twenty-nine || a fragile heart

ʚ♡ɞ

"Taehyun!!" Huening Kai called out towards the male, running towards him while he held his umbrella close. "What are you doing? It's starting to rain harder! You need to get home before you get sick, do you need a ride?"

Taehyun looked over at Huening Kai then back over at the entrance of the school, it had been only... like... twenty minutes since school had ended but he had stayed behind to make sure Beomgyu would get home safe.

"I'm fine Huening Kai I..." Taehyun's sentence was cut off when the loud sound of thunder echoed throughout the sky, causing the both of them to flinch from the sudden loud sound.

"I know you're waiting for Beomgyu hyung," Huening Kai said softly, tilting his umbrella up slightly so he could see Taehyun clearly. "But the storm is getting really bad, why aren't you waiting inside for him?"

"He wanted to be alone."

Huening Kai grumbled softly, shaking his head before looking back over at his car where his sisters were waiting for him, with a helpless sigh, he nodded his head.

"Just promise me you'll get home soon."

"I will."

Huening Kai frowned slightly, doubting his words for a minute before nodding his head, turning around to head back to his car.

Taehyun sighed softly, even though he was freezing he wanted to stay behind and walk Beomgyu home, he felt worried and didn't want to leave him behind.

Looking back over at the entrance, he couldn't help but feel anxious in his stomach. Maybe he should check on Beomgyu? No... he wants to focus on studies.

.........

Man fuck it, he's going to check on him.

ʚ♡ɞ

Beomgyu and Soobin sat next to each other in silence, the two of them sitting in the dim lit classroom, listening to the sound of the rain tapping against the window.

It was a bit awkward for a few minutes, with Soobin scaring Beomfyu and accidentally hitting him, but until then it was only Beomgyu waiting for the elder to say something after asking him to talk.

"Why are you here?" Beomgyu suddenly spoke up, cutting the silence between them. "N-Not that I don't mind! I swear! I'm just curious since not many would want to stay after school this late."

Soobin glanced at Beomgyu and began to chuckle softly, finding it amusing how he tried to not be so rude. "Don't worry, I honestly didn't expect to stay here for this long, but I was helping my club bring some stuff inside."

Beomgyu pursed his lips and nodded, trying to find words to say.

"So why stop here...?"

"It's starting to sound like you don't want me around anymore, Beomgyu." Soobin smirked, which made the male flush red in embarrassment.

"That's not what I...I meant or intended," Beomgyu awkwardly scratched his neck, smiling softly in embarrassment. "I honestly just expected to be alone in the building, you did scare me a bit."

"Sorry." Soobin chuckled lightheartedly. "I saw the classroom light was still on and I heard music, I wondered who was still here after school, so I came to check, I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay," Beomgyu smiled softly, happy it was just Soobin he slapped and not some poor student trying to see who was inside the classroom. "You must've been more startled than me."

Soobin nodded his head and looked over at the window, noticing how much the rain has picked up then looked back over at Beomgyu. He felt kinda bad for leaving the male alone and after witnessing how paranoid he was, maybe he should stay, if he did then he'll definitely get a kiss from Yeonjun saying "Thank you for protecting our best friend"!

"Hey," Soobin said to get the males attention. "It's raining pretty bad at out there, if you're... anxious or paranoid or anything I can stay here with you if you want. I'll be at my seat so I won't bother you."

Beomgyu had to process that for a few seconds before gasping softly, getting up from his seat as he shook his head frantically. "No! No, I don't want to bother you with that, it's fine, really!"

He would honestly feel horrible making the blonde stay after more than he already is, plus he was already planning on leaving soon after feeling so paranoid in the school.

"You sure?"

"I'm certain! I was just about to get up and leave anyway, it's getting late and I shouldn't be after school for this long."

"Ah really?" Soobin smiled softly towards the male, standing up as well and grabbed his bag. "Why don't we leave together then? I could give you a ride home if you want."

Beomgyu wanted to deny that offer, but after hearing thunder rumble behind him he sighed weakly and nodded his head, knowing he had no other choice but to accept the offer if he didn't want to arrive home soaking wet and possibly with a cold.

"I appreciate it."

