twenty-two || mothers expectations of perfection

ʚ♡ɞ

"I don't want to be perfect anymore."

The whole table went silent when Beomgyu had said that, all of them staring at him with widened eyes, especially Yeonjun who stopped midway from taking a bite out of his sotteok.

"Repeat that?" Soobin asked the male gently, knowing he might feel slightly overwhelmed after saying that.

"I-I..." Beomgyu shut himself up, why did he even say that? He just ruined the vibe! All they wanted to do was hang out together at the new tteokbokki place, but instead he ruined it. "Nevermind—"

"Hey! No!" Yeonjun scoffed, his mouth full of rice cake. "Yew newwed two twell us!"

"Can you not talk with your mouth so fucking full?" Taehyun stared at the male in disgust, diverting his attention back to Beomgyu who seemed nervous.

"I-I just... my mother has been so..." Beomgyu paused, yet the four of them waited patiently for him to continuing knowing that this was something sensitive to him. "Ever since exams, she's been more uhm... stricter and less nice."

"I think she's becoming more upset with you the more you defy her rules, which you should defy more. Studying for fourteen hours is not good for you Gyu." Yeonjun shrugged, handing the male some strawberry meringue cookies.

"Do you really think that...?" Beomgyu frowned.

It had been nearly two week since exams and nearly a week since his call with Taehyun on the night he lied to his mother about studying. After that, he began to notice his mother becoming more stricter with him, even taking his phone for a couple of hours until he proven himself that he studied the maximum time she desired. If he was honest... it was draining him so much.

"I-I don't know much..." Huening Kai spoke up shyly, causing all four of them to look at him. "I don't wanna assume much, but it... a-as... your friend..."

"Hyuka..." Taehyun mumbled softly, noticing the male was becoming anxious.

"I just wanted to say that... you shouldn't drain yourself! If- If you don't want to be perfect then don't! I-I like you better when you're not ruining yourself! Please stay healthy B-Beomgyu hyung!" Huening Kai spoke loudly before covering his face in embarrassment.

It must've taken him a lot to even say that since the male looked like he was about to burst out in tears.

Beomgyu smiled warmly at Huening Kai, gently grabbing his hand he gave the male an approving nod. "I appreciate it, Hyuka."

"Have you tried talking to your mother?" Soobin asked him, attempting to steal a gimmari from Yeonjun's plate who smacked him gently.

Talk to... my mother...?

Beomgyu never thought about voicing his emotions and thoughts to his mother, in fact, he doesn't remember if he had ever spoke about his feelings honestly to his mother at all. It felt awkward to him, even the thought about showcasing his discomfort and sadness to his mother made him want to puke.

"I can't..." He mumbled softly, picking at his tteokbokki that started to go cold. "She won't listen to me."

"Make her listen to you." Taehyun spoke up, staring at Beomgyu with soft eyes.

"Yeah, why don't you go talk to her with Taehyun?" Soobin recommended, causing the whole table to suddenly go cold.

"I..."

"If you don't want to do it then that's fine," Taehyun spoke up, noticing how uncomfortable Beomgyu seemed at the idea of that. "I don't know why I would go with him to talk to her."

"For starters your his boyfriend," Yeonjun scoffed, finding Taehyun's behavior stupid. "You probably have a better chance of making her listen out of all of us."

"Your his best friend," Taehyun squinted his eyes at Yeonjun who rolled his eyes. "Why don't you talk to her?"

"My mother doesn't like Yeonjun hyung," Beomgyu mumbled softly, finding this whole thing awkward. "If he were the one to try and convince her otherwise, she would just get mad at the both of us and blame my disobedience on Yeonjun, I don't want that for him."

"But you know I'll take the blame for you, Gyu."

Beomgyu knew that Yeonjun would but he didn't want that, why would he want someone to take the blame for a situation that was his problem only? He really did want help on what to say to his mother, but he also didn't want to depend on someone else to speak his mind for him... but then again, if he were to do it alone he would just back out right away and fall back into submission of his mothers needs.

