The song above is for the second part of this chapter, play it after you see the '***' 😉 and you can find the other song mentioned 'S'il suffisait d'aimer' by Celine Dion in the LOVE BUG playlist in the external link down below 😘

White, white, white... everywhere, and Anastasia is starting to hate this color – although, the yellowish shade of this fabric doesn't deserve the title of 'white'. With the thick laces and the shapeless gown, it makes her look like a ghost. Maybe the white lighting of the room she has been standing in since almost one hour and the tiredness of hearing the same rambling again and again aren't helping either.

She swears she has left home, Nathaniel's treehouse, full of energy, but the second she has arrived in the driveway of what should be her future house, and she has met Fergus's annoyed scowl, she has been drained of everything.

The lies about heavy traffic and delay in the decoration appointments haven't gone off without a hitch like she has expected, and she has had to make a careful plea, to finally yield to Fergus's reproaches that she should have anticipated it to not be so 'disrespectfully late'.

Luckily, her future 'mother-in-law' has been much more understanding, as nothing can bring her down from her little white – yellowish white – cloud of wedding excitement. Though after one hour, Anastasia would gladly trade Naomi's enthusiasm, which she isn't sharing, with reproaches and arguments, and with each passing second, she is realizing more and more how exhausting it is to fake a smile and force out lies, pretending to be someone else, while she is barely finding herself.

"Oh, and we have to do something for this hair! A high bun or something like this."

Just when Anastasia has thought the fitting would be over, Naomi focuses on changing another part of her, lifting the golden waves that she has been so proud of wearing loose. Sure, they are messier than usual because of Nathaniel and his passion, but she has arranged it quickly before arriving here to make it into a natural waterfall of curls, and no one should be able to guess the real reason for her lateness–

"Oh no?! What is this again?!"

Her assurance is shaking at the sound of Naomi's gasp, and soon, her heart too as she follows the direction where her future mother-in-law is gaping, somewhere near her shoulder, so close to the place Nathaniel loves to kiss. She has been careful to use her now-usual make-up tools to hide all these fresh red marks on her skin, but could she have forgotten one in the rush? That's another reason why she likes to wear her hair down.

"I..." What lie can she make up for this?

Future brides may be turning red as a tomato when their future mothers-in-law spot marks on their neck, but Anastasia is whiter than her dress, and she is already picturing the worst when Naomi adds,

"It's too large here too? Did you lose weight since last time? You're so thin!"

A loud sigh echoes around the room, and although it could be Anastasia's with the relief washing over her, it is only Naomi's, who is apparently frustrated with the dress and her future daughter-in-law.

Anastasia, she, keeps her emotions and everything covered, simply savoring to be able to breathe after the seconds of terror she has just experienced, and she doesn't even mind Naomi's firm tugs on her sleeve as she tries to find her shoulder or any part of her silhouette, which the dress is swallowing all.

She may indeed have lost a few pounds last week because despite feeling like an empty shell, the ache in her heart hasn't let her eat much, and now that her heart is whole again, it's the horrors of the government that are spoiling her appetite.

"The wedding is in less than ten days, and there are still so many alterations to do!"

It isn't this argument that will help Anastasia find her appetite again as it fills her stomach with one more knot.

"Um, I could use my mom's dress if it's really too much work?" she suggests innocently, or at least, the most innocently she can, when she is in fact planning an illegal mission with the rebels to not have a wedding. Yet in the meantime, it would make her mom happy, since she doesn't know about her daughter's plans.

"No, nonsense! It'll take more work, but it'll be perfect in the end." Naomi's smile puts another burden on Anastasia's stomach, and sadly, this weight of guilt won't fill the wedding dress.

"But you can't lose more weight. You have to eat more! What have you done to be so thin?"

"Um... I think it's the stress of the wedding and everything we have to plan... It's a lot of work."

It isn't a lie when the words are twisted with the truth, is it?

"Oh, I know!" Naomi shakes her head, lifting her gaze from the pins. "But after, it'll be quieter, and I'm glad that you've finally come to your senses and stopped your studies. It was too much."

"Yes, me too. I'm glad to have finally opened my eyes..." Anastasia's reply is as enigmatic and crooked as her small smirk, and Naomi, who is already focusing on trying to make something out of the shapeless yellowish fabric, can't catch the underlying meaning hidden in both.

Something else seems to catch her attention though, and as her gaze is lingering near her neck, Anastasia realizes she is indeed wearing Nathaniel's mark... in her compass pendant.

