I'd imagined this scene too many times to count. In fact, this kind of scenario was fuel to many of my late-night fantasies.

Stuck in the same room with Gabe, forced to spend the whole night together, alone. After talking for hours, he would offer the bed to me, but I would shake my head — the bed was big enough for both of us, after all. We'd squeeze under the covers, shoulders touching, too anxious to sleep. He'd turn his head toward me, at the same time, I would turn mine toward him. Breaths would mingle, our lips would draw closer, and...

Sadly, fantasy was about a million light-years away from reality.

Fantasy was a cute romantic situation, with sweet cuddles and unexpected kisses and discovering that your long-time crush is actually crushing on you.

Reality was the absolute awkwardness of sharing a room with your reformed zombie crush to make sure he doesn't revert back to his people eating ways.

Not exactly epic romance story material, let me tell you.

"I really don't think you should stay with me but if you're not changing your mind at least take the bed," Gabriel said, for the fourth time, discomfort obvious in the way he kept crossing and uncrossing the arms across his chest.

"No, no. You need the rest, plus you're much taller than me, there's no way you'd be able to sleep in that." I motioned to the armchair pushed up into a corner, the one I'd spend the remainder of the night lounging in.

"Come on, Ava, it's not like you'd be able to sleep in that thing either."

"Well, good thing I won't be sleep--" Crap.

His eyes went wide for a second, and then a dark chuckle left his lips. One that was filled with anguish, disgust, and loneliness. My gut twisted as I mentally punched myself for my lack of filter.

"So, you're the zombie sitter, huh?" He said, running his hands through his hair and letting out a sigh. "Is that your punishment for taking me with you?"

Well, he was perceptive. A little too perceptive for my liking.

"It's-It's not like that Gabe...." I started but he raised one eyebrow, challenging me to continue with that lie. Letting out a sigh, I twirled a strand of my hair around my finger. "Okay, yeah, it's kind of like that. It's not that they don't trust you, they just want to make sure that whatever happened to you is... permanent."

Gabe shrugged, his lips pulled up slightly in a sad smile, "I get it. No one wants to become a midnight snack."

I, for one, would definitely not mind being his midnight snack.

Feeling a blush creep along my cheeks, I desperately tried to get my thoughts out of the gutter.

"If I was actually worried you'd change back I wouldn't stay in the same room with you," I countered, pressing my lips together in defiance.

"Yeah, well, you should be worried. Which is exactly why I've been saying you need to stay somewhere else," Gabe said, pointing at the bedroom door, "Like on the other side of that, at least."

Shaking my head, I crossed my arms over my chest. There was no way he was kicking me out of the room.

"Nope, I'm staying right here."

"So, what I'm hearing is that you have a death wish."

"What I'm saying is that I know I'll be safe with you." Probably.

"You absolutely don't know that."

"Oh, I absolutely do." I so totally didn't.

"Ava."

"Gabriel."

We stared at each other for a good few moments, and with each second my heartbeat seemed to quicken. Just as I was wondering whether I was about to have a heart attack, Gabe sighed, looked away, and collapsed on the edge of the bed.

"What am I gonna do with you?" He muttered, running his hand across his face.

That I definitely heard before, mainly coming from my exasperated twin.

"Well, might I suggest just letting me have my way?" I said a wide grin on my face. "That always works."

Gabriel looked up at me, eyebrows raised, and a small smile on his lips. That was the moment when I knew I would end up winning this argument. Seeing as how that would mean I wouldn't get a wink of sleep, I probably shouldn't have felt as happy about it as I did.

"I really don't get why you want to stay here with me." His eyes narrowed and I just shrugged, trying to make it look casual. Gabe let out a sigh and raised an eyebrow.

"Let me rephrase that. Why are you so insistent on staying here?"

I pretended to mull over it and scratched my chin, before letting out a sigh.

"Okay, fine, you got me. I actually really just love that old armchair there so--"

"Ava."

Sighing, I looked down at the floor, hoping that I could get through the next words without looking like a tomato.

"I don't want you to be alone, okay? There's no way I could just leave you here. If I did, I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about whether you're okay anyway, so um, you know, this is, uh, easier." I started off strong but by the end of my little speech, I was regretting ever opening my mouth.

The room was silent for what felt like minutes but was probably only seconds. I swallowed hard, trying to come up with something funny to say to lighten the mood when Gabriel cleared his throat.

I risked a glance at him and saw that he was staring at me with an unreadable look on his face. Once he caught my eyes, he quickly looked away, a light red coloring his cheeks.

"You're way too kind." He muttered, and scratched his chin, "But, I don't want that kindness to get you hurt. I don't want to hurt you, Ava."

Having already thought of that, I shook my head, grabbing my bag from the ground.

"You won't, so don't worry. I have that covered."

Gabriel's focus was back on me as I rummaged through my bag and pulled out a pair of fluffy pink handcuffs.

I held them out and Gabe's eyes darted from me to the item I'd proudly extended toward him several times before he raised an eyebrow.

"Kinky."

That one word was enough for me to realize how wrong this situation might have looked.

I let out a gasp, dropped the handcuffs to the ground, and started waving my arms around me wildly. Heat instantly consumed my cheeks, as well as the rest of my body.

"T-Those aren't mine! We just, we found them when scavenging and we--" I stammered out before realizing Gabriel was looking at me with a very obvious smirk on his face.

"I was kidding. I've always wanted to be tied up with some fluffy handcuffs, especially in my favorite color." His lips twitched, and my blush deepened. "But, maybe we should test them out before. See if they're strong enough, you know?" He finished, tilting his head to the side.