"What about Soo—"

"I'll go with you, Beomgyu." Taehyun interrupted Huening Kai as fast as he could, causing the male to silence himself. "She doesn't know me well, but I think I can convince her."

"That reasoning sucks, I'm pretty sure she likes Soobin mor—"

"That sounds fine, Taehyun." Beomgyu smiled gently, interrupting Yeonjun which caused the male to glance over at Huening Kai who shrugged awkwardly. "I just don't know when we should do it."

"Next week is mid-spring break isn't it?" Soobin tilted his head. "You could tell her during that week, we only have four days off so... hopefully it'll give you enough time to prepare what you're going to say to her."

Beomgyu pursed his lips and nodded, it was a good idea, he needed to confront his mother soon and not just push it aside, it'll make him more anxious than ever.

"If it makes you uncomfortable, then we don't have to do it." Taehyun spoke up softly, loud enough for Beomgyu to hear it as the other three began talking about their own stuff again.

Beomgyu smiled softly at Taehyun and shook his head. "It's better to get it done now than later."

Taehyun leaned back into his seat and nodded, pursing his lips tightly which showcased those dimples that Beomgyu definitely totally did not love and did not become obsessed with.

After a while, all five of them finished eating, it took them a good three minutes to clean up the table since they ordered a bunch of things but eventually they all walked outside preparing to wish each other farewell.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow, come on Yeonie." Soobin smiled cheekily, causing the ravenette to slap the back of his head.

"You really need to shut up! I'm not walking..." Yeonjun slowly paused, glancing over at Beomgyu with an uncomfortable look, but after the male gave him a reassuring nod... he sighed softly. "I guess, but don't expect me to enjoy it with your annoying ass."

"Don't act that way, you know you love me." Soobin teased, unaware that Yeonjun had just totally flushed red and began speeding off without him.

"H-Hey! Yeonjun! Wait!—" Soobin glanced back at the others and waved awkwardly before running after the male, leaving them in the dust.

Right before anyone could comment on that wacky ass interaction, Huening Kai gasped softly which made the two of them look over at him curiously.

"Lea noona is here," Huening Kai pointed at a white car that was waiting for him near the entrance. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"Bye hyuka." Beomgyu said softly, giving the male a hug, watching him walk away with a red ass face.

ok

well...

Beomgyu turned towards Taehyun, a wave of awkwardness and ...anxiety? went through him when he realized that they were alone.

Oh god.

He doesn't know what to talk about what the hell is he—

"Do you want to go somewhere secluded? Let's talk about how to talk to your mother, if you want." Taehyun spoke up, tilting his head curiously which oh lord have mercy looked so adorable in Beomgyu's eyes.

"I- huh? Oh! Yes! Sure!" Beomgyu stumbled over his words, blush painting over his face when he realized that he had overthought everything. "W-What— no- sorry— I-I mean- where do you want to go?"

Taehyun raised his eyebrow slightly but didn't question the males sudden stutter fest. Instead, he grabbed onto his wrist gently and started leading him down the sidewalk, opposite of where Soobin and Yeonjun went.

Beomgyu doesn't know why he all of a sudden got so nervous being alone with Taehyun, usually he would be so calm and at ease around the male but now it was like every little thing was concerning him. At first, he felt like that every mistake that he was bound to make would effect the friendship between him and Taehyun, but then he started to realize... why did he care so much about his own actions?

Insecurity maybe? Beomgyu isn't quite sure why or when he started feeling so insecure around the male even after everything they've been through together, he's grateful for Taehyun he really is but now he feels like he was about to puke if he didn't satisfy the younger.

"My mother rented me an art studio," Taehyun spoke up, snapping Beomgyu out of his daydream. "I don't use it as much since I use the schools art room, but it's really nice and quiet in there and the rooms are soundproof so artists can focus and work properly without any noise, is that okay?"

"That's totally fine! Thank you Taehyun." Beomgyu smiled softly at the male.

He saw how Taehyun's eyes widened slightly before dimming back to his blank expression, the pink head looked away real fast and looked over at the boring wall next to them, noticing how burning red his ears were turning.