Even if the necklace is discreet, its preciousness is still obvious in its subtle shine, attracting the lights much more than the dull gown, and in the way Anastasia's fingers have been clutching it for the past minutes without even thinking. As soon as she notices, she lets it go of course, yet she is already preparing for the questions on Naomi's open lips.

"Mom! Everyone is ready for dinner."

Finally, a sigh of relief comes out of Anastasia's mouth instead of the lies she has got ready as Fergus's voice echoes just in time through the door to save her from another interrogation. Though when she processes the word 'dinner', the relief turns into a silent puff of despair because the torture isn't finished, and her stomach is already churning at the thought of everyone trying to force-feed her with food and ideas.

"Yes, we're coming!" Naomi rushes, gathering her pins and needles in a small bag and quickly turning Anastasia to the mirror, as if the meal in the oven couldn't wait for a few more seconds. "Look, it's already better. I'll do the alterations, and you'll try to gain a few pounds, and then we'll do another fitting."

A few pounds, and alterations or not, Anastasia doesn't see much change in the shapeless dress. It is still hiding her whole body under the hideous fabric, yet that, she won't tell her future 'mother-in-law', and she doesn't have time to even say anything as Naomi is already heading to the door.

"Get changed. I'll finish preparing the dinner."

Anastasia can only nod and force a smile, which falls down with her heaving chest as soon as the door clicks closed, and she is finally able to breathe. Well, the thick fabric is still constricting her chest, but there is no one to add weight and criticisms on her ribcage, and it's already valuable, especially when she hears Naomi talking to Fergus through the door.

"Don't enter, it brings bad luck to see the bride in her wedding dress!"

If they knew...

But at least, it grants Anastasia a few seconds of break as she throws her head back in the hope of finding more strength, or more exactly, patience, to get through this never-ending night. It isn't in the white ceiling she finds it though. Her motivation comes from only one place, and her gaze is quickly following her heart and thoughts toward her phone.

A simple notification from this special name, and her claustrophobic feelings disappear. She isn't stuck between these four simple gray walls surrounding her anymore, neither in the heavy, itchy fabric suffocating her.

'I miss you already, my love bug. Tell me if you need anything.'

She needs him, his strong arms, his soft voice, his warm smile making everything possible, and his dark gaze gazing at her like she is perfect as she is. Yet to have it, all of him, she has to endure everything a little bit longer. So she opts for a simpler answer.

'I miss you more, and I love you, mon amour.'

And she fights the urge coming from each thud of her heart, trying to lead her fingers to add an 'I need you'. Knowing Nathaniel, he would be here faster than one of her heartbeats or than his instant reply:

'Je t'aime more.'

But now, she is very well aware of what could happen after, and it is enough to slow down her heart. Instead, she types one more text.

'You're the only one in my thoughts ;)'

It couldn't be more true, and she puts her phone away before doing something she would regret.

She just snaps a quick picture of her dress to send it to Andy and motivate him to work faster on the 'Love Bug', as she can imagine his horrified expression when he will see her wedding dress.

She still doesn't know how she herself has been able to hide her grimace for so long, but she hurries to take off the fabric, which is starting to irritate her skin and her nerves, and both instantly feel better in her simple jeans and blouse. Although 'better' may be an overstatement because the prickling vice comes back stronger around her chest when she joins the dining room and Fergus grabs her hand.

"Baby, I was just talking about you!"

Should she be flattered? After hearing Naomi talk about her and her imperfect body for so long, the blood isn't rushing to her cheeks but to her legs with a need to flee, and it announces nothing better when everyone around the table is observing her carefully – well, Fergus, his dad, and his sister, as his mom must, of course, be in the kitchen like the 'good wife' she is.

"I was telling my dad that we need to organize to move house," Fergus continues without waiting for her to ask, and she has been right. It is even worst than she has expected. "My friends are free to help us this weekend–"

"This weekend as this one coming in a few days?!" Anastasia blinks her eyes, the only movement she can do as the rush to flee is turning into a freezing terror in her veins.

"Yes, of course. The next one is our wedding," he explains with big eyes as if she was dumb, and she might look like it as his words are knocking her breath out.

The clock is always ticking in her head like the nerve-racking countdown of a bomb, of which she is desperately fiddling with the wires to defuse it. But hearing it out loud makes it too real, and now, the bomb is her heart hammering faster and faster against her ribcage.

"D-Don't you think it's a little too soon? We already have a lot to organize for the wedding..."

