Dearest Molly,

The letter was a success!

I delivered it to one of the garden boys who passed it onto him a little while later. A few days later, at a date I specified, he appeared in the attic with a smile on his face. My declaration of love had been a success.

We didn't do anything in our first meeting because we were only just reconnecting, but at our most recent meeting in the attic, I broke what was perhaps one of Mother's cardinal rules. She always said that there were some things people could only do once they were engaged or married, but I wanted to show my love for him.

We spoke for a little while, exchanging words with one another about our days and what had happened since we last met. Then, I kissed him.

I know I wasn't supposed to, I know that it is unresectable to do such a thing, especially given the difference in our social standings, but I knew it was one way to show how much I loved him. There are others, I have heard them whispered amongst the servants and my friends; stories of people who were disowned by everyone they knew because they had taken part in these unspeakable acts before wedlock. I am not ready for that just yet.

In truth, I wasn't sure I would like the idea of kissing him, but I did. All I think about now is how soft his lips were on mine, how tender he was even though neither of us had ever done such a thing. I spend my days waiting for our next meeting, waiting for the opportunity where we can kiss once more.

I can think of nothing else. Does that make me undesirable? I have heard Mother use that word before to describe women who walk the streets at night.

Now it has been done I cannot take it back, but I must also make sure no one else finds out.

Until next time.

Love, Catherine.

~~~

First Published - February 21st, 2022