January 1798
Eliza

"Are you sure you are up to it?" Eliza watched her husband as he slowly dressed. Though it had been nearly a week since the doctors visit, her husband was still struggling to recover.

His pain seemed to spike at random times and be almost non-existent at others. He was forgetful, but he had always had a tendency towards that. He still looked sickly at times, which concerned her. It didn't help that Alexander had returned to his work almost immediately.

"I'll be fine. I wouldn't want to disappoint Angelica, you know how she gets when she is angry with me."

She smiled indulgently, but the worry didn't leave her eyes.

"Though I may not be much fun." He let out a half-laugh.

"I'm sure you'll be wonderful." She leaned in for a long kiss.

It was broken short when Alexander swayed.

"Hamilton!" She reached out to steady him.

He smiled, embarrassment colouring his cheeks, "I'm fine, Love."

This was the reason he always fought against bloodletting. It took him days, often weeks to fully regain his strength. Eliza knew this, but she couldn't help feeling slightly relieved that something had been done.

Alexander seemed unconcerned with the doctor's assertion that he had likely injured his brain, only wondering how it would affect his return to work. She, on the other hand, had nearly panicked. The doctor assured her that he would recover in time, but the idea of losing him to something as insignificant as a winter fall left her feeling vulnerable.

The fear she had felt during the war came back in that moment. Never knowing If she would receive one of the dreaded condolence letters.

"If we don't go we're going to be late." Her husband's words brought her out of her morbid thoughts. Alexander kissed her cheek, taking her arm. "Shall we." He winked at her, eliciting a small laugh.

Alexander was healing, things would be fine.

~H~

Angelica's party was just as elegant as expected. It was held with all the grace of the English while still holding true to the young United States. The parlour had even been transformed into a makeshift dance hall.

Eliza watched the dancing couples. She was at the odd age where there were just as many people younger than her as older.

Alexander had danced once with her, but he had looked so pale that she had forced him to a seat. He was now engaged in a conversation of politics, something not at all unusual in such settings. It sometimes seemed the government had more ownership of her husband than she did.

"Well, Ms Schuylar!" Jamison had suddenly appeared at her elbow. "How good to see you here!"

Eliza laughed politely, "Ezra, it was I who invited you." She considered correcting him in calling her 'Schuylar' but decided that it was of little consequence.

"It was then! Still, it is always a delight to see you. I regret not being able to visit more in the past week."

"I'll admit I have been at fault as well. I intended to invite you to call, but my husband has been unwell."

A concerned shadow crossed the man's face. "Not too ill, I hope."

"No, it seems the fall caused a minor injury to his brain. He had me quite worried."

"My, that's awful!" He glanced around the room. "Is he here tonight?"

She nodded, "Yes, he is a deep conversation. I believe it may be in reference to the war in France."

"I see. Would he be opposed to me taking his bride to the dance floor?"

She blushed slightly, though she didn't know why. "I don't think he'd oppose."

They shared a quick-paced dance. Eliza found herself glancing at her husband, but he was too engrossed in his conversation to notice. Not that she was doing anything wrong. After all, Alexander had danced with Angelica many times.

"It's getting quite stuffy in here." The dance had been slowed to a basic waltz when Ezra offered, "Perhaps we should step outside for a moment."

Eliza hesitated. Surely it was not appropriate for her to be alone with a man, a former suitor, without her husband, or at the very least, his permission.

She looked back at him. He had barely even glanced at her all evening. He probably wouldn't even notice if she stepped out.

"That would be nice Mr Jamison." She smiled, taking his arm.

At the door, he handed Eliza her shaw, then lead her outside.

They stood together on the small porch.

"It's a beautiful night, " Eliza remarked, gazing up at the sky.

Ezra let out a short laugh, "A full moon on Friday the 13th."

"Yes," she smiled. "It's just so beautiful."

"Strange things can happen on such a night, especially in the presence of such beauty."

Eliza's eyes shifted and she realized Jamison wasn't looking at the sky, he was looking at her.

She blushed brightly, turning her head away. This was improper. She was married. More than that, she loved her husband. She needed to go inside. Needed to...

He leaned down and Eliza found herself frozen in place. As his lips met hers, her eyes slipped closed.