In moments like this, Anastasia is thankful for her years of lawyer studies because she may not be able to defuse a bomb or infiltrate a computer program, yet she can always come up with sharp arguments no matter how breathless she is.

"No, there isn't much to move, since it's already furnished. You'll just bring a few of your things. Besides, I don't want to wait more. I want you near me as soon as possible," Fergus counters, or more exactly, concludes, as he sounds too much like a judge announcing the final sentence, and there is no room for protest when he pulls on her hand to make her still-frozen body sit down.

His words and the smile following them could make anyone believe it is just the excitement and love of an eager fiancé rushing things. Yet as he wraps an arm tightly around her waist, a bad impression is crawling down her spine, as fast as the shiver on her skin, and both are leading her to believe that there is more behind Fergus's hazel eyes. 

She doesn't have time to find out though – and she isn't sure she would be ready to – as Naomi arrives with a large plate in her hands and a wide smile on her face.

"The dinner is here!"

Anastasia's gaze flickers hesitantly between what looks like a generous dish of potatoes, veggies, cream, and cheese, and her future mother-in-law's expectant eyes as the shivers are now gathering in acid knots from her guts to her throat, and although the dinner hasn't started yet, her stomach is already completely full.

"Thank you," she forces out, trying to swallow in vain the lump in her throat, while an overfilled plate lands in front of her, and each piece of veggies, potatoes, and even each little shred of cheese seems to be taunting her in a staring contest she can't win.

So she resigns herself to picking one with her fork before her behavior catches attention, as she can't raise suspicion. That's what she is repeating to herself with each little bite, picturing Nathaniel and his tender eyes like a prize for an endless marathon, and as she imagines his strong arms that are her home, it hits her that she has naturally left a few things at his treehouse. It may only be a jacket, panties, hair ties, make-up remover, and green juice, but she doesn't want to bring any of these to Fergus's house this weekend or ever. 

It is more than the hideous wallpaper in the same indefinable shade as the wedding dress or the heady musty smell of his grandparents' house because the walls can be painted and it must be possible in some way to get rid of this moldy smell. But even here, where the walls are a light gray color and the decoration is cozy and simple, with exactly the same table as the one her parents have at their house, her skin is still itching with unease.

The more she is spending time here, the more this discomfort is spreading deeper, reaching her muscles with the restless need to run away and prickling her nerves like in an enemy territory.

It isn't about the decoration anyway. It is the people who make a home, and it becomes really clear when a pull on her forearm sears her skin, the malaise crawling like a venomous spider along her arm.

Though even more than the rough touch, it's the contrastingly sweet tone that stings in all her nerve endings. "Ana, I was talking to you."

"Oh, um, yes, sorry..." Her gaze is avoiding Fergus, and actually, everyone around the table, as she searches for an excuse again, and she finds it right in her half-empty plate. "I was... absorbed by the food. It's delicious!"

Another lie... as she hasn't even felt the flavor of anything, and it is actually a miracle she has managed to eat this much. However, it is quickly coming back in a bitter taste as Fergus continues,

"I was suggesting we go to the house after dinner to start arranging a few things."

"Uh... I–"

"You won't need to go pick up your brother today, right, baby?"

Now, it isn't only the food Anastasia has to swallow in front of Fergus's lifted eyebrow and the dark glint in his eyes that she has already glimpsed a few times and that is slowly engulfing the whole hazel. She still can't put a name on it, but it is suffocating her.

She feels the old walls of 'their future house' closing in on her ribcage, trapping her need for freedom, and she knows in this instant, that it is vital that the 'love bug' plan works.

"Yes, of course, baby..." she mumbles, all her muscles straining to put up a smile.

Today, she is stuck. She has no escape to a vast landscape and infinite chocolate eyes. But she will have her freedom soon. It's what is keeping her screams locked inside her mind as she nods to whatever they are deciding for her 'future' around the table, and the last bit of her guilt, which has still been weighing on her stomach when she has come up late with more lies, is annihilated by the intensity of the echo, leaving more room for her determination. 

***

Finally home, Anastasia breathes in the second she passes the door, the soreness in her muscles and the tiredness of her mind – having done more round trips than her feet – completely forgotten. Actually, it isn't forgotten; it is soothed when a melody as soft as a heavenly cloud wraps around each cell of her body.

Before her eyes even spot his figure, she recognizes Nathaniel's smooth voice and the dulcet notes he is strumming on his guitar, setting the rhythm of her heart, along with maybe a few skips when she makes out the words he is humming.

"'Look into your heart, You will find... There's nothin' there to hide... Take me as I am, Take my life...'"

