All day during the shoot, he had been looking for me and teasing me, as usual. Pinched my sides and gave a few slaps with his sleeves. The spanking, too ... In the early evening, when we were going to change in the dressing room, I had let my imagination take me for the first time: no backhanded slap this time, just his palm on my buttocks. His large palm printed on my bare buttock. Reddened.

He would have put me flat on his knees and would have spanked me while biting his lip, dominant as he was. The heat of his hand as well as the sweet pain of his slaps would have made me moan, tremble.

My belly had warmed up at the idea and a long shiver had made my nipples point. He had jumped at the opportunity to mock me while enjoying this vision. Red with shame, I had run to the bathroom to freshen up before my envy showed on my face and under my black jogging suit. How could I have seriously come to fantasize about a man?

We had been working together for several weeks - and he was working me, almost literally... His teasing, his perverse looks, the next moment shimmering with love, as if I were the sun that illuminated his days... I was finding it harder and harder to concentrate lately.

His smiles for me were different from those he gave to others and the way he looked at me was not friendly; it was "revealing" according to my colleague and friend Lulu. Not to mention his protective attitude and... jealousy. Just seeing me get close to a colleague made him as cold as an ice cube. Unpleasant, even, at times.

At first, I didn't believe Zhuocheng and Lulu when they pointed out his jealousy. But then I was forced to admit the truth. Why did he behave like that? We weren't together, we were just flirting in a playful way - at least for me, at first...

I sighed in the black van that was taking me back to the hotel, lost in my thoughts. Next to him, I felt unique, even though I had nothing special. Unique, me, who is just a humble family boy, a normal boy, a boy who doesn't consider himself a beauty or someone exceptional. I have my qualities, like everyone else, but I am just an ordinary person, rewarded by life for his hard work.

How could Wang Yibo look at me like that? His homosexual attractions were known to many people, but it only took a short time for us to get along... To appreciate each other as if our bond was obvious...

I opened the door of the hotel room and fell limply on my bed after having put my Adidas jacket in the closet. This story was compressing my brain. I rubbed my face. I had to revise the script for tomorrow, but I knew I was already incapable of any rigor. And how was I supposed to do that when he was in a room next to mine?

- Ai ya... Wang Yibo, get out of my head...

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I grabbed it, my heart racing. He wrote to me every night, as soon as we parted. To send me memes he had made with his own face, official pictures of his shootings (this guy was hopeless...), or to laugh and talk about everything and nothing.

He would end up asking me how I had lived this or that difficult moment of the day, he would be interested in my feelings, my emotions... and then he would end up with some kind recommendations and some affectionate words.

At that time, I still couldn't believe how kind and caring Wang Yibo was. But tonight, he had noticed my hasty departure and my confused - rather cold - attitude before leaving him; I had literally thrown myself into the van, I must say.

My stomach knotted up. I let the phone rest on my chest and closed my eyes. My hand slowly slid down my chest to my lower abdomen. I slipped it naturally - and without even realizing it - into my underwear. Not as a simple and stupid habit that men have in intimacy, but in order to caress me gently.

I didn't have any lustful thoughts at that moment, just the need to escape. To stop fighting to get some well-being, to give in to a primary reflex without recognizing its origin.

In some lascivious movements, I created an erection in my pants. A soothed breath escaped from my lips. Sex had never been a passion, unlike art, food and dating, so why was I in this state?

I felt as if this boy had stolen a part of me to insert a foreign and sinful lust. This feeling made me feel guilty. I had never been averse to male relationships, I loved and encouraged love in all its forms, but when you're the one involved... it's a different matter.

The phone vibrated on my chest. I was startled and immediately withdrew my hand, breathless.

Lao Wang, I growled through my teeth, can't you just leave me alone for a minute?

📨 Zhan ge, I can see you've been avoiding me a bit lately. It makes me feel bad and you never want to explain yourself to me. Except that I need to talk to you. I mean it. Please, don't refuse...

My eyes widened. The messages followed each other.

📨 Really it's important. I'll do whatever you want, but agree to discuss.

Talk? About what exactly? My heart raced. It took so little for him to plunge me into absorbent cotton, I could hardly imagine hiding my emotions being in front of him, outside of a professional setting.

Most of the time, when I was shooting, I managed to keep my cool and not let my discomfort show, but there... I was known to be unable to cheat without my face betraying me.

📨 Will you meet me at this address? Don't worry, it's near the hotel.

- What? Now?! He's kidding...
The next message answered by itself.

📨 The sooner it's done, the sooner we'll be safe. Ge geeeee please don't refuse!

I took a deep breath and gritted my teeth... before giving in.

I was stressed. But I also had a terrible desire to meet him in private. A devouring desire of a young girl in love, silly and unconscious. Because the apprehension was justified: Wang Yibo was gay, had confidence in his charms (which was absolutely not my case), had flirted and mimed kissing men in public more than once and had probably taken a liking to it. I was light years ahead of his level, charisma and audacity.

