thirty-two || selfish, selfish mistakes.

ʚ♡ɞ

"Huening Kai? Yeonjun?"

Yeonjun looked away from Huening Kai and over to his side, his heart pacing with happiness when he saw Soobin approach them from out of no where. "Hey, dick ass."

"That's not a nice name." Soobin frowned, poking his dearest boyfriend's cheek before gently kissing his forehead. "What are you two doing here?"

"Well..."

"Beomgyu hyung had suddenly came out of no where and dragged Taehyun into the art room!" Huening Kai interrupted Yeonjun, which he didn't realize until now. But he couldn't help it, he was worried sick! "Yeonjun says they're either talking or making out."

"Oh..." Soobin stared at the male and slowly looked over at the art room. "Well, lunch is about to end soon and Mr. Son is going to be furious if we don't hurry, can we interrupt them?"

"I hope they made up, Beomgyu looked miserable as ever." Yeonjun sighed tiredly, he wasn't dumb.

He noticed how the males expression would falter when Taehyun was mentioned, how he would hesitate leaving the classroom just to get one final look at the male, he really did realize how in love Beomgyu was with Taehyun.

"Pretty fox," He heard Soobin call out, his eye twitching in irritation from the nickname.

"Yeah yeah, I'm getting them."

Yeonjun pushed past both Soobin and Huening Kai who were snickering behind him, rolling his eyes, he walked towards the art club door and knocked softly to see if the two of them would answer.

He could hear the faint sounds of muffled talking, a voice which definitely belongs to Taehyun, the two of them were not making out, thank god.

Yeonjun definitely didn't have the patience to wait for the two of them to finish, so placing his hand on the door he was about to open it and call for the two until a specific sentence immediately was heard as Taehyun raised his tone.

"If it weren't for you and your selfish fucking act, Soobin would've never fallen for Yeonjun! If it weren't for you rejecting him for the sake of your best friends fucking feeling, he would've been dating you!"

Yeonjun's breath hitched as his stomach dropped, the words that he had just heard piercing his heart as he heard both Huening Kai and Soobin approach from behind him slowly, yet the male was too focused on what he had just heard.

Before he could question more, another sentence came a few seconds after which made his blood snap.

"If it weren't for you, Soobin would've never fallen for Yeonjun..."

"...Because I'm certain he never had feelings for him in the first place until you ruined it."

In that second it was like all the faded puzzles in his mind pieced together in an instant, and that's when his vision flashed red.

Without a second thought, the male pulled the door open with so much force, it slammed open and nearly shook the wall.

That's when he made eye contact with Beomgyu and Taehyun who both stared at him in shock.

he had heard everything.

Beomgyu stared at the elder with so much fear in his eyes, his feet frozen to the ground and his body refusing to move an inch, as if there were chains wrapped around him and imprisoned him for his actions.

Yeonjun stood there staring at the two with so much anger in his eyes, there wasn't a single drop of remorse.

"Y-Yeon—"

"I fucking knew it," Yeonjun cut the male off, his fists fighting so hard they nearly turned white. "I knew it, I knew it was fucking weird."

betrayal.

Pure anger and betrayal.

That's the only thing Beomgyu could hear in the elders tone.

Beomgyu felt like someone had forced his head down into a bucket of freezing cold water, stabbing every part of his body and causing his mind to go on autopilot.

he was caught.

"Are you proud of yourself Beomgyu?!" Yeonjun raised his voice, walking over towards the male which nearly terrified him. "Are you proud of making a fool out of me?!"

"That wasn't my intention!" Beomgyu said, panic washing over his tone as he watched Yeonjun approach him. "I...I did it for you!"

"You? Did it for me?" Yeonjun chuckled sarcastically, his fists clenching as he stared down the younger with fire in his eyes. "You did it for yourself! You're so... selfish!"

"This entire time, I believed you, I believed that you really didn't like Soobin. I believed that I didn't have to feel bad about my feelings, I thought that this entire time you really did like Taehyun, that I wasn't a fucking rebound for Soobin because you rejected him!"