"Are you—"

"Look! We're here!" Taehyun interrupted him before he could ask the question, and fortunately for him, they were at the studio. "Let's go inside before it gets too dark."

Beomgyu watched as the male eagerly went inside, yet he stood there tilting his head slightly as he checked the time on his phone.

It's only 3 PM?

The sun doesn't start setting until nearly 8 or 9 PM, which was a bit weird but he decided not to question any of it.

He followed the younger quickly, not wanting to get lost in a building he was unaware of, he caught up to Taehyun and stayed silent, noticing how the male didn't have any intentions of sparking up a conversation.

"Are you alright with discussing this?" Taehyun asked right away, turning on the light and showcased the neatly arranged art room with a bunch of blank canvas's everywhere. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"No, no," Beomgyu breathed out, watching the male pull out a seat for him so they could sit at a table near the window. "It's okay, I was the one who brought it up, I... need to be heard by my mother... I'm tired of being perfect."

Taehyun gave him an understanding nod and sat down, waving his hand over so he could reassure Beomgyu that it was okay to sit with him.

"What exactly do you want to tell your mother?"

"I..." Beomgyu paused, he started to become anxious when he thought about what could happen with his mother. "I want to tell her that... I don't want to be perfect anymore, basically what I told you."

"Just be straight up about it, she's bound to listen."

Beomgyu shook his head. "She doesn't listen, that's why I'm so stumped on how I should do this..."

"Like I said earlier," Taehyun paused, opening the curtains more since he noticed how dim it was in the room. "Make her listen to you."

"I just don't know how, the moment I open my mouth she'll cut me off and say that I'm being disrespectful... I'm sick of it!" Beomgyu's anxiety slowly began to turn into frustration.

"Calm down," Taehyun gently patted his hand. "You'll overwhelm yourself if you become angry."

Beomgyu took a deep breath and nodded, easing his body as he looked over at Taehyun with a small frown. He wanted to ask him, just how does he do that? How does he have this... this spark that immediately comforts him right away, better than any other person (sorry yeonjun, soobin, and hyuka :<) has before?

"What... do you think I should do...?"

Taehyun leaned back into his chair, crossing his arms as he stared at Beomgyu with many thoughts in mind. It started to make the ravenette anxious on what he was about to say next.

"Be honest with yourself, you yourself knows what you truly want." Taehyun started off, leaning forward as he smiled slightly.

"Flip the tables, Beomgyu, make her feel how you feel."

ʚ♡ɞ

Click.

"Beomgyu, why did you arrive home late?"

Beomgyu held back a heavy sigh, turning his head he glanced over at his mother who stood right in front of him with a disappointed frown, he knew exactly what that meant.

"It's not even that late mother," Beomgyu spoke without realizing what he said. "It's only four, that's not even late."

Beomgyu's mother stood there in shock, processing what the male had just said, and when Beomgyu finally took the time to realize what he himself had just said... he knew he was screwed.

"Are you serious?!" His mother raised her voice, staring at him in disbelief. "Are you seriously talking back to me?! Disobeying my rules? You're supposed to be perfect you goddamn!—"

"I DON'T WANT TO BE PERFECT, MOTHER."

When the realization hit him, his eyes widened in horror.

He just yelled at his mother.

Yet he doesn't feel bad or guilty about it at all.

"What did you just say...?" His mother asked him shakily, the look of anger and shock was evident on her face.

Be honest with yourself, make yourself be heard.

"I said what I said," Beomgyu took a deep breath, trying to maintain the fear in his voice. "I'm sick of being perfect!"

"Do not start this nonsense, I knew it was a bad idea to continue letting you hang around that Yeonjun boy!" His mother hissed angrily, walking towards him as she snatched his phone out of his hands. "My perfect bear would never—"

"I don't want to be perfect anymore!" Beomgyu strained his voice, pushing his mother away slightly as he backed away from her. "I'm sick of it!"