The two of them walked away from their spots, Soobin making sure to turn off the classroom light before they both went into the hallway, both getting immediate chills by how eerie and dark it was due to the storm clouds.

"It's like we're in a horror movie," Soobin chuckled softly, trying to lighten up the eerie mood which made Beomgyu chuckle as well. "Let's see who dies first."

"Don't say that!" Beomgyu smacked the elders arm jokingly, watching Soobin burst out into a small fit of giggles. "I'm pretty sure Yeonjun hyung wouldn't want a dead best friend or a dead boyfriend."

"Oh please," Soobin snorted, rolling his eyes at what Beomgyu had just said. "I'm pretty sure he'd pick you over me on most days, sometimes when I approach him the first thing he asks is "did you see beomgyu"? It's quite precious how much he admired you."

"Really?" Beomgyu snickered proudly, but he did feel a bit bad that maybe Yeonjun thought about him way mroe than his boyfriend. "Don't worry, when I'm with him he gushes about how handsome and sweet you are."

Soobin's face flushed a dark shade of red when he had said that, which made Beomgyu burst into laughter by how fast he became when he hears what Yeonjun says about him. "Does he say anything else?"

"That's for you to find out."

"Hey!" Soobin huffed, nudging the male slightly which made Beomgyu snort.

The two of them walked down the hallway but in such a slow manner that it could match a snails pace, they were taking in the moment of each others company, it was calming and comforting to Beomgyu, spending time with a close friend after a long day.

"I saw that you've been getting closer with Taehyun lately." Beomgyu spoke up, smiling warmly at the thought of his two best friends being close to one another.

"Oh?" Soobin was startled by that. "I... mean yeah, but is it alright with you? Being closer? It's not awkward right?"

"Awkward?" Beomgyu snorted, pausing his slow walk so he could look over at Soobin properly. "Why would it be awkward? It makes me happy, if anything, I think it's better for him to become closer with someone else who isn't me or Huening Kai, he's so shy. Plus we're all in the same friend group so it's not that bad."

"I appreciate it, but it's a more one sided attempt than both, he ignores me most of the time." Soobin scratched the back of his head, pursing his lips which showcased his dimples. "I don't mind it though, he's lovely."

"Oh! And the annoyed expression he makes," Soobin mimicked Taehyun's annoyed expression spot on, it made Beomgyu burst into laughter loudly. "It's funny, I like it."

"He does have some interesting facial expression."

"There's also another thing I like about him," Soobin said softly, a fond growing in his eyes as he looked over at Beomgyu who became curious. "I like how he has a solid heart, he wasn't pretending to be strong at all."

"Huh?"

"When he confronted that ass hat who punched him, I was there to witness it," Soobin explained briefly before continuing on. "He didn't back down when that jack ass was threatening him, the only reason he had to get physical was because that mother fucker talked bad about you and Huening Kai, he has a strong heart that's full of care for the ones he loves. When I come across someone like that I want to become their friend, it makes me admire them."

Beomgyu couldn't help but feel so proud of Taehyun, standing his ground on what he thinks what's right and won't let others disrespects the ones he loves is something that he had also admired about others. "You said a solid heart right? What do you exactly mean by that?"

"Didn't I just explain it?" Soobin raised his eyebrow, snickering slightly when he saw Beomgyu panic slightly. "I'm just kidding, I meant it by someone who isn't swayed by others so easily, someone who doesn't break right away from the littlest things or issues that's thrown at them."

"He's someone who will bring you back up to the light when you're falling down in the mist of darkness and misery." Soobin's words began to become softer, almost as if talking about this made him feel saddened for some reason. "Being around someone like that makes you want to have a solid heart as well so that's why if I spend more time around Taehyun..."

"...maybe I'll feel that way too."

In that moment, it was like Soobin's usual happy and teasing persona had left the room, leaving behind a more sentimental and sensitive one. Even though he was admiring Taehyun to the fullest, he could tell that there was hidden envy and desire behind his words, despite everything he has... in this moment it was like deep down he was lonely and precarious.

"Hey..." Beomgyu stepped forward, gently grabbing onto his sleeve to gain his attention. "It's okay if your heart isn't solid, sometimes... when some hearts are solid... they become fragile and ready to crack at any given moment, even the most solid hearts have their weaknesses and that's okay."