I left my clothes on the bathroom threshold and walked past the mirror to the shower. My reflection reflected the image of a little boy believing in a dream too good to be accessible: a thin smile bitten in the corner to contain the impatience that flickered in his belly, the bright look of an innocent running to his loss, both in an intolerant country and by an illusion of prince charming.

My heart tightened. The desire to see him made me stupid.
 

I arrived at the indicated address at exactly ten o'clock. To my great surprise, the establishment was a neighborhood restaurant, simple and gourmet as I always liked them. I could not hide my satisfaction. Yibo had already remembered so many things about me, he seemed to do everything to make me feel good.

I felt guilty for being suspicious of him and at the same time worried that he might be doing all this in order to win me over - I wasn't the best at discerning these things. After all, he was constantly dropping perverse hints and complimenting me...

The stress rose with the confusion. Even if he was sincere, what good could come of it? Nothing. Nothing that would hold up in the current context and our situation, anyway. And the ephemeral not being my cup of tea...

I mumbled between my teeth, anxious:

- I should go home... he still hasn't arrived. There's still time to go home...

I turned around and petrified on the spot.

- Zhan ge, thank you for coming!

I was startled by his hand on my shoulder. Yibo looked at me, surprised to find me in such a state.

- Ge, are you all right?

- I'm... yes. I'm just tired, let's eat and go home quickly, if you don't mind.

He opened his mouth and closed it again, just staring at me in silence. He looked upset, but remained calm. So we entered the small restaurant together, masks on our noses and caps on our heads.

At the mere sight of the food and the thousand scents that assailed my nostrils as soon as we entered, a smile graced my lips.

Yibo had chosen the perfect place for me at the expense of his own stomach, which was too fragile for the hot pot on offer. If I hadn't known about his health problems, he would have eaten anything not to spoil my fun. He was adorable. Reckless, but adorable. It was that kind of attention that made me admire him. And made my heart flutter...

I made sure to order food that wouldn't hurt him. I wanted to take care of his well-being as he did for me.

To my delight, no strange or confusing conversation disturbed my culinary pleasure; I thanked him inwardly. We reached the end of the meal, after much laughter and delicious complicity.

I couldn't help thinking that Yibo was the ideal friend (if you were close enough to him). A strong personality, a reassuring confidence, an unfailing frankness, but also a tender heart and an incredible softness, when he wanted it. He had everything to complete me.

To complete me.

I looked down. Joy faded under embarrassment.

- Ge? What's wrong?

- Yes, yes... I was just thinking about something, it's nothing," I smiled.

My smile was not very convincing, given his incredulous pout. He lowered his head in turn.

- Would you allow me to take you somewhere?

- What do you mean by that? We have to get up early, Yibo.

- Ge, I'm not asking you to stay up all night playing cards. I'm just asking you to relax a little bit to end the evening, he said in a soft voice. Would you mind?

Didn't he want to talk to me? Or was he planning to do so at that very moment? If so, the relaxation would be short-lived. But since he promised to relax, I had no reason to doubt his word. The meal had been pleasant, everything was going to be fine... Strong emotions made me decidedly unstable.

I nodded my head - approval that he greeted with a big smile. His happiness was enough for me.

We went out side by side like two old friends with full bellies; if one forgot that there was more than friendship between us.

Unless I am mistaken. Unless my two co-workers watered things down to create a love charade and I ended up believing it - I wasn't very good at noticing when someone took a liking to me either. My lack of self-confidence, no doubt.

I almost bumped into his back, lost in thought, when he stopped in front of the steps.

- This is... our hotel? Why do you want to go back to the hotel?

He looked me straight in the eyes. The reality hit me hard: what could two people who are attracted to each other be doing in a hotel room? The romance was gone for good.

Disappointment knotted my throat. So all this attention had only been for the purpose of sleeping with me. I took a step back and frowned slightly, sadness in my heart. What a fool!

- Yibo, we are not on the same wavelength, you and I...

- What? What are you talking about?

I turned my head in disappointment.

- I may be stupid, but not that stupid.

He stared at me, one eyebrow arched.

- Ge, why would you be stupid? Stop belittling yourself for a moment and follow me.

He pulled me by the arm, and I braked.

- I don't want to go to your room!

His eyes widened.

- Why would we go to my room?

- A-and in my room neither...

His expression changed completely. He immediately realized my thought and let go of my arm to stand in front of me, looking serious.

- Xiao Zhan, do you really think I'm that kind of guy...?

This time, it was his disappointment that was palpable. I took my forehead in my palm, disturbed.

- Yibo, I'm sorry, I... I don't know where I stand anymore. I'm... I'm tired of feeling so confused and thinking things... I just wish everything would go well...

- Zhan ge, that's all I want, he said gently. And I think you have to talk to me, too...

He put his hand on my arm and moved it up to my shoulder, a reassuring caress. Yes, I had things to confess. But I was afraid that he would find me ridiculous and sentimental, that we would lose our beautiful complicity and ruin everything for the year to come.

This situation made me anxious. But since he was so insistent, I had to confess. Yibo didn't want to hurt me and I had to give what I had on my heart.
 

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