Phillip

Nata turns away from me, straightens her legs, and flexes her toes a couple of times. I let her stall because the pause gives me a chance to breathe and think. What the hell am I playing at here? Because this conversation is nothing but play. Cannot be serious. I cannot actually be thinking of having a kid with this woman because I'm thirty-seven and I'm tired of the games that come with dating. If this were not a hypothetical? If this were an actual real possibility, however unconventional, would I do it? Would she? The prickly feeling in my chest is both fear and hope. What if it were possible?

The couch moves as Nata rises and leaves me sitting alone.

"The conception would work the usual way." She lifts the lid of the drip coffee machine on the counter and opens the cabinets above. "Sex is sex. It doesn't have to have the deeper transcendental meaning."

"You have lots of experience with casual sex?" I place my arms on the back of the couch and recline, opening my chest to take deeper breaths. This discussion feels both like an exam and an exercise in patience. If I pass, I might just get admitted into Nata's inner circle, I definitely want to be in.

"No." Nata pulls out brown paper coffee filters and places one into the machine. "That's not the point." She rounds the island and ruffles through the minefield of bags, suitcases, and boxes in the living room. "There's always IVF if someone is against the sex part. Although, I'd rather do the sex, than be pumped full of hormones." She picks up a box with a symbol of a food service company on it I've seen lots of ads for, and a smaller grocery bag. Her slow movements are the opposite of the speeding up beats of my heart. She sets the box on the counter-top in the kitchen. "If IVF is the only way—I'd do it. I'm very determined. But—"

"You'd rather have sex with a guy than go through IVF?" So much for patience. I wince at my loss of self-control. I've wooed so many clients and listened to their endless tales to placate them and I can't hold my mouth shut during a chat that has a lot more important things at stake than money.

Nata bites her lip and sets her hands on her hips. "It's consensual," she says with irritation seeping through her gritted teeth. "Both parties agree. No emotional attachments." She lifts her chin and meets my gaze. "And it's free."

"I don't care about the money part." I don't blink. Her words talk to me about the money, but I sense the unsaid conversation between us. The sussing out of the viability of this idea.

"I do." Nata drops her gaze and pulls an already opened container of ground coffee out of the bag. "My insurance doesn't cover IVF." She measures four tablespoonfuls into the filter lined opening on top of the coffee machine and pours water into the other portion. "I don't have the money for the first and last month to rent an apartment. That's why I'm in this situation." She gestures around the piles of her stuff in the living room that's getting dark. "Otherwise, I would've done it already. I'm ready to do whatever it takes. Sex with a stranger included."

Is she still joking? Or are we talking about something specific here?

I locate the switch and turn on the light on the lamp at the side table next to me. She squints from the sudden intrusion of brightness. "Could've warned me."

"Sorry. I wanted to see you clearly before I ask this next question." I wipe my sweaty palms on the couch and focus on the texture under my fingertips to pull my attention away from the rush of blood that heats my neck and wooshes in my ears. She's going to freak out. I'm freaking out too but I still want to do this. I clench my fists and look at Nata.

"What question?" She furrows her brow and gives me her tutor-Nata look of don't you-mess-with-me. I shouldn't ask her. What a ridiculous notion. She's just talking theoretically. I shouldn't have even thought of asking.

I shake my head. "Never mind. It's absurd."

"Out with it." She shuts the coffee machine lid and pushes one of the buttons. "I've been pouring an ocean of ridiculous ideas over you. You owe me one of yours."

My turn to rise. I make it to the kitchen without stepping on any of her stuff on my way. Standing next to her seemed like a good idea when I was all the way across the room from her. I smell the acidic aroma of coffee. My body betrays me, sending goosebumps across my exposed forearms and tightening my chest. I feel like I'm a twenty-year-old college student who's falling behind in his BioChem class and she's the only hope of me not failing my class and disappointing my dad. I extend my hand her way. "Promise not to kick me out of here?"

She puts both her hands behind her back. "Nope. No such promises."

"Fine." I shove the hand the was hanging in the space between us into my pocket. "Here it is." I shove my other hand into my other pocket and rock on the heels of my shoes. "This co-parenting thing. Would you seriously do it with someone?"