His back is turned to her, and he has his headphones on, probably to listen to the song he is singing, so he doesn't notice her presence by the door, and she doesn't dare to move or even breathe, her breath caught by the intensity of the gentleness happening here. Powerful gentleness, soft power, it is exactly this.

She has already felt it the few times he has played guitar before her: the tensions and peacefulness of his strong body from the light moves of the muscles in his back to his fingertips and his jaw to create a harmony floating in the air. Yet now, it is even more intense because there are lyrics that make this tune reach the heart, and like a stroke of lightning, the powerful delicacy is spreading in electric shivers all over her body until her heart.

"'Oh, you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for... I can't help it, there's nothin' I want more...'"

There is nothing she wants more either, and she can't help it as her hands are pulling out her phone, though she doesn't know how she manages to, when in her trance, nothing else seems to exist but Nathaniel and the divine melody he is creating.

"'Yeah, I would fight for you, I'd lie for you, walk the wire for you...'"

He is an angel; she has no doubt left about it now that he is flying them in zero gravity. A god even, as his voice is casting a spell on her, leading her to step closer unconsciously until...

"'You know it's true... Everything I– Oh fuck! Ana, you scared me!" He jumps, almost dropping his guitar when he lifts up his head and catches sight of her, and although his music stops, her heart keeps drumming to the rhythm as a large smile stretches his lips. "You're early? I didn't expect you so soon."

His guitar is discarded aside as he quickly gets up, reaching for her small waist instead, just to make sure she is really there. He should be used by now to her unexpected and heavenly apparitions, yet she always catches his breath the second he glimpses her angelic silhouette.

"Yeah, I decided to come directly, and I thought I would take a shower here?"

Who needs to breathe? Nate doesn't, as long as he has her in his arms, her shaky sigh tickling his lips as he murmurs on hers, "I like this idea..."

The words are emphasized as he kisses her fully, showing her how much he likes her idea and also giving her a warm welcome.

It's starting to become their own little ritual, and their lips always find new, dizzying ways to say 'hello' and passionate caresses to translate 'I love you' as the love is always there growing with each kiss and strengthening with each second apart. He just hopes one day he won't be fearing at each of these seconds to never be able to feel her soft lips again.

But for now, the dread is still lingering in his strained muscles, making his arms tighten around her waist, and he barely pulls away of an inch to ask,

"How was your day?"

The salty sweetness he can still taste and the chapping he is lightly sucking on already tell him a lot because today, the weather is scorching hot, almost suffocating, even here, and once again, she must not have spared her efforts as much physically as mentally, holding back her arguments, angry screams, and even her view with the hold of her lips.

He is very well aware of what she's been doing. This fact has been taking up residence in each knot of his stomach, and they only tighten as she sighs, focusing on his plump rosy lips to avoid his worried eyes.

"Long and tiring, but let's not talk about that..."

She doesn't want to bring the world outside into their haven. Here, there is only Nathaniel, her, and...

"What were you doing?" She smiles, pointing behind him to his guitar, although she already knows: he has been electrifying all her nerve-endings, and she can still feel them tingling, or is it his kiss? He has too many talents.

"Um, I was waiting for Sacha to text me the map to work on it, so in the meantime, I just tried to distract myself... I selected a few pieces of art, and then, I don't know... I grabbed my guitar..." He shrugs as if it was nothing, but the thuds of her heart and the twinkle in his eyes are saying so much more. "I know it's not really good... I just–"

"It isn't good." A firm finger on his lips shuts him up, along with her serious expression, though the latter quickly breaks into a wide smile. "It's more than that. It's beautiful, amazing, breathtaking... You're really talented... Your voice... I think you made me fall in love with music," she thinks out loud, or more exactly she lets out what her heart is still singing, as Nathaniel lifts surprised eyebrows.

"Yes, you made me fall in love with music," she repeats, answering his unspoken question and letting her fingers trace from the corner of his humble smile to the pink shade coloring his cheeks. "Before, I've never really liked music, but now... I could listen to you singing forever."

"I like this idea."

It sounds even more appealing than any steamy shower. Playing music has already shot a relaxing surge of warmth in all his body, lightening all the weights pressuring him, but seeing the shine in Anastasia's soft eyes is intensifying the feeling until his heart is soaring, and that's surely what pushes the question out of his lips.

"What's your favorite song so far from all the ones you've listened to?"

"Um... I think it's a French song called 'S'il suffisait d'aimer'." She smiles knowingly, and he shares the same grin, even though he only understands the word 'aimer'.