"I-I..." Beomgyu's voice began to tremble, a nauseous wave of tears began to hit the front of his mind, his eyes tingling. "It wasn't my intention, I just wanted you to be happy—"

"No Beomgyu! If you wanted me to be happy you shouldn't have done this in the first place!" Yeonjun immediately grabbed the males shirt, his hands grasping around the males collar tightly which made Beomgyu's breath hitched.

Beomgyu wanted to be honest, he wanted to defend himself, it was all a misunderstanding. He couldn't bring himself to say anything at all, the firey anger that was in Yeonjun's eyes made him weak, their friendship was hanging on a thread because of his mistakes.

"I understand that you felt bad about my feelings, but how do you think I feel?!" Yeonjun pulled him closer, his grip becoming more tighter as if he were about to punch the male.

"I wanted you to be happy! It wasn't right, you liked Soobin longer than I have!"

Yeonjun stared at the male for a few seconds, his jaw clenching as he slowly let go of the male. "It's always about you, how selfish can you be? Do you not realize how much of a fool you made me feel?! You really had to go so far to be in a fake relationship to make Soobin fall for me??"

"You told me that I shouldn't feel like a rebound, but I knew it was all strange."

"Please, hyung—"

"If you were doing it for me," Yeonjun's voice cracked, his anger slowly turning into betrayal. "Then you should've stopped a long time ago."

Beomgyu watched as Yeonjun's anger vanished, only a saddened and betrayed expression washed over the elders face. At this point, he no longer knew what to say, everything came at him so fast. It was like every single word that came out of the elders mouth had punched him right in the gut, finally making him realize how fucking selfish he had been.

It was his fault.

"I can't believe... this is the type of friend you really took me for." Yeonjun's voice trembled, before looking over at Taehyun who was looking away from them.

"I would've never done this to you."

"Don't act like you're all innocent too, Kang," Yeonjun's voice became harsher, causing the pinkette to look over at the male with not a single remorse in his eyes. "You're just as selfish as Beomgyu is."

"I hope both of you are proud."

Yeonjun swiftly turned around and made eye contact with Soobin who stared at him with a blank look, in that moment his heart dropped down to his stomach when he realized that the male who had captured his heart had watched all of that.

Now the truth was out, Beomgyu really did like Soobin in the first place.

It made Yeonjun so frustrated, all this time, he could've allowed the two to finally have each other... but he had to open his mouth.

Looking away from the blonde, the male made a run for it out of the classroom, ignoring how badly his heart hurt from betrayal.

Beomgyu's breath hitched as he watched his best friend run out of the art room, all of the sudden he felt like the wave of nausea hit him hard, he couldn't face anyone right now.

All he wanted to do was talk to Taehyun and try to mend something. Instead, he ruined it all.

Soobin was the first to walk away without a word, most likely to chase after Yeonjun and try to talk about everything.

Huening Kai stood there for a few seconds and looked over at Taehyun with disappointed look before walking away from the classroom, most likely to ease his mind and comprehend what had just happened.

Soon enough, just him and Taehyun were left alone in the art room, neither of them dared to say a word to one another after what had happened.

In that split second, Beomgyu's thread snapped as he finally broke down, his breathing becoming uneasy as he felt his tears began to roll down his face.

His mind was running on so many thoughts at the same time, what would happen now? He was caught, all of his lies about his feelings towards Soobin and his relationship with Taehyun finally caught up to him, the life he thought he could desperately keep together finally broke apart.

He felt so guilty, he knew Yeonjun was upset but he just wished he would understand his perspective.

He never meant anything bad, he just wanted his best friend to be happy.

Beomgyu choked on a sob loudly as he immediately covered his mouth, forgetting that Taehyun stood there behind him silently as he broke down in the middle of the art room.

Between his sobs, he could hear faint footsteps approaching him.

But instead of feeling those warm arms wrap around him and reassuring words being whispered in his ear.

Taehyun had walked past him and out of the classroom without a single word, leaving him alone.

ʚ♡ɞ

After the whole incident, it had been nearly two days since any of them had talked.

The first day, Beomgyu kept his distance from everyone, it was clear and obvious Yeonjun wanted to be alone and he granted his wishes. However, on the second day, he had made attempts to try and talk to the elder but every chance he did he would be ignored.