The kiss was long and deep, just like the one she had wished to share with Alexander. This time, there was no fainting or weariness. In fact, it was Eliza who finally pulled away.

Her eye widened as realization set in. She took a step back, turning away from him.

"Eliza, wait!"

She didn't stop, but hurried inside, taking off her shaw quickly.

"There you are, Eliza!" Her sister approached her, "I've been looking for you. What where are you doing outside?"

Angelica glanced around Eliza's shoulder. Luckily, Jamison had used common sense and not followed her inside.

"Attending to necessities." It was a lie. A flat out lie. The privy was on the other side of the house. She prayed her sister would not call her out on it.

Instead, she only raised an eyebrow, "Why is your face so flushed?"

"It's cold."

Angelica fixed her with a stare that said 'I know you're up to something and I will find out.'

Eliza blushed even harder. "I think it's time for my husband and I to retire." She slipped away.

Yes, her husband. Her husband who was left debating politics while she kissed another man.

She would have to tell him.

It would only be right.

He would forgive her, understand she had never meant it to go that far.

"Alexander," the men all quieted at her voice, "I'm quite tired." She hoped it didn't sound too forward. She just... Needed out.

"Of course my love." He gave her a concerned look before slowly rising to his feet.

Giving a slight bow to the other gentlemen, he took her arm and led her towards the door.

"Leaving so soon?" Angelica appeared, her husband, John Church, at her side. She gave a pointed look at Eliza. While Eliza knew her sister would never gossip about her, or even insinuate that something was amiss, she simply couldn't bring herself to tell her. Especially now, in a house full of people.

"Yes," Alexander saved her from having to answer. "I'm feeling tired." He nearly echoed her own words. "The party was lovely." He reached down and placed a kiss on Angelica's hand, before shaking John's.

After heading outside, Alexander went to call their carriage. Ezra was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he had left.

She looked back up at the sky. This was a mess.

Jamison was a handsome man, he always had been, but her heart truly lied with Alexander. And while Ezra was kind and a gentleman, she had pledged herself to her husband and never regretted it. Even now, she held not amnesty toward her wedding vows.

It was just a mistake in the moment. She had never insinuated or tried to catch his attention, right? She had been nothing more than a friend to him. It was he who had gone too far.

She would still have to tell Alexander. It was scandalous. If someone found out or, heaven forbid, someone saw the entire exchange and decided to publish it, he would need to know. This was exactly the kind of thing her husband's enemies would utilize. His political views were too open, too honest, to even be twisted, but his personal life, his marriage, that would be the perfect way to attempt to ruin him.

But no one saw. It was only the two of them. No one saw them leave and only Angelica saw her return. What if-

"Eliza," her husband had reappeared, "are you feeling unwell? You look a bit pale."

She took his hand. "No, I'm simply tired."

He helped her into the carriage, settling beside her.

They remained quiet as Eliza's thoughts were once again taken over.

What would happen if she did tell Hamilton? How would he react? He would likely turn around, find Jamison, then challenge him to a duel.  Ezra would agree, likely taking it as a chance to win her affection and marriage.

She couldn't allow that. Not only did she abhor duels, but Alexander was in no condition for such a strenuous activity.

She couldn't bear to lose Alexander. She loved him above all else. The children needed their father.

She didn't love Jamison, only Hamilton.

She couldn't tell him. She just couldn't.

"Eliza?"

Her head jerked at her husband's voice, startled.

He gave her a quizzical look in the darkness. "Are you sure that everything is alright?"

"Yes," she responded after a moment. "Everything is fine." She wouldn't tell him, couldn't. Eliza leaned her head onto his shoulder, "I love you." She whispered.

He smiled back, placing a kiss in her hair, "I love you too."

As a cold, sick feeling grew in her stomach, she found herself praying that the guilt would fade with time.

~TH~

This is by far my favourite chapter so far. If there is anything you would like to see over the next couple of chapters, let me know!

And stay tuned for my Whumptober collection! If you like Alex whump, you'll love it!

Anyway... so... Eliza. It's not like it's completely her fault... but... you know. What do you guys think? Should she have told Alex? Will her keeping it a secret help or fix the problem? 

Let me know what you think!

I LIVE off of comments. 

God bless,
Jamie