"It means 'If it were enough to love'."

"I like this... What else does it say?" His gaze slides attentively all over her angelic features, watching amused when a light frown appears, and soon, she whispers on his lips, the lyrics coming from her heart,

"'If it were enough to love one another, if it were enough to love... If one were to change things a bit, so that we only shared love...If it were enough to love one another, if it were enough to love... I would make a dream of this world, an eternity... I would make a world of this dream, if it were enough to love'."

She may have indeed learned it by heart, listening to it a few times, or more, as it is the song that is giving her the most faith for the future.

"I already love it," he replies, leaning even closer, and in the infinite dark shades of his eyes, she can see this world, this dream, closer than ever. "And I really think we can make this dream a world with our love... bug."

It sounds even better through his lips. Everything sounds better through his lips, even her light giggle that he captures with a meaningful kiss, and as their mouths collide, their love is enough to create their powerful bubble of freedom, their own dream, and to send through each strong beat of their hearts the faith that they can make it grow into a world.

"I think too," she breathes out as he pulls away slowly, his eyes still closed and his smile less than an inch away from hers.

With his forehead still resting on hers, they are still breathing in the power of their love, each rise of his chest and thump of his heart under her palm setting the rhythm for hers, although it is an uneven pace when he reopens his eyes.

"I would love to listen to it."

She needs a few seconds to remember what he is talking about, and still, her head is spinning as she glances around. "Oh, um... yes, I have it in one of the flash drives in my bag."

Her bag, which is on the stool near the door, where she has put it when she has arrived, and actually, they are too, still exactly as when she has arrived, standing in the middle of the room.

It's hard to believe it has only been a few minutes that she is here actually, as the long and tiring weekend she has just spent appears like a faraway memory. Yet the proofs are still there in the stickiness or her skin and the dust on her clothes, even if Nathaniel doesn't seem to care, keeping her close and nuzzling her neck, and she isn't able to move when he is melting her as much with his featherlike touches as with little meaningful words.

"But you'll have to translate it for me or give me a few French lessons."

"You would like?" she asks, making him pull away to look in her eyes as she sounds genuinely surprised.

"Yes, I do. I want to be able to understand when you speak French."

"Okay, then we'll have to schedule some lessons for after... once everything is settled..."

His heart has never leaped with as much hope at just a few words before; they have never considered a future together out loud before.

It may only be a mindless plan to learn French, yet for him, it sounds like a promise to have more than just forbidden and uncertain stolen moments, and it sets the erratic rhythm inside his ribcage.

"But right now, I really have to take a shower!" She takes advantage that he's too stunned to slip out of his arms, though he doesn't really mind; they'll have forever soon.

"Okay, mon amour."

"See, you already know a few words!" A giggle escapes her lips as he throws her an impish wink, and he is already drawing her back in when she hands him the flash drive, and he quickly dips his head to whisper above her ear,

"I learned a lot with you... Bonjour, je t'aime, s'il te plait... merde..." The familiar words in his raspy tone and sweet accent are sending shivers down her spine, even the last one, and the smirk playing on his devious lips is spreading these tingles even faster. Just a few more, and she could forget completely her shower.

That's why she doesn't leave him time, stepping away and rushing to the bathroom while calling, "T'es un idiot!"

"Why do I feel like it isn't a compliment?" He laughs, using all his strength to keep his feet from running after her.

A shower, or more exactly a shower with Anastasia is really tempting when his skin is already scalding hot. But they can easily lose track of time when they get lost in each other, and today, they have a lot to do if they want an infinity of steamy showers, French lessons, and freedom together. So he goes back to check his phone instead.

Aren't they too cute? 🥺😍 I think it makes up for the awkward and tense dinner with Fergus! Though, what do you think about Fergus's weird (well, even weirder) and authoritarian attitude? 🤔😬

I hope you like the songs! I think they're both so beautiful and so fitting for Natesia 😍🤩Don't forget to like the playlist if you go listen to it, and you can suggest me other covers if you find one that you think will fit more Nate's voice? 😉🤩

We'll maybe get more of Nate singing... and next chapter is chapter 69, so you can guess what this means... We'll see what happens after Ana's steamy shower... 😏🤫🤭😈

In the meantime, don't forget to vote ⭐ and comment what you think because the sound of the notifications I get from you is as sweet as Nate's voice for me!! 🤩🌞😘❤

PS: For the French lesson 😉🤓 'T'es un idiot' = 'You're an idiot', and I think by now, you know the other ones, like Nate!