It wasn't like Soobin or Huening Kai were ignoring him, but it was clear and obvious the two of them weren't comfortable talking to him at all about what happened, which he understood.

But it hurt so much, all of his friends weren't talking to him. Sure, he could talk to classmates around him who seemed to be happy, but he felt more comfortable and felt more loved and heard when he was with the people who cared about him.

Did it all really have to come down to this? Beomgyu closed his eyes and sighed, digging his face into his hands as he tried his best not to break down again. I tried to explain, but nothing I say works, as if everyone doesn't believe me.

He knew it was his fault though for nearly three constant months, he had been lying directly to his best friend's face. Telling him he had no feelings for Soobin at all just because he wanted the two of them to get together, but he just wanted Yeonjun to be happy.

It was so hard though, he could've just ended the fake relationship with Taehyun so this could've been avoided...

but he couldn't.

If there were a few things he hadn't lied about it would be the fact he is completely over Soobin, not one feeling of romance flows through his veins when he looks at the male.

The other one... is that he hadn't lied about his feelings for Taehyun at all.

He truly did like Taehyun a lot.

But now he lost all of it.

Beomgyu closed his eyes and breathed in softly, trying to recollect his thoughts and focus on something else other than what was happening, which was hard when it involved his best friend and the person he likes.

After a few minutes of a pointless lesson, the bell had finally rung, allowing lunchtime to start, a period where Beomgyu loved so much, turned bitter.

Beomgyu took that chance and got up from his seat, hesitantly looking over towards where Yeonjun sat with his head down on the desk, most likely with his headphones in to avoid any conversation.

It hurt his heart so much, how distant they are now. All because of his mistakes.

He didn't realize he was so busy staring at Yeonjun until he saw Taehyun pass by, not even sparing him a glance as he walked out of the classroom with Huening Kai, his eyes lingering on the male before he was out of sight.

His heart hurt.

He felt so sick.

He should be angry right? Blow up, yell at Taehyun.

But he couldn't bring himself to be mad at the male, not one bit. In reality, he wasn't mad at him at all, and that's what frustrated him.

He missed Taehyun, much more than being angry with him.

Focusing back on Yeonjun, the male took a deep breath and walked over towards him slowly. Once he was in front of him, the male gently tapped the elders desk to notify that he was here

"Yeonjun hyung," Beomgyu spoke softly, his voice barely above a whisper and slightly raspy from how much he was embarrassingly crying for the last few days. "Can we talk..?"

He waited for a few seconds, any signs of cooperation. But instead, he got what he had always gotten, silence.

Frowning slightly, the male attempted one more time to at least get one word out of the elder. It really did make him sick how he was just ignoring him, he would rather prefer if the male just yelled at him instead of pretending he didn't exist.

Beomgyu stood there for a few seconds and sighed helplessly. "I'll give you more space, please talk to me when you're ready."

The male waited if Yeonjun would give in and say something, but after receiving nothing but silence, he gave up and walked out of the classroom.

Yeonjun is ignoring him.

Soobin and Huening Kai are uncomfortable towards him.

Taehyun... left him...

Beomgyu felt his eyes stinging with tears, even though he was walking down such a crowded and loud hallway, he felt all of the noise around him fade away as the people around him were blurred. His mind tricking him that he was truly alone, nobody came to his side.

He missed it when Taehyun would hug him so tightly he felt like he was suffocating, when he would reassure him with words that made his heart beat so fast it was uncontrollable.

Now he felt like he was suffocating on his own guilt and tears.

If I could go back in time, I'd stop all of this.

Beomgyu's jaw tightened as he looked down, trying to stop any tears from falling down his face, he felt so pathetic when he cried.

He had so many regrets, so many thoughts running through his head, eating him up alive.

He wished Tae—

...Yeonjun... would talk to him.

"Beomgyu-ssi?"

Beomgyu's breath hitched as he stopped in his tracks, his heart beating rapidly as his mind began to think of who had just called out his name. Slowly looking up, he had hope to see the familiar pinkette who captured his heart in front of him, but instead his hopes were shattered when all he saw was Miyuki, one of Seong-jin's friends.

I might as well be nice, I shouldn't burden anyone with my issues. I caused it anyway.