"Uh, um, yeah, sure, that's a good point." I nodded, my heart still beating too fast for comfort as I bent down to pick up the accursed item from the ground.

Gabriel pulled himself up the bed until he was almost lying down, his right hand extended toward the bedpost.

I just stared at him with a blank expression on my face, not entirely sure what he was expecting from me.

"Well?" A playful smile pulled up his lips and he raised one amused eyebrow, "Cuff me, Ava."

My body flushed instantly. I always thought I was pretty vanilla when it came to things like that, but the idea of him in those handcuffs did interesting things to me. Things that made it easy to forget the actual situation we were in and the very serious reason why the cuffs were needed in the first place.

Time and place, Ava. Time and place!

I let out a choked laugh, and picked the offending item up from the floor. 

There is nothing more awkward than being in the same room as another person while they're trying to sleep. Especially when you're trying not to.

At some point, a torrent of weird thoughts started running rampant through my brain. The most prominent being, did I always breathe this loudly?

Just as I was trying to figure out what was actually a normal breathing rhythm, I heard Gabe clear his throat, and that drew my attention. His eyes were open, and he was staring at the ceiling, one arm locked to the bedpost, the other scratching his chest.

"Can't sleep?" I asked quietly and he raised his head toward me.

"Nah. I close my eyes but...." He said, and let out a sigh.

Not that I was really surprised that sleep didn't come easy to him after what he'd been through. Who knows what he saw every time he closed his eyes? Especially considering he seemed to actually remember his time being a zombie. The mere thought made shivers run down my spine.

How much did he actually remember?

If I was a different person, any other person, really, I would have probably had enough tact to not actually ask that question out loud. As it was, I was Ava Sterling, and I had about zero chill in life.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Go for it."

"How much do you remember from when you were, well, you know?"

There was a long moment of silence during which I bit down on the inside of my lip so hard I felt blood and started seriously considering taking up a vow of silence.

Gabriel shifted on the bed and sat up a little so his back was leaning against the headboard, his hand rubbing down his face.

"When I first changed, I remembered everything, and I mean everything. Smell, taste, what I did... It was like I was there through it all but I just wasn't in control." His voice cracked as he spoke and he took a deep breath before continuing. "Honestly, I-I didn't know how I was supposed to go on like that, with all that... shit in my head."

"Gabe...." I started, not even sure what to say. What could someone even say to that?

"But--" He continued, looking at me with a frown, "The more time goes by the more it's all becoming kind of a haze."

"What do you mean?"

"Hm, you know when you have a really vivid dream and then you wake up in the morning and you kind of remember it? You remember what happened, what you did, who you were with. You even remember the feelings you had. Then as the day goes by, you remember less and less of what actually happened. The feelings stay with you for a while but even that fades eventually. That's kind of how I feel now." He stared back up at the ceiling, shaking his head. "I know it was all too real but it's starting to feel like a dream. A really, really bad dream."

Until I heard him say that, I didn't even realize what a heavy weight was pressing on my chest. Knowing it was my fault he had to carry all those horrible memories, that he had his humanity forced back on him along with all that trauma... It made it hard to feel truly glad about turning him human again, rather than like I forced this born-again existence on him. It made it hard not to cringe when he said I saved him. If he forgot it all, or at least most of it, if he just didn't remember it after a while, maybe he could go on living.

"I think it's okay if you think about it as just a bad dream," I whispered, swallowing hard. "This whole situation is like some nightmare or a horror movie, so I think it's better if we can find ways to cope with it, no matter what it is. Even if it's letting some memories slip away."

"Better for me, yeah, but what about all the people I...." He let the words hang in the air, but it was obvious what he meant. Ate. All the people he ate.

"That's not something you had control over, and it's not something you can change. They're gone and that's awful, but you're alive now and you need to find a way to live with that. If that means forgetting some things, so be it." I said, staring at him with conviction.

"That's... a simple way to look at it," Gabriel muttered, and I shrugged, a small smile on my face.

"Life is screwed up and complicated enough right now. Why do we need to make it even harder?"

He was quiet for a while, and then he chuckled, shaking his head before he laid back down on the bed.

"Thanks, Ava. I needed that."

"Just the truth," I muttered, eternally grateful that the room was dark enough that there was no way he could see how red my cheeks had gotten.

Another moment of silence passed by before I cleared my throat.

"Can I ask you something else?"

"Sure."

"Is pink really your favorite color?"

Gabriel's laughter bounced off the walls, and I joined in instantly, feeling lighter and happier than I had in a while. I'd made him laugh. After everything he'd been through, I managed to actually make him laugh, and the sound made my heart swell.

Once we calmed down and the room was silent again, I heard him whisper, "It is now."

Hi loves! ❤️

I don't know if anyone will even be reading this - probably not as I've been gone a while and I won't post about being officially back until I'm sure I'm officially back. 

Life has been hard. Extremely hard for me. My father got cancer and passed away recently. Considering my mom died when I was young... it's hard, coming to terms with the fact you have exactly 0 parents left at 32. I hope I can channel all the pain and heartbreak, especially since the TWTFIL sequel is meant to deal with Noah's loss. 

I'm working on editing TWTFIL for publishing so I won't write any "new" material until 2025, but I do have this extended version of my novella so I'll be slowly publishing it while trying to... come back into writing. It used to be my safe haven, and I could really use that.

I hope you are well? I missed you all very much... 

Stay strong and stay safe! ❤️❤️