She shrugs. "If that were an option and not a theoretical dream that everyone would laugh at? Sure."

I stop fidgeting and straighten. I remind myself of the superman posturing technique that I practice before most important meetings. I stand tall and confident because she didn't say no. Maybe she'll say yes. "What if I wouldn't laugh at it?"

"You have someone in mind who'd like to have a child with me and not expect me to show up at dinner and movie dates or quit my job because his is more important?"

"Yeah." I nod. "I think that would be possible."

"And who can support a kid financially, doesn't have any major red flags, and is a decent human being?" She tilts her head.

"The first one, yes." I squint at her. "The last two you have to be more specific about."

"I can give you a list of my red flags." She leans her hip on the side of the counter and does that hands-dancing-in-the-air thing she defaults to when she's searching for an explanation. "The decent human being part is hard to qualify."

"Would you say I'm a decent human being?"

Nata screws her lips to the side like she's actually considering the answer. "Yeah. But how is that relevant?"

I take a deep breath in and out and cross my arms. "Would you have a kid with me?"

She laughs, so that tears appear in her eyes. "Right. As if you need someone like me to have a kid with." She leans forward. "They don't quiz you in biology to allow you to have one," she whispers. "Although sometimes I wish they did have some kind of a quiz before people decided to become parents."

I'm not going to let her change the subject. Determination settles in my stomach. For the first time in many years the elusive dream of having a kid might come true and I'm not letting go of the idea. I recross my arms. "Why not me?"

She flails her arms in the air batting the idea away like a kid first at bat. "You can walk out onto the street, raise a hand and a flock of women will gather flaunting their ovaries and fighting over who you should pick to carry your child."

"So many assumptions." I huff. "You think I don't have any criteria of my own about who I'd like to be the mother of my kids?"

"Sorry." Nata settles her palm on my shoulder and gives me an apologetic glance. "That's fair. Are your criteria tall, blond, solid pedigree?" She gives me a small shove, showing how full of shit and fake her apology was.

I shrug her hand off me. "You make me sound like I'm buying a pet."

"Not sorry on that one." The corner of her lip curves up. "Based on your previous girlfriends, you have a type."

"We're not talking about women I sleep with." I lower my face so it's closer to hers. "This is for procreation. And I'd much rather like to have children with someone I'm certain I work well with. Who's kind." I inch my face closer. "And patient, and honest." My nose is a foot away from her forehead. "And would not make me feel like a fool when I make mistakes." I scrape over her features with my gaze. "Someone who is smart, and responsible, and beautiful."

"Yeah." Her throat bobs as she swallows. "That might be a bit harder to find," her voice is low and without any trace of sarcasm.

My body is too close to hers. The tension between us can be because of this argument, or because she's all those things and I can't deny my attraction, or because I'm so near to closing this deal. The buzz of electricity around us is palpable.

"But I've found her already," I rasp.

"Don't say that's me." Her breath tickles my lips.

"That's you." I hope she can hear the honesty in my voice.

Nata takes a step back. Then another. Then another, until her back hits the wall, with the refrigerator to her left and cabinet doors to her right. "You can't be that cheesy." She moves her head side to side, as if trying to shake off whatever thoughts that she doesn't want to have in her head. "If I'm to take you seriously." Hope rises as a giant bubble from my gut into my throat. "If." She lifts her finger up in the air, like a sword that can protect her from me. "If what we are talking about is not an extended joke." She lifts her finger-sword higher. "The first thing you'd have to do is cut the cheese out." She slices the air in an up-down motion. "I don't need to be wooed or lied to about my beauty." She air-quotes the last word. "I need a partner and a friend. No lies." She pierces me with her stare. "Trust and honesty are the two things I won't back down on." Her gaze flicks to the floor and back at me. "I can't tolerate lies," Nata says in a stilted tone. "We can figure everything out, no matter how difficult, if we are honest with each other." She holds still.

The hope moves from my throat into my head, sending giddy images of kids running around my dad's house. I lick my lips. "I can do honesty."

