I faced him, fully intending to tell him to just go but I couldn't get the words out. I swallowed and stared at my feet, observing that I really needed a pedicure. I stole a peek at him but instead of the frown that I expected, I was greeted with a smile so sad, it made my heart ache. "Are you always this persistent?"

His smile grew. "Only when it's worth it and you, my dear are so worth it."

I crossed my arms and leaned against my car, frowning. He was going to make me cave and I knew that I had a pretty good reason for pushing him away. "Pretty words will only get you so far," I mumbled. He sighed and positioned himself beside me, our arms lightly touching. I inhaled and shifted a bit so that there was more space between us. "I'm not in a good place right now and I don't want to hurt you, okay? I'm not saying goodbye, I'm just asking for a little space."

"For how long?"

"I can't say. I just know that if you don't leave, you'll end up getting hurt before it's over."

"I've been hurt before and I lived," he said, reaching for my hand. "I'm not going anywhere so whatever's going on, we'll just have to get through it together."

Tears stung my eyes at his words. I wanted so badly to believe him but I'd been let down so many times before that I didn't want to get my hopes up. "You'd better not be another disappointing male," I said tilting my head with a teary-eyed smile.

He cradled my face in his hand. "I'll set the bar so high, there'll be no coming back from this."