you were my friend, my lover.

your charming remarks, your way of speaking – i was under a spell.

but i was naive, blinded by what i thought was love.

i went against everything i believed in, for you.

 i made mistakes because of you.

it was always your way, your terms.

you said we shouldn't make us official because you didn't want me to get hurt.

they were excuses, lies, all because you couldn't commit.

we were a secret and you never wanted anyone to know I was with you. 

i shook it off, pretended i didn't care, but inside i was a mess.

i defended you to my family and friends even when you disrespected them,

my dignity was slowly disintegrating into dust.

it was all a game, and you played me like a vinyl on a loop.

kept me going in circles to fulfil your egotistical mindset.

what a fool i was to have thought you loved me back.

you used and abused me in ways i wish i could forget.

manipulation was your speciality and you always got what you wanted.

i knew it wasn't right but i let you continue.

i told myself that if i did as you say, it would make you happy.

and not once did i think about myself.

i sacrificed my mental health to please you.

and when i finally found my words to speak up and tell you it was wrong – you laughed.

you made me think i was the bad guy, that i was crazy to think such things of you.

i couldn't deal with it anymore, i had to end our relationship

but of course you didn't want the game to end.

you played the victim and made me feel guilty.

shutting me down every time i tried to speak.

asking why i was giving up on us when you were fully aware there wasn't really an 'us'.

i was about to explain but you hung up on me.

you were done.

no apologies or remorse for the twisted handiwork you carved in me.

i was nothing to you, yet apart of me still cared.

'why me?' i asked myself, but i knew i was just the unfortunate fish to your hook.

i was an easy bait, a gullible idiot that didn't know her downfall was right in front of her.

and even though you were gone, the thought of you lingered still.

memories taunted me in the night, making me cry myself awake.

words you used to say triggered me every time i'd hear someone else speak them.

you ruined me to the point of no return.

you made me dislike and question love when i used to adore it.

how could you have been so cold-blooded?

then one day i made the mistake of typing your name in the search bar.

i was curious despite knowing it would only make things worse for myself.

and there you were, profile picture changed from yourself to you with a girl.

i was angry, angry that when i asked to have pictures with you, you shut me down.

you didn't like to be tagged or have your face shown in anything i posted.

i was your secret, but for what reason?

were you ashamed of me? did i really mean that less to you?

why was i questioning your actions when it shouldn't have mattered.

why? hell i asked myself for weeks.

it was like the game still remained and i couldn't escape.

i wanted to scream, tell you how much i hated you.

i wanted some sort of closure.

but what was the point?

you wouldn't have listened, you never did before.

it was time i moved on from the heartache you caused me.

i wanted to be happy, i wanted the love i deserved.

and sure enough i found it.

but you left me with painful memories that still endure,

my confidence and trust are crippled by your doing.

i have to live that everyday but i won't let you win.

i am slowly healing, 

remodeling myself into the person i was before, only better.

moving on with the future i'll be having with the man who loves me back.

and you? well i hope you get what's coming to you.

karma is a bitch.