Nata lifts her chin. "Can you do fidelity?"

My breath halts. "What do you mean?"

"If we do this thing," she moves her hand between us. "At least until I conceive, I'd like for us to only have sex with each other, so we don't have to worry about diseases or paternity."

I try to give her a dirty look but can't help chuckling bitterly. "Feel like the diseases part was aimed into my court."

"It was." She tightens her mouth.

I scoff. "Because I can't keep my dick in my pants?"

Nata shrugs. "Again, based on the empirical evidence of your previous relationships, it's clear that sleeping with one woman at a time is a difficulty for you."

"Really?" There's a shrillness to my voice. Why would she even say that? I've never slept around. Well, I've never slept with multiple women at the same time. Well, I've never slept with multiple women at the same time unless we've all agreed to do it. There has always been full consent from all the parties involved. Enthusiastic consent. I put my anger in a chock-hold, because the outcome is more important than me showing her upset I am. I unclench my teeth. "What empirical evidence of my unfaithfulness do you have? TMZ? Because everything they post must be true."

"You slept with your wife's sister while you were still married, for God's sake." She shakes both her hands over her head.

"You were there?" I ask sharply. "Held a candle over our bed?"

We're back almost nose to nose.

"You're saying you didn't sleep with Brenda?" Nata throws her accusation at me.

"I'm not saying that at all." Her eyes sparkle with triumph at my admission. I lower my brow to hers. "I did sleep with her. But I've been separated from Linda for six months by then. I moved out and lived in New York while she was in Chicago. We were getting a divorce," I almost shout. "There was no infidelity."

"And you want me to believe you?" She laces her fingers on top of her head.

"You"—I aim my finger at the low V of her t-shirt—"were the one who said trust and honesty is key. I'm being honest with you, and you are not trusting me because of whatever reputation the yellow papers assigned to me. You've always trusted me before. Ours were the most honest relationship I've ever had in my life."

"We were kids then." Her words slip out soft and quiet. "We didn't have much to hide."

"We are not kids anymore, but I'm fine with not hiding stuff," I say without heat, pleading her to give me a chance. "We sign an NDA assuring neither of us can divulge what we discuss to others. No gossiping to your best friends. No confiding in our parents. We tell each other the truth even if it hurts and even if it's ugly. We do this thing because we have something we both want." I hold her shoulders and wish for that elusive dream of mine to finally come true.

"A child," she says.

"A child."

She balls her hands and looks at me from under her eyelashes. "Are we seriously considering this?"

"I am very serious." I cup her chin and lift it. "And you seemed to be too."

She moves her gaze between my eyes, in a searching desperation. "You're not the worst person to do this with."

"Thanks for the compliment." A humph of a laugh makes it past the lump in my throat.

"I don't need compliments, but you can't expect them from me either," she says with a pointed raise of her eyebrows.

"I can live with that."

"Are we really doing this?" Her voice is thick as she steps out of my hold.

All of this is out of my character, but nothing I've done that was in my character has succeeded. I'm ready to take the leap of faith with Nata. My heart taps a happy dance against my ribs. "I can call my lawyer, we can draw up a contract, an NDA, whatever else we need, and we can work on the terms, and then yeah. Why not? What do we have to lose?"

The beep of the coffee machine reminds us of where we are and why we are here. Nata squeezes past me, takes two mugs out of the drawer, pours the steaming coffee in, and hands me one. I accept it, willing my fingers not to shake. The silence is dampening the fire of hope in my gut.

Nata smiles with her eyes alone over the rim of her mug and says, "Where do I sign?"

Author's Note

2.10.23

It's happening, people! They are doing it. I've strung you along long enough. 

Although we have still some chapters to go until the mature stuff starts, I want to remind you this is a mature book .  Due to the nature of what these two will be doing with each other it's more explicit than my previous ones but not erotica by any means.

The next chapter is from Nata's POV.

I'm having fun writing these two, hope you're having fun reading. Can't wait to torture you with all my favorite tropes.

Love,

GR

P.S. Hit the star/vote button if you are ready for the next stage of Nata and Phillip's relationship. 😉