"If... your heart isn't solid, if it's mushy and soft, if it's just like a cracked glass... it's okay because everyone is strong in their own way. You're strong hyung, even if you don't realize it. You're strong in your own way."

Soobin didn't expect a small lecture from the male in front of him, but when he finished talking he couldn't help but nod his head, a fond expression washing over his face as he patted Beomgyu's head, happy that the male had comforted him well.

"Thank you Beom," Soobin said, his tone full of gratitude. "It means a lot, sorry if I made the whole conversation upsetting."

"What? No! You didn't hyung," Beomgyu shook his head, stepping back so they can have comfortable space between them. "Taehyun taught me that if something is wrong... it's okay to go to others for help or comfort, sometimes just having someone there to make you feel heard can definitely boost your mood up, I learned the hard way with him but after a while... me being honest to him... I learned that talking about your feelings really can improve your mental and physical health."

Soobin stared at Beomgyu with a blank expression before looking away, the words that he said made their way into his heart deeply, striking up emotions that he wished he would never feel again. Beomgyu was right, it was better to talk about things.

"Ah! That reminds me," Beomgyu nearly slapped himself for forgetting. "If you ever need to talk to someone's Ill be there for you hyung! But I'm pretty sure Yeonjun will just make you tell him."

"Actually... there's something I haven't told Yeonjun yet."

Beomgyu's eyes widened when he heard that, it was a shocker that there was something Soobin kept from the ravenette. It seemed like they shared everything together. "What's wrong?"

"Believe it or not Beomf," Soobin backed up, leaning against the wall. "I'm a guy with a story, not just a smiling face."

That made Beomgyu a bit confused, but he could tell it was something that bothered the blonde for a while.

"Before I met you and Yeonjun... I was... in a household that... didn't really care much for me," Soobin breathed our, as if talking about this made him uncomfortable, it started to hit home for Beomgyu. "My mother didn't really pay attention to me and my father was always out, they weren't bad parents... just ones that weren't prepared I guess."

"I found myself being yelled at for the smallest things, being tossed around and... forgotten a lot," Soobin smiled bitterly, his eyes flickering down to the floor in a saddened manner.

It started to make Beomgyu sick, he had never expected something like this to come out of Soobin's mouth, whenever he would talk about his parents he would always say good things or just not go into depth about it.

just how much has he been hiding?

"When I would talk to them... or attempt... they would just dismiss me as another one of their errands for the day and go back to their own little event. Forgetting me. If I were to cry, become angry, even express laughter...I would find myself being yelled at or..." Soobin paused, as if the next thing was definitely worse than just being yelled at and they both knew what he was going to say.

"At a young age, I was forced to grow up and face the reality of the world, a reality where I wasn't enough -/ or anything in my parents eyes. Forced to be just a shadow in their life as they treated me like I was a nobody, someone whom they didn't give life to." Soobin frowned slightly, looking away from the floor and back over at Beomgyu who had a shocked expression.

"Even though at school I was surrounded by so many people, in a room full of laughter and happiness, I felt only loneliness and isolation. Feeling like everyone in the room was distant from me and that I wasn't enough to be around anyone, that's when I found myself spiraling into... depression...?" Soobin furrowed his eyebrows, as if he didn't know the answer himself.

"I had nobody to talk to about my feelings, if I even attempted to talk to my parents about it — which I did -/ I would be told that I am just overreacting and that i'm ungrateful for what I have. So that's when I realized... bottling up everything was a better choice."

Beomgyu shook his head, that wasn't right at all. He understood the feeling of keeping emotions to yourself until you couldn't hold it anymore, but the pride of keeping others happy than your own self was more stronger than anything.

"I had always thought that if I stayed happy, if I did well, become great friends with great people with amazing reputations... maybe even get into a relationship with one, that'll finally make my parents notice me and my efforts. That i'm not some... shadow in their lives and that i'm actually someone who cares so much about them."

"I was that way until I met Yeonjun, he was someone who... caught my eye right away." Soobin smiled softly, remembering how he met Yeonjun for the first time. "As you know, he wasn't very popular with others and many deemed him as rude, I saw him alone most of the time. It reminded me of... myself, alone. That's why I approached him, I didn't want him to suffer the same fate I did."

