This one... is a doozy. This is the chapter I've been working towards since I started it.
That being said, this one will probably be an emotional rollercoaster. Especially if you are as sympathetic towards Alex as I am...

Anyway... I'm so sorry that it's late. I don't really have much of an excuse other than I really wanted this chapter to be perfect so rushing it out wasn't an option.
It's also considerably longer than my other chapters.

And hey, think about it this way. You get Eliza's response in three days instead of having to wait a week!

Anyway... please enjoy (and review, please review and comment)!

~TH~

February, 1798
Alexander

Alexander tried not to think. The hot tears froze against his face as he made his way down the frigid New York Street. Even though he had arrived in the American colonies almost two decades ago, he had never gotten used to the brutal winters. Many argued that if he could survive the winter in Valley Forge he should have no problem during a normal winter. It was true that he would survive, but it didn't mean he had to enjoy it.

Eliza didn't love him.

Even if he had lived here a considerable time, there was no denying that he was born and raised (if that's what you want to call his upbringing) on the islands. Cold was rarely even thought of.

Eliza had chosen Jamison over him.

Except for the Hurricane. That had been pretty cold. The water wasn't actually that bad. It was more of the memory. A cold feeling of fear and dread that gripped his heart every time he thought about it.

No one really cared about him.

It wasn't the only thing that made him go cold inside. There was his father leaving. That had been hard. Especially on his mother.

He was worthless.

His mother had died. She had worked too hard. Worked herself to death. That's what happens when you have two kids. One of which was a weak worthless individual who was always sick.

He was right all along.

Alexander frantically scrubbed at his tear-stained face as he ducked into the building that housed his small law business. While his eyes no longer leaked the condemning liquid, he was sure that he looked a sight.

"Mr Hamilton? What are you doing back? I thought- have you been crying? What happened? Did something bad happen? Did-"

"Peter." The single word came out harsher than Alexander had intended

The boy's eyes widened slightly. "Oh, of course, sir. Sorry, sir. I'll leave you alone now."

Hamilton entered his office, firmly shutting the door behind him.

He was an idiot to think someone as perfect as Eliza could love him. He didn't deserve her love.

Nothing he could do would make him worthy of her.

Alexander sat at his desk, opening the closest book. His eyes stung slightly and the words occasionally blurred together, but the political ideals and law instruction pulled him away from his own thoughts.

"Um, Mr Hamilton?" The door opened slightly and a head appeared.

Alexander looked up, catching the wariness in his young aid. "Yes, Peter?"

The boy came into the room with a stack of envelopes, his hands fidgeting slightly. "Uh, the mailman was here and he asked if you were here so I told him yes and he said that he was running late and if it would be okay if he just went ahead and gave me your home mail so I said that was fine and I really hope that was fine but I wasn't sure and... Uh... Here." He laid the stack of envelopes on the desk before offering a hesitant smile.

Alexander gave a short laugh. "Thank you, Peter. You did the right thing."

The boy gave a full smile before hurrying out of the room.

Looking at the stack of letters, one of the envelopes caught Alexander's attention. It was of a cream colour with writing in a flowing scrawl. While this was not unusual in general, this particular letter was addressed to Eliza. The only letters she ever seemed to receive were from her family in Albany. This one was sent from inside the City. Angelica, though in the city, preferred to speak in person as did most other residents. There would be an occasional personal delivery, but why through the mail?

Jamison.

It had to be.

There was no listed sender. If this was an innocent letter, why should they hide their identity?

With trembling hands, he ripped open the envelope.

He was right.

My dearest Eliza,

I was overjoyed received your most recent letter. I know I tend to write in excess, but it comes from my unfailing love for you.

Since our last kiss, I have been unable to think of much else. I often imagine us once again standing on your dear sister's porch. My feelings towards you are unrivalled. Of that, I have no doubt.

I hope to see you again soon, my love. I fear that when your husband returns our time together will end. Still, I pray to one day make you mine. You deserve a better life than you now have. A life I could give you.

I think of you always.

Yours,

Ezra Jamison

Alexander gripped the letter tightly. This wasn't a one-time thing. Not that he had ever really thought it was. But he had... hoped? Hoped that it was an accident. A one time mistake that he had happened to walk in on.