"I don't want to study all night, I don't want to stay inside and miss out on things my friends are doing, I don't want to just stay home and do nothing but study all day!" Beomgyu cried out, all of his distress that he barely knew he had began pouring out.

He finally had an opportunity to speak for himself.

Years and years of forcing himself to be perfect, someone who wasn't him, finally caught up to him.

"I want to go out with friends, I want to hang out with people who make me happy without having you complain! Who cares if I don't study for a day?! Maybe even a week! I still can earn good grades without studying for hours on end!"

"Choi Beomgyu!" His mother raised her voice, her face flushing red in anger as he stared at him. "Do you hear yourself right now? This is the exact attitude that I wanted to avoid, you think it's wrong to be perfect well it isn't! I shaped you into this because you are my son! You will be perfect no matter what, whether you like it or not as long as you're under my roof you will maintain your perfection so I won't be judged for having a stupid son!"

Beomgyu's mouth gaped opened slightly, he cant believe that after what he said his mother still didn't listen to him.

"Is that what you care about?" Beomgyu scoffed, his distress washing away as anger filled his veins. "You care about your own image mother, this whole time — my whole life I felt like I had to be perfect, that no matter what I do I needed to be perfect to make you proud but all you care about is yourself!"

"I'm doing you a favor! Nobody wants you if you're not perfect you useless piece of shit!—"

"You're wrong! Why are you so insecure mother?! 'Nobody wants me if i'm not perfect' that's such... bullshit!" Beomgyu breathed out, trying his best not to break down crying.

"I lied about passing that exam, I failed English! But guess what? I still passed, I still fucking passed and despite failing my friends were still proud of me because I tried!"

Beomgyu's mother threw his phone onto the ground, causing the male to gasp loudly, fortunately he didn't see any cracks on the screen but when he felt his mother pull him down by the collar, he could see the pure anger in her eyes.

"You are my son. You will obey my rules whether you like it or not."

"I don't want to!"

"You talk back to me one more time then I'm telling that school to expel that goddamn Choi Yeonjun! He's the cause of all of this, such a useless fucking shit!"

In that moment, the bottled up emotions anger and frustration began to crack and crack, every insult that she threw at his best friend struck him right in the heart.

And eventually...

he finally snapped.

ʚ♡ɞ

"Do you think Beomgyu is okay?"

"I think he's fine, Huening Kai," Taehyun said softly, grabbing the basket of paint from the males hand as they walked down the hallway. "He seemed confident when I told him what to do."

"I know I just..." Huening Kai sighed. "I don't want him getting hurt, h-he's so... selfless...I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't confront his mother."

Taehyun scoffed, trying to not let what his best friend said bother him. "Beomgyu is strong, maybe he doesn't realize it himself but I realize it, he's the strongest person i've ever met."

Huening Kai stared at Taehyun with a fond look, it wasn't always that someone other than him could manage to melt away his cold exterior and make a special place.

He was happy that Taehyun had finally found his own happiness, Beomgyu was a good change for his life.

"Taehyun!"

Both Taehyun and Huening Kai stopped in their spots, both looking back as they saw Beomgyu running towards them with a huge smile on his face.

"B-Beom...?" Taehyun gasped out, yet his tone was full of shock and horror as he watched the male run towards them, Huening Kai sharing the same expression.

"Taehyun!" Beomgyu smiled loudly, running up to the male before stumbling slightly, grabbing onto Taehyun's wrists as the male stood there staring at Beomgyu with shock and worry on his face. "I did it!"

Taehyun couldn't help but be distracted, he wanted to listen and be proud of Beomgyu, but he was distracted. Fear, worry, and shock washes through him.

Beomgyu was smiling brightly, yet the big nasty purple bruise on the side of his cheek distracted him so much.

"Wh-What happened...?" Taehyun asked softly, gently touching the bruise with the tip of his fingers, fearing that if he pressed down more his Beomgyu would be hurt.

Yet it was like the big bruise on Beomgyu's face was non existent at all, that everyone wasn't staring at him in shock as his beautiful face was bruised.

"I flipped all of the tables!"

ʚ♡ɞ