"Hello Miyuki-ssi," Beomgyu said softly, trying his best to make it seem like he hadn't nearly broken down in the middle of the hallway. "Do you need anything?"

"I saw you were walking alone, usually you have Choi Yeonjun-ssi or Kang..." Miyuki stopped talking, her eyes widening as he realized what she had just almost said.

The two of them stared at each other awkwardly, both knowing what she had intended to say.

"I-I mean... well..." She coughed loudly, looking away in embarrassment. "Seong-jin and Yoshino went to the lunchroom to get food, but Seong-jin wanted me to ask you if you'd like to eat lunch with us?"

Beomgyu's eyes brightened up slightly at the question, for the past two days he had been eating alone in the classroom or skipping lunch so he would avoid running into Yeonjun or Taehyun.

It was heartbreaking for him, he missed it when he was with the rest, all five of them laughing about something so stupid it'd take them the entire lunch time to recover.

Maybe spending time with other friends will make him feel better as he figured out how to mend his friendships again.

After nodding his head softly, the two of them walked down the hallway and into the lunchroom, and maybe it was a coincidence but the moment they entered the lunchroom, Beomgyu's eyes immediately landed on Taehyun's eyes who were staring at him right away.

His heart dropped as his eyes widened, the two of them staring at each other as if the word had gone in slow motion, neither paying attention to was happening around them.

That was until Beomgyu was the first to break the eye contact, looking away as Seong-jin approached him with a happy smile and a sandwich for him.

As badly as he wanted to just leave and run towards Taehyun, he was still saddened by everything.

But maybe the heartbreak was getting to him, because in the corner of his eyes he could feel the males gaze still on him.

And he swore he saw the pinkettes eyes widen slightly after realizing who he was talking to.

ʚ♡ɞ

how could we know, we'd rearrange all the cosmos?

we crashed, and we burned, now I just can't go where you don't go

Taehyun sighed heavily and placed his pencil down, closing his eyes as he placed his pencil down softly and looked over at his phone and turned it on.

He was so used seeing multiple messages from Beomgyu, but now it's nothing but emptiness every time he turned it on.

Nibbling on the bottom of his lips, the male just turned his music up louder to drown out his heavy thoughts, ones that were eating him away.

But I'll love you like you need me to, imperfect for you

Messy, completely distressed, but I'm not like that since I met you

Imperfect for you.

Taehyun closed his eyes tighter as he tried to shove every heavy thoughts filled with guilt out of his mind, trying to focus on his possible sketches for the crystalline showcase that was a month away. He couldn't be distracted.

why did I say that?

Taehyun breathed in heavily as he tried so hard to focus on the paper in front of him, sketching out things with an empty mind, allowing his hand to take a mind of its own.

how could we know, that this was a happy disaster?

i'm glad we crashed and burned

i'll never forget when you told me, you said, usually, I'm too much

but I'll love you like you need me to

Taehyun breath began to become heavier as images of Beomgyu's heartbroken expression began to flash through his mind, his stomach churning in guilt and regret as he remembered how fucking idiotic and selfish he was that day.

How could he just blow up towards someone like that? Especially someone who captured his heart.

He didn't mean to, he couldn't control the words that came out of his mouth once they started to pour out.

He had hurt Beomgyu just so he could protect himself from being hurt.

but I'll love you like you need me to, imperfect for you

Taehyun covered his mouth and turned off his music that made his feelings worse, he was a complete idiot, he hurt Beomgyu.

He was ashamed, so ashamed of himself.

He had avoided any conversation about the topic with Huening Kai and totally distanced himself from everyone — especially Beomgyu.

Sighing softly, the male rubbed his face exhaustedly and looked down at the paper, his heart hurting even more as he knew who he had just unconsciously drawn.

Damn that Choi Beomgyu, always in his mind.

The male got up from his desk and walked over toward the window, staring outside to clear his head as he tried to ease his painful stomach eating guilt that overtook him.

He wanted to apologize, tell the male it wasn't his fault, but he knew it was too late.

Beomgyu would never forgive him for what he's done, and that is what is eating his heart out the most.

I'm so sorry, hyung.

An apology he knew was too late to say.

ʚ♡ɞ

song :
imperfect for you - ariana grande