Since our last kiss...

No.

This had been going on for a while.

On your dear sister's porch.

Since the party.

I pray to one day make you mine.

His intentions were never hidden. They were clearly stated.

You deserve a better life than you now have. A life I could give you.

What was he insinuating? Surely Alexander had cared for Eliza. They may have been poor, but she had always assured him that they had enough. That their love was enough to fill any void left by failing finances.

Yet another lie.

He would not stand for this. He could not stand for this.

This was an attack on his honour. On his wife!

Still clutching the letter tightly between aching fingers, he stormed out of his office.

~H~

He couldn't confront Jamison by himself. Alexander wouldn't deny the fact that his temper burned hot. And while words were his weapon of choice, he occasionally reacted violently.

He planned to challenge Jamison to a dual. He intended to assure it was done properly.

While he doubted any court would convict him under the circumstances, he didn't want a murder charge hanging over his head. That was exactly the kind of thing that would ruin a politicians chances.

When Alexander reached the house where everything had started, he didn't even knock, walking straight through the door.

"Church!" He called, hoping his brother-in-law was home. "Church! I need to speak with you immediately!"

Angelica appeared from the kitchen while her husband came from the parlour.

"Hamilton?" Angelica watched him carefully.

"I need to borrow your husband."

John looked perplexed, "Alexander, I've just returned home. What's so important that I shouldn't be able to rest?"

"I need you to come with me and agree to be my Second should I require one." He worked to keep his tone level, though he wasn't sure if he succeeded.

Angelica's eyes widened, a slight paleness settling in her cheeks. "Do you intend to Duel?"

He nodded. "Should I need to."

"Alex-"

He locked eyes with John, "I'm going with or without you. This is a family matter and I will have none but you attend me. I will do it alone if I must, however, a witness is always advised." With one last glance at Angelica, he turned and walked out.

After hesitating a moment, he placed the wrinkled letter on a small entry table. Angelica deserved to know. Perhaps she could comfort Eliza better, if he should die, knowing the truth.

"John... please?" Alexander almost felt guilty at the fear in his dear sister's voice. But only a moment later, Church followed him out, putting on his coat as he went.

"Alexander, at least tell me what this is about."

"I intend to challenge Jamison to a Duel. I do not wish for any false accusations to be made against me as I have been known to lose my temper."

"Jamison? Eliza's friend?"

"Yes." He hissed, carrying out the 's' much longer than necessary.

John looked like he wanted to ask more questions, but kept silent.

Alexander once again didn't knock as he barrelled into Ms Brubaker's boarding house.

"Jamison!" He shouted, any facade of calmness gone.

His brother-in-law grabbed his arm. "Alexander-"

"No, no, it's quite alright." The voice came from the living area. "Mr Hamilton, Mr Church, please come in."

Alexander shook off the hand, turning to enter the room. "Jamison."

"Alexander," the man was sitting in a large blue armchair as if he had been waiting for the encounter. He likely had. "I'm surprised it took you so long. I got everything ready as soon as you so unceremoniously kicked me out of your house." He motioned towards the duelling pistols on the mantle.

Hamilton kept his voice flat. "If I had come here immediately you would likely be dead."

"And in a less honourable way, no doubt." He sighed, rising to his feet."You're lucky I don't press charges for your stunt earlier."

John shot him a concerned look.

Ignoring Church, he stared directly at Ezra. "I found you with my wife. I doubt you'd be able to find a courtroom in New York that would convict me."

The small gasp to his left denoted the fact that his brother-in-law was now aware of the affair. It was simultaneously distressing and comforting.

"Even so," Jamison seemed unperturbed, "I suppose you wish to settle this like men of honour."

Alexander eyed the guns, "Yes." The smug look on his opponent's face only strengthened Hamilton's resolve.

"Well, if a challenge is made, then I will, of course, accept. However," he gave a pointed look at Church, before shifting it back towards Hamilton, "I suggest you hear me out before doing anything foolish."

Alexander couldn't resist a glance at his brother-in-law. John's mouth had pressed into a thin line, the anger clearly having set in. This was his wife's sister they were talking about.

