A knock on my front door was all I needed to know that this would be the last few moments in my home, my grandma would pick me up and then I would be sent to Paris France to live with a stranger who was just now introduced to my life, just for the summer, and come back and live with my bestfriend, Alya for the next remaining three years until we graduated.

I hadn't asked but Alya's parents had pleaded me to stay with them, they knew not having my mom would be hard and since I was always helpful and kind to them, they wanted to return the favor. Which I gratefully accepted because I would be living with the only other people who truly made me happy.

    Leaning over to my bed stand, I grabbed my phone and as soon as it turned on I saw the flood of messages from Alya asking if I woke up okay or if I was still alive. I texted her back letting her know that everything was fine, and that just in a few minutes I would be on my way to the airport, and to wish me support for the voyage and encounters I was soon to make.

     "Amuse-toi bien!" Alya had texted back almost within the same minute I sent mine, I chuckled softly as I imagined her sing song voice beaming after she went on google translate copying and pasting the phrase. Words could not represent how grateful I was for Alya.

I slowly made my way out of bed embracing the coldness of the floor as I made my way to the restroom to brush my teeth and do my hair, I should at least try to look presentable in front of.. Tom.

You know the feeling you get when you stand up really fast? Thats the feeling I would get when I thought about him. It was unbelievable that after all these years I'd finally go and meet someone who almost all my friends had since birth but I grew up expecting them to never show up.

     I suddenly caught a quick glance into the bathroom mirror and I gasped, stunned at the girl in front of me who was almost unrecognizable. My eyes were red and puffy from crying all those nights, I was pale and looked almost sick, and my hair had found its way of becoming a birds nest.

     What has happened to me? I thought as I grabbed my pink toothbrush and began dragging the toothbrush in swift motions on my teeth. Not once looking away from the bathroom mirror, even almost accidentally falling into it at one point, almost like if I looked hard enough, I would suddenly look back to normal and as you might've thought, there was no avail.

     Loss and grief had happened to me, and that was something you could never go back from.

     I began rinsing out my mouth and felt the taste of my morning breathe disappear, at least that was one burden out of my way. Putting the toothbrush into my bag, I then used my face wash almost getting it into my eyes, and threw my hair into my casual twin tail hair do.

     I was still not used to using the word dad and I started getting nervous. Why had my mother left him while she was pregnant? Was he dangerous? What if I ended up dying, what if he forced me to join a gang.

Benefit of the doubt, I reminded myself multiple times.

I had almost forgotten about my poor grandma waiting at the front door for already almost 20 minutes. I soon threw on sweats and a hoodie and grabbed my luggage looking around my room to make sure I grabbed everything.

My mind suddenly went blank as I stared at my room stunned at how empty my room looked, with just a bed and a nightstand, I sighed making myself get rid of the emotional thoughts, it seemed like forcing myself only made it worse.

I quickly grabbed my charger and plugged my earbuds into my phone, running down the stairs as fast as I could to not keep my poor grandma waiting any more. I should have at least invited her in..

On the way down the stairs I slowed down my pace and turned to look at the kitchen which had held the same memories of my mother baking and making me fruit snacks all over again. I smiled warmly at the kitchen, taking one big look at the whole house and embracing the memory.

     After all it was going to be the last look I had at the house.

My mother would have wanted me to be strong and happy. I began telling myself that I was done crying, and that i'd be happy just for her. She was always strong for me. But of course maybe being done crying was a bit of a reach but I really wanted to be happy for her.

     I soon remembered my grandma and ran to the door again almost forgetting to take my luggage with me. I opened the door and saw her, even my grandma was still a mess, carrying her own emotional baggage, seems like i'm not the only one who wasn't coping well.

"Hey honey, your flight is boarding in 2 hours, lets get going." My grandma croaked but nonetheless smiled warmly at me, no sign of frustration over the wait, and held onto my back as we walked to her car. I could hear her sniffles but I didn't want to look down because I knew my eyes would begin shedding tears themselves.