"That's when... I started to feel genuinely happy, even though I had other friends I never felt as happy as I did with them as I do with Yeonjun." Admiration began to cloud his eyes the more he talked about the elder, it made Beomgyu's heart weak by how well the two of them saved each other.

It started to make him tear up.

"After a long miserable life, I finally found the happiness I needed... but I still couldn't fight the habit of wanting to win my parents approval and attention." Soobin begin to frown, the mention of his parents bringing him back to his saddened state. "I guess that's why I find myself still searching for ways I can win their approval, but now that I realize it's all useless, I find myself happier with those who loves me for me and not just my smiling face."

"You know talking about that really made me feel better.— Beomgyu?"

Beomgyu stared at the male with shock in his eyes, full on tears rolling down his face as he began to shake. He couldn't help but choke out on a sob as he stepped closer towards the male and engulfed him in a tight comforting hug, a loud sob left his lips as he did.

"I'm sorry—" Beomgyu choked out, trying to hold in his tears. "It's just that... I don't know why I'm crying... I guess I became so emotional because I've only seen you smile or happy cry, not something like this."

Soobin stood there in shock, processing what was going on before allowing himself to relax and let the male hug him, keeping his arms to the side he chuckled softly when Beomgyu pulled away.

"It's okay to cry," Soobin patted the males head. "Sometimes when those who face hard situations can't bring themselves to cry, it's always good to have someone cry for them. So thank you, for crying for me Gyu."

Beomgyu wiped his tears away and nodded his head, finding it all lighthearted and brighter now that he got to hear the hidden side of Soobin's story, a deeper side that not everyone got to hear. He felt grateful that his best friend told him this.

"I feel the same way," Beomgyu sniffled softly, wiping his nose on his sleeve. "With Taehyun."

"Taehyun...?" Soobin gasped softly, tilting his head in confusion.

"I have so much bottled up feelings I want to say to him, but when I am around him I start to feel miserable and anxious," Beomgyu mumbled softly, looking down as he did. "It's pathetic really, but that's because I... I like him so much I just don't know what to say."

Soobin relaxed slightly, grateful that it wasn't anything bad, but after thinking about what to say for a few minutes he chuckled softly. "Just like you told me, be honest from the heart."

"I'm scared I'll mess it up."

"You really don't have to worry about anything," Soobin gently patted his shoulder, the two of them relaxing as the rain began to calm. "I can tell he really likes you, he pays close attention to your actions and words."

"D-Do you really think that?" Beomgyu's eyes widened, his face flushing red when the blonde said that.

"Of course I do, I sit behind you guys, but I can tell he really cares about you Beomgyu. He has this emotion and admiration in his eyes when he looks at you, when you begin talking his gaze is so sweet it's sickening like a cavity."

"He really does like you, Beomgyu, trust me."

Beomgyu felt so overwhelmed with happiness heading that, if someone noticed Taehyun's emotions then that could definitely mean it's a sign.

"We should get going now,  even though the rain is calming down there might be an aftermath."

"Right!" Beomgyu flinched slightly, the two of them began walking down the hallway, feeling lighter and happier they got to talk to each other about stuff.

"Hyung?" Beomgyu looked over at Soobin who tilted his head. "Thank you for trusting me."

Soobin smiled and nodded, bringing his hand up to his heart. "Thank you for listening, just don't tell Yeonjun or he'll kill me for not telling him."

"I promise."

The two of them began to walk down to the end of the hall before Beomgyu noticed a large wet puddle near the staircase, his head tilting in confusion as he looked up to see any water drops coming down from the ceiling.

"Hey, do you think there's a leak somewhere?"

"Huh?" Soobin looked up and back over at the puddle of water. "No, I don't think so, that's weird. Do you think someone spilled some water and forgot to clean it up?"

Beomgyu couldn't help but feel a small wave of anxiety wash over him, he doesn't know why though, it was just a water puddle that'll easily dry up later.

"Maybe, let's go now."

He replayed what Soobin told him in his head over and over again like a broken loop, a warm sensation washing over him as he thought about it.

He was determined.

Tonight, he was going to call Taehyun and be honest about his feelings, tell the male that he fell deeply in love with him.

He was going to call him and tell him everything.

ʚ♡ɞ

Taehyun never answered his calls.