Church gave Hamilton an almost unperceivable nod.

"Speak your peace, but do not think you can easily change my mind or calm my rage."

"Of course," Jamison smiled in an almost a condescending way. "I simply want you to see the facts as I see them. You are nowhere near good enough for Eliza."

Alexander took an enraged step forward before John grabbed him tightly from behind. "Not now." he whispered holding Hamilton in place.

"It's true. And if you truly loved her, you'd see that." He began pacing a short distance, parallel to where his audience was standing. "She is perfect in every way imaginable and deserves everything in the world and more. What do you have to offer her? A failing law practice and being the wife of one of the most hated men in America? By embedding yourself so deeply into politics you have made it so that no one in your family can ever prosper. There will always be someone ready for the attack. On you and your family."

Was he really-? He never meant to-

"Shall I even mention your finances? Considering, of course, you want to call what little money you actually have 'finances'. I believe debt is the proper term. You intend for your wife and children to live off of so little while you travel throughout the States for your profession? How is this fair for Eliza? For your children?"

He was trying! Why could nobody see that? Would nothing ever be enough? Could he ever be enough?

"You can duel me. But what would that accomplish? If you die, you leave a widow and six fatherless children. I could marry her, but how would that look? I can tell by the face of our dear Mr Church that it would never be accepted by her own family, much less the rest of New York. How soon after, could I marry her without it looking suspicious? Do you really wish for her to be brought under such public scorn? You know what the papers will say, how people talk. You, more than anyone, knows how vicious it all can be. Is this what you wish to expose her to?"

No...

"But if I die, then what? Do you plan to stay married to her? To quench any happiness that might be left within her? She loves me, Hamilton. She has said so. She loves me and wants me as much as I want her. Would she have consented if not? You saw that it was not against her will.

"Would you stay married to her, knowing that she was an adulterer? You would have the right to divorce her. It's what would be expected of you. Then what of the children? And this is all assuming that they drop the charges of a duel, which is, in fact, illegal in New York.

"The choice is truly up to you Mr Hamilton. Whatever you think is best. But if you truly wish Eliza's happiness, you'll take into consideration what I have said."

There was a prolonged moment of silence before Alexander managed to whisper, "What am I supposed to do?"

"Alexander-" John started.

"Mr Church, if you please, this is between Mr Hamilton and myself." His eyes locked with Alexander's, "File for a divorce."

"What? How would that-"

"No one needs to know the reason. If the court won't grant the divorce, then leave. Eliza will be free to file for a divorce. Once it is realized that you have abandoned her, it will be granted and she will be free to mary. I will wait an acceptable time of course. It will shed no ill light on Eliza, that I promise."

"This is absurd! You can not honestly think that Alexander would-"

"What of the children?" There were very few times in his life that Alexander could remember his voicing being as quiet as it was now. His brain was swirling with all of the words. Not only the ones recently said, but the ones said of his mother, of his father. The secret whispers and shame that came from having come from such a disgraceful home. He never blamed his mother. But his father? It had taken many years for him to ever forgive him. Though he wasn't sure even that was as complete as he would have liked.

The smile was back, falsely gentle. As if a snake was trying to comfort and protect a fallen bird's nest. "I would care for them as my own, for that's what they would be."

"Alexander, don't do this. He is a liar. This isn't the answer."

"And firing guns at each other is? Mr Church, I thought you were a civil man."

John glared at him, still holding onto Alexander, thought likely more for own sake than for the others in the room.

"Well, Mr Hamilton? How do you wish to go about it? Honour," he puffed up his chest proudly, only to shrink back into a meek countenance, "or love?"

The silence was tense and foreboding. It lasted much too long to be comfortable. Alexander drew a deep breath, trying to keep the tears at bay.

"I'll have the divorce papers signed by tomorrow."

Shaking away his brother-in-law's hands, he walked out the door.

~TH~

Can we all just take a moment to cry for my precious baby? He just loves Eliza so much 😭😭😭.

Please let me know what you think!

New chapter on Friday (Lord willing).

And check out my Macbeth rewrite using the Founding Fathers, "They Think Me Macbeth".

Anyway... until then!

